Elite astrologist Susan Miller freaked out her massive following this month when she foresaw a dramatically dire October for everyone on the planet, including the government (example prediction: October for Pisces “will be sitting in the back of an old, broken down pickup truck on an old country road - full of potholes, rocks, plenty of dust, causing bumps, lumps, jolts, knocks, and thuds along the way”). Miller’s website, Astrology Zone, commands more than 6 million readers a month, including a coterie of media and fashion-industry folk, many of whom were spooked.
A few weeks into the Worst Month Ever, Newsweek caught up with the effusive, utilitarian astrologer — Miller often advises on health care policies and apartment leases, and never uses the word ‘aura’ — to see what she, well, sees, for the months ahead. Spoiler: Cancel your New Year’s plans.
NW: So was October the worst of it?
SM: [October] wasn’t, like, tragic. You just had to be careful. People are through the worst now, but late December is worse than October. I don’t know how I’m going to write about this, because I love the holidays. I’m worried about New Year’s Eve. I’m afraid that companies will cut back, people will lose their jobs, couples will fight because they don’t have enough money, people will drink more because of difficulties they're facing...I want everyone to stay home that night and have a few friends over and even buy some air mattresses. It will be fun, like a sleepover.
NW: Bummer. What about 2014?
I don’t want people spending money going to Paris for New Year’s Eve. Spend the money on Valentine's day, which will be really nice. [But] April will be bad. Do not do your taxes late this year. I’m going to have to hold classes on getting through April; it’s one of the toughest months I’ve ever seen since I launched Astrology Zone 18 years ago.
NW: Tell me a bit about your readership. Do you hear from mostly women?
Men over 50 have been socialized out of astrology, but men in their 20s and 30s love it. They’re talking to me at book signings and events. You really see it on Twitter. I also get a lot of people tweeting at me about whether it’s a good day to defend their thesis. That’s a huge question.
NW: What do you say when people call you a psychic?
I’m not a fortune teller. I’m looking at mathematics. I have to do geometry all day long. I’m transparent — you can look up everything I say. I was just in the doctor’s office, and a woman said, “Oh, I wrote [horoscopes] for Cosmo.” I said, “You’re an astrologist?” She said, “No, I just made it all up.” I said, “That’s not right.” She said, “I know, but I needed the money.” This is what I get compared to.
NW: What’s your advice for people stressing their horoscope?
You can always overcome these bad aspects if you are determined. Some people became rich in the depression. Remember, your competition is feeling the same pressures you are.
NW: Ever plan on retiring?
I think people need to work right up until the end. It keeps you vibrant. I never want to quit.