Jachnoon! Death to the West everyone! Newsweek asked me, Admiral General Aladeen, to make a list of my all-time-favorite movies.
I fell in love with movies when I was 6, the day my father, the late dictator Omar Aladeen, took me into the dungeon where he was holding Ali MacGraw. It was magical.
In making this list, I have to admit that I was a little biased towards movies I made in my home country of Wadiya. Enjoy my list, and feel free to disagree ... if you want to be locked up in prison away from your family for the rest of your life. Like Ali MacGraw.
My All-Time-Favorite Movies:
Beheading Private Ryan, written and directed by Admiral General Aladeen. An American soldier is arrested and beheaded for being an American. Comedy.
When Harry Kidnapped Sally, written and directed by Admiral General Aladeen. Sally realizes she loves her kidnapper, Harry. The same thing happened to me when I kidnapped Linda Evangelista. I am now working on the sequel, When Sally’s Country Refuses to Negotiate With Terrorists, Things Do not Go Well for Sally.
The Hunger Games, written and directed by the late Kim Jong-il. An adventure film where 7 million people compete to see who can lose the most weight. Have you seen my fat friend Kim Jong-un? He looks like a man who just swallowed another man.
Sherlock Holmes 2: Game of Shadows, directed by Guy Ritchie-Ciccone. Spoiler alert: this movie has a giant twist ending—they solve the mystery! I did NOT see that coming.
One I Was Wrong About:
I always thought Pretty Woman was a cautionary tale about a manipulative escort ruining the life of an innocent, middle-class man. But now, for the first time, I see they were in love, and that in this country, he had what is considered a large amount of money.
If you love sci-fi, then suspend your disbelief and check out Schindler’s List.
And remember, unlike the hitchhikers who crossed into my country, my movie The Dictator will be released May 16. See it or else!