1. ELIZABETHTOWN: Cameron Crowe goes tone deaf in this limp love story.
2. MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA: Sayonara, authenticity. A sumptuous but silly vulgarization of the novel.
3. KINGDOM OF HEAVEN: Who'd have guessed the director of "Gladiator" could make the Crusades dull?
4. BEE SEASON: A miscast and humorless mangling of the book.
5. 9 SONGS: It was touted as a breakthrough: real sex in a real movie with real actors! And it was really boring!