Humor: Iran Declares War on Sparta

In what foreign policy experts believe to be a direct response to the hit American movie “300,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today declared war on Sparta. Even for the mercurial Ahmadinejad, the move struck many diplomatic insiders as extraordinary, since the consensus in the international community is that the city-state of Sparta no longer exists.

But, according to a close associate of Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president’s thoughts turned to war after seeing a matinee showing of “300” this past Saturday at the Tehran Cineplex 12. “He was hopping mad at the way the Spartans kicked the Persians’ butts,” the aide said. “I haven’t seen him this angry since he saw that thing with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.”

At a press conference in Tehran today, President Ahmadinejad directed his most barbed comments at the 300 Spartan warriors depicted in the film. “So you think you are a match for the entire Persian army?” Ahmadinejad said. “Well, let’s see if you’re a match for Iran’s nuclear program!”

Hours after the Iran president issued his taunt, however, White House spokesman Tony Snow pounced on the remarks, claiming that they were proof that Iran’s nuclear program was not as peaceful as Ahmadinejad has purported. But Ahmadinejad rebutted Snow’s charges, telling reporters in Tehran, “We have been building a nuclear reactor for peaceful purposes only, but now we plan to drop that peaceful reactor on top of those damned Spartans.”

Elsewhere, a new report indicates that the British eat too much salt, Americans do not eat enough fruit and vegetables, and Nicole Richie has not eaten since 2004.

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