The push for ever-greater well-being is facing a backlash, fueled by research on the value of sadness.
Comment: I have found that focusing too much on happiness can actually cause us to be less happy, because we spend less time in self-evaluation and more time actually living. Here is an article that sums this up:
http://spiritualinquiry.com/articles/the-dangers-of-a-happiness-obsession/
Comment: As one part of our moods, grieving cannot be deserted by us. The last words in this article describe sadness as the pain to body. Excellent! It is possible for us to accept more frustrations in our life, and know how to get the success. The reason is simple.
Comment: hi, want to say thanks to all who have shared since i first commented on 2/12/08. i worte a response to Laura with thanks to all of you who offered encouragement and shared your thoughts and experiences, but it disappeared before being properly submitted. tried everything to retrieve it...
i don't want to waste my life. if you know of any helpful organizations for temp. housing and for employment in Atlanta, Cobb County, please share with me. i will appreciate all help because i think/feel like i am struggling alone. i wish i could get on my feet and support myself again. just don't know how i will ever be able to be happy without at least one of my children in my life. i feel like no one loves, cares about, needs or wants me. now, however, i feel like there are people out there who care just like i care about all hurting people. i thought i would be able to help others if i could ever get my life together. thanks again.
Comment: I apologise for all the question marks in my post. When I pasted this in, they were apostrophes but for some reason it posted it with question marks.
Comment: If wanting to cut part of your ear off when you???re upset is the price to pay for a great muse, I think I???ll pass. But for the most part, I agree with this article. I embrace pessimistic and cynical attitudes. How else would we enjoy dark humour and satire?
I???m not sure if I???m an optimist or a pessimist overall. I have many days when I get up in the morning and find something in my day to look forward to and I tell myself, ???Today will be a good day.??? But I can also be quite negative sometimes. I don???t play the ???woe is me??? card and try to get people who have bigger problems than I do to feel sorry for me -- but if I have a negative attitude about something, I don???t bother hiding it. If I hide how I feel about something, isn???t that just phoniness?
And here???s another thing: We humans ENJOY complaining. And to a certain extent, we should. If it???s not done excessively, complaining can be a way to vent feelings and avoid building up frustration. There???s no need for positive thoughts to be omnipresent. A few years ago, when I was in junior high, we went to the gymnasium for a foolish session on a then recently published self-help book. One of the teachers doing the presentation mentioned that if someone breaks up with you, you shouldn???t allow it to ruin your day! What kind of emotionless freak would not have a bad day as a result of a break-up? Why is it that having a bad day now and then is considered so unacceptable and unnecessary now? Besides, might not all this effort to completely alter one???s way of thinking, as promoted by the cult-like touters of The Secret, be much more time-consuming and frustrating than it is actually worth? Let???s face it - some people are just naturally more positive than others, and life would just be boring if we all demonstrated the same positive attitudes.
I agree with what it says in the article, that people who are perpetually happy are a bit stupid or ???not experiencing the fullness of the human condition???. I???m not saying that to be mean or elitist, but it???s true. People I have encountered who laugh the easiest and seem to be the happiest are also people who contribute little or nothing to intellectual discussions.
Well, that???s my opinion. This was an interesting article which evoked interesting discussion.
Comment: There is a simple truth: if we don't feel our grief, our sadness, we won't recognize real joy when it arises. Our society is predicated on a "feelgood" mentality which leads us farther and farther away from reality. We miss the experience of what life really is.
Comment: But many seem to feel that science and medicine will provide an answer for everything from feeling bad, to crime, even death itself. Some of the younger among us might even entertain the notion that someday they'll find a cure for every possible thing, including aging, and will be able to prolong both our lifespans and our quality of life indefinitely.
I'm a firm believer in the ability of science and medicine to do great things for us. But I'm also a realist.
I know I'll die someday, and I've learned recently that even the simple step of keeping the thought of my own death in my mind, is of great benefit to how I live my life each day.
I remember (at least in part) how on 9/11, I not only felt the shock and disbelief of those events, but it made me stop and think for a moment about what really mattered most to me. Nothing felt better than to hold my wife when she got home from work that day, and after becoming over saturated with all of the news coverage and airing and re-airing of the buildings coming down, we both decided to turn off the TV and took a moment to go outside, watch the sunset, and feel truly grateful just to be alive, with a warm place to sleep, and food on the table.
I realized later (after some serious reading on the subjects of anxiety, free will and death) that being confronted with that much death had shaken me (and so many of us) to our foundations, and in the end, though words can't express the tragedy of those events, the effect on our souls wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
Seeing those towers fall and realizing so many lives had just come to a sudden end before my eyes, put my own death right in front of me, though I didn't know it, and repressed it at the time. But with my own mortality plainly in sight, what mattered most became much clearer.
I'd go on but I'm just a bumbling fool, in my ability to express this compared to someone like Peter Koestenbaum, whose clarity on these topics has realy helped me to avoid allowing my own feelings of depression to lead me down a darker path then the one I tread today.
You can check out Peter's weekly leadership thought as well as other selected writings and resources at www.pib.net
I like how amystriz6 put it: "This is a matter of living an authentic life. Easy to say, difficult to live? I'm willing to give it a try."
Comment: "Anxiety freely accepted translates into strength difficult to dislodge. Anxiety, far from being a sickness, is the actual experience of being strong, of growing, of building character, of achieving pride. And those are the final values of life, not shallow pleasure, but solid personality."
"Managing anxiety requires reframing it from being an illness to being an essential step toward health. The breakthrough point to remember is that optimum pain -- the right amount of anxiety -- is exactly how growth feels. Too much anxiety leads to either escape or collapse, and not enough anxiety yields no growth."
The above is quoted from and article on anxiety by Peter Koestenbaum http://www.pib.net/articles/anxiety.htm
I think you could read this, replacing "anxiety" with "sadness" and it would still have the same ring of truth to it.
We certainly can not ignore the realities of actual clinical depression and the need for medication in some situations to help people who do not respond to other types of therapy. But I'm no professional on the topic so don't take my word for it.
But I have to agree with the general sentiment of the article that perhaps our culture has taken us off course on the ways in which we view and deal with sadness.
This is not to say that everyone is at the same place on this, because we're all unique in our experiences and what we've learned at whatever stage of life we are at.
Comment: I think this article makes a good point in saying that we (personally and culturally) should not ignore or discount our feelings of sadness. As humans, we have a wide range of emotions that serve specific purposes. However, I don't think we can label any emotion as good or bad. Each feeling we have is valid simply because we feel it.
Judging our emotions creates unnecessary discord within us. We experience additional feelings of guilt, insecurity, worry, etc. Trying to feel a certain way (blissful) when we feel another (depressed) also creates discord. Performing tasks or engaging in activities our culture deems positive, does not necessarily make us happy. We can't fake it. Our hearts know better.
A consistent state of well-being doesn't come from feeling happy 100% of the time. Perhaps it is derived from being honest with ourselves about how we are feeling, and allowing ourselves to actually feel the emotion instead of immediately trying to fight against it. Think of a child. When they are angry, they scream. When they are sad, they cry. When they are happy, they laugh. They feel their emotions, process them, then move on. They do not try to be or act a certain way. They are true to themselves.
As adults, we can live in accordance with who we truly are in each moment. We might just feel a greater sense of relief and well-being because of it. This is not a debate of happy or sad. This is a matter of living an authentic life.
Easy to say, difficult to live? I'm willing to give it a try.
Comment: Mabye its about time we give up the notion that happiness should be a constant in our lives. We have been led down a primrose path by those who tell us that the latest bauble will give us a sense of personal well being, only to find that we have financed our own misery at 22%. Perhaps we should look at the grey days as hidden lessons which remind us that we realy do have a lot to be thankfull for. Remember, it was after Christ's suffering in the garden, when all had deserted him and he was betrayed by one he trusted, that he gave us the gift of redemption on the cross.
Comment: This is how we get over a chapter and we enter another.
Comment: I think Happiness and Saddness are what they are a state of mind at any given time or circumstance. Trying to be happy all the time is virtually impossible. Eventually something happens to someone or something to remind us of what it means to be happy or sad, Like the writer says life runs it's course. How we choose to look and/or feel towards everyday events creates the state of mind of which we choose to feel. Just a thought because life is ful of choices and some can be as we all know life altering. Happy or sad, being a live to feel such emotions can be the best experience to living.
Comment: Best of luck to you "Beach Girl." I'm glad you find strength in this article.
Comment: Thanks for the response. I wrote a reply to Laura but it disappeard before it was submitted properly. I was hoping it would appear some place. I have tried "refresh" and "back." Anyway, the article and the comments have been helpful. I have tried everything to be happy and move on. Thanks for all for sharing and for encouragement. If anyone knows help for temp. housing and for help for getting employed in Atlanta, Cobb County, please help me. Thanks,
Comment: This stuff is very true. If people weren???t so happy all the time than they could wake up, and finally do something about the condition of our world. It's to bad though that the only reason that they made this article was because of some studies that if people weren???t so happy then they would try harder to make more money. They just want to try and manipulate people so that they can raise the economy.
We have the power though to use this sad energy how ever we choose. This energy is coming from the world that is now in decay. It is a warning sign for us to wake up and make some changes. Don???t listen to the warning signs that they are putting out there for us. Listen to the warning signs inside of yourselves. They try and say that we are going through global warming, but how do you explain our whole solar system warming up. That right, every planet is getting warmer. They are just using this stuff for political reasons. The new people trying to get into higher places are using these tactics to get the old people out of office so that they can be voted in. They don???t really want to do anything to help the world. They don???t really want to give us any real information on what???s going on because it will ruin profits. 30 years ago they were talking about global cooling in the same way that they are talking about global warming today. Look it up for your selves and see. You still might be able to catch the last failed attempts of the politicians still in office a few years ago trying to fight for their stand.
The only things that they claim are good for our planet are things that will help them sell their products. For example when companies say, ???we???ve gone green! 30% less plastic because we care about the environment,??? they are just saying that to appeal to the new political stands. They are only using 30% less plastic because it saves them millions in production. We don???t need them to tell us what???s wrong with us, our planet and what we need to do about it. It???s already inside of us.
Comment: This stuff is very true. If people weren???t so happy all the time than they could wake up, and finally do something about the condition of our world. It's to bad though that the only reason that they made this article was because of some studies that if people weren???t so happy then they would try harder to make more money. They just want to try and manipulate people so that they can raise the economy.
We have the power though to use this sad energy how ever we choose. This energy is coming from the world that is now in decay. It is a warning sign for us to wake up and make some changes. Don???t listen to the warning signs that they are putting out there for us. Listen to the warning signs inside of yourselves. They try and say that we are going through global warming, but how do you explain our whole solar system warming up. That right, every planet is getting warmer. They are just using this stuff for political reasons. The new people trying to get into higher places are using these tactics to get the old people out of office so that they can be voted in. They don???t really want to do anything to help the world. They don???t really want to give us any real information on what???s going on because it will ruin profits. 30 years ago they were talking about global cooling in the same way that they are talking about global warming today. Look it up for your selves and see. You still might be able to catch the last failed attempts of the politicians still in office a few years ago trying to fight for their stand.
The only things that they claim are good for our planet are things that will help them sell their products. For example when companies say, ???we???ve gone green! 30% less plastic because we care about the environment,??? they are just saying that to appeal to the new political stands. They are only using 30% less plastic because it saves them millions in production. We don???t need them to tell us what???s wrong with us, our planet and what we need to do about it. It???s already inside of us.
Comment: TV has one happines guru after another parade their joy and advice for happiness on the air. Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra and all the health and anti-aging gurus as well. It's an overwhelming bombardment of "wise" people telling you how to live happily and healthily. Personally, I can't take them anymore. There's too much to do. Too many things to remember. Too many changes to make. Too many books to buy. THAT'S what makes me sad.....the fact that I'll NEVER be as happy and blissful as they say I can and should be, because all of them together have too much to say and little old me gets overwhelmed and mixed up and don't know where to even start ! I can't watch them anymore or tv. It's just to hard seeing that unreachable goal.
cobi
Comment: Yes, thanks for this article; I am so grateful for it. I just printed it and am calling it my declaration of sanity and normalcy. I was a battered wife; he was alcoholic, adulterous, abusive, etc. I finally left because everyone, including my children, said i should. i finally made the decision after he hit my little boy twice in one day and later i found out some more bad stuff he did to my daughter. However, everything has backfired and gone very badly. He became Disney World Dad and bought my kids away when they became 16. Their lives have been turned upside down and they have gone through some really bad stuff. I hurt so much for them. Then, I hurt so much from their rejection of me and I miss them so much and I am so sad and lonely for them. My mother died recently and I feel like I have lost everbody and everything I cared most about. In fact, my xhusband had an affair with a woman i thought was one of my best friends. Later he and his wife stole the cat i had gotten for my son and me. He kept me in court and torn up emotionally so many years that I am now homeless with no job, no money, no insurance. I've lost everything after trying so hard to be a good wife and mother. Losing my children to the abuser is the worst part. I miss them so much and wish I could meet some people to replace the family I once had. I have a Master's degree and am finally getting stronger after being torn apart by my kids--masterminded by the father--ever since i filed for divorce. Obviously, i wish I hadn't left. I would rather have died the last time he hit me and broke six ribs than to have lost my kids. Now, I have been struggling for a long time to try to get back in job market after battling depression that seemed like normal grieving after all the losses and there have been others besides these. This article says what i have been thinking and only one counselor has ever said this. He told me, "Beth if you came in here and were happy then I'd know something was wrong with you."
Again, I am so grateful for this article and wish I could meet a group for suport and understanding. I wish I could adopt some kids, but I couldn't even consider meeting other people for years. I still miss my mother and my children so much. For so long, I preferred to die. This article and the comments give me a little hope.
Thanks,
Beth
Atlanta
Comment: Hey Beth, Ijust recently lost my mom too. I can definately relate to what you have been through I went through some tuff stuff and the kids too. Split my family up for along time. I feel your pain and know your depression and devastation. My little one had bad stuff happen to her so Dad isn't allowed to be in her life which can be just as dentrimental.My older daughter has since come back (was married twice) Anyway I,ve been there if you need some one to talk to, I'm here.
Laura
Comment: hi, i just responded to your kind comments and then it disappeared. thanks for your response. maybe my reply will show up. thanks for caring.
Comment: The "depression+pill=happiness" is a pretty rediculous notion to me. I think it does help, I do think it is good for some people. While it should be far enough in the public to make it acceptible for those who need it, it should never have reached the point wher it is hip or where announcing you take antidepressives are an automatic in to sympathy, respect, or, dare I say, admiration. People should not be telling people take a pill, be happy. There is, though, no reason why we can't encourage people to be happy and there is no reason at all why some study should teach us to strive for being slightly under-happy. For goodness sake, can we all stop focusing on society and the pressure and its focus and the eternal drive to do whatever it is that society puts on us, and can we all just be happy as we are? Be happy, or upset, or bawling our eyes out? Tears are as good as laughter sometimes and sometimes they are definately more attainable. We should accept what we are facing and if it takes the blurriness of tears to offer us clarity on how to move ahead to our place of peace, why can't that be okay? Certainly it is better than denial. Moreso, I think our society, along with the teaching us that pills=happiness (and then complain about drug problems...) need to teach us that hurting yourslef and others is not okay. Not due to religion, due to yourself. And there is no going back, hurting anything leaves scars on evrything and everyone involved and we need to represent that. Pills were produced to avoid that and, as enlightening as this whole study is and as great as it is to hear that going "natural" isn't going to kill us, I hope to Heaven that people don't read this and say, "Okay, might as well throw these down the toilet then." What happens next? Pills are not good for everyone and the majority of us should definately just be combating our roller coaster lives the oldfashioned way, but there are people who do need them. So let's hope they realize that, especially considering the reluctance so many poeople who take antidepressants have. Let us hope they don't decide to stop. And meanwhile, how about we all do strive for happiness. Utter happiness, which will allow us to see and help other's pains and not doubt ourselves in feeling happy. There is nothing wrong with supreme happiness, there is nothing wrong with bliss. None of us were born to it, so let's try for it and not decide that being depressed is as cool as being "emo" or goth. Let's embrace color and laughter, and not scream out, "Our anger is our elevator."
Comment: i just wonder how many depressed people will actually feel happy after reading their sadness is not a bad thing....
Comment: I just wonder how many depressed people will feel "happy" after reading their sadness is not a bad thing.
Comment: At last! A glimmer of sanity is fighting its way through the relentless selfishness of American culture. The happiness brigades are the continuing outgrowth of the Me generation and the image-driven intolerance for imperfection. If you're weeping you must be somehow aberrant, because "real" people don't make scenes, don't allow "negative" emotions to spill out in public, don't drag their friends down, etc. Per the popular view, obviously these poor twits m!ust be unable to handle life if they can't be up and happy all the time. I have resented the "smile, be happy!" foot soldiers since I was 5 years old watching a parade from the curb and a clown got in my face trying to make me smile. I didn't want to smile on command. i would smile if there was something worth smiling about, thank you. I will not smile to make you happy. I am not such a hypocrit as to pretend nothing is wrong so I don't ruin your perfect day. Failure of compassion is half of what is wrong with our society. Failing to understand that people do actually have bad days and sometimes need to vent emotions, which may include tears, rage, sadness, and the full gamut of "negative" emotions, is a manifestation of the utter selfishness of most people, who require that no one bother them or make them uncomfortable in any way. "Take a pill" is indeed the modern mantra. Zone out, become a zombie, don't bother me with your problems. Geez, how much effort does it take to set your hand on someone's shoulder and say, "Are you having a bad day?" when they take your head off or are crying in their car. Instead, most people make it all about themselves, taking another's sadness or anger as an imposition or a personal attack. God forbid we should reach out and find out what's wrong and offer our help.
Thank you for your enlightening article, which I hope will open many eyes which see only what they want to see--a person they feel uncomfortable helping and therefore ignore as much as possible, because they themselves have swallowed hook, line, and sinker the stupid notion that only happiness is normal and everything else is a "condition".
Comment: I just want to say thank you for this article. I lost my mom in a car accident almost a year ago. Friends that mean well have been trying to snap me out of this deep sadness I have been in. I need to feel the way I do,I miss my mom so much, its painful! My sadness is a tribute to a wonderful mother who gave me so much happiness.Jamal from Pakistan is correct in saying that sadness is a product of happiness. I'll be o.k. I know that. Time heals or softens the pain. Than you for making me feel normal again.
Laura
Massachusetts
Comment: Laura did you notice that even thinking about your mom makes you relived or let me say you like being sad about this and relate this to many other things. Indeed even sadness can be pleasent if you come to think of it.
One poet says
Oh God let me not become wise
for wise ones pains see
to me my mates did many favours
in my foolishness
This vrse is although not related to sadness or happiness but it is an expression that being wise or being happy is not the best state to be in.
Jamal (www.travel-culture.com )
Comment: I am from Pakistan's south easteran part known as Sindh. We have many philosophies for happiness and sorrows. In my school I remmeber I read one of the local philosopher who gave me the meaning of happiness. He says "The happiness is like a person who is weeping out sorrows with tears and a bowl is kept below his face tears drop into the bowel. When the bowel is full some tears drop on the floor those tears that drop on floor are actually the happiness."
Happiness is product of sadness.
An other big philosopher of ours say in a poem.
Sorrows come before the pleausres.
I will sacrifice pleasure
with the sweet sorrows.
Jamal Panhwar
Comment: I am from Pakistan's south easteran part known as Sindh. We have many philosophies for happiness and sorrows. In my school I remmeber I read one of the local philosopher who gave me the meaning of happiness. He says "The happiness is like a person who is weeping out sorrows with tears and a bowl is kept below his face tears drop into the bowel. When the bowel is full some tears drop on the floor those tears that drop on floor are actually the happiness."
Happiness is product of sadness.
An other big philosopher of ours say in a poem.
Sorrows come before the pleausres.
I will sacrifice pleasure
with the sweet sorrows.
Jamal Panhwar
Comment: Agreed! The feeling of happiness only exits because of the existance of sadness. It is a frame of reference to help us quanitfy and measure life's outcomes as per our individual determination of needs from life. What makes one person happy may have no relation to what another person may find as joyful. Our feelings are what make us different, unique, and serves to provide opportunities to shake things up when not happy, or stick your head in the sand to stay happy. Contentment is another story.
Comment: I just wrote a wonderful, prolific, essay-style explanation of my views here, but unfortunately it's over the 3000 character limit. Therefore, I will unfortunately have to shorten my explanation. Bah, humbug. OK, super-short version:
Sadness and Depression are two points on the scale of happiness. They are, however, dramatically different. Sadness is when you're "stuck in a rut", so to speak. Depression, though, is when you're stuck in a pitfall. Never say they're the same, or I'll haunt you for the rest of your life.
Melancholy, though, is a little different, in that it is when you don't allow happiness or sadness to affect you. Sad people are unfortunately labeled as depressed, and melancholic people are unfortunately labeled as pessimists. Society's done quite a head job on us.
Comment: That entry was very helpful to me, as was the original article. Your definition of melancholy was enlightening too, so thanks!
Comment: Agreed! "Happy" people just want to maintain the status quo and not dig into the heart of any matters. You need sad to appreciate happy and vice versa. It provides a natural frame of reference.
Comment: I am glad for this article. I work full-time providing grief support for families of hospice patients and others in the community. So many times others are impatient with sadness that is so much a part of grief. Doctors want to give a pill when someone's just lost a spouse of 50 years. It's healthier to allow ourselves all the feelings that come rather than to push down everything but the acceptable ones. For me, my biggest struggle with depression was when I was a teen, with no place to talk about my sadness after my mother died. It took finally working through that sadness to come back to joy.
Comment: Did you ever think that the reason successful people are "depressed" could be just because they see the world in a more realistic way. I know durring the most successful periods of my life, when I was most responsible and saw the world more realistically, I defined happyness as Ignorance.
Comment: Why do pessimists always call themselves realists?
Comment: Pessimists call themselves realists because they are not pessimists. You have to consider the whole issue on two scales: 1. How happy you are, and 2. How much you let that affect your life. Realists are the people who don't let happiness or sadness dictate their lives, they simply take things as they really are, and make much more educated decisions because of that.
Comment: In other words, realists don't exist.
Comment: Pessimists call themselves realists because they are not pessimists. You have to view the entire issue on two different scales: 1. How happy you are, and 2. How much you let that affect your life. Realists are the people who don't let happiness or sadness affect their life, they just take things for what they really are and can make much more educated decisions because of it.
Comment: This is absolute bollocks is what this is. There is a huge, I mean HUGE, difference between being sad about an event and suffering from clinical depression. I was 8 yeas old the first time I considered suicide. I grew up in a loving home with a wonderful family who I love very much and lived nothing that closely resembled anything that could be considered a difficult childhood. I don't know why I was sad. And it took me 25 years to finally agree to treatment b/c of the stigma that you don't need some kind of happy pill - just get over it.
I take anti-depressants, and trust me, it didn't shield me from the pain of break-ups, loss of jobs, betrayal by friends or the loss of a loved one. But it alowed me to grieve with a healing purpose, and afterward I could be happy again, not just a lesser degree of sad.
Comment: It's says in the artical that people with problems for more than two weeks do have problems, and you did so you needed treatment. But for the rest of us who are told we need to be happy all the time and not express saddness, this is what they are talking about. I can't even express to my friends I'm upset about my husband not being allowed to work because he's an alien and we just got married, I'm not happy right now and I can't act that way in public it's against the rules, it's more or a cultural issue on how people act then a personal medical problem like you have
I went traveling to europe and noticed that people don't act nice to you like they do here
and it is refreshing because here people who say hello with a smile and then stab you in the back quicker than you would realize, at least there you would know they would screw you from the first moment, no fake smiling
Comment: Oh yes, there are certainly good things about sadness. Sad people tend to see the world in more realistic terms than happy people. And there are certainly plenty of situations in which sadness is completely appropriate and understandable. And sadness comes in many levels. Someone may be mildly sad or downright suicidal. To say someone is depressed doesn't really mean much until you find out what this means for the individual. How deep is their depression? What one person with depression is feeling may be vastly different from what someone else with depression may be dealing with. I think you should be careful about using labels such as sad or happy to describe someone. These labels are meaningless. They don't tell us exactly how the person is feeling and what thoughts are going through their head. I must also mention the side effects of these medications, which you brought up in your article. Anti-depressants don't have any debilitating side effects. In this sense they are much more easy to deal with than other medications, say for instance, anti-psychotics. Really all that most of them do is give people more energy and some of them have sexual side effects. I must also point out that often they don't work. Anyway, just some thoughts to think about. Good article.
Comment: There is a huge, HUGE difference between riding out a difficult time and "crying a little and getting over it" and not being able to get out of bed for reasons you don't even knopw yourself. Yes, I agree there are some people who can't stand the thought of being sad and will turn to prescription or illegal meds to keep from feeling the pain. But when it is caused by a chemical imbalance to where you can remember being sad and suicidal as an 8 year old , even though you grew up in a beautiful house with a loving family and nothing that would anywhere respresnt a difficult childhood, simply letting yourself be miserable for no reason for 25 years is not a way to live.
I take antidepressants, and guess what? It didn't stop my divorce from hurting. it didn't stop me from being scared and depressed when I had a cancer scare. I can feel sadness, and trust me, I do. But when the time to grief is over I can be happy again instead of just a lesser degree of sad.
Comment: i really enjoyed the perspective here... it's true... there is an ebb and flow to life and the sad times can make a life just that much deeper and richer. Very good.
Comment: people who do not believe in medicating depression have never experienced true depression. Period. What you are talking about is feeling down or sad as a result of something disappointing that happened. Of course this should not be medicated. Also, it is extremely ignorant to think that anti-deppressants cure depression. They barely put a dent in it. They do however prevent suicide and self injurous behavior. What you are saying is dangerous. You run the risk of making someone feel ashamed of seeking help or attempting treatment. You think your better because you're not medicated. The truth is, you're just lucky. You were blessed with good brain chemistry. Don't assume for one second that you can imagine what depression feels like, and don't stigmatize those who suffer in ways you can't comprehend. Dumped by a boyfriend. Honestly. You insult everyone who suffers from mental illness by thinking this qualifies as depression.
Comment: I agree with the authors on this. I work with a woman who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I watch her go about her daily routine, trying to cope with the disease and the effects of the treatments. She tries to act upbeat and cheerful through it all and I just kind of shake my head. I don't understand how we've gotten to the point in our society that it is more important to be thought of as being "professional" or "a team player" than it is to be seen as a person with a whole range of emotions and thoughts. Another friend at work's physician recently tried to put her on Prozac after she went in complaining about ongoing pain in her hands. Treating arthritis with Prozac??? We are real people with real pains and real bummers, at times. When we realize this, treat the problems, cry about them a little bit, then get over them, that's when we experience true happiness.
Comment: this article doesn't even bring up what people see as their meaning of life and neither does it bring up Jesus, it's talking about how our society is undermining the natural human feelings of sadness and first, classifying them as wrong and then telling us that drugs and forced happiness are the answer. while it is a goal for most people to be happy, people are also meant to be sad in life, that's what makes us human! that we can coherently express our emotions, thoughts and feelings as well as feel for and experience these things with others. there is no need to bring religous beliefs into it, everyone feels sadness, just because some guys in the Bible got their sorrow published for all to read does not make their troubles any more or less important than anyone elses
Comment: You're right. The article didn't mention Jesus. I did.
It seems only natural, seeing as the Bible has so much to say on the subject.
Comment: this is what i've been thinking!!! all my friends are constantly telling me " oh my therapist gave me some depression medication" or " i've been diagnosed with depression" and they're teenagers! they're moody! their " depression" is clearly not due to any particular or normally pain causing situation, it's just something they're going through because of their age, that's normal. sadly, i think teenagers are the demographic that are most being misdiagnosed because their parents are so concerned that they are not acting like the child they used to be and are being bombarded by all of these media sources telling them that any kind of sadness means that their child is depressed and naturally what do parents what to do for their children? help them and make it all better. Sadness is normal and should be expressed in a healthy way, not treated automatically with any or all drugs available. this article doesn't lack compassion or comfort, it simply states the truth and is an incredibly accurate comment on our situation as a society
Comment: wow!..that is absolutely right...americans are self torturing themselves with the idea that sadness is not an option in this world., ias if a its the person responsibility to prevent such condition of sadness and they are being critical an unaccepting of normal sadness reaction of other people...people have the right to be sad and to emerge out of it on thier term without a blame...this article is eye opening to tolerate peoples sadness and thier situation and embrace that great emotional aspect in human beings....thank you, rania
Comment: Talk about missing the point! It isn't that despair is a good thing. There is nothing in the article saying that. The point they are trying to make is that being sad, which is different than despairing, is a natural part of our emotional make up as humans. This article speaks to a problem we are creating by insisting that everyone who does not feel completely happy is a candidate for medication.
Comment: The article's point of view is not meant to be seen as absolute truth or false. An individuals' ability to feel and deal with sadness, sorrow and depression varies. What is necessary and/or works for some people, medication and/or therapy, may not be the best solution or the first solution to consider for others. Suffering is a retrospective time to evaluate and progress through complex emotions. Some should wrestle with it.
Comment: As someone who suffers from clinical depression, my life would be (and was) a mess if it weren't for Paxil twice a day. Too much of anything is never good
Comment: As I was telling a friend recently: We all should know this but alas..."EVERYTHING IN MODERATION" or "TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU"
Hmm....covered most of what the fellow said in so few words... ;-)
Comment: As I told a friend: what all of this is pretty much highlighting is what we all know or should know......"EVERYTHING IN MODERATION" or "TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU"......
Comment: This discussion reminds me of something I've been wondering about for a while:
Let's say I manage to do everything right in my life. I get into a rewarding, fulfilling career, doing something I love doing, and never grow tired of doing it. I also find a woman who is a perfect fit for me, and we get married and have have 2.5 beautiful kids. Our relationship only deepens through the years, and while everything's not always perfect, love and hard work manage to see us through every difficulty. I devote a fair amount of time to helping out others less fortunate than myself, and I see some really good things happen because of it. Throughout my ultimately satisfying career, marriage, and chaitable efforts, there naturally are challenges, and everythings not always perfect, but at the end of the day I'm able to look back on my life and agree that I've done well, and I don't have any substantial regrets; I've even had all the fun I could ever hope to have had along the way, and I have no lack.
Then what?
How do you measure success? If I succeed according to every standard of success you could possibly measure me by, does that give my life meaning?
Has anyone else here ever had similar questions?
Trevortni@mail.com
Comment: What your really asking is, what is the meaning of life? I recognize that I may be lining myself up to get my head bitten off, but the next question I have is, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? I have found myself in the same boat. I suggest your read Ecclesiastes. Even if you do not believe in God, you'll find it an interesting read. I'd write more, but I am a new poster and it doesn't let me post much.
enough
Comment: Look about 16 posts earlier.
Comment: This article has fallen on the same black hole it tried to fight to begin with. In order to accuse "extreme" unreasonable happiness it exhults unreasonable hopelesness. Happiness is not an end in itself, and should not be confused with the state of idiotic ignorance of the polyanish sector of new age that hangs on to that flag as it could have to the defense of penguins or pest free tomatoes without any thought. Hapiness is rather a by-product of doing what you are meant to be doing, of putting meaning into your life, of moving forward. The falty logic in this article mentions Lincoln's bouts of depression as his motor....what evidence supports that? How much more productive and energetic coluld he have been "without" those dark episodes? Who can say with no doubt that sadness was a motor and not a heavy weight he struggled against?
Questioning the status quo, striving for a better life, that is not a consequence of sadness. On the contrary, sadness is, in most cases, associated with hopelesness, and a hopeless person finds no incentive to attempt to change because he or she believes it's worthless, such is the very essence of hopelesness. A happy person is not necessarily content. Rather, a happy person is one that has the capacity to accept reality as it is, and that is a great starting point for improvement. Positive thinking is not equal to believing in Santa or chanting with the Hare Krishna (May G'd bless them, no ofense meant). Positive thinking is tied to confidence in our free will and our responsibility to produce change.
Being sad after the death of a loved one is a healthy reaction, and mentioning that is a punch under the belt in this article. That, of course, doesn't turn you into an unhappy person unless you were one to begin with.
So, guys, come on, please give me something with a little more substance. This looks like an article written to get some space in the media by attacking, like the Salieri's that find it easier to critizise Mozzart's than to excell.
Comment: Is being successful really what we should all strive for? And if so, who decides what the meaning of "success" is? For one person, having a purely, blissfully happy life might be thier version of success, while another person might think a successful life ends with retirement from thier position as CEO from a Fortune 500 company. It's all so subjective.
Comment: Thank God someone is coming to their senses.Being constantly happy is not only a detriment to ones life but it masks reality. Things in normal everyday life are not always happy and rosy. A little unhappiness or emotional pain allows a person to be more introspective and to figure out how to handle, deal with and hopefully come up with a solution. Anyone who is constantly happy will eventually have to deal with reality.
Comment: reality is perceptional.
Comment: I am generally happy and content with myself and my life. I am well aware that bad things will happen. I will lose people I love. I may get injured or become ill, as may my loved ones. I may not get the promotion I want, etc. But my overall happy or content attitude prepares my for such times......knowing that there is good and bad in life, happy and sad times. That's just life. The state of mind choose to go through life it is up to each individual.
Comment: I am generally happy and content with myself and my life. I am well aware that bad things will happen. I will lose people I love. I may get injured or become ill, as may my loved ones. I may not get the promotion I want, etc. But my overall happy or content attitude prepares my for such times......knowing that there is good and bad in life, happy and sad times. That's just life. The state of mind choose to go through life it is up to each individual.
Comment: I am generally happy and content with myself and my life. I am well aware that bad things will happen. I will lose people I love. I may get injured or become ill, as may my loved ones. I may not get the promotion I want, etc. But my overall happy or content attitude prepares my for such times......knowing that there is good and bad in life, happy and sad times. That's just life. The state of mind choose to go through life it is up to each individual.
Comment: I had always been a happy person. I have never had a true experience being sad until recently, my rose colored world crashed into reality. The event that caused this crash was honestly very silly, but it made me seriously sad enough to examine my perception of the world and my attitude towards it. It has been a very interesting journey - I honestly can say I do not want to put the rose colored glasses back on. I never realized how blind and stupid I was, I walked around not really seeing my life and who and what I have filled my life with.
As a sad/sober person, I feel much better armed to make good decisions about who and what I fill my life with. I am not RATIONALIZING my shortcomings, my relationships and what I have chosen to fill my life with. I am looking at it straight on for the first time... It is easy to walk around with rose colored glasses, to always see the sunny side of life, to beleive it is darkest before dawn and the sun will come out tomorrow... It is difficult keeping the rose colored glasses off to be able to experience sadness and incorporate it into my life... I want to see my life as it really is - no excuses, no rationaizing - I hope I honestly never slip back into being so stupid again....
Being happy is like being the frog in the pot of warm water experiment... the frog will not jump to into boiling water but if you put him in warm water and slowly turn up the heat he will not know he is boiling to death until it is over... Happiness can have the same consequences, without the reality chck of sadness your blindness will kill you off in the end. Think about it...
Comment: i can definately concur with that. my parents are forever telling me to brighten up and "feel better". i wish they would understand the ultimate stupidity of that. do they think that by telling me to feel better i will, just because they uttered the words? i dont want to become dependant on anti-depression drugs and rely on them to get me through the day. sometimes i think it's too late. even if they're placebo meds...i dont want to take a pill just to make me happy. i think americans rely too much on money to make them happy and then its failure to do so tends to raise our national suicide rate. it is good to be happy...just not all the time. life isnt perfect...it's a fact we all know. so why cant we accept the sad times in our lives and just move on?
Comment: I am a speaker and author who does focus on encouraging others to create more happiness and passion in their lives. Most people I know want more of this in their lives, not less. I don't know anyone else in this field who believes that there is no place for sadness or grief; of course there is. The point is that the pendulum has been swung too far towards the negative and too many people are paralyzed because of extended durations in sadness, greif, despair and victimhood. Helping others realize that they can create the life they want and choose the time they spend in different emotional states is an honor and a privilage....and yes, it makes me happy.
Comment: This is all nice, if you've never suffered in your life; been sad to the point of wanting to end your life, crying for help, and being simply ignored. The situations can't change. Medications can help, the same as pain killers can help with a visible injury. It's easy to ignore (or not care) about emotional pain in others--you can't see it, so why bother?
Comment: hallsr171, have you suffered that bad in your life?
Comment: Actually how would one be able to know true happiness if they know no different? I think you must have some sadness in order to know what happy is. And why do people expect everyone to be happy not everyone comes from the same mold. God didn't want everything to be simple because then you would never think about how things and the effects they have.
Comment: I think everyone must suffer from unhappiness at some point in their life so that they realize that not everything goes as you want it to and that you can't have everything. How do you succeed in life without it? Sadness can be interpreted as being disappointed about something and that gives us reason to try harder.
Comment: Amen to that thylacine!
Comment: This is why Job and Ecclesiastes have always been two of my favorite books in the Bible. Both of them deal with sadness; Job from the perspective of grief, and Ecclesiastes from the perspective of the meaninglessness of life.
Sadness happens. Even Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died. Sure, he raised him from the dead immediately thereafter, but he did show the grief that he felt from losing him in the first place. And now we have a pseudo-medical establishment trying to convince us that sadness is unnatural.
Not even God can wipe away a tear that hasn't been cried.
Comment: It's simple. Negative feelings balance positive ones. How can you possibly know what happiness is if you've never felt sadness. I happen to be a happy person who always looks at the positive in life, but when sadness comes into my life I embrace it and feel it with as much enthusiasm because I know my ability to experience sadness allows me to appreciate the happiness.
Comment: Very well stated.
Comment: in response to the comment about complainers.....
talking about problems is how to release the weight from our minds. first you tell others, getting their input and ideas to help you come up with a solution to your problem.
now i do agree about getting away from to people who do nothing to fix whats wrong and just try to bring everyone else down with them.
Comment: I think that many people here are confusing what the article constitutes as 'sadness' with 'complaining'. I agree that people who complain all the time are annoying and should probably spend more time doing and less time talking. But for those who are having an 'appropriate reaction' (as the article states) of sadness, then they are perfectly entitled to mope around for a bit. I think that for many people, these periods of sadness are a time of introspection that ultimately provide an insight and perspective not usually gained when someone is totally satisfied with their life. In simpler terms, sadness is the yin to happiness??? yang???or something.
Comment: i just want to say thank you to the authors of these books and studies. i have been depressed for most of my life after the death of my father just a week before my fifth birthday. it left me very negative and an outcast from my peers. i am now in my thirties and have been struggeling for years to try to be "happy" and its just not me. over the past several months i have been trying to embrace the real me, the pessimistic me, and finding the so called silver lining in all the "bad". i do see how the negative thoughts lead to illness, but i strongly belive it is not our minds hurting our health but the way we mistreat ourselves when in a depressed state. when we feel sad we tend to overindulge in "comfort foods" in an attempt to be happy again, or we neglect ourselves to try to keep those close to us "protected" from what we our feeling. if we can embrace the "dark side" wouldn't that be better for everyone =)
Comment: Sadness isn't lazy; however, ignorance IS bliss, apparently.
Comment: Bravo!
Comment: I think that many people are confusing what the article constitutes as 'sad' with 'complaining'. I agree that people who complain are annoying, and should spend more time doing than talking. However, those people who are having an 'appropriate reaction' (as the article states) of sadness, are perfectly within their entitlement to mope around for a bit. Often this leads to an introspective period that produces an insight and perspective not usually gained from being totally satisfied with life. If you don't like someone who is constantly complaining -- break contact with that person. Don't come on here to post your 'complaints' about the 'complainers'!
I think everyone has had 'sad' periods in their lives, and I know that for me, with the benefit of retrospect, they were the periods in which I learnt the most about myself, and more importantly, how to be empathetic with others. In simple terms, sadness is the yin to happiness' yang...or something.
Comment: Do yah ever notice that the ones who go around saying how happy they are all the time, and are always bright & shiny & smiling all the time, are usually the most f---ed up? If you get too close to the happy-happy-happy people, it becomes clear that they are hiding a dark side. It's the grumpy ones you can trust! All hail the grouchy people of the world!
Comment: amen to that, thylacine!
Comment: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/165898
Try this link, or just go to newgrounds.com and look up "Smile!". The artist did a very good job of describing how people like me think and feel about society and it's obsession with happiness, in an abstract and depressing way...so be warned.
Comment: Sadness is lazy and taking the easy way out. An excuse for not looking a problem in the face and taking action to work through it. An excuse for not having to deal with life in general. It's not fair to those around that person. There is a person like that in my life that I have to deal with everyday, and it is tiring! And annoying. I am a very happy person. I don't mean I'm a bubbly bouncy giggly happy go lucky girl with a big smile plastered on my face 24/7. And my life isn't easy. It is far from easy, being the breadwinner 23 year old with 2 children 2 years and younger and a husband who is currently unemployed, type 1 diabetic with no health insurance, trying to raise a family on $10/hr. I could easily let myself fall into sadness, but I don't see why. I'm so so lucky when I come home to my beautiful family greeting me with big smiles and hugs. Life is full of challenges, and to me those challenges should be exciting, knowing I'll be a better person because of them, knowing I'll be stronger dealing with the struggles and sorrows that come in life. I would get nowhere if I was sad. So it really gets old when this person in my life will see my hardships and hardships of their own and will pout and whine about them. Easy does not mean happy.
Comment: Sadness is lazy and taking the easy way out. An excuse for not looking a problem in the face and taking action to work through it. An excuse for not having to deal with life in general. It's not fair to those around that person. There is a person like that in my life that I have to deal with everyday, and it is tiring! And annoying. I am a very happy person. I don't mean I'm a bubbly bouncy giggly happy go lucky girl with a big smile plastered on my face 24/7. And my life isn't easy. It is far from easy, being the breadwinner 23 year old with 2 children 2 years and younger and a husband who is currently unemployed, type 1 diabetic with no health insurance, trying to raise a family on $10/hr. I could easily let myself fall into sadness, but I don't see why. I'm so so lucky when I come home to my beautiful family greeting me with big smiles and hugs. Life is full of challenges, and to me those challenges should be exciting, knowing I'll be a better person because of them, knowing I'll be stronger dealing with the struggles and sorrows that come in life. I would get nowhere if I was sad. So it really gets old when this person in my life will see my hardships and hardships of their own and will pout and whine about them. Easy does not mean happy.
Comment: I am so tired of being told to smile. That "order" usually brings on a frown. I'll show my teeth when I want to.
Comment: I am so tired os people telling me to smile. I'll show my teeth when I want to. and that "order" usually brings on a frown.
Comment: This article causes me happiness. "The normal range of human emotion is not being tolerated"---I agree. You have to fit a certain range to be "normal"---hold down a job, fit
in with society. The intolerant social milieux to the "unhappy" muse---maybe be an important part of bringing about the muse--and the creative genius.
Comment: First I have a problem with not citing statistics as in the statement "85% of the population are basically happy". Says who? However, James & Cherry wrote "The grief Relief Handbook". It backs up the article. In one chapter a boy is sad over loosing his pet. His parents want to help by buying him another pet. The book basically says the boy needs to feel the sadness and loss. But what about adult ADD?...Lack of dopamine?.
Comment: There is a true "depth in perception" in some levels of sadness that can create one to look for small moments of great joy and insight --and even climb up to the a sardonic level and find humor when the soul is tested. I don't envy people with a drink in their hand and are the 'life of the party' for they hide their fears in enjoying the moment and never enjoying the walk alone --but together...
Comment: Yes, if you want to be sad, then be sad. Who cares if you are happy? . I choose to stay away from people who are unhappy. They annoy me to a great extent. I think because it is easy to be sad. It is certainly not easy to be happy. With the whole emo movement, I see unhappiness as a trend. Oh whoa is you. A million small violins play across the world because you are not happy.
Comment: I sincerely hope your loved ones, assuming you have any, never suffer any grief that causes them to turn to you for compassion or comfort.
Comment: oh please, my statement was in reference to a freakin book being written about being unhappy and the fight against people trying to make him happy! People who are generally unhappy are usually so self-centered - I simply cannot stand to be around them. It isnt about anyone suffering a great loss - way to read into it! I made the statement about the emo trend - because this book reminds me of it. Get of fyour high horse.
Comment: That seems extremely selfish, and extremely compassionless. Not everyone is built the same as you. It may be that your intent on earth is to share your happiness with those who have little or none of it...I don't know.
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