Being of blonde haired, blue-eyed, Norwegian descent, I have very non-descript features which seems to get me attention only for the simple reason of looking "just like" every one else of blonde-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian descent whether I really do or not. I've never thought of that as "racist" though since we ALL are of different races. You have to admit that each race carries certain characteristics &/or features that do make people of that race similiar--just as certain features in siblings are carried even though they may not look "exactly" alike.
Would I call someone a racist because they confused a person of one race with another person of that same race? No...It's the thought of inequalities against these features that make a person "racist"...
I’m Not Who You Think I Am
Being confused for every other Asian woman used to be maddening—until I fell into the same trap.
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Once I was mistaken for Vera Wang. I could have viewed this as a compliment, overlooking the fact that Wang has a good 10 years on me, but I did not. Then there was the time a woman in the elevator greeted me and welcomed me to my building. I happened to know that an Asian couple had just moved in on her floor, while I had lived in the building, on this woman's elevator bank, for seven years. I recognized her, yet she could not distinguish me from her new neighbor. I said, sourly, "You are mistaking me for a different Asian woman." She took offense.
I regret my behavior when I think I've been too judgmental, when I create difficult moments for those who mean no harm, but I'm tired of being confused with people who really, objectively, don't look like me. I am short, and have been mistaken for people who are quite tall. I tend to wear jeans and loose sweaters; I have been mistaken for people who wear fur and tulle. I don't wear makeup—well, I could go on and on. Given the vast array of those I've been told I look exactly like who have neither my facial structure nor my body shape nor my demeanor, I have always felt justified in assuming that people who make these mistakes are, at some level, racist. Meaning that when they see me, their normal powers of observation switch off so that the only information their brains receive is: Asian. These people see a type, not a person.
But then.
My husband and I host an annual barbecue for the associates at his law firm. This group changes every few years, so it never seems worthwhile to really get to know them, and I must confess that they are virtually indistinguishable to me except that each year's batch seems younger than the one before. Once a year, though, I make an effort to be pleasant. I know they work hard, and I appreciate what they do.
Among those who were to attend last time were a young couple who stood out in my mind because they had brought their infant to the prior year's party, and also because the wife was Korean-American, like me. I remembered having had a conversation with her, and that she was very nice.
When the guests started to arrive, I shook hands with and smiled at a half-dozen or so people, and then I noticed the Korean-American woman. I was somewhat relieved to see someone I had met before, so I approached her in a friendly way and said, "Hello! So you're taking a little holiday from the baby today?"
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