How to Train a Husband

Gotta love the double standards. The response to this book should be titled "How to Get Her Back in the Kitchen", of course it'd be met by outrage by any feminist group, because ya know, only men are sexist. Sexist women? Inconceivable.

Sweeeet, I love American society, you can only be racist if you're white, and sexist if you're male.

I will start off by saying that I am a woman, married, and I am extremely offended by this and the double standard. I can already hear the cries of "Sexist!, Neanderthal!, Backwards!, Just Plain Mean!" had the book said something like, "If you're wife happens to cook dinner one night without being asked, reward her with lots of praise, or a tasty fish", or "Don't nag if your wife doesn't have your laundry clean and folded. Trainers call this Least Reinforcing Scenario". This has nothing to do with "lightening up" and has everything to do with "who it is okay to 'pick on'" in today's society, and that would be "white males", who this is obviously targetting, as they are the only males who would even considering "taking" this kind of treatment.

sarafiagn, would you be so complacent if this were a book on how to train one's wife to be a more obedient housewife and accept her subservient role without complaining? The book is a reasonable idea, but it's written so as to be as blatantly sexist as possible, which is why it offends people.

I really don't mind the methods described here at all, It's the intent that I don't like. For example, it's perfectly fine that she's considerate of the other person's ego when she complements them on their original idea and asks for others. The problem is that she does it with the intent to manipulate them. It shows she doesn't consider them as an equal. Frankly I can't see any difference between her view that men are animals that one should train, and the view that women are frail incompetents fit only to stay at home doing menial chores. The entire book is vulgarly sexist, and the fact that it hasn't been panned as such speaks volumes about how women are immune to accusations of sexism in our society.

I really don't mind the methods described here at all, It's the intent that I don't like. For example, it's perfectly fine that she's considerate of the other person's ego when she complements them on their original idea and asks for others. The problem is that she does it with the intent to manipulate them. It shows she doesn't consider them as an equal. Frankly I can't see any difference between her view that men are animals that one should train, and the view that women are frail incompetents fit only to stay at home doing menial chores. The entire book is vulgarly sexist, and the fact that it hasn't been panned as such speaks volumes about how women are immune to accusations of sexism in our society.

If you have a trick for men, just keep it to yourself. If my wife sees this and trys this on me I would be very angry. pay attn. to your own relationship and leave everyone else OUT!. Dont spread your opinion on other people. Life is about making choices, both male and female need to make their own choices, NOT YOUR CHOICE. SO GO RATTLE YOUR POTS AND PANS< or do whatever you do and leave the rest of us alone!!!!

Train your husband? I didn't even bother reading this junk, judging from the title I knew exactly where I stand on this subject. Men are not animals, we're human beings, and we're all different. Coach as much as you want, at the end of the day, you can't change jack about someone...and really if you had to go through this whole process to coach someone to change their habits, why bother wasting your time with them in the first place? Why should you go through the process of changing someone for who they aren't when they can't even change themselves? For the author of this book and waste of a time study, i'd have to say, seriously get a real job. At least something logical and humanitary that people can relate to in a positive manner, instead of promoting more conniving manipulating behavior. Just garbage.

Hmmm Well this is not my idea how anyone should be treating anyone else. I hate being patronized and I pick up on it very quickly. If a woman tries to give me a compliment for a very menial task I become suspicious of her reasons. I read a book by Gary Chapman titled "The Five Love Languages". Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch are listed as the five love languages. I can see that those of the Words of Affirmation language will accept this method of encouragement. I doubt that any of the others will accept it. I dated a girl who was Words of Affirmation for two years and in the end were not compatible. I could not bring myself to give her empty praise. I felt like I would have been patronizing her.
If you love the person you are with, love them for who they are. People don't change much and if they do it won't be enough by this method of treats. If you use this method of treats behind their back and they find out you've been trying to manipulate them, you may just lose someone you love forever.
If you can't live with a certain behavior I would suggest that you set aside a time for a serious discussion. Don't wait until you get angry enough to start yelling because that won't let him know that you are serious. He may think that you are angry at something else and just venting over something he considers trivial. Give him the truth. Either change or get of my life. It the problem isn't worth dumping him over, tell him that it's annoying and let him decide whether to continue annoying you or change. Or you could always bribe him with his favorite dinner, or whatever works but don't try to change him behind his back. You will lose his respect.

For anyone interested in positive reinforced behavior techniques that can be used daily in our lives from our children, bosses, husbands, wives, or as written for, "our pets"... A must read wonderful book not mentioned here is "Don't Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor??? she also based allot of her training applications by her studies of B.F. Skinner???s work.

Oh, one more amazing book for understanding animal behavior I have found interesting, entertaining and helpful would be ???Think Dog by John Fisher???.
There are numerous wonderful books written on positive reinforcement behavioral techniques, but over the twenty plus years I have been training animals, these two have been by far my favorites.

And for anyone serious about learning; one of the leading authorities on Dog Behavior and positive reinforced training is Dr. Ian Dunbar. Veterinarian and animal behaviorist, Dr. Ian Dunbar is Director of the Center for Applied Animal Behavior, Founder of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers and host of the popular British TV series Dogs with Dunbar. Ian is the author of numerous books and videos including Dog Behavior, Sirius Puppy Training and Dog Training For Children.

I hope this information proves helpful to someone looking for answers.
I believe that while we can make an impact using positive reinforced methods for daily interactions in our lives with animals and people; there are behavioral issues that can not be fixed with these methods. For anyone suffering in an abusive relationship, or if you have animals with temperament issues, good positive reinforced strategies may help manage these issues, but not fix them. I do strongly recommend seeking out advice from professional sources in instances such as these.
For more information on abuse please visit: http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.html

For anyone interested in positive reinforced behavior techniques that can be used daily in our lives from our children, bosses, husbands, wives, or as written for, "our pets"... A must read wonderful book not mentioned here is "Don't Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor??? she also based allot of her training applications by her studies of B.F. Skinner???s work.
Oh, one more amazing book for understanding animal behavior I have found interesting, entertaining and helpful would be ???Think Dog by John Fisher???.
There are numerous wonderful books written on positive reinforcement behavioral techniques, but over the thirty plus years I have been training animals, these two have been by far my favorites.
And for anyone serious about learning; one of the leading authorities on Dog Behavior and positive reinforced training is Dr. Ian Dunbar. Veterinarian and animal behaviorist, Dr. Ian Dunbar is Director of the Center for Applied Animal Behavior, Founder of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers and host of the popular British TV series Dogs with Dunbar. Ian is the author of numerous books and videos including Dog Behavior, Sirius Puppy Training and Dog Training For Children.

I hope this information proves helpful to someone looking for answers.
I believe that while we can make an impact using positive reinforced methods for daily interactions in our lives with animals and people; there are behavioral issues that can not be fixed with these methods. For anyone suffering in an abusive relationship, or if you have animals with temperament issues, good positive reinforced strategies may help to " manage" these issues, but not fix them. I do strongly recommend seeking out advice from professional sources in instances such as these.
For more information on abuse please visit: http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.html

I'm sorry to say it but a large quantity of American women -like the writer of this book- aren't happy and are frustrated. But as we know, the more S... arrives to a publisher that makes news the better it is: brings money in. It's us that shouldn't give a D... about it. But... God bless the women that have brain and are sincere: they deserve all the best from life and from men. As we say in Italian: Viva la donna intelligente! I'm only sorry that tomorrow the news will travel the World and as we know the World once more will think that the Americans are lost...

Wow...and I do mean WOW. This theory has been around for a long time. Treat a spouse like a dog, give them a treat for a trick well done and they will love you forever. My husband and I rescue dogs so obviously that theory does not work. There are women out there that do the same for men treated like a house pet. My husband and I have been married 30 years. No leashes, dog treats, or games in this house and guess what, it works. It takes caring, loving and a heck of a lot of patience but two people should not toss a treat to each other for a "job well done." We are from the 70's, so we are not necessarily of the "old school" of beliefs. We have come through alot and taught our children to work through their life problems, own them, fix them, and move forward. This approach pretty much says "If you want something, find a way to get it without actually being honest." I am aware this author is selling her writing on the fact that some people will hate it. Problem is some people will try to actually apply it. So, we shall rescue dogs that run from such insults and find new homes for them as will the women out there that have the self respect to say "pick up the socks." PERIOD. No "pick up the socks and come to a nice dinner"or "thank you for picking up the socks so here is sex." Simply. "Pick up your darn socks and by the way if you leave razor hair in the sink again you get to clean the bathroom next time." Sorry, but honesty works, at least in this house and has for 30 years. For the record, Sex is great and I don't trade it for housecleaning, laundry or "baby you look great in that outfit." Have a super time selling your book. By the way, what is your husbands name so I know what to call him when we rescue him from the shelter?

I took an hour to read all of the reactions and I came to this conclusion: We all agree that positive reinforcement is a good thing, so what has us mad? It looks like the only thing offending us ladies is her wording. "How to train a husband." and "Want an obedient spouse? A new book says you should coach them like animals." We want to be equal, not inferior... I think it's as simple as this.