Valentine’s Day and Porn

My only qualm with this article is the relationship the author construes with porn and the idea of loveless sex. Both porn and sex with no strings attached have been a commonplace occurence since people began to both write and notice each other. Monogamy is a commonplace cultural ideal in our society, and sex w/out love, while portrayed as what "everyone is doing" in the media, is generally not accepted as a way to live one's life--so I think this article is a bit dramatic and overreaching. I also don't see how pornography contributes or has contributed to this decline--what is the significant relationship between these two variables? The author never says, just points out how both are "bad." And trust me, porn has nothing to do with teenagers "hooking up"--they've been doing that for quite a long time, I guarantee you, long before the internet made porn accessible. There is no better way to promote healthy, loving relationships than being an example with your mate, and teaching your child to value themselves. I'm sorry, I believe porn does not harm those who don't already have an addictive personality to things such as these and an already unhealthy attitude towards sex--it's hard for me to see it as the dynamic that destroys families and contributes towards the decline of society. That's just grasping for an easy blame. I just wish the author had thought through this a little bit--it sounds more like a rant about pornography to me. If you don't like it, don't watch it, and express your feelings to your children as they reach an appropriate age. Either way, the decline of the nuclear family is not caused by dirty websites and magazines. And there's nothing wrong with "scratching an itch"--every once in a while, providing it's not compulsive or a replacement for healthy, loving monogamous relationships. You'll have a hard time convincing young, virile adults and teenagers that they only way they can enjoy a sexual experience is through a long term committed relationship, but good luck trying. This article is filled with blanket statements and personal biases, and should be taken with a grain of salt.

I am in general agreement with you. The thing is, sometimes we trick ourselves in to feeling in love because we need to connect with someone, to feel loved, even if it's just for a little while. Also, sometimes you can love someone for just a little while, for something they mean to you that is not or can not be long lasting. Would you be comfortable with the assertion that meaningful sex fulfills the sacredness of sexuality; that a partnership, if it is mutually beneficial on an emotional, personal level and there is respect and giving and love, even if the partnership cannot last a lifetime, or even a month, is a healthy sexual connection.? Would you be willing to accept that your granddaughter may be "loved" by someone for three months, a year, a day? It's almost a guarantee that if she grows up feeling loved, supported and appreciated for the unique person she will become (and partially already is) that she will be discriminating in her choice of sexual partners and will not have any need for casual hook-ups.
Porn, on the other hand? Who knows what her tastes will be. Sexual "entertainment"
, for lack of a better word, is evolving and I know more than one couple who have been together for more than twenty-five years who enjoy porn and sharing sexual fantasies and scenarios with one another. These are some of the strongest marriages I know of.. You have to ask yourself, "why are we endowed with these feelings and desires if we are not meant to act on them? A safe and loving way to do that is to share them with your partner and collaborate on each of you getting the pleasure you crave with the love and support of a generous and secure partnership.

Spoken like a true woman, men are men and our views regarding sex are way different from a woman's .Women need to feel loved, men want to get laid.

I forgot to mention another thing besides taking your son to a ballgame. If you have a teen, you may want to check out freetense.com They have some excellent programs for addictions and that sort of thing.

Porn in America is no longer a 4 letter word. It seems to be widely accepted as normal. Many men get addicted to porn, and it isolates them from spending quality time with wife and children. It is important for men to realize that they can get over it. All it takes is a little will power. You can try using using a life coach for this purpose (non denominational) at healthvibesuk.com and if you have boys you can take a look at shy1.net for some good advice on keeping them with a healthy sexual attitude. Good Luck!

Charles Darwin must be turning in his grave every moment with all the involution of human species... Mankind evolved from animals and now we are fast heading back to living like animals - eager only to satisfy our physical "needs" (sic) without even thinking about the moral, emotional, cultural or spiritual needs. Capitalism is good; but consumerism / materialism is bad. The way people are being killed everywhere all the time saddens me greatly in that human life seems to have no or very little value. We need to make people realize the value of human life and then they will appreciate the value of human body. It is sad that in the name of freedom of expression or freedom of choice people all over the world are giving new meanings to love, marriage and relationships. Like in many other fields America can take the lead to pull the world out of this moral bankruptcy.

Gellman, there are amazing comments you made here. I believe you are right on about the saturation and demoralization of our culture, gener relations, and romantic relationships due to pornography. As a Christian, I am shocked at how most of what is entertainment has shifted towards that way--or at least what we see television on most days could be considered soft porn--and somehow no one appears to be concerned or outraged by it. The truth of the matter is: some one has to pay for the moral deficit we are running up as a nation. And just like you mentioned your grandaughter, while we may be getting a kick out of it and acting like it really doesn't matter, our children and the future generations will be the ones to bear the costs. No question about it, as the largest producers of pornography in the world, America has lost its soul and yes, we are in trouble with God.

Gellman, there are amazing comments you made here. I believe you are right on about the saturation and demoralization of our culture, gender relations, and romantic relationships due to pornography. As a Christian, I am shocked at how most of what is entertainment has shifted towards that way--or at least what we see television on most days could be considered soft porn--and somehow no one appears to be concerned or outraged by it. The truth of the matter is: some one has to pay for the moral deficit we are running up as a nation. And just like you mentioned your grandaughter, while we may be getting a kick out of it and acting like it really doesn't matter, our children and the future generations will be the ones to bear the costs. No question about it, as the largest producers of pornography in the world, America has lost its soul and yes, if you didn't know America, we are in big time trouble with God. Let's get some character and some self-control!

Toe Rogers

Gellman, there are amazing comments you made here. I believe you are right on about the saturation and demoralization of our culture, gener relations, and romantic relationships due to pornography. As a Christian, I am shocked at how most of what is entertainment has shifted towards that way--or at least what we see television on most days could be considered soft porn--and somehow no one appears to be concerned or outraged by it. The truth of the matter is: some one has to pay for the moral deficit we are running up as a nation. And just like you mentioned your grandaughter, while we may be getting a kick out of it and acting like it really doesn't matter, our children and the future generations will be the ones to bear the costs. No question about it, as the largest producers of pornography in the world, America has lost its soul and yes, we are in trouble with God.

Toe Rogers

Gellman, there are amazing comments you made here. I believe you are right on about the saturation and demoralization of our culture, gener relations, and romantic relationships due to pornography. As a Christian, I am shocked at how most of what is entertainment has shifted towards that way--or at least what we see television on most days could be considered soft porn--and somehow no one appears to be concerned or outraged by it. The truth of the matter is: some one has to pay for the moral deficit we are running up as a nation. And just like you mentioned your grandaughter, while we may be getting a kick out of it and acting like it really doesn't matter, our children and the future generations will be the ones to bear the costs. No question about it, as the largest producers of pornography in the world, America has lost its soul and yes, we are in trouble with God.

Toe Rogers

What is our obsession with perfection in this country?! Sex is not perfect and will never be perfect. It is wonderful, passionate, intimate,exhausting, frustrating, depressing, overwhelming, incredible, and dangerous. It means different things to different people. Sex is not perfect for men and it is not perfect for women. Women are just as sexual as men and we think about it all the time. Sex is something we should have control of, something to enjoy, but something we must be careful about too.

It's true what you say, despite the porn-addicts denials to the contrary. I've seen what it can do. I've lived on a ship with several other men, and heard how they talk about women and sex, and it's really ugly and not at all healthy. I blame the common acceptance of porn, and the pervasiveness in todays porn of aggressive, demeaning, mysoginist elements. Thank you for speaking in favor of an anti-porn movement.

It's true what you say, despite the porn-addicts denials to the contrary. I've seen what it can do. I've lived on a ship with several other men, and heard how they talk about women and sex, and it's really ugly and not at all healthy. I blame the common acceptance of porn, and the pervasiveness in todays porn of aggressive, demeaning, mysoginist elements. Thank you for speaking in favor of an anti-porn movement.

What a great article!! I believe porn can be corrosive to a relationship if used in the wrong way. Many people seem to use it as an escape from what they have. Sex has become too casual. The next to the last paragraph says it all, when he is talking about his 2 year old grand daughter. While it seems men are pushed to have as much sex as possible, the women get the responsibility of staying wholesome and pure. No one would want any of the little girls they know or have watched grow up to become the neighborhood slut.

It's hard to take this kind of diatribe seriously. Lost of denunciations. No real evidence. Is it true that all adult video separates love from sex? How does the author know? How MUCH love, exactly, must be depicted in an adult video to qualify the video as harmless, or even good? Are the author's limited notions of "life-affirming" and "romantic" the only valid notions of those terms? And about so-called porn addiction: Instead of relying on a social crusader, how about some reality: How much of the average psychiatrist's time is spent treating "porn addiction"? Is that ailment even listed in the medical dictionary?

It's hard to take this kind of diatribe seriously. Lots of bald denunciations. No real evidence. Does all adult video really separate love and sex? How does the author know this? How much love must be depicted before the adult video qualifies as harmless, or even good? Are the author's notions of "life-affirming" and "romantic" the only valid notions of such terms? And regarding so-called porn addiction: Instead of relying on the view of a social crusader, how about some real evidence. How much of the average psychiatrist's time is spent treating "porn addiction"?

In response to your article I say, Bravo!
I've been having wonderful and fulfilling sex with the same someone that I love for over twenty years...my husband. We have been faithful, committed, patient, always forgiving, vowing to cherish and adore only each other. We are both 42 years old and now and our sex life is even better today than it was when we were newly married at 21 years of age. Oh, if only young people today could understand how rewarding it can be when you share yourself with only one person throughout a committed lifetime relationship. Not only is it physically gratifying but it brings a spiritual sweetness that reaches deep into ones soul.
Trust me; my Valentine's Day will be spectacular even if we do or don't have sex.

wow

faggot

What if I love 23 different women? What am I supposed to do?