‘Powerful and Dangerous Drugs’

You trusted the prescription drugs more than the illicit ones?
Exactly. You figure big business is selling these things. It's a lot safer than somebody who made crystal meth in their trailer park. Granted, the people who made it weren't intending for you to do eight at a time and put it through your nose.

Do you think pot and prescription drugs are number one and number two among teens because they seem safer than other drugs?
You rarely see any movies about people who face horrible consequences for smoking pot. They've got all the joke stoner movies. There's no "Requiem for a Dream" or "Scarface" based upon people smoking pot. The bad things that come from it are mostly junk food and cost as opposed to overdoses and heavy arrests. It's not too looked-down-upon in our society, especially with everything going on with the legalization efforts.

What's your advice for parents?
You've got to stay connected. Parents have got to educate themselves as much as possible about addiction, about their kids' friends, their social group, where they're going on Friday and Saturday nights. You'll know when you start seeing them sneaking around, because there's going to be a sense of guilt in the child. They'll see warning signs. They'll see changes in behavior, whether it's a drop in school grades or frequent red eyes. It can really happen to anyone. I come from the Main Line, a nice suburb of Philadelphia. I go to a good college. I still had a few overdoses and almost died.

And you blacked out, even in high school?
Oh, yeah. That became the Friday night goal: who could black out first.

How did you get to the point where you wanted to kill yourself?
I had been stealing from my roommate. I'd been lying to my parents, spending all their money. I had two different doctors writing me prescriptions. I was hated by most of the people that I knew. I was basically failing out of the school of my dreams. I had ruined the life of a girl back at home who had been nothing but sweet to me. Most of all, I hated myself, doing all these things.

But you couldn't stop?
Exactly. I was hopeless and alone, and it just seemed so logical and easy to just give up.

What do you do when you go to concerts now?
I listen to the music. It's this weird new thing I'm trying! I see the crowd that I thought I wanted to be a part of: the people who are missing half the show to go to the bathroom to snort whatever.

It was hardest for you to get over Ambien?
Yeah. In rehab it was easy for me to be done with pot. It leaves you feeling burned out. The only thing I still had longing for was the Ambien. It's hard to believe, even for me, that after doing coke and ecstasy and all these hard drugs that the one that would still pique my interest would be a sleeping pill.