The Incredible Shrinking Bride

It's funny. I got married in the past year. I think, had I gotten married even just a couple years younger, I would have been far more caught up in the hooplah of the wedding monster. But at the same time, I have a wonderful fiance who told me, the most important thing to him was our marriage and our life together and that in the grand scheme, the wedding was one day - albiet a nice day. But the amount of time and energy a bride, her family, the people helping, put into that day - is really kind of ridiculous if you think about it. And honestly, all the fuss people make over the dress, how big a ring you got. All of that is meaningless if you aren't marrying the right person. We did have a big wedding. Not because we wanted to, but because I have a big family. So we also went to the courhouse a few days before to make it legal and somehow that short 10 minute ceremony in just our "Sunday best" with just us and the officiant helped us to face the wedding day with the relaxed light heartedness that made the day realy truly fun and we could celebrate with our friends. I hope that more people remember that the wedding day is a celebration and should be seen as a party and somehow, in my experience, every bride is always the most beautiful woman there no matter her size shape or extravagance of the party.

I think people focus too much on the wedding as well. I've seen too many people so enamoured by the idea of getting married that they have no clue about the person they're marrying. If anyone saw "The Moment of Truth" earlier this week, there was a woman on there who confessed that on her wedding day, she was really in love with someone other than her husband. Not only was her husband (obviously) upset, but so were her parents. All that money for a diamond on her hand, and a big wedding (with a honeymoon they both agreed was very nice) and nothign to show for it. I waited until I was 28 to get married, and we had a beautiful wedding that cost us about $6,000. I still got stressed about planning (married to teh Air Force so we only had about 3 months to plan) but it was still a beautiful day in my life. We have friends that are getting married and they don't have a clue what it takes to make a marriage work. One of my friends is marrying her boyfriend of 6 months just as soon as his second divorce is final. She is 24 and he is 32, and he told her that he married his last wife (of 9 years) because he just "thought it was the right thing to do" even though he never really loved her. I just can't see how a person could agree to marry someone who clearly didn't understand what it took to make a marriage work.

I agree with Kasharoo: too many people (especially younger folks) are focusing on the wedding instead of the marraige. I've witnessed so many couples who really didn't know what they were doing when they got married and then blamed their divorces on their former spouse or the institution of marraige alltogether. I'm only 30 years old but I waited until I was older to get married and spent a great deal of time focusing on who I was marrying. We had a beautiful garden wedding in Phoenix that only cost us about $6000 total. I have no clue what women are thinking these days, but they end up looking like total fools. If anyone saw "The Moment of Truth" the other night, there was a women on there who confessed that she was in love with someone other than her husband on her wedding day. Not only was her husband (obviously) upset, but her parents looked like they had just been sold snake oil. All that money for a huge wedding, a big diamond on her hand, and nothing to show for it. Go figure.

We just got married in December 2007. It is very hard with all of the bridal shows out there. I was addicted to Who's wedding is it anyway?, Platinum Weddings and My big fat fabulous wedding. By no means did I have that Platinum wedding wallet, but you get lured into wanting to do big and impress big. I'm glad that we went the other way. We had a small destination wedding with just immediate family, then a celebration reception when we returned. I enjoyed the wedding the most, and I'm so glad that I didn't get caught up in the bridesmaids, and extra flowers, etc. I ordered my wedding dress in the correct size, even though I wanted to drop some pounds. I didn't, and I also didn't beat myself up about it. My husband loved me exactly the way I was, so I didn't need to change to fit some "standard".

I'm sorry about your divorce. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 16th anniversary (actually our 4th, we were married on leap day). While we had a lot of people, we had a relatively simple service and slightly less simple reception, we never lost sight of the fact that a marriage is a statement of commitment to each other, each other's family, and the couple's community, and I think that informed a lot of the choices we made.

I believe that the purpose of getting married is to be married to the one you love. It is not to impress your 'friends". A more focused wedding with less "stuff" means that you have more resources to begin your new life together, and isn't that the goal? Consider a wedding with a "potluck" for a meal, let your friends make the cakes (several special homemade layer cakes rather than the big bakery bought white wedding cake), an outdoor ceremony in a favorite local spot, friends and family taking lots of digital pictures, etc. It doesn't have to be a small wedding, but it certainly doesn't have to be expensive. We've been married 30 years and have wonderful wedding memories. I think the cost was under $200 total (of course it was a while ago...) even with the cost of the ingredients of the cake (a real old-fashioned stack cake), and the dress.

Seems the "marriage" is getting lost in the "wedding" these days. It's good to take time to reflect on the reason for the "wedding" in the first place. I have been married, did the big fancy to-do. An now 16 years later, am divorced. If I should ever marry again, it will be a very small private function, where the focus is on the man I am to marry, not me, not the dress, the size of the cake, or the volume of the music, but about the new journey we are beginning together and the path we plan to walk together.

Weddings and bridezillas are definitely out of control. You are not entiteld to think the world should stop and revolve around you on "your" day...which is also a day shared by the other 6 billion people on this planet. Some of the things I've seen are absolutely nuts...from expecting bridesmaids and guests to shell out $2k for a destination wedding, to throwing a tantrum in the middle of a wedding boutique. These idiots forget that their wedding is a celebration of a lifelong commitment (ok, well in 50% of marriages, a lifelong commitment) and not a giant ME ME ME party to fulfill some sick princess fantasy from childhood. If a woman acts like that, the groom should seriously consider if he wants to marry the childish, demanding she-devil. You won't ever be able to make her happy.
That aside, if a bride wants to look good for her wedding, go for it! Any motivator to get off your butt and work out is a good one. Obviously it should be done in a healthy manner, but if people take to throwing up, laxatives, etc then apparently they have psychological issues that should be addressed. A wedding can bring out those issues, but it can't create them.

Wedding dresses do not have to show that much skin. A wedding dress is white which represents purity and yet the styles and fashion of wedding dresses today do not live up to its color.

don't we all just want to look good on a day we will be the center of attention and photographed so heavily?? Come on, it's not abnormale to want to look good on your wedding day, I don't think women need to beat themselves up for that, unless of course they are harming themselves somehow in the process.

Oh, nevermind, I didn't mean what cleoj said was sad, I meant to say what phiomalibumalibu said was sad. Sorry.

wow, thats sad cleoj.

My dress was $350 and I thought it was beautiful. I got my veil from Michael's for $20 and even though you could tell the quality wasn't as nice, who cares? I'd rather the money I would've invested in one day of our lives be used for something better, like a down payment or a car. Of course I wanted a nice wedding, but you can get a nice wedding without being a Bridezilla or spending an extraordinary amount.