Forced to Choose Under Pressure
One would think that the fate of the free world rode on my shoulders. The New York state primary was a month ago, and my close friends and family are still pressuring me to say if I like Hillary or Barack better. It seems as though all my white female friends tell me that Hillary is a woman, yes, but also a fine senator and the best candidate for the job.
My African-American friends and family encourage me to vote for Barack because he is extraordinary and different and a voice for change and oh, did they mention … black. As just one registered voter out of millions, why do I have to tell everyone I know who I am voting for? I cannot help but feel that my character hangs in the balance. If I vote for Hillary, I am turning my back on my race, or, worse, I'm a self-hating black. If I vote for Barack, I am forsaking women and any hope of gender equality—ever. For the first time in my life, I wish I were a white man. At least then I wouldn't have to bear the joint legacies of racism and sexism on my back.
I have to confess, the pressure got to me so badly that I was unable to vote in my state's primary, even though I lied to several people and said I did. I couldn't pull the lever against a potential black president—or a woman. I felt that I had to stand for one "ism" over another, and I couldn't handle it. But if I thought I could sit back and enjoy the campaign post-primary, I was wrong. People still won't leave me alone.
Despite a well-crafted appearance of world-weary cynicism, I suddenly felt naive and flummoxed trying to make a decision about whom to vote for. I thought we had gotten past much of the tribalism that allows racism and sexism to thrive. But everybody I know seems to be taking orders from some exclusive group—whether it is race- or gender-based—and I feel as though my allegiance is somewhere in the middle. Then I had an epiphany: I was playing the worst kind of identity politics. The truth is that I've always known which candidate I preferred. I was just too cowardly to admit it—afraid that someone would take some membership card away from me. I didn't feel this conflicted when I married a white man, so why was I torturing myself over the Democratic nominee for president? Because in trying to cast my vote solely on the basis of the color of my skin or my gender, I had fallen for the sort of group-think that fosters racism and sexism and all the other "isms," too. In the past, I've used the courage of my convictions and the strength of my own character to combat stereotypes and succeed. I think it's time I tried that again.
So, here I go: I'm a Hillary supporter. Why? Because I like her, and I trust her, and identity politics aside, she has been a great senator from New York and I believe she has the intelligence and the experience to bring the country forward.
I feel awful that I skipped the primary, but that's what I get for being a coward. By being too scared to speak my mind, I botched my civic duty and turned my vote into a game: "Who is Raina voting for today?" In the process, I denied everybody, including myself, the intellectual complexity that makes the truth so much more interesting than fiction. I've been a black female for as long as I can remember and I don't see that changing after Nov. 4. Four years ago I had friends and family who voted for Bush, Nader and Kerry, and I still speak to all of them. I think I'll afford myself the same luxury. If anyone does want to judge me by which lever I pull, so be it. I'm brave now. I can vote for whomever I choose, which is what I should have done a month ago.
© 2008
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Member Comments
Posted By: Johndavidprince @ 03/17/2008 9:32:13 AM
Comment: The debate over Obama???s Church is reminiscent of the backlash to the Civil Rights Movement by southern whites or the refusal to accept the Court decision that allowed for desegregation, thus leading to the showdown in 1957 at Little Rock Cent. High School.
Now all of the sudden religious conservatives are upset over what a preacher or reverend in a Christian Church has to say. For years religious conservatives have said, ???How dare people question what goes on in Church,??? they consistently scream ???freedom of religion??? when they come under attack for controversial statements from the pulpit. Now the tables have been magically reversed. Why? It might be the only political weapon in their arsenal. It might be the best they have to combat a potential Democratic candidate for the President of the United States. What theological hypocrites. What a show of contempt for the freedom of religion, the freedom of speech, and blatant use of fear of the black man in modern America. What a despicable display of a double standard this has turned out to be. This may scare the conservative agenda in the minds of rational Americans for a long time.
Posted By: Johndavidprince @ 03/17/2008 9:31:54 AM
Comment: We forget about some of the conservative AM Radio pundits who like to use inflammatory speech to gain ratings as well religious leaders of many faiths. People who are out of touch with the Black community are distorting the issue of Rev. Wright???s statements. In New York City there were police involved with sales of crack and cocaine. It is a fact. There were 100???s of officers convicted for corruption in a well-documented case. Where is Wright distorted in his thinking? Now on the HIV issue he is postulating a theory, true. We must remember that there are many Christian leaders who espouse shaky theory. Wright???s 911 comments may be inflammatory to pro-war/America can do no wrong foreign policy wing nuts. Yes. But on closer analysis the foreign policy actions of the past have been and will be debated on their ethical correctness or their potential for what the CIA calls ???Blowback.??? This issue is being blown out of proportion. Those who harbor racist thoughts would view some of Wright???s statements as controversial but only out of historical ignorance or denial of the years of proven oppression. Should Wright or any African American feel happy about the years of discrimination, slavery, lynching, Jim Crow Laws, and other aspects of US history? So now the right wing has issued a de-facto religious test for office. Well we should analyze all republican candidates religious associations and every word their religious leaders have spoken. This is sick and shameful how some in the press or media have reacted to the Wright issue. The man has the freedom of speech that we should respect even if he offends some of the racists within the right wing. Now on Talk Radio there are Christians claiming that Rev. Wright???s Church is no Christian. What? Is this the new Protestant v. Catholic, Christian on Christian infighting? Are we to believe that opinions from predominately white Churches have a cultural clue as to how African Americans feel or should feel. How dare those who claim to ???judge not lest ye be??? start violating their own tenants? Since when is it a crime for a Black pastor when talking about the injustices bestowed their people to use the N-word? The proper use of that word in terms of history is not a symbol of reverse racism. Yet now we have people judging if his comments are Godly enough. This is a joke of a debate when you boil the water down and look at the facts left in the pan. We have sunk to a new low as a Nation. This ugly debate is the result of years of fusing politics and religion by the right wing thus making all pulpits a voice for politics rather than pulpits of faith.
Posted By: Nins @ 03/13/2008 8:14:54 PM
Comment: A blogger named Edson writes "Did the word Democrat really come from democracy?"
Here is a derivation of the words "Democrat" and "Republican."
The United States of America is a republic, that is to say, a Federal government in which the people are represented by elected officials from the various states. Before we were a republic, we were a democracy made up of 13 individual states that were not united. A democracy is a form of government where the individual citizens have the right to speak their minds and influence the political discourse. Democracy was named after Demosthenes, a citizen of ancient Greece with a speech impediment who practiced talking with his mouth full of pebbles to overcome his disability. Demosthenes later became a great political orator. This is where the Democrats derive their name.
The original Republicans were in favor of the states joining to form a republic (which is how that party got it's name). The original Democrats were opposed to this idea, they represented the individual states and were worried that the republic could gain too much power over the states, and through the exercise of tyranny, deny individuals their freedom. Trust me, people were pretty passionate about their liberty in those days, having just fought for independence from England. The Declaration of Independence, the Federalist Papers, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights were all hammered out by serious-minded men who sought to balance the need for individual freedom with our shared common cause, the needs for united strength and social order. Balancing the rights of the individual against the rights of the whole society is what America is all about. This is not only a great achievement for our nation, it is one of the greatest achievements of mankind. And we have, by and large, been true to our ideals over the past 227 years. The system of government we initially established, although needing occasional revisions, has stood the test of time.
Let's not forget where we started from, that impulse towards equality and freedom.
America is, with all it's faults, a meritocracy. Most of our founding fathers would never have had a voice in the 18th century English government they rebelled against, a monarchy where you had to be born into power. In America it was different. If you had intelligence, passion, ambition, drive, talent and a little luck, you could change the world.
This is the real secret to Obama's popularity. This is why a white, conservative middle-aged female Republican like me wants to vote for him. He's got that blend of intelligence, passion, ambition, drive and talent. I'm giving him my vote to proffer him the last ingredient, a little luck, so I can watch our Republican Democracy in action, and once again change the world.
IN GOD WE TRUST