The Curious Lives of Surrogates

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  • Posted By: 3xsmom @ 03/31/2008 7:46:05 PM

    I have always wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone but do not know how to go about the process. I am not comfortable with posting my email address due to many people not agreeing with surrogacy. But if there is an organzation I can contact that would be great. I am a mother of three healthy great kids and I hold a BA in Business Management. I would just like to be able to help a couple that is unable to have children.

    • Posted By: Charilee7 @ 03/31/2008 8:50:13 PM

      I was a surrogate and would be glad to help you find info. You can contact me @ Charilee777@gmail.com.

    • Posted By: AandD @ 03/31/2008 8:31:03 PM

      I'm replying to 3xsmom. Please contact me at auburn_fan21@hotmail.com. Thank you!!

  • Posted By: sudafish99 @ 03/31/2008 8:48:41 PM

    My wife and I became surrogate parents for the 3rd time. We had a long discussion on this after 9-11. We both work in emergency services fields and wanted to go to ground zero and help but couldn't so we thought we would help people other ways such as giving them the gift of life they couldn't have on their own.

  • Posted By: dbrechler @ 03/31/2008 8:48:12 PM

    I am 46 and currently pregnant with my 2nd surrogate baby for the same family. I am married with 4 children of my own and I work full time in a laboratory. The biological family is Vietnamese and I am caucasion. We were put together by a mutual acquaintance and I have never been part of an agency. However we still have the extensive legal contract which includes thourough medical and psychological testing and lifestyle restrictions. Their daughter is 22 months old and their son is due the end of July. It is an honor and a privelidge to participate in such a private affair and if I were a little younger, there would be nothing stopping me from doing it again! And I have no strecth marks!!! There will always be critics on either side of every issue but I think it's because they have nothing better to do.

  • Posted By: Hawaiinavywife @ 03/31/2008 6:10:00 PM

    You know there are alot of judgmental people saying very stupid things on here. First of all, we are just as entitled to have children as anyone. We did not give up on adoption because "it was hard", no more than we gave up on trying to have our own children because it was "hard". Having baby after baby die was not easy. We are not selfish, we are just not rich. Clearly you have no understanding about how the adoption process works, its expensive, the only people it is "easy" for are wealthy people. Which we are not, but if you are, please give us the thousands of dollars it will cost for us to adopt a US kid. We don't have it to hand out, do you? Maybe you should have a heart and understand how painful adoption is, we want a family, we don't want to spend our life throwing our money into risk after risk after risk. Until you have walked this path, maybe making judgmental and not empathetical comments, is not the right thing to do, Don't you think we have thought this? We did, We said, oh, maybe we can't have our own because some child out there needs us more? Its not what we wanted, but we accepted it and later welcomed it. Of course we did. We tried that route, but there is nothing in place to protect us either. With our situation, my husband's job, we are not allowed to travel to foreign countries to adopt and there are very few that are not full right now because of the three year wait in China and because of the situation in Guatemala. That only leaves us with Vietnam if we can get into the program and Korea if we live in the right state. He cannot travel to complete the adoption, as many countries require, because of his security clearance and homeland security protecting people like you, being a military family in this instance is hurting us. I work with sick children all day long, as I am a pediatric nurse. Don't call us selfish. This is very very painful, it is very easy and common to be exploited in adoption and you have no right to say those things, unless you have been through it!

    • Posted By: decmoonlight @ 03/31/2008 8:46:50 PM

      Thank you for your comment.I was almost in tears reading it but it is so true.I feel we are all entitled to have children i dont understand how people can be so hurtful!thank you again you said exactly how me and my husband feel!take care.

    • Posted By: decmoonlight @ 03/31/2008 8:40:01 PM

      Thank you for your comment almost in tears i understand how you feel.I also dont know how so many pepole can be so harsh thankyou again for comment.

    • Posted By: JailynMor @ 03/31/2008 6:15:08 PM

      By the way, I am sorry that you feel you have to defend yourself from ugly judgement. Someone pretty smart said "Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself." Good luck with your adoption journey. I know how impossible it can seem sometimes! (((((((HUGS)))))))

      • Posted By: Hawaiinavywife @ 03/31/2008 7:00:07 PM

        You are right. Thanks for that. I think its the nurse in me having to "teach" all the time. I want people to understand about whats wrong with the process, so maybe they can help fix it? Thanks for your words of encouragement. You are so much more patient than I am, I have read your posts, you have alot of good things to say, and you are right. Have you been successful yet? It does seem impossible. But my grandma keeps telling me it will happen in his time. I hate hearing that so much, but I know its true.

        • Posted By: JailynMor @ 03/31/2008 7:25:07 PM

          Not yet, but I know so many women who have had IVF miracles. So many. And, I also know many wonderful adoption stories. Though my age makes that route difficult (and impossible domestically). We are pursuing both. Gosh, it's so hard isn't it? So much pain, and adding to that pain is so much misunderstanding and judgement from some people heaped on us. We have to let the bullets bounce off of us and keep going forward (and yes, I think educating people along the way is a very good thing). I wish you all the luck in the world. Some totally unexpected things can happen. I've seen it time and time again.

    • Posted By: JailynMor @ 03/31/2008 6:13:30 PM

      "Having baby after baby die was not easy" -- I am so very sorry you have gone through this horrible experience. Good luck to you.

  • Posted By: tori2799 @ 03/31/2008 8:41:46 PM

    I am the Executive Assistant to the president of my Marketing firm. I am sucessful and very mmuch financially sound, but I am also a surrogate mother of not one but 2 beautiful boys. My Godmother had 3 grown sons, but her husband from her second marriage had no childer. The youngest child and only son in his family and he had no children of his own. My god parents had been very good to me and always there when I needed them. When I found out one day how badly he had wanted a child and had given up the dream because my God mother could not have any more I offered to carry one. The was no contract, no money (but they did cover all prego related expenses) and no motive. It was a lbor of love for me and the happiness I brought them over those nine months and when the little one was born could not be measured in any way. It was such a wonderful experience for all of us that when they asked me to consider a little brother for my God son (who I ADORE), I didn't hesitate to say yes. I now have 2 amazing boys in my life as well as my beautiful 8 year old daughter and I would change a thing. We all [surrogates] have our reasons for what we do noble or not, but if in the end it helps create a happy loving family...who is it really hurting and who are we to judge others?? and I very much agree with aimee13

  • Posted By: DavidDaddy @ 03/31/2008 8:40:05 PM

    Looking to become Pregnant? I am the father of four happy healthy and smart children. My heritage is English/German, I am 5'10" 160 lbs with a hard body and a soft heart. I am also as fertile as a rabbit, if you want to become a Mom, I would love to help, you can reach me at alanrider001@yahoo.com thanks. Alan

  • Posted By: fkarsu @ 03/31/2008 8:39:58 PM

    I live in Atlanta and looking for a surrogate mother. Please email me if you are interested in being a surrogate at fkarsu@aol.com Thanks

  • Posted By: SarahJ @ 03/31/2008 8:39:26 PM

    Hi Grayemmy. You asked about how surrogates feel after giving the baby to the parents. This was posted below, I think it directly and very powerfully speaks to your question:

    Comment: Amazing video of delivery with surrogate and parents. "Broken Womb Mother Gets Gift of Life" from the Today Show.

  • Posted By: SarahJ @ 03/31/2008 8:39:04 PM

    Hi Grayemmy. You asked about how surrogates feel after giving the baby to the parents. This was posted below, I think it directly and very powerfully speaks to your question:

    Comment: Amazing video of delivery with surrogate and parents. "Broken Womb Mother Gets Gift of Life" from the Today Show.

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/15256404#15256404

  • Posted By: c-moe @ 03/31/2008 7:36:35 PM

    I think it's amazing that there's no mention of how this affects the husband /boyfriend in these relationships, as the husband of a former surrogate I can tell you from experience it's not as easy as they make it out to be in this article,
    there's the hormone shots that have to be given twice a day, the no intimacy of any kind six weeks before and six weeks after those shots start, the mode swings like you've never seen because of the hormones, and the list goes on, plus there's no support groups at all for husbands and what we have to deal with.

    • Posted By: janab @ 03/31/2008 8:29:53 PM

      I am a former surrogate, and about to be a second timer, and my husband has always said the same thing---why do you get a support group and we (the husbands/boyfriends) don't? We need them too!

  • Posted By: celeange @ 03/30/2008 3:13:42 PM

    Not all of us surrogates take fees either which I didn't see mentioned (maybe I missed it?)...some of us do it out of compassion for friends or family. I did it for free. I did it out of love. It was very difficult, yes, but looking back, a year and a half later, I am proud of those little ones and relish in calling them my surrogate angels.

    • Posted By: summer4077 @ 03/31/2008 8:36:07 AM

      I think what you did was a wonderful, selfless thing. It showed the highest love for your friends or family that you did this for. However, I'm unsure what to think about women who collect money from this. It does seem ethically wrong, somehow. I know it may sound contradictory and hypocritical, but I have no issues with someone who does it out of love for their family or friends...but someone who just acts as an incubator for complete strangers' fetuses in exchange for money creeps me out. Some of the women seem to be doing it for a truly altruistic purpose, but the one who talked about affording a $6k trip to Disney World SERIOUSLY has her priorities wrong.

      • Posted By: CaBez @ 03/31/2008 3:07:03 PM

        Ethically wrong, "somehow"? Ok for family and friends, but not for strangers? What about if we do not have anybody in the family or a friend who is still young enough, afterall we have been trying for more than 10 years. Would it be then be ethically ok ? Why not stop the hypocracy, and just admit that surrogates do a VERY good job, more caring that anybody else. It is the MOST ethical thing anybody CAN do, and the compensation is just that, compensation. Nobody is going to get rich off this.

        • Posted By: aimee13 @ 03/31/2008 8:28:53 PM

          summer4077, your right maybe someone who is only doing this for compensation has there priorities wrong but i don't think it's "wrong" for women to compensated for it. Think of what a woman's body goes through, not to mention emotionally, to have a child and then how expensivie medical bills are. That doesn't account for anything to you? People pay to adopt, so you think that is acceptable, but it's not acceptable when someone CARRIES someone's child/children? And people like Celange above who do it for free are truly self-less and kind and deserve much praise. But that doesn't mean it's not still a noble gift, if someone does get compensated for it. People get rich off much much more selfish acts in life that that.

        • Posted By: celeange @ 03/31/2008 5:13:30 PM

          Personally, I could not have done this for a stranger. But I don't think that it's unethical to go through agencies and receive compensation. Don't people pay thousands to adopt to agencies who find them children? I guess I kind of see it like cutting out the middleman in a much broader sense. My friends lost 2 of their own children when I came to the decision to carry their twins. They were unable to get pregnant again. Any mother or father with a heart of compassion would understand that glimmer of hope parents may feel in that situation to possibly see little pieces of their lost children brought into this world once again...THIS is what inspired my heart completely. I believe the whole broad understanding that women are selling their bodies as incubators is so ignorant - there are so many incredibly heartbreaking and touching stories behind each surrogacy - that is what needs to be understood before judgement is made. At the end of the pregnancy, when the postpartum issues and loss set in, there were times when I felt like I somehow deserved some sort of vacation or reward but in reality, that is not what I went into this for. However, those who are able to help their families with the financial compensation, do it for other reasons and that doesn't make it "wrong". It is what it is - helping families - some who have endured tragic loss, disabling medical conditions, etc. to achieve what so many take for granted.

          I also wanted to mention that adoption in this country is NOT easy and costs THOUSANDS - this is NOT the easy way out by any means...

  • Posted By: Wendy S.-Utah @ 03/31/2008 8:23:31 PM

    I salute these woman willing to be surrogates. God bless all of you and the couples who will be able to have a family because of this unselfish act.

    Wendy S.- Utah

  • Posted By: Wendy S.-Utah @ 03/31/2008 8:21:46 PM

    I salute these woman willing to do this for couples so they can have their own children. God Bless all of them and the couples that will be able to have a family.

    Wendy S. Utah

  • Posted By: special<3gift @ 03/31/2008 8:21:14 PM

    Shame on those who think less of a woman for being a surrogate. These critics probably had no problem conceiving a child or are happy to be without. But for the thousands of women and men who long for a child and are medically or physically unable, it is a wonderful option for them. I myself am a surrogate. On my third pregnancy. For those who ask, money is not my motivation. If you were to break it down, the expenses, the pain and sometimes suffering that can come with a pregnancy it simply does not figure out. Does the money come in handy? Sure, but does it make you rich? far from it. The love of helping a couple fulfill their dream of a child so out weighs it all. To be the one to hand them their child at moment of birth and see the tears of joy is as they say in the commercial...priceless!

  • Posted By: DavidDaddy @ 03/31/2008 8:11:26 PM

    Pregnant or Breastfeeding? You can make $2,000.00 per photo shoot modeling for BeautifulPregnant.com the only pregnancy site with a touch of class. My email address is on the site, Cheers for BeautifulPregnant Moms.

  • Posted By: robynrmcf1981 @ 03/31/2008 8:10:41 PM

    Hello. I am 26 and been married for 4 years and my husband is not able to have children. I would trade being a surrogate mother for me to have my own. dmpatp@msn.com picture needed to match close to my husband

  • Posted By: aimee13 @ 03/31/2008 8:07:34 PM

    I think it's extremely insesensitive when people criticize the motives behind someone who wants to have her own children. I do think it is very noble if people adopt. But i also understand why a couple would want a genetic child of there own as well, and those reasons are not ALL vanity as someone people like to make it seem like. I am someone who definitely wants to adopt and i ALSO want to have my own child someday, and i understand the desires for both. I think it is a blessing when a woman can do this for a couple who can't have their own child. I find it really sad when others spend so much time critizicing others for things like this. Life in this world is filled with selfish and unselfish reasons for doing everything and usually it's both simultaneously, so what? Thats LIFE! I've seen a few posts on here where people are criticizing and actiing like it's so selfish to have a surrogate mother to carry someone elses child and if that is true, then isn't it selfish for every single woman who births a child instead of adopt?? That kind of mentality makes no sense to me. Some women are blessed with the ability to have children and i think it is a joy for them to do it, that is what our bodies are made for. But some women unfortunately can't and why should that mean they are criticized for other options outside of adoption? Adoption isn't always about a little tiny baby of your own to raise. There are TONS of non-babies waiting to be adopted and many times with age comes lots of emotional problems. Not every new parent is willing to deal with all of that that for there first child or at all. Can u blame them? There is something beautiful about adoption and about having your own genetic child. I am really shocked that surragacy is such a criticized thing. I think it's wonderful for the surrogate mothers who can give that gift to a couple who can't on there own. Being unable to carry your own child can be a very emotional and painful thing, for a couple and a woman especially, how about a little empathy for others and less criticism!

  • Posted By: sakshi @ 03/31/2008 7:42:29 PM

    hi, myself is a internal medicine doctor live in NY, Unfortunatlly i can't have a baby due to not well developed uterus.I would be very thankful if somebody help me for being pregnent for me.my contact email is sakshiwantsababy@gmail.com

    • Posted By: shaf11079 @ 03/31/2008 7:47:07 PM

      I would love to . help you out

      • Posted By: sakshi @ 03/31/2008 8:05:55 PM

        i am sorry no offense but i would like to get surrogate mother who is an indian

      • Posted By: robynrmcf1981 @ 03/31/2008 8:04:27 PM

        email us dmpatp@msn.com my husband can not have babies and would carriy yours for sperm that and would out all details

      • Posted By: robynrmcf1981 @ 03/31/2008 8:02:14 PM

        email me. i need help with sperm to have my own pregnancy and would help you

  • Posted By: tcoltrain @ 03/31/2008 7:23:42 PM

    I too would also be interested in doing this for a couple. I'm a staty at home mom of a 6 year old little girl and and 11 month old little boy. I would love to give another couple the same wonderful experience that my husband and I enjoy with our two bundles of joy. I can be reached at tcoltrain0406@msn.com.

    • Posted By: SurroMatchFL @ 03/31/2008 8:03:51 PM

      I think that anyone who wants to go the route of ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology), Egg Donation or Surrogacy: Traditional or Gestational, needs to do their research.www.InfertilityAnswers.org is a great site to read or http://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/ to read what it's REALLY like to be a surrogate.Great reading for Intended Parents as well. It's not as easy as it sounds!
      Been There!

  • Posted By: JailynMor @ 03/31/2008 8:03:23 PM

    Amazing video of delivery with surrogate and parents. "Broken Womb Mother Gets Gift of Life" from the Today Show.

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/15256404#15256404

    Meredith Viera talks at the end about her own 5 miscarriages.

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