The Curious Lives of Surrogates

For all you surrogates and egg donors out there, I have a simple question. Did you get a 1099-R form for your work or your donation(s), and did you pay income taxes? I think surrogacy is wonderful, but like any income, it should be taxed. What thoughts do others have?

Wombs to rent 50 cents, no phone, some food, no pets, she wont smoke no cigarettes and then 2 hours of pushing brings, a new 7 pound human being.

Wombs to rent 50 cents, no phone, some food, no pets, she wont smoke no cigarettes and then 2 hours of pushing brings, a new 7 pound human being.

One of the many, many, many problems with adoption is that the woman whose child it is may heve been coerced or "sold" on the idea of adoption without really knowing what it means to lose one's child to strangers. Most of the time these women are very young, idealistic, open hearted or otherwise vulnerable to a sales job that amounts to exploitation. I personally could never live my life thinking I had taken another woman's child to raise, leaving her in living hell for the rest of her life.

My daughter and her husband are infertiel. Next time it comes up, I am going to suggest surrogacy to them.

I think this is a wonderful option, one that everyone enters into with eyes wide open.

To Fellowmilitarywife and Straw_24, I feel for you guys. I have gone to Washington DC to address insurance problems. I went to the Senate and the House and met with aides to my state's representatives (and actually met with one of my reps in person there). It was a frustrating experience, but paradoxically, a great experience. It opened the door to my (and my group) educating the people we met with over time. You must be patient for this type of process, as maddening as it might be. It takes time to make changes for the most part, even if they are grieveous conditions you are trying to change.
You both sound somewhat young, and I learned in my 20's that ranting about something won't help. You have to take action, and we live in a country (thanks in part to people like yourselves and your husbands) where we can and should take action when need be. I am sorry the need is there for you, but why don't you consider joining forces with other people, other military wives to remedy the insurance problems.
You are both spending time on the Internet. Why not find eachother and spend your time doing some research, getting on some relevant discussion boards, maybe making your own trip to Washington to meet your representatives.
Perhaps legal help is possible. I don???t know your individual situations, but maybe a lawyer can get involved? Here, for instance, is a law firm that specializes in the insurance industry. You will see they are not fans: http://www.obrienbower.com/home.html
I think your energies are wasted here. You have people on your side. There are many women who are reading this and/or participating in this discussion who are angry about how our military families are not getting proper care! But, please don???t point your legitimate anger at people who don???t deserve it.
I hope you consider getting ahold of someone who can help you. You are partly on the right track. The Internet can be a great way to do something about your current situation. I did a quick search, here???s one thing I found:
http://www.milspouse.org/Benefits/SuppServ/LegSupport/
http://www.milspouse.org/Benefits/SuppServ/SpouClub/
Good luck and God bless!

I find it ironic that nowehere in this article did I see (i did only scan it) the mention of what is called a compassionate surrogate- one who does it for very little if any financial exchange. I was a surrgoate for my very best friend (had twins) there was very little financial exchange only to cover costs of driving to dr appoinments, some food, etc. There was no lump sum of up to 25,000 or 30,000 as this article mentions. This article really makes surrogate out to be doing it only for the money and not for the love of being pregnant or the reward of helping out a family in need, a family that was out of options (told they would never ba able to adopt). i feel that in an article like this they should cover as many situations as possible unless they were specifically trying to make it look like they were out to make a quick buck which just makes me angry.

I was a Surro Mom for a great couple who live in my city. It is not something to take lightly, and is definitley NOT about the money. Think long and hard about it, do research, talk to other Surrogates, and be done with your own family. It's a lot easier if you now that your family is complete and you do not want another one. My husband my kids and I were extremely lucky to find such a great family. We are actually in the middle of doing it again for the same family. We hope to have the second baby early next year. If you are thinking of doing this soley for the money then you are not doing it for the right reasons. You are making a dream come true for a family, not waiting for your money train to come in.

Being a surrogate once is possibly understandable, but for the people who do it 3 times or more, it is obviously their career. If the surrogate is very mentally healthy, it is a nice thing to do for someone, however, I suspect not everyone who does this is doing it out of kindness. Some are definitely doing it for money, maybe out of lonliness or a need for a sense of purpose, but it must be much more difficult psychologically than they anticipate. Why are so many military wives doing this, that is the question, most military wives have no career or identity of their own other than having kids... Go to school, do something of your own, kids are not the answer.

Surrogacy is great when the gestating mother has no significant problems, the babies are born healthy and the commissioning couple are happy. Unfortunately, not all those factors always occur. Every so often a surrogate dies or ends up needing a hysterectomy. Sometimes when the babies are not born healthy the babies end up being abandoned to social services. Sometimes the couple sue the hired womb for negligence. It is often a huge unhappy mess!
the surrogate takes them home

It breaks my heart to see all the negativity about adoption expressed in the comments here. Not all situations are the same. Potentially, some mothers give up their children and feel they've made the wrong decision, later, because they were too young or unable to defend themselves. But that is not true for all - or even most adoptions. Some babies - like me - were abandoned, dropped off by a mother who walked away. Without adoptive parents, I would never have had a stable and loving home and family. Not being able to see "your own face" in your child is your own limitation - there's no guarantee a biological child will look like you, either. And it's so hurtful and just cruel to feel that genetics is what makes a family. My mom is my mom. She loved and raised me as best she could. We don't, in fact, look alike, and we share no medical history. But that means absolutely nothing in terms of our relationship. By turning more and more people away from adoption, comments like yours endanger the future of the millions of American children currently awaiting adoption at home. You break my heart.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the world. I wish more people would remember that you can become a parent through foster care as well. There are so many children who wish they could go to a safe, loving home. Babies are great but they just get better with age!

I think this is a form of prostitution. What kind of woman in her right mind would do this? Of course some people will do anything for money. I wish we had done this to avoid my wife's stretch marks!

One of the surrogates in the article says " I am giving another couple what they could never have on their own???a family." -- Hello?? Haven't any of these people heard of ADOPTION? I find it laughable - and sad - that the prevailing view here seems to be that these women are providing infertile couples their "only hope" for a longed-for child. Along with the implication that extreme love of children + desire for parenthood are the motivating reasons these couples are pursuing this option. If that were the case, surely these people would find the perfect answer to their prayers in providing a home to an orphaned or abandoned child who needs a home and family? Couple desperately wanting to raise a child + Child in desperate need of parents = Happy Family! But no mention of adoption is made in this article. The impression I get is that these couples are really only interested in obtaining a genetic copy of their wonderful selves: the whole "Mini-Me" syndrome -- a motivation which has very little to do with wanting to experience the joy of having a family and a whole lot to do with using whatever means necessary to secure their own brand new mini version of themselves, to mold and shape to their own selfish heart's desire.

How about an article about the father sperm, women are given all the attention, surrogate or abortion, all up to the woman. The forgotten father is left out. This scenario is distorted. It takes two, mother and father, lets focus as much on the male as the female, please. It has been too loing letting the responsibility be all on the female. When it comes to children from birth on lets bring the male back into the media picture. The male is capable, responsible and should be given credit where it is due. Please, stop the one sided picture leaving out the male altogether.

Judith Warren

nice, wonderful that there is people out there that play to be "God" the ones hiring surrogates and the ones lending the womb and using kids as a commodity no one with values and a little love could be raising a baby inside just to be loving, helpful..a complete lie IS ALL BECAUSE THE MONEY! if you did it for free then how compassionate but still not right! things may look and feel good but still not right, but in the end that's why God made us free but still accountable for our acts. Poor babies! we might have a lot of traumatized kids in a few years...history will tell!

I was a traditional surrogate for a gay married couple last year. I gave birth to a healthy little girl, with no complications. The whole experience was amazing; my family became part of their family. During my pregnancy, I was surprised at how little most people knew about surrogacy. Typical comments, from friends and strangers alike: "Did you have sex with the father?" "I could never give up *my* baby." "How long will you have the baby at home with you?" and, "You don't have any idea how hard this will be for you!" Actually, I was artificially inseminated, the child wasn't mine to keep, I didn't take her home, and finally, it wasn't that hard at all.