The Curious Lives of Surrogates

sama: Those orphans need your love! When are you expecting your adopted child to arrive?

60-80% of all conceptions do not turn into full term births, naturally. There was a study done, and with IVF you get up close to what your body is doing without your being aware of it. The very very early losses that would normally only wind up on a Kotex, undetected, are detected by tests that infertile women are getting in the process. They are often referred to as "chemical pregnancies" because they don't really go anywhere developmentally.

Please view this video if you would ever

I'm not sure I understand. You seem to be saying that you would prefer a miscarriage to happen within a woman's body rather than have a defective embryo diagnosed before transfer. (That is what they are talking about, checking the embryo to see if it is likely to be a successful pregnancy before transferring that embryo into a woman's uterus.) If you understand that, and still think that somehow is more wrong than a woman losing a non-viable pregnancy, that doesn't make sense to me, and in fact, is quite cruel. I imagine you've never experienced pregnancy loss if you hold this view. Forgive me if I've misconstrued your message.

I am interested as well, but I'm only eighteen, and seriously doubt an agency would take my offer seriously. I am currently overseas with my military husband. I have no intentions of having children of my own while here, (we're here until late 2010) because I don't like the thought of having children and not being around my own family with their support. I do agree there is concern about maturity, but they shouldn't base it entirely on age...
I

It's wonderful you want to help but you need to be emotionally ready. If you dont have children it may be harder you have to had over a baby you carried. There is no turning back. You need to have a partner that is supportive that is the most important thing. Cause many will shut you down when you tell them. But you have time and many agencies want older woman, my agency I had to b married a certain age, extensive background checks on myself and husband and have had children. Good luck!

I have been considering becoming a surrogate, I have contacted several places that advertised they were looking for surrogates, but they decline to even consider me because I am a (proud) single mother.....I am very serious about wanting to do this-and if you would like to talk to me about it-please feel free to email me @ lil_momma_peaches@yahoo.com
peace and prosperity to you-and best of luck on acheiving your dreams.....Amber Dawn

Wombs to rent 50 cents, no phone, some food, no pets, she wont smoke no cigarettes and then 2 hours of pushing brings, a new 7 pound human being.

I'm a Navy wife and have been a surrogate 4 times for 3 different couples. My feelings on the use of Tricare are this:
Why should a benefit that is rightfully OURS (also tax paying citizens) not be utilized for OUR pregnancy?
Tricare allows us to use it currently - only excludes payment for the infertility costs which our couples pay.

If I were to get pregnant any other way, even to adopt out a child to another couple, Tricare would pay.

Military wives work at other occupations that cause potential harm or involve risk (much like a pregnancy) and Tricare still pays for those hospitalizations.

Just because we are compensated for our time and effort in caring for someone else's child (like any childcare worker or nanny - we do it prenatally) our rightful medical benefits should be taken away? Then this should apply to all pregnant military wives working as childcare providers too!

People it comes down to this:
Surrogates receive payment for our services in the same way the reproductive doctors, obstetricians, attorneys, psychologists, and agencies involved in the process are compensated for their services. Many surrogates however receive far less then minimum wage or refuse any compensation at all because they may chose to carry for a family member or friend.

It isn't an unethical or demoralizing act to carry a child that is VERY much wanted by these couples who have struggled for years and lost the ability to carry a pregnancy...without surrogates their options to have a child are limited (especially for those who can't adopt due to age, marital status, or sexuality).

Adoption is a beautiful option too, but the staggering statistics show that the turnover rate for the birth mothers to actually relinquish their biological children is MUCH lower then with a surrogate where one or both parents are related to the child. Plus, the financial obligations to birth mothers who adopt out their children still exists for couples - sometimes at a higher rate of compensation for the mother's "expenses" and agency/attorney, then that of what a surrogate and IVF clinic require. Don't for one second believe that adoption is a cheaper or better option for couples...many however do chose to go that route if an attempt at surrogacy fails.

Finally, the beauty that exists in surrogacy arrangements and ability for the intended parents to share in the pregnancy (as though it were their own) is much more valuable then genetics, or the financial requirements.

As a surrogate I can say with or without compensation, I'm blessed to have contributed to helping others and the emotional gains FAR out weight any compensation I might receive!

You can read more about my journeys in the recent May issue of Pregnancy magazine or here:
www.coteclan.com

Wombs to rent 50 cents, no phone, some food, no pets, she wont smoke no cigarettes and then 2 hours of pushing brings, a new 7 pound human being.

This kind of judgement is one of the reasons that the experience of stillbirth, miscarriage, and infertility are so particularly painful. Needing to hear people say that the death of your child, or the loss of a pregnancy, or the deformity you have in your reproductive organs, or the disorder or disease you have in your reproductive or endocrine system that has caused your affliction is somehow God's doing is a crushingly cruel blow to people who are suffering.

As for your comment "no born again Christian would do such a thing" -- even though your personal views, I assume, as a born-again Christian somehow lead you to these conclusions, you are incorrect in proclaiming that born-again Christians do not use surrogates. Since I am involved in the infertility community, I have met several who have (or wiill) use a surrogate.

Enter Your CommentWombs to rent 50 cents, no phone, some food, no pets, she wont smoke no cigarettes and then 2 hours of pushing brings, a new 7 pound human being.

Oh, my dear...they absolutely ARE proud (I've never had a medical professional at any MTF tell me otherwise).

Believe it or not, but if you look it up in the Tricare handbook, you'll see that it states surrogacy is a covered benifit! Get your facts straight...we aren't defrauding anyone by having OUR pregnancies paid for! And I'll have you know with my first surrogacy I requested that Tricare not pay for my surrogacy as my IPs had purchased a supplimental policy for me...however Tricare wouldn't deny the payments for the other policy to take over payments. And due to my pregnancy being a surrogacy Tricare even offered to pay additional ultrasounds that we had already paid (they reimbursed my couple for them).

What we are doing by using our coverage isn't faud or immoral...it was put in front of congress to change the policy to deny surrogacy claims through Tricare, but it failed to change...our policy STILL reflects that surrogates have coverage.

Tricare paying for Viagra for old men to have sex or paying for plastic surgery for active duty service women to have fake boobs installed...that is absurd! Paying for a legit medical condition (pregnancy) isn't fraud! Give me a break!

Your heartless comments show your true colors...I'll pray for you to get over your envy and hatred for others.

Hello military wife. First of all, thank you and your dear husband for serving our country. After reading your post referring to the atmosphere inside the delivery room when a surrogate gives birth for a couple, I thought I'd share a video that actually shows a real surrogate and a couple in the delivery room. It is from the Today Show: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/15256404#15256404

Thanks again for doing what you do for our country.

This article was referring to that scenario as a sort of "urban myth" -- started by people who have great difficulty with empathy for people who experience pregnancy loss and infertility. This Today Show video vividly displays what it is really like (and Merideth Viera talks about her 5 miscarriages): http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/15256404#15256404

thanks for lowering me to "animal" status. im glad you have never felt like killing yourself because you hurt so badly about not being able to have a baby. Gee i wonder what would happen if your illness was only cured by a funding from "charity" . I dont really mean to bash you here but come on... i diddnt just give up roll over and die (though i felt like it) and i have 2 HEART BREAKINGLY SWEET BABIES. perhaps you were just never cut out to be a parent if you could so easily get over it.

In regard to your comment, "......those of us who were not destined to be parents..."

Maybe you, realitychick, were not destined for good health, either.

Now, of course I don't mean that. It would be cruel. Just making a point.

Just a response to your post saying, "...a serious illness is not the same thing as being perfectly healthy and in emotional pain from not having a child. One can live with the latter, not the former." : Depression is considered illness, as I am sure you know. As for your emotional pain and illness, I am sorry you experience these ailments. From my point of view, as I've said below, I would choose my illness (a chronic disorder that has attacked my liver, heart, thyroid, bones, and other systems, and was life-threatening for a time (I nearly died). I would choose that over and over and over and over again rather than having to suffer even one miscarriage or infertility. So, I obviously have a different perspective from yours.

I hope your illness resolves. It sounds as if you have something for which research is being done. I hope that a cure is found for you.

And, I hope women and men with the affliction of infertility get the treatment and/or help they deserve as well.

I'm almost 32wks carrying for a gay married couple in MN and we just had our prebirth order(PBO) signed by the judge. The bio-father's name will be on the birth certificate and depending on if the judge has signed it yet or not, the other father's name may go on the birth certificate immediately as well, leaving my name off. If it hasn't been signed yet, then we go to court so that he can do a 2nd parent adoption, at which time his name will go on the birth certificate and mine would be removed. (it's still up in the air at this time if mine will "have" to be listed or not, as my eggs were not used, so there is no biological connection)

It depends upon the state within which the birth takes place. There is a range of possible processes apparently. Some states have what is called a "pre-birth order" and that typically names the parents on the birth certificate. There iis a lot of work going on to update laws (they had been written before surrogacy was medically possible, so they need to be updated).

I believe it depends on the state. In Florida the original birth certificate has the surrogate's name on it, the hospital ahs to report it to the Dept of health that way. Then the IP's petition the court to have it changed. It seems to be a very straight forward procedure as long as the lawyer knows what they are doing.