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COVER STORY: CULTURE

The Divorce Generation Grows Up

Grant High School's class of '82 were raised on 'The Brady Bunch'—while their own families were falling apart. These are their stories—in their words.

NEWSWEEK
Apr 21, 2008 Issue

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  • Posted By: Dawn M Nelson @ 04/24/2008 10:13:53 PM

    Comment: Thanks for revisiting the first generation of kids to deal with the increasing divorce rate. You shed light on a lot of issues we faced growing up with divorced parents. Some of us HAVE grown up and learned to deal with those issues in our own ways. It is something that was huge to have to grow through at the time, and it's good to read about others who went through it too. We know it still impacts our lives and our choices. How could it not? Thanks for not forgetting about us. We lived, now we understand, and are thus more understanding. It's nice to get to that place and great to read about from your perspective.

  • Posted By: mlevin0925 @ 04/23/2008 11:35:31 AM

    Comment: The article is useless. It does nothing to shed light on what it is really like to be an ACOD - an Adult Child of Divorce. It is something you carry with you for the rest of your life because you are constantly dealing with the issue of having two people that can't stand one another integrate. It's casts a dark (but insignificant) cloud on every special event - birthday parties, weddings, school events, sports events, etc. It ends up being about not making one parent or another uncomfortable. You just hope that the parents can be unselfish enough and mature enough to not make the event about their discomfort, and not cause a scene. Such a pain. And then there is the need to explain to your kids why they may have so many sets of grandparents. Once a child of divorce, always a child of divorce.

  • Posted By: Parral57 @ 04/22/2008 4:58:42 PM

    Comment: Who cares about spoiled white kids whose parents divorced. Big deal. I always crack up to read about white angst so prominent in today's popular culture. Stupid plays like the "The Vagina Monologues," which cater to white women who despair at becoming middle aged. Imagine if these kids lived in homes where your father had to endure racist comments just to keep his job, or your mother went to the PTA meeting and all the mothers there couldn't believe that a Mexican even cared about her kid's education, or the fact that your 5th grade teacher clearly stated that "someday you will go to a great trade school." Imagine what she would think to know that that same kid is a Ph.D. from the University of Texas at Austin, has written five books, and commonly speaks in front of thousands of people, on you guessed it--the complexities of racism when Americans still generally avoid each other.

  • Posted By: dmh763 @ 04/17/2008 11:47:21 PM

    Comment: GO TO SLEEP GETZEL!!! YOUR COMMENTS ARE NOT NEEDED HERE.......... IF YOU
    HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SPEAK ABOUT OTHERWISE PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

  • Posted By: dmh763 @ 04/17/2008 11:47:12 PM

    Comment: GO TO SLEEP GETZEL!!! YOUR COMMENTS ARE NOT NEEDED HERE.......... IF YOU
    HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SPEAK ABOUT OTHERWISE PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

  • Posted By: dmh763 @ 04/17/2008 11:47:06 PM

    Comment: GO TO SLEEP GETZEL!!! YOUR COMMENTS ARE NOT NEEDED HERE.......... IF YOU
    HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SPEAK ABOUT OTHERWISE PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/17/2008 9:10:39 PM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/17/2008 9:05:39 PM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/17/2008 9:04:37 PM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: pax.anna @ 04/17/2008 3:31:41 PM

    Comment: I just have to respond to the many comments that remind us that there are truly horrible things going on in the world. You're right; there are people who are dealing with much more violent and most likely traumatic situations brought on by war, poverty and injustice. BUT, I think you will be hard pressed to find an ACOD (Adult Child of Divorce) who will say that their situation is worse than a person living in a refugee camp or suffering from chronic hunger. I am not asking for your pity. I am asking for your compassion and understanding as I navigate through a very difficult point in my life. I think I speak for many when I say that???s what most of us want.

  • Posted By: Spencerport @ 04/17/2008 12:38:21 PM

    Comment: Well, Getzel - should we share YOUR story? We don't know it! All we have to relate is what we've experienced ourselves. I think your a tad off base with your comments.

  • Posted By: Spencerport @ 04/17/2008 12:38:10 PM

    Comment: Well, Getzel - should we share YOUR story? We don't know it! All we have to relate is what we've experienced ourselves. I think your a tad off base with your comments.

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/17/2008 10:46:24 AM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: jessieflower @ 04/17/2008 9:32:00 AM

    Comment: Most people just jump at marriage because it feels safe. Later on you realize that there is way more you can do and so many different people to meet. Especially high school kids going to college or college kids going to the work force. The church should set forth stricter rules to wed as well as civil unions. It is getting pretty ridiculous. being single rocks!!! Except at family reunions where people keep asking me when i'm going to tie the knot. It's probably because they want to see me suffer too. Must be a conspiracy.

    • Posted By: KeriTail @ 04/17/2008 14:44:13

      Comment: Not everyone is that way, and it depends on the people rather than the age. Every relationship is different and how it is carried out depends on the maturity of the people in it. My grandparents married at 16 & 18, my parents married a bit older but after only two months of being together and I married my husband at 23 and 5 months of dating. All of these relationships are still going strong today.

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/16/2008 8:10:06 PM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: jgragg @ 04/16/2008 5:38:16 PM

    Comment: I would like to make a thoughtful, relevant comment here.
    However, all I see is the navel studying generation, what's
    in it for me, liberal phsyco-babel. Even a cursory look at other
    countries and societies, today, and back through history will
    show how well citizens of America are doing.

    Most people, like the author and her compatriots, have been looking
    inwardly, narcissistically, and forget about others. Concentration on
    one's self causes too much focus on trivialities. Please, we have never
    had a nuclear family, ever. Oliver Twist gives a grand overview
    of family problems in one of the most modern (and liberal) societies of
    the 18th century. The interesting tid-bit about actors and the women at the
    well during the time of Jesus should give us, at least, a clue that
    the nuclear family has always been a goal and never a norm.

    War, poverty, starvation, and many other calamities have plagued us for
    all time. These impact families greatly, while divorce, minor in reality,
    has always been with us. Rather than being "whiney butts" and droning in
    one's pathetic sorrow, focus on the many achievements of real people with
    real handicaps. People minus limbs accomplishing great physical tasks,
    Downs syndrome achieving social norm's, extreme poverty to national
    prominence. These achievements benefit us all. Driveling on about how sad
    it is about someone's divorce is just narcissism.

    There is no (not any) empirical evidence that divorce, by itself, causes
    any significant change in the outcome of one's life (excluding physical
    abuse to the point of physical damage) as society provides many fall back
    networking aids for various dilemmas brought on by relationship problems.

    I am not trying to demean emotional problems of any kind. Blaming one's
    parents is soooooo not relevant, and pathetic. If you can progress beyond
    that simplicity, there are many more deep seated problems that are not related
    to the parents. By the way, there is a mountain of empirical evidence supporting
    this thesis. Again, focus on other people and how one can relate to them,
    aid them in their struggles, look at our civilization's progress, and find
    out how you can become part of that great journey...and leave your narcissism behind.

    • Posted By: reesey @ 04/17/2008 14:54:54

      Comment: To refute your theory that your environment does not shape the adult you become is asinine. Think nature vs. nurture theory. We are all a product of our environment and all though as individuals we have free will that will can be easily influenced by others. Babies mimic those around them. So if you grew up in a chaotic/divorced home you learn and model your parents behavior. Period, end of story. It takes a long time for people to unlearn social norms they were taught growing up.

  • Posted By: AnnMarieFWW @ 04/16/2008 5:01:21 PM

    Comment: I am very glad to see Newsweek address a topic that is not only of great relevance but significance in today's society. The divorce rates, not only in our country, but the world in general are steadily growing and it provides the discussion of whether or not the "divorce generations" are influencing this rise. Divorce has changed more in the past 5 years than in the last 20 and the stigma is slowly disappearing and I'm glad to see more and more people address the once previously considered " a no no" topic. I work for www.firstwivesworld.com, it is an online community of support and help for women navigating through the various stages of divorce and life thereafter. With company's like this and more people addressing the topic we are showing that the times are changing and the ideologies of the past are no longer applicable to us in this present. We are moving forward one step at a time.

    Just my two cents
    Ann Marie

  • Posted By: dmh763 @ 04/16/2008 4:55:33 PM

    Comment: I was also in the class of 1982 at Grant High School......... Great article very insightful.., My parents also divorced in the early 70's.... I was 7 yrs old at the time....... which of course is
    a longtime ago.. I never felt the need to sit down with either of my parents and ask WHY.....
    Still til this day I have maintained an amazing relationship with both parents. It is what it is
    its in the past thats where it should stay. it's 37 yrs later !! And I am very happy in my life as
    are my parents. My father has been married for 37 years. As for my mother she didn't re marry until I was in my early 20's and now widowed and now living in Arizona.... After reading
    this article which I heard from a former classmate..and talking to others from the class of 1982
    at Grant High School. Based on who was interviewed for this artcile there lifes didn't really turn out that bad.......... Right or wrong?

    DMH
    Class of 1982
    Grant High School
    Van Nuys California

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/16/2008 2:17:47 PM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: bluespring @ 04/16/2008 12:36:17 PM

    Comment: I believe george "buddy" guy has no basis for his retort. If he grew up experiencing the excruitating pain of a family going through divorce, he would keep his ignorant comments to himself. If he didn't like the article, maybe he should do his reading elsewhere. I thought the article was great, it give awareness of how painful divorce is. Long after it happens, the experience lives with you and ends up influencing a good portion of the rest of your life. It sucks.

  • Posted By: MrsP @ 04/16/2008 11:41:44 AM

    Comment: I'm a bit shocked by some of the hurtful comments made by your readers regarding your article on divorce. It seems to me that they are missing the bigger picture here and that is one journalist and his peers experience with divorce. I don't believe it was written as an Oprah like article only printed to be concerned about oneself. In fact if you look at the state of this country and the fact that more families are divorced and struggling financially (albiet sometimes by their own devices) we are raising the generation of (and I quote) "Virginia techs". I'm curious if this person grew up in a family of divorce.... We may not be suffering genocidal massacre, but if you don't think the legacy of divorce has deeply impacted our country and changed the landscape of the nuclear family then you are sadly mistaken.

  • Posted By: daisy_111 @ 04/16/2008 10:57:27 AM

    Comment: I thought it was a very well written story and I enjoyed reading it. My parents never divorced, but they grew up in that generation. Fine journalism and keep up the good work!

  • Posted By: george "buddy" guy @ 04/16/2008 10:24:39 AM

    Comment: Rait Sammor --- your comments are 100% right-on-the-money. Could not have said it better! Baby boom losers.

  • Posted By: phiomalibumalibu @ 04/16/2008 9:20:11 AM

    Comment: Well sometimes divorce IS the only answer. Wifebusters.com has some great tips for men who may need help bringing their lives in order

  • Posted By: Rait Sammor @ 04/16/2008 8:55:07 AM

    Comment: I don't know what to make of this nonsense. Some soapy article done by some Oprah-ish gay man on marriage and why it does not work? And you guys wonder why the rest of the world cannot stand you? I mean this must be as touching to a young kid starving in an IDP camp in Kenya, or that Sudanese teenager who grew up in a polygamous family and never really missed attention like your whiny lot, later had to join a civil war to survive or to be the breadwinner in his family (yeah, try telling him your version of 'growing up too fast') and probably watched a member of his family die.
    Yeah, then tell me to sympathise with you. Nonsense, thats what!!
    No wonder you guys blame Eminem when you cannot raise your own kids. Ever wonder why only your country does a good job of bringing up 'Virginia Techs'? Its because of this nonsense.
    I agree, you never grew up. For once, try to take things as they are; don't always psychoanalyse things. That way you will spare us this kind of gay nonsense.

  • Posted By: Calys @ 04/16/2008 8:40:37 AM

    Comment: I live in Italy and the situation is the same.
    Pity that in Italy we have the Pope, and the same situation is most complicate!

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/16/2008 5:00:54 AM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: getzel @ 04/15/2008 9:32:11 PM

    Comment: The Divorce Generation DID NOT Grows Up: IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. Just me. It is all about me now; that is right just me now. me. me. me.me me me me now. I did this and I did that. I , me. Oh, you, goodbye.

    Virtually every post with a paragraph over 4 lines says me, my, I: continuously.

  • Posted By: Fit4Life @ 04/15/2008 5:45:48 PM

    Comment: I'm 23 years old now. I married at 20 yrs old and divorced two years later. Some may not be surprised at all but when I look back to how incredible it was and how devoted we were and how it felf like my world would end if I ever lost him...I can hardly breathe. We had a love that was like the stuff best selling novels are made of and It is really a shame to watch that end. We have a gorgeous healthy, happy, intelligent little boy and we are still the best of friends. "Why did it end then?", you may be wondering...outside forces get their sharp little claes in your beautiful marriage and start t tear things apart from the inside. Families that don't want you as their daughter-in-law, that are waiting for you to srew up, that try to sabatoge things...stresses of a dead-end job and the challenge of providing for a newborn can really drive a wedge in even the GREATEST relationship. If you are happy and others try to get involved in your marriage...it is truly worth it to tell them to go to HELL. I wish he (my ex) had. I'd still be married to the greatest man I've ever met.

    • Posted By: MatchesMalone @ 04/15/2008 20:31:13

      Comment: Tsk tsk...maybe you shouldn't have screwed up...

      I'm just sayin'...

    • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 19:01:34

      Comment: And that's the thing people confuse it with, you see...all that hard to breathe foofoo stuff? that's not real love, the real one is not like that, it's got hard work, sacrifice, commitment, it doesn't involve all these emotional stuff that people think it's love. And if two people let other people in between, that's a big mistake.
      Go back to him, you guys have a future together that has nothing to do with you two, it's your son.

  • Posted By: PyramidHead316 @ 04/15/2008 5:44:51 PM

    Comment: I found it ironic how that one woman told her daughter to wait for marriage and not move in with her boyfriend if she wants a paid wedding, when she herself admits that marriage hasn't worked for her. What does she expect her to do, stay a virgin until she's in her 30s or 40s? When her daughter gets older and starts having those desires, she's just going to get married in order to have sex or do it behind your back. I'm not encouraging teenagers to have sex, but in this case, you have to point out the fallacy of the mother's logic. Marriage didn't work for her, what makes her think it's going to work for her daughter? That's only going to put more pressure on her to marry someone who's not suited for her so that she can have sex. Or, if she meets the 'right guy' and forms a relationship, they're going to rush into things too early because the mother's making it clear she won't approve of anything less than marriage. And what does that teach her if you tell her that while you're a failure at your own relationships? It makes the mother seem like a hypocrite for advising the daughter to wait when she hasn't had success in that area. What, is her daughter somehow going to have a magical experience with marriage and not get divorced simply because she tells her those two 'pearls of wisdom'? Get real. Just because you made some mistakes doesn't mean your daughter is going to make those same mistakes. You have to trust that she'll do the right thing for her. And what'll she do when her daughter turns 18 and goes to college, or moves out on her own? Or even just starts developing a personal life away from her? You want to prove that marriage is a wonderful thing? Then get out and find a wonderful relationship with someone, and stay with it for more than four years!

    I have nothing against advising a person to wait, but you have to have a basis for it. The fact remains if you come from a broken home, and you haven't succeeded in marriage, then you don't have the credentials to advise someone to wait for marriage. It's the old "do as I say, not as I do" adage. Except in this case, it seems like the mother has some loopy logic running through her brain. In fact, the more I think about it, the more it seems to me the mother (Elyse) wants to live vicariously through her daughter by making her succeed where she failed. Her first relationship has to be her last, because her mother failed in that regard, so she has to succeed. If you really want your daughter to wait for marriage, then what you have to do is sit her down and explain "Look, I know that my marriage didn't work out, and that my mother had some bad experiences, but marriage isn't some horrible thing to be afraid of. It can be a wonderful thing if you find the right person. And if you give it your all, then you'll have no reason to worry about divorce. That's the reason to wait for marriage: so that you can find a person who'll make you happy like that."

    • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 19:04:51

      Comment: Pyramid, if a girl wants to have only fun, then she needs to learn about birth control.

      Why making also children suffer because of selfishness?

      Besides a mother can have the desire to have her daughter not make the same mistakes she did.
      And that is a good mother in my opinion.

      • Posted By: MatchesMalone @ 04/15/2008 20:32:42

        Comment: A good mother, in MY opinion, is one that doesn't waste time on the Internet when she SHOULD be minding her chores.

        Yep...that's righ...I'm talking to you...chop chop...

        • Posted By: beachX2 @ 04/15/2008 20:56:07

          Comment: "Minding her chores"?? Are you serious, MatchesMalone? It sounds as if you are living in the covered wagon era or perhaps on a FLDS compound?

          BTW, shouldn't you be out chop chopping wood rather than wasting your time on the internet, to follow your logic? Yikes.

          • Posted By: MatchesMalone @ 04/15/2008 21:01:48

            Comment: Sure, in the old days, "chores" might mean plowing the field or shucking the corn. But that doesn't mean the term can't be used today, does it?

            For example, a modern woman's chores might consist of, making dinner or watching the kids...you know...the stuff that women are meant to do. They don't have to go outside and do manual labor anymore...

            We have the Mexicans for that...

            • Posted By: KeriTail @ 04/16/2008 17:10:49

              Comment: How about you stop trolling here Matches and go back to your little sandbox over in the a-hole article's comment section and play. You're pathetic, "look at me, I'm big and bad on the internet" is tiring. I bet you like to rile people up here but wouldn't do jack if face to face with them. Tool.

            • Posted By: beachX2 @ 04/15/2008 21:12:16

              Comment: And what is on your list of chores today? From what I have read, it includes passing judgement from the anonymous comfort of your PC on women, their marital status and sexual habits. And now you have revealed that you are racist in addition to being sexist. What a wonderful contribution you are making! Thanks for the fine example. Way to stir the pot.

              • Posted By: george "buddy" guy @ 04/16/2008 10:35:27

                Comment: You left-wing, whining idiot (sorry for the redundancy). Turn off NPR -- your "brain" is eroding! The same wornout old lines.... geesh!!

                • Posted By: beachX2 @ 04/16/2008 14:57:52

                  Comment: You are scary, George buddy. Hurling misguided insults may make you feel superior in some way but you have contributed zero to the discussion.

                  • Posted By: george "buddy" guy @ 04/16/2008 16:02:37

                    Comment: I fail to see yours --- that's the point!!

    • Posted By: PyramidHead316 @ 04/15/2008 17:47:39

      Comment: That's a good speech for defending marriage. I'd listen to that, even if I didn't end up following it in the end.

      Telling your daughter "wait until marriage and don't move in with your boyfriend or I won't pay for the wedding", while giving the image of shaking a finger at her, isn't a good defense. She doesn't even give a reason why her marriage ended. She could have been treating her husband like dirt and that was why they broke up. "I didn't know what to do in a marriage." What kind of excuse is that? Was she cheating on him? If not cheating, then was she ignoring him, and vice versa? She could have been experiencing communications problem, from what it sounds like, which may be the reason why her marriage broke up. In that case, she has to let her daughter know what happened, so that she doesn't repeat the same mistakes.

      This comes from someone who's very cynical about relationships and will probably never get married. That's why I'm saying the mother should approach the daughter with the reasons why she wants her to wait, rather than just dictating to her and ordering her around. I know how difficult it is to have a relationship, which is why I want others to be informed. So that if the daughter takes the risk and chooses to wait (after she's much older and prepared for a relationship), she'll have done so for a good reason, not because her mother told her. She needs to have her daughter determined not to repeat the same mistakes as her mother did, not just follow her around blindly, or go behind her back in rebellion. Teenagers need limits, but you have to do it without making yourself look like a hypocrite.

  • Posted By: kaitken01 @ 04/15/2008 5:24:15 PM

    Comment: After 21 years of marriage to my wife, I???m on the road to a divorce. I am out of our home living in a hotel room because my wife who asked for a divorce three years in a row and I said no "we have been at this too long to give up" found out that I was speaking with someone else. The love had finally just died between the two of us; our four children are now the ones who ultimately will suffer through all this. My new friend is also on her way to a divorce, basically her husband let her to be by herself for so long that their love also died. Marriages takes work on a daily basis; they take forgiveness when people make stupid mistakes like I did so many years ago and even after begging for forgiveness could never get it!! When you hit that spot when both of you are nothing but very unhappy each and every day, it???s time for a change. My advice as I go through this is to leave the children out o the ugliness and divorce as friends, it a much healthier event for everyone involved.

    Kenny

  • Posted By: Jaheira @ 04/15/2008 4:53:56 PM

    Comment: I am going to be 20 in less than a month, both of my grandparents were never devorced, but one of my grandfather's died just before i was born and my grandmother remarried and still very happy, and my parents are still married, hardly never ever any arguements and i have an older sis that is 22 now, but i do have one step aunt from my grandfather side and i think a step uncle (i cant remember). as u can tell i have a very loving happy family and i do understand how to keep a good healthy realationship's gowing

  • Posted By: Mrfixitmom @ 04/15/2008 4:52:04 PM

    Comment: In some marriages it's one partner who does most of the freakin work to keep the darn thing together! After years and years of this they have earned their way out of the hell! Some of you on here live in la la land ! i'm glad yous works but, you have not a clue to what some others on this board have had to go through! You can only change yourself you can not change any one else! You can't force someone into counseling! At times the best thing that can be done is a divorice! Why live one more day in hell land ??

    Giggle

  • Posted By: Chuck_M1 @ 04/15/2008 4:49:42 PM

    Comment: Try living with someone who is verbally abusive, doesn???t take care of herself, drinks excessively, and is cold to your feelings, dreams, desires, and thoughts. Such an abuser will try and put a good face to the world while degrading you in private, attacking your basic self-esteem in order to control you. Such an abuser is the ultimate in selfishness. That???s what I faced and I started looking around and discovered that I could do better than what I had. From my experience, the problems of the 1st marriage do not necessarily carry over to the 2nd. You can talk about ???understanding, a sense of devotion, commitment, and problem solving ability??? all you want but it still takes two to Tango. It???s too simplistic to say ???Quit whining and work on saving your marriage or don't get married at all???. People can and do change over time. They can and will put on a different face years after the wedding vows. Through the divorce, I have taught my children not to put up with someone abusing them. Sure it???s bad to divorce but what???s the alternative? Stay in an abusive situation because of negative research results, societal pressures, or comments on the web??? Now, the second time around, I have a great partner, companion, lover, friend, and yes, soulmate.

    • Posted By: Fit4Life @ 04/15/2008 18:00:01

      Comment: Hey Chuck! I can totally relate to what you're saying. I didn't marry the guy but I've experienced them putting on a happy face for the world and then coming home and telling you how worthless you are. That you drag them down. That another girl would be priveleged to have them and be at their every beck&call. To be told you're too young and naive to understand anything and to just shut up and do what you're told and things will get better. The lack of romance and interest in MY dreams and MY progress and MY FEELINGS! I just realized that that is abuse! The most lasting kind of abuse because it makes you question your value as a human being and it makes you wonder eventually if it really IS you...because you're alienated so much that there's no one else around to tell you that they're an idiot and they're taking advantage of your love for them. To tell you that you can do better alone. Mistakes from previous relationships can carry over unfortunately because so many times the abuser hasn't gotten over the pain that was caused to them in previous relationships and they safeguard themselves so as not to be hurt again....the whole while hurting the person that wants to heal them. Congratulations on finding your soulmate...unfortunately I'm in the opposite position. Mine is gone and now I've got narcissistic abuser. How long did you stick out your 1st marriage?

      • Posted By: george "buddy" guy @ 04/16/2008 10:31:41

        Comment: How did you "get" a narcissistic abuser? I think that it says a bunch about YOU --- I am guessing this situation will continue throughout your life -- one loser, in your analysis, after another. Look in the mirror!!.

        • Posted By: KeriTail @ 04/16/2008 16:44:44

          Comment: You clearly don't know how abuser work buddy, they start out charming and nice but change over time until they have torn away all selfesteem the other person has. Sure, the first time they say something horrible or hit them, they say they're sorry and go back to being charming for a while, but slowly the charm leaves and the abuse is all that's left.

          Your posts on here show that you hide behind a computer to spew your hate and anger to others. I feel sorry you feel the need to act in the manner you do.

          • Posted By: george "buddy" guy @ 04/16/2008 20:03:06

            Comment: Thanks for your sympathy and analysis into my psyche. I think I am O.K. now. Whewwww.... a close one indeed.

  • Posted By: Mrfixitmom @ 04/15/2008 4:38:39 PM

    Comment: I see some people divorice too fast and on the other hand I see others who should have divoriced years ago! My sister put up with a police officer for 22 years who beat her, cheated on her and mentally abused her for much of the 22 years they were together. She is finally divoricing him!!!!!!!!!!! He was suppose to be a christian? I think she would have been opff married to a non christian!! He refused the counseling offered by their church. Divoorice in some situations is a God Send! Their children want them divoriced. They are your young adults now! They want her to meet someone who deserves a devoted wife as she always was to the wife beating adulterous!!

    Giggle
    Giggle

    • Posted By: Calys @ 04/16/2008 08:37:16

      Comment: I live in Italy and the situation is the same.
      Pity that in Italy we have the Pope, and the same situation is most complicate!

  • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 4:29:20 PM

    Comment: I wonder if people understand that love means commitment and sacrifice.

    Marriage is a divine institution.

    People treat it and the children that derive from it, like it's not about something sacred and like human beings don't get hurt in the process.

    • Posted By: burntvalentine @ 04/15/2008 17:39:15

      Comment: ur so old-fashioned...that's a won-der-ful thing! THOSE people who tossed their hands into the air, r not the people who will have a loved one visiting them in a nursing home. these people have already proven they r not commitment material. i am old-fashioned...w/a less than old-fashioned husband. he believes in open group sex and more than one relationship at a time. what do THOSE type of people even commit to a marriage for in the first place, i wonder? i fell in love with an illusion of what i WANTED to have occur. let that be a lesson 4 anyone willing 2 listen. i am 40-r u 20? so, was, i!!!!

      • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 18:51:02

        Comment: Sometimes people think they can change things and change the person they love.
        That usually never happens.

  • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 4:19:04 PM

    Comment: Dan Maloy, I agree with you. Faith and unselfishness is the glue that keeps a marriage together.

    I think Hollywood has ruined this country, people think they can do all they see on the silver screen and not becoming emotionally scarred from the experience.

  • Posted By: dustin1235 @ 04/15/2008 4:18:04 PM

    Comment: What causes divorce is a hard question. For me, it boils down to how much effort are you willing to put into your relationship. If you loved someone once, you can continue to love them. I think the mistake that many make is thinking that love is a feeling or emotion. Rather, it is a choice to love. The phrase "I fell out of love" is a complete lie. Could you realistically say "I fell out of love with my son (or daughter)"? I purpose to love my wife NO MATTER WHAT and choose to work through any difference or trial my marriage will face. I will put out every effort, even if it is my last one, to keep my relationship together, to meet the needs of my wife, and to grow our relationship. Those trials, differences, fights, mistakes, and arguments all make our relationships stronger if we deal with them correctly. Marrying my wife was the best decision of my life, and I will NOT let anything keep me away from her. Your happiness in life is a choice, so make the right one.

  • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 4:12:34 PM

    Comment: The problem is: California.

    Stop emulating all the things people in California do.

    • Posted By: cardfan @ 04/15/2008 16:18:00

      Comment: you said it all.

      • Posted By: MatchesMalone @ 04/15/2008 20:35:00

        Comment: I totally agree.

        Except the drug use. that part is AWESOME.

      • Posted By: dustin1235 @ 04/15/2008 16:32:27

        Comment: Please don't generalize your thoughts to all of California. We aren't all actors and Hollywood is in SOUTHERN California.

        • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 18:53:03

          Comment: I wasn't talking about Hollywood, and I have been all over California, it's all the same, the local laws permit it too. The 9th circuit allows all this to happen.

          • Posted By: kcmeredith @ 04/15/2008 23:56:08

            Comment: Wow, calisux, you are exposing your ignorance all over the place this evening. The highest divorce rates in this country are in the Bible Belt, not in California, and the religious group with the highest divorce rates is fundamentalist protestants. The lowest divorce rates are in states with good education and strong economies, and among Catholics, Lutherans, and -- gasp! -- atheists.

            Please base your comments on factual information rather than an idealized version of the 1950s. I think misinformation and ignorance is a large part of what's wrong with this country.

            • Posted By: george "buddy" guy @ 04/16/2008 11:14:18

              Comment: I don't know WHERE you got this data. Intuitively, the "Bible Belt", as YOU put it, is magnitudes more vast and populated than California, containing HUGE cities. What a dumb point . The rest of your "divorce" data is erroneous and just as easily refuted. I think you just kind of "made it up" to support a ridiculous argument. You got one thing correct, though, misinformation and ignorance are fundamental problems in this country (and the world). Turn off NPR --- save what mind you have left.

  • Posted By: Boarder_Chick06 @ 04/15/2008 4:09:56 PM

    Comment: I'm almost 20 years old. My parents separated on September 11, 2001 (weird, I know), Before they were divorced, before all the alcohol that induced the fights, before everything, they were once happy. Mentally, I know I didn't cause it, but I feel that I helped them get divorced. When you're a child, you're easily swayed to believe what you are told to believe. My mother was mine, and my sister's best friend. Although we didn't see it at the time, she had, and still has, mental problems stemming from her own childhood. My dad was the steady, constant, provider of the family. He was the rock. He IS my boulder. My mother is on the opposite side of the fence. Although I love her dearly, she has been on a relationship/alcohol roller coaster ride since everything happend. She has dated multiple men, mostly the ones who are terribly wrong for her. Her first after my dad was the local bartender...go figure. Her most recent was an alcoholic/cocaine addicted 40 year old. I've seen and heard everything from her making out with her beau to hearing her having sex with him when she "thought I was asleep" (laughing it off like it didn't matter). Divorce has had a tremendous impact on my life ranging from grades, to drug/alcohol use, to premarital relations with men. In it all, I was/am just trying to find myself. Now, it's habit. Almost every time I drink with a guy, something happens. Can you believe it, I have had sex with 19 people. That's one for every year that I have been on this earth. Wow. On the other hand, I know people whose parents aren't divorced, are in love and happy, and they have slept with more people, done more drugs, and drink more than I do/have. Is that just my age-group/lifestyle? I just hope that I can change my ways. I know that I don't have to have sex with guys, but I don't know how to act otherwise. It's something that's so engrained into who I am now, that it's hard to really tell myself...STOP!!! I hardly see my parents and they never had that "talk" with me. My dad never told me, Rachael, if you truly want a guy to like you, don't sleep with him. Flirt, have fun, and go home. I'm 19, and out of all the guys I've had sex with, not one was because he truly cared for me, and definatly not because he loved me. I'm lost. I know for a fact though, that because of everything I have endured, I will work that much harder to have a marriage that works--when the time is right of course. I will go through counselling and anything else to make sure my kids do not go through what I went through and see the things I have seen.

    • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 16:24:15

      Comment: So, instead of learning from her mistakes, you choose to become like her??

      • Posted By: MatchesMalone @ 04/15/2008 20:36:32

        Comment: Whoa! 19 people...that's kiiiiiiiiiiiinda up there don't you think?

        ...For a girl, I mean...

    • Posted By: calisux @ 04/15/2008 16:23:25

      Comment: So instead of learning from her mistakes, you choose to become like her?

  • Posted By: ycarrizales @ 04/15/2008 4:09:33 PM

    Comment: You can't pinpoint one cause of divorce. In this life, we choose a path and travel it the best way we know how. The problem is we don't know how. It's like buying a new stereo and hooking it up without reading the instructions. Sure, you can figure it out by trial and error, but it's not the same as following the instructions and knowing for sure what all the buttons do. If you follow the instructions, you're less likely to mess it up. Now, don't you wish we had instructions for our lives? WE DO!! God's word shows us by instruction and example how to live. It doesn't promise our lives will be perfect, but it does promise us "technical support". If you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, he gives you that support! And he's available 24 hours a day! He gives us accountability. When we're accountable to God, we make choices that glorify Him. Choices that glorify Him will benefit us. My husband and I married at 19 and 20 years old. Everyone said we were too young. But we have been married for 9 years! Three years ago, I was thinking about divorce, but accountability to God has led me to pursue happiness within my marriage. Through time, prayer and Bible counselling we've been able to resolve the serious conflicts that made us want to get divorced. Now, we talk more, choose our battles more carefully and are falling in love more and more every day. Work on your marriage and give it time. It will get better! A marriage stays together because both the husband and wife are totally committed to the relationship and don't see divorce as an option. If you are contemplating divorce, I hope that this article has shown you that divorce is not a quick solution. It has lifetime ramifications! So unless there is cheating or danger involved, you have options. Not being "in love" with your spouse anymore is no excuse. If you're using this excuse for getting a divorce, then you really don't know what love is. And how could you know something you have never been taught? If you want to learn what real love is and how to "be in it", read the instructions given to us by our Designer and Manufacturer in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. If you want to learn how to have a good marriage, read 1 Peter Chaper 3. In life, love and electronics, the truth remains: Read the instructions, follow them and you've fulfilled your responsibility. If it still falls apart, take comfort in the fact that it's not because of you.

    • Posted By: fishme @ 04/15/2008 17:25:22

      Comment: were you able to get my message.

    • Posted By: fishme @ 04/15/2008 17:21:39

      Comment: I have been seperated for about 1yr and half and my excuse was i fealt out of love, now im trying to get custody of my kids and move forward as i the was the best decision, sometimes inside me i wish i could off listen to him and went to therapy, now he has moved on got a new relationship and he's very happy. We never talk about it and i need advice on what should i do if to let it go or speak to him about it i just dont want to ruin his pretty life he created for himself. Neither him or I have filed for divorce, and i sometimes wish to go to court and file to make it a wake up call for either one of us.

  • Posted By: slara6779 @ 04/15/2008 4:08:41 PM

    Comment: You can't pinpoint one cause of divorce. In this life, we choose a path and travel it the best way we know how. The problem is we don't know how. It's like buying a new stereo and hooking it up without reading the instructions. Sure, you can figure it out by trial and error, but it's not the same as following the instructions and knowing for sure what all the buttons do. If you follow the instructions, you're less likely to mess it up. Now, don't you wish we had instructions for our lives? WE DO!! God's word shows us by instruction and example how to live. It doesn't promise our lives will be perfect, but it does promise us "technical support". If you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, he gives you that support! And he's available 24 hours a day! He gives us accountability. When we're accountable to God, we make choices that glorify Him. Choices that glorify Him will benefit us. My husband and I married at 19 and 20 years old. Everyone said we were too young. But we have been married for 9 years! Three years ago, I was thinking about divorce, but accountability to God has led me to pursue happiness within my marriage. Through time, prayer and Bible counselling we've been able to resolve the serious conflicts that made us want to get divorced. Now, we talk more, choose our battles more carefully and are falling in love more and more every day. Work on your marriage and give it time. It will get better! A marriage stays together because both the husband and wife are totally committed to the relationship and don't see divorce as an option. If you are contemplating divorce, I hope that this article has shown you that divorce is not a quick solution. It has lifetime ramifications! So unless there is cheating or danger involved, you have options. Not being "in love" with your spouse anymore is no excuse. If you're using this excuse for getting a divorce, then you really don't know what love is. And how could you know something you have never been taught? If you want to learn what real love is and how to "be in it", read the instructions given to us by our Designer and Manufacturer in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. If you want to learn how to have a good marriage, read 1 Peter Chaper 3. In life, love and electronics, the truth remains: Read the instructions, follow them and you've fulfilled your responsibility. If it still falls apart, take comfort in the fact that it's not because of you.

  • Posted By: s_lara_6779 @ 04/15/2008 4:07:44 PM

    Comment: You can't pinpoint one cause of divorce. In this life, we choose a path and travel it the best way we know how. The problem is we don't know how. It's like buying a new stereo and hooking it up without reading the instructions. Sure, you can figure it out by trial and error, but it's not the same as following the instructions and knowing for sure what all the buttons do. If you follow the instructions, you're less likely to mess it up. Now, don't you wish we had instructions for our lives? WE DO!! God's word shows us by instruction and example how to live. It doesn't promise our lives will be perfect, but it does promise us "technical support". If you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, he gives you that support! And he's available 24 hours a day! He gives us accountability. When we're accountable to God, we make choices that glorify Him. Choices that glorify Him will benefit us. My husband and I married at 19 and 20 years old. Everyone said we were too young. But we have been married for 9 years! Three years ago, I was thinking about divorce, but accountability to God has led me to pursue happiness within my marriage. Through time, prayer and Bible counselling we've been able to resolve the serious conflicts that made us want to get divorced. Now, we talk more, choose our battles more carefully and are falling in love more and more every day. Work on your marriage and give it time. It will get better! A marriage stays together because both the husband and wife are totally committed to the relationship and don't see divorce as an option. If you are contemplating divorce, I hope that this article has shown you that divorce is not a quick solution. It has lifetime ramifications! So unless there is cheating or danger involved, you have options. Not being "in love" with your spouse anymore is no excuse. If you're using this excuse for getting a divorce, then you really don't know what love is. And how could you know something you have never been taught? If you want to learn what real love is and how to "be in it", read the instructions given to us by our Designer and Manufacturer in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. If you want to learn how to have a good marriage, read 1 Peter Chaper 3. In life, love and electronics, the truth remains: Read the instructions, follow them and you've fulfilled your responsibility. If it still falls apart, take comfort in the fact that it's not because of you.

    • Posted By: Iamnotamused @ 04/15/2008 16:16:27

      Comment: That's wonderful! I married at 23 and my husband was 19 and we've been married for 15 yrs. He now wants a divorce because while he goes to church religiously (no pun intended) he still hasn't picked up what God has put down because he's quick to throw in the towel and call it quits. In the beginning I wasn't now I am because I'm sick of trying to work on it by myself. I can only do so much and he won't take a single step in my direction to even TRY to work on it. He said he's given me 14 yrs. to "get it right" and refuses to see anything that he's done and come to terms with it like I have. I have forgiven him with no apologies from him that were really meant. He, on the other hand, has "accepted" all of my apologies but has not forgiven me for anything.
      You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

  • Posted By: Mrfixitmom @ 04/15/2008 4:01:29 PM

    Comment: I then get married at 18 years of age and get pregnant 3 months latter.
    My husband leaves me alone for the first three years of our marriage with a young son and finds a girlfriend.
    He then makes it big as a athlete and I'm history!

    Giggle

    • Posted By: MatchesMalone @ 04/15/2008 20:37:33

      Comment: Wow. Guess you could have been a little hotter, huh?

  • Posted By: Dianedw @ 04/15/2008 4:00:19 PM

    Comment: My parents were married until my mother died of cancer in 1993; however, it was my mothers 3rd marriage and my father's first and last. I, too, heard all the yelling and fighting, but my older sisters put up with much worse. My 3 older sisters had to see my mother being beaten by a drunken husband who not women were to be owned. My mother was strong and was blessed to find my father... but that doesn't mean that you don't have to work on your marriage. Fighting needs to lead to "root cause analysis" to find the real problem. BEFORE getting married, pray about it. If you have different ideals and moral fibers DON"T get married. I am someone who would have stayed married through good and bad... and it was mostly bad. This negatively affected my oldest son and he was manipulated by my abusive husband to believe I deserved to be treated badly. THIS is what perpetuates bad marriages. PRAY BEFORE YOU MARRY and know your significant other very well because divorce SUCKS.
    God Bless.

  • Posted By: MrsMasters @ 04/15/2008 3:56:21 PM

    Comment: my parents divorced, it was the best thing that ever happend to me. it took years to learn how to have a healthy realtionship, but now i know i can. I also learned to be independant and to be able to take care of myself. It's a freeing feeling to know that I don't need my husband, but that I want him with me. Divorce tought me that. yes it was hard being the product of divorce, it was hard to see my parents go through what they did, but i don't have to repeat thier mistakes. I went into my marraige knowing that it would be tough, and that we would have to work hard at it. I don't want to be jaded, and though i am a bit cynical about it, i know i can succeed at it, be a good wife to my husband, and my husband good to me.

  • Posted By: Dan Maloy @ 04/15/2008 3:55:57 PM

    Comment: This Fall I will have been married 20 years. My wife and I have 4 kids. What has kept us together? Primarily 2 things, I think: our faith in our shared religion (which constantly encourages couples to live unselfish, Christ-like lives) and our desire to nurture and protect our children. (My wife is an incredibly good mother to our kids!) With "BOTH" the husband and the wife HONESTLY trying to succeed, you can't help but overcome difficulties eventually.

    It disappoints me that so many couples quit, citing "irreconcilable differences". Selfishness from one or both partners in a marriage is really the only reason marriages fall apart....

    Good luck to all of us as we strive to improve our marriages.

    • Posted By: dustin1235 @ 04/15/2008 16:30:06

      Comment: Thank you for putting the truth in writing. With effort and dedication from both sides, any marriage can succeed.

  • Posted By: noarmay @ 04/15/2008 3:53:32 PM

    Comment: I grew up in urban Chicago with two loving parents DID NOT divorce, who worked hard, never had much, but shared all they could. I grew up with great memories, never realizing at the time how tough things were and now happily married FOREVER with two wonder children that we are now passing on the same value. What is in common? G-O-D and the ability to realize we are not the center the the universe. If these self-centered people knew what sacrifice really is, and had some brain power to pick the right partner before they drag children into their self-made messes, we would not be talking about this. Men...be real men and take care of your family. Women...be real women and fulfill your responsibility of raising good kids, or keep your legs crossed.

  • Posted By: xsucks @ 04/15/2008 3:33:14 PM

    Comment: Everyone is to independent to be a team player! There is a roll for each gender and they need to accept that roll! I'm not a religous nut but I do believe in godly values, the bible shows examples which is now abanded!I've lost everything I have and found a common unfairness that has existed since the 1950's! I have 3 sons and fear that they should have had a vasectimy instead of being circumsized because the day that I married I ceased to be a MAN!!!!!!!!!

    • Posted By: Iamnotamused @ 04/15/2008 16:05:09

      Comment: Bitter much? Sounds like you are stuck on "my wife should have been chained to the stove, cooking my every meal, cleaning up behind me and my boys and swinging her "p" from the ceiling fan at my command" syndrome. Get real. A woman can have Godly values but in the Bible I read it teaches that a woman is your help meet not your slave; and when you promised to take care of her for the rest of her life you did THAT in front of GOD and all the witnesses in the church (or the JOP) just like she did and if neither of you were wiling to work on the marriage or even go back to your original vows then you are both in the wrong.
      The only reason it's "unfair" is because you make more money than she does. If she didn't work outside the home (and I'm only guessing that she did) and one of you decided to leave then how is she to survive? You have to be the MAN.

  • Posted By: Mrfixitmom @ 04/15/2008 3:17:24 PM

    Comment: My parents have been together for 55 years.
    As a little girl I witnessed their fighting on a daily basis. Money problems were at the top of te list. A lack of communicaton was on that list too. I had 5 other sibilies. I remember trying so hard not to cost any more money for them. I babysitted and took on odd jobs at a young age to help out. U gave them the money for food. I remember being hungry and my mom wanted new carpet, before making sure we had enough food. I use to pray that the yelling between them would stop! My dad was so stressed trying tomake ends meet that he would hit us pretty hard for bot doing anything wrong! My mom was behind the beatings. She would complain that the house was not perfect at that we were all pigs! I counted the days till I could move out!
    I had a talk with my dad yesterday and he said that if he had to do it all over he would not want to get married agin to my mother. I knew he felt that way all along.

    Giggle

  • Posted By: nannic44 @ 04/15/2008 3:08:40 PM

    Comment: I think a lot of people don't understand that marriage is a lifelong committment. I know I didn't when I did get married. My parents also divorced when I was 7 and I didn't marry until I was 34. I consciously waited until I was older before getting married in hopes that I wouldn't follow the pattern of my parents. I don't think anyone gets married thinking they would ever consider divorce however sometimes when the bad times outweigh the good times or one spouse isn't willing to work things out, we feel that divorce is the only solution. If I knew then what I know now, I would probably still be married. I have no regrets, just more knowledge as I go into my next serious relationship.

  • Posted By: symo @ 04/15/2008 3:07:19 PM

    Comment: One of the main problems I see is that people give up too easily on marriage. Sure, two people cannot see eye to eye all the time, but you can agree and disagree respectfully. If there is no adultery or abuse involved there should be a way to work it out. Maybe someone should tell that to my ex to be who will not agree to marital counseling but rather go through the divorce with a 3 year old and 1 year old involved.

  • Posted By: cardfan @ 04/15/2008 2:57:32 PM

    Comment: I moved from PA to CA in 1970; most of my friends in Pittsburgh came from intact families. One of my 4th grade friends told me her dad was " mining for diamonds in Mexico" when I asked her where her dad was...she a product of divorce and this story was her cover. By the mid 70's most of my friends' parents back in PA were divorcing....

  • Posted By: aged_b4_my_time @ 04/15/2008 2:56:50 PM

    Comment: jacogirl, a minute ago you said that "most people don't have the luxury or the means to get societal help to cope", and now you suggest that we "get counselling". HELLO!

  • Posted By: TravlynOne @ 04/15/2008 2:55:51 PM

    Comment: The problem is: Too many people get married for the wrong reasons, ie: that "wonderful" feeling of being in love. They have no idea what the commitment entails. Also, too many people are way too selfish, and dont even want to consider the other person's needs and wants.

  • Posted By: gamediva2112 @ 04/15/2008 2:51:03 PM

    Comment: I have been married for 24 years. My parents never divorced, but they should have. My mother was convinced she could not make it on her own so she stayed with my dad who didn't want a wife so much as a housekeeper. My mother became a raging alcoholic and eventually died. I grew up having no clue what a good solid marriage was. My husband's parents divorced when he was 7, and they were right to. His mother is bi-polar and his father was an alcoholic. One of those under the roof is enough. My husband had no idea what a good marriage was. We both looked back a generation to our grandparents. The problem with that is that we only saw them in their retirement years without the stresses and demands of working and raising a family, so we don't really know how they fared. They might have considered homicide many times, we simply don't know and the past always looks rosier than the present.

    My husband and I are fairly miserable in our 24 yr old marriage and I think its safe to say if it weren't for the kids we would have quit the act years ago. We have our blow ups and irritate the heck out of each other, but its not a constant battle and I guess compared to some that might be considered a "good marriage". I would be very interested in hearing from people whose parents got divorced AFTER they were grown up and on their own. The thought of staying together for the grandkids doesn't appeal to me much.

    • Posted By: michael9876 @ 04/15/2008 16:09:19

      Comment: Dear Gamediva, my parents divorced when I was 24 and my brother 22. I was sad for my Mom when it happened and angry at my Dad for leaving her. He had cheated on her throughout their marriage. My parents were never happy during my childhood years and my brother and I had no idea what a normal marriage was. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw my parents kiss or hug one another. After a few years my Dad reconnected with me and I saw how much happier he was with his new girlfriend. They have been together for 16 years now and got married finally last year. He is a different person with her and I am happy for him. My Mom chose to be bitter and not to seek companionship after their divorce. See seems much happier as well now and travels extensively. No one should have to go through life unhappy. That is why God gives us free will.

      • Posted By: gamediva2112 @ 04/15/2008 20:35:23

        Comment: Wow. Your parents sound exactly how I envision us down the road. Him with another wife, me single and traveling extensively. I hope that if we choose that course our kids are not angry or sad, and I think how we behave will largely affect that. I do not see myself seeking another life companion. It has been a very disappointing 24 years and like a lame horse just needs to be put to rest. I hope no one sees that as selfish, but some are quick to pass judgment. I think the fact that we have hung in there this long is a testament to our commitment. Like your father, I would hope for my husband a happier existence, and for me, I just want peace.

  • Posted By: Hecate1 @ 04/15/2008 2:48:50 PM

    Comment: I became stuck on two tings in this article. The recurring theme of not being able to put the fact that one came from a broken and that it colours the rest of your life is a tad lazy. If you can't handle that trauma how could you handle the trauma of dealing with physical or sexual abuse? Yet many people do and they break the sick social cycle of their childhoods.

    An