Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids
A New York columnist lets her grade-schooler ride the subway alone, provoking a wave of criticism. But do kids really need more supervision than in generations past?
Would you let your fourth-grader ride public transportation without an adult? Probably not. Still, when Lenore Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote about letting her son take the subway alone to get back to her Manhattan home from a department store on the Upper East Side, she didn't expect to get hit with a tsunami of criticism from readers.
"Long story short: My son got home, ecstatic with independence," Skenazy wrote on April 4 in the New York Sun. "Long story longer: Half the people I've told this episode to now want to turn me in for child abuse. As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It's not. It's debilitating—for us and for them."
Online message boards were soon swarming with people both applauding and condemning Skenazy's decision to let her son go it alone. She wound up defending herself on the cable news networks (accompanied by her son) and on popular blogs like the Huffington Post, where her follow-up piece was ironically headlined "More From America's Worst Mom."
The episode has ignited another one of those debates that divides parents into vocal opposing camps. Are modern parents needlessly overprotective, or is the world a more complicated and dangerous place than it was when previous generations were allowed to roam unsupervised?
From the "she's an irresponsible mother" camp came: "Shame on you for being so cavalier with his safety," in comments on the Huffington Post. And there was this from a mother of four: "How would you have felt if he didn't come home?" But Skenazy got a lot of support, too, with women and men writing in with stories about how they were allowed to run errands all by themselves at seven or eight. She also got heaps of praise for bucking the "helicopter parent" trend: "Kudos to this Mom," one commenter wrote on the Huffington Post. "This is a much-needed reality check."
Last week, buoyed by all the attention, Skenazy started her own blog—Free Range Kids—promoting the idea that modern children need some of the same independence that her generation had. In the good old days nine-year-old baby boomers rode their bikes to school, walked to the store, took buses—and even subways—all by themselves. Her blog, she says, is dedicated to sane parenting. "At Free Range Kids, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school-age children go outside, they need a security detail."
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Member Comments
Posted By: lallen08 @ 05/01/2008 8:35:07 AM
Comment: And what if he was in the car with you that morning and BOOM you get hit by a semi and he's squashed. Much more likely scenario.
Posted By: lallen08 @ 05/01/2008 8:19:04 AM
Comment: We live in an affluent, low crime, busy urban neighborhood. When my 10yo daughter started making the half mile walk home from her small private school every day, everyone noticed and had an opinion which they all felt free to express. Teachers were supportive while other parents (moms) questioned my judgment. One mom was so appalled that she offered to drive my daughter home every day. I began to question my own judgment and then read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin De Becker, about making these sorts of calls about what is safe and what isn't and how to mitigate risk while promoting autonomy as opposed to eliminating risk while quashing autonomy. And I did the research to defend myself from the criticism. In the 70s when I was riding my bike all over town by myself, I was fully twice as likely to be victimized by a stranger as my daughter is now and I had no clue how to keep myself safe if necessary. The world is a safer place and our children are better informed than we were.
Posted By: kfish @ 04/29/2008 6:30:20 PM
Comment: When I was young, I rode BART when I was 7 by myself to visit my Dad at his job. This was in 1978. As early as 6 years old, my sister and I would walk to the library by ourselves, which was a mile away. We would ride our bike 3 blocks away to visit a friend and stay until dark before we were called home. As a mother now, I am not sure if I would allow my children to go to the park by themselves when they are older.
Times are different now. Now we have the Megan???s Law website when we can see where convicted sex offenders live in our area. We have 10 living in a 1 mile radius where we live. We have shows like Catch a Predator which shows how many men would be willing to have sexual relations with a minor. We hear about Priests who were supposed to be trustworthy and safe, molesting children.
Right now I am thinking about putting GPS locator chips in their shoes, jewelry or anything that would not come off easily so my children would be easily tracked by the Police should something happen to them. Some parents and I had a discussion as why we cannot put a GPS locator chip under their skin like we do pets. Of course we cannot do this, but it was discussed.
I wish my children could have the same amount of freedom that I had but I do not think we can in this day of information overload. It has made some parents, including me, more paranoid