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Lenore Skenazy and her son Izzy
PARENTING

Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids

A New York columnist lets her grade-schooler ride the subway alone, provoking a wave of criticism. But do kids really need more supervision than in generations past?

 
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Would you let your fourth-grader ride public transportation without an adult? Probably not. Still, when Lenore Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote about letting her son take the subway alone to get back to her Manhattan home from a department store on the Upper East Side, she didn't expect to get hit with a tsunami of criticism from readers.

"Long story short: My son got home, ecstatic with independence," Skenazy wrote on April 4 in the New York Sun. "Long story longer: Half the people I've told this episode to now want to turn me in for child abuse. As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It's not. It's debilitating—for us and for them."

Online message boards were soon swarming with people both applauding and condemning Skenazy's decision to let her son go it alone. She wound up defending herself on the cable news networks (accompanied by her son) and on popular blogs like the Huffington Post, where her follow-up piece was ironically headlined "More From America's Worst Mom."

The episode has ignited another one of those debates that divides parents into vocal opposing camps. Are modern parents needlessly overprotective, or is the world a more complicated and dangerous place than it was when previous generations were allowed to roam unsupervised?

From the "she's an irresponsible mother" camp came: "Shame on you for being so cavalier with his safety," in comments on the Huffington Post. And there was this from a mother of four: "How would you have felt if he didn't come home?" But Skenazy got a lot of support, too, with women and men writing in with stories about how they were allowed to run errands all by themselves at seven or eight. She also got heaps of praise for bucking the "helicopter parent" trend: "Kudos to this Mom," one commenter wrote on the Huffington Post. "This is a much-needed reality check."

Last week, buoyed by all the attention, Skenazy started her own blog—Free Range Kids—promoting the idea that modern children need some of the same independence that her generation had. In the good old days nine-year-old baby boomers rode their bikes to school, walked to the store, took buses—and even subways—all by themselves. Her blog, she says, is dedicated to sane parenting. "At Free Range Kids, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school-age children go outside, they need a security detail."

 
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Member Comments
  • Posted By: jlistsweeney @ 05/15/2008 12:49:58 PM

    Comment: I read this story during a flight home this week, and took great solace in it. My husband and I have had a commuter marriage for a year now - living in two cities due to our jobs - so when I have to travel for work, there is a predicament with our 16-year-old daughter. Her school is academically grueling so she begs to stay at home vs. being sent to grandma's or a friend's, protesting: "I'll fall too far behind in school!" After much trepidation, I have twice allowed her to stay at home alone, for one to three nights, with only a Labrador to protect her - and a neighbor keeping a watchful eye on the house. All seemed at peace when I returned last night ... she barely looked up from her studies when I walked in the door. I do feel better having read this article and blog!

  • Posted By: voicefrombk @ 05/13/2008 4:17:50 PM

    Comment: It seems that you choose to allow to live in fear of the "what-ifs" of life. Yes, bad things can & do happen everyday but the majority of things that we worry about as parents never happen. It is our responsibility to prepare our children to stand on their own without us and that training has to begin when our children are young. It is heartless and destructive not to give them the oppy to develop thinking skills and how to exercise good judgement and then send them out into the world.

  • Posted By: voicefrombk @ 05/13/2008 4:03:45 PM

    Comment: Guess what?? We all have daily interactions with people we don't know. This is life. Kids have to be taught how to interact with people they don't know. If my 10 yo needs help and I'm not there, she may have to ask someone she doesn't know for help. It is a part of life. You role play w/them, then watch them from a distance, and ultimately let them do it on their own. Too many kids today are spoiled, selfish, unthinking brats and it's their PARENTS fault!!

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