Helicopter Moms vs. Free-Range Kids
For those parents who wonder how and when they should start allowing their kids more freedom, there's no clear-cut answer. Child experts discourage a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. What's right for Skenazy's nine-year-old could be inappropriate for another one. It all depends on developmental issues, maturity, and the psychological and emotional makeup of that child. Several factors must be taken into account, says Gallagher. "The ability to follow parent guidelines, the child's level of comfort in handling such situations, and a child's general judgment should be weighed."
Gallagher agrees with Skenazy that many nine-year-olds are ready for independence like taking public transportation alone. "At certain times of the day, on certain routes, the subways are generally safe for these children, especially if they have grown up in the city and have been taught how to be safe, how to obtain help if you are concerned for your safety, and how to avoid unsafe situations by being observant and on your toes."
But even with more traffic and fewer sidewalks, modern parents do have one advantage their parents didn't: the cell phone. Being able to check in with a child anytime goes a long way toward relieving parental angst and may help parents loosen the apron strings a little sooner. Skenazy got a lot of flak because she didn't give her kid her cell phone because she thought he'd lose it and wanted him to learn to go it alone without depending on mom—a major tenet of free-range parenting. But most parents are more than happy to use cell phones to keep tabs on their kids.
And for those who like the idea of free-range kids but still struggle with their inner helicopter parent, there may be a middle way. A new generation of GPS cell phones with tracking software make it easier than ever to follow a child's every movement via the Internet—without seeming to interfere or hover. Of course, when they go to college, those kids might start objecting to being monitored as if they're on parole.
© 2008
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Member Comments
Posted By: jlistsweeney @ 05/15/2008 12:49:58 PM
Comment: I read this story during a flight home this week, and took great solace in it. My husband and I have had a commuter marriage for a year now - living in two cities due to our jobs - so when I have to travel for work, there is a predicament with our 16-year-old daughter. Her school is academically grueling so she begs to stay at home vs. being sent to grandma's or a friend's, protesting: "I'll fall too far behind in school!" After much trepidation, I have twice allowed her to stay at home alone, for one to three nights, with only a Labrador to protect her - and a neighbor keeping a watchful eye on the house. All seemed at peace when I returned last night ... she barely looked up from her studies when I walked in the door. I do feel better having read this article and blog!
Posted By: voicefrombk @ 05/13/2008 4:17:50 PM
Comment: It seems that you choose to allow to live in fear of the "what-ifs" of life. Yes, bad things can & do happen everyday but the majority of things that we worry about as parents never happen. It is our responsibility to prepare our children to stand on their own without us and that training has to begin when our children are young. It is heartless and destructive not to give them the oppy to develop thinking skills and how to exercise good judgement and then send them out into the world.
Posted By: voicefrombk @ 05/13/2008 4:03:45 PM
Comment: Guess what?? We all have daily interactions with people we don't know. This is life. Kids have to be taught how to interact with people they don't know. If my 10 yo needs help and I'm not there, she may have to ask someone she doesn't know for help. It is a part of life. You role play w/them, then watch them from a distance, and ultimately let them do it on their own. Too many kids today are spoiled, selfish, unthinking brats and it's their PARENTS fault!!