Biological Alarm Clock

Elyse Ranart, 46, a fashion editor from Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., knows that scenario all too well. Single and hearing her bio-clock ticking, she started thinking about having a child in her late 30s. Her FSH values were normal, but her doctors encouraged her to "make a decision," she says. "But I figured I had more time." By her early 40s she was finally ready to have a child, only to discover that her "eggs were crap," says Ranart, who started experiencing hot flashes and erratic periods within the last few years, too. "My generation was all about career and control. I found out too late that I can't control biology."

Still, knowing too much about your biological clock might present its own problems, perhaps adding to the pressure on women to find a partner. "There have been many bad relationship decisions based on the biological clock," says psychologist Laura Berman, director of the Berman Center in Chicago, Ill.

There's also the question of what menopause means. For many women menopause is simple biology, the time of life when menses have stopped. For others, though, it can be a time of strong emotion coupled with some difficult physical symptoms. Either way, it's a phase that women might like a little more warning about—especially if menopause is arriving earlier than they expected based on their age or maternal history. "Menopause is linked to femininity and vibrancy, and some women question whether their lives as women, real women, are over," says Berman.

For Ruth Lloyd, who went through menopause at age 43, the emotions were as tough to deal with as menopause's calling cards: hot flashes, brain fog and body changes, which came much too early for her liking. "I was young and healthy and then I felt scared and ancient," says Lloyd. "No one is supposed to go through menopause at age 43, or so I thought. Now I know different."

Ranart and Lloyd say they would welcome a test that could better gauge the onset of menopause. "Bring it on," says Ranart. "If nothing else, it might save some other woman from thinking that hope springs eternal."

Still, she also wants women to know that a woman's life doesn't end once her fertility passes. "I'm in shape, I still turn heads, and I feel pretty good about myself," Ranart says. And in a few months one of her wishes will finally come true. She is in the process of adopting from abroad and expects the relationship to be finalized this summer. "I'm going to be a mom," Ranart says. Which proves again that biology doesn't have to be destiny.

© 2008