‘Oh, Mom!’

***
Mom: hi kid. on the way to jumble java, i started crying. the kids are moving in to the dorms today and i saw a dad hugging his daughter goodbye and i lost it. that feeling never goes away. :( mom
Me: don't be lame, mom
Mom: i hope i live long enough to see you experience the same feeling. and i'm not lame.
Me: well at the rate i'm going, i doubt you'll be around to see my kids go to college. even if i do have some, they'll have three heads because i won't have them until i'm 50.
Mom: well then it will be three times as hard to say goodbye.

***
Dad and I deposited some money into your bank account since it looks like you blew your last paycheck at H&M.

***
Dear Child
Mummy has to go away on a boat that Daddy will be driving or floating or whatever one does with boats and what with sharks and stingrays and lord only knows what, and also with not being able to swim and with your father being the captain

I'm probably going to drown so I just wanted you to know that this is the sort of thing I go along with because I love daddy so much and I want him to think I'm a sporty, athletic, floatable kind of person instead of, you know, a middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness. Also I wanted to say that I always loved you best of all my children and you must fight for 80% of The Will (I'm taking your father down with me, if I go.... And name all your grandchildren Judith. Even the boys. If I had to put up with it they can too....

Much love
Mummy

***
me: mother?
mom: Hey Jenna
me: Look at you on Gmail!
mom: How did this happen?
me: How did what happen?
mom: How did you know I was on Gmail? and I didn't know it had IM.
me: I am something of a genius, mom.

***
Hi Son, We already sent the response card to your uncle but try calling him or Amy and try asking if you could bring a friend to the wedding. You are about the same age and you played with her while you were kids.
For your second question, we usually just let them figure it out. Just wear a appropriate outfit and I like your hair shorter like last time. Being gay i genetic, maybe Dad's side, and we will always love you and we are very proud of you. We are just glad that God gave us two wonderful children.
Love, Dad and Mom

***
... We just got a Tivo in the living room. I like it, but I can't figure out how to work it. But Mo knows how, so hopefully she can just keep programming it til me and Dad are dead. Love you!

***
... I heard on the radio that people can google themselves. I've done a lot of things to myself before, but I've never googled myself.