The Oral Myth

Even so, there can be a huge discrepancy between perception and reality when it comes to the sex lives of teenagers. "You'd think parents would be relieved by these studies, but when Oprah refers to oral sex as an epidemic, they're sold on the idea that that's what happening," says Kathleen Bogle, author of "Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus." "There seems to be a resistance to clearing up false perceptions on the parts of parents and of kids themselves."

Part of the reason for the misconception is that the language of teen sexuality is intentionally vague. When an adolescent talks about "hooking up" she may be describing a range of activities from kissing to having intercourse. "Because of the ambiguity of what 'hooking up' means, people often assume that in more of the cases it includes oral sex than it actually does," Bogle says. "You can be fooled into thinking everyone else is doing it." Another explanation is that these stories are, essentially, the most virulent form of gossip, salacious and nearly impossible to disprove. "We're afraid to believe it about our own kids, but we're eager to believe it about other kids," says Stepp. "That way, if our own kid does it, we can believe it's peer pressure."

The recent critical focus on abstinence-only sex education may also be contributing to the perception that kids use oral sex as a substitute for intercourse. According to a study published in the 2005 Journal of Adolescent Health, teens who had taken abstinence pledges were six times as likely to have engaged in oral sex as teen virgins who hadn't taken the pledge. The study was picked up by opponents of abstinence-only education such as Bill Maher, who suggested, in a televised special, that Republicans had created a generation of "apple-cheeked" girls who said no to sex but an enthusiastic yes to all sorts of other pornographic behavior. But, again, the Guttmacher study found that oral sex is much more common among teens who have already had intercourse than among virgins.

Whether they're having oral sex or not, the act seems to mean something different from what it meant to their parents. "For our generation, oral sex seemed more intimate than intercourse," says Stepp, who is a parent herself. "The thought that their 11-year-old-daughters are doing it is flabbergasting." The hysteria around oral sex, then, may be as much about attitude as behavior, suggesting that teens have become ever more exoticized in the eyes of the older generation, a seemingly strange and impenetrable tribe with bizarre rituals and alien belief systems. The truth, of course, is that some kids do it, some kids don't, and for every birthday party where the boys line up against the wall, there are hundreds more where the kids drink too much soda, play Grand Theft Auto, and then simply go home.

© 2008