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Slicing Up Assets in Advance

 

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OK, thoughts like that mean I need calming down. Nevertheless, I asked a lawyer who'll be at the wedding to drop his notary stamp in his pocket. I won't take a step until the waiver is signed and legalized.

The tough decision was what to do about the weekend house we own together in upstate New York. When we bought it, we agreed that if one of us died or the relationship failed, the house would be sold and the proceeds divided. That was still OK with me. For Carll, however, the house is now our baby and he'd hate to lose it. If I gave him my half, it would take a chunk out of the assets I'm leaving for my kids. I balked.

This sudden, fierce desire to protect my children's full inheritance came as a surprise. After all, I'm getting married—for richer, for poorer, and all that. Spouses are supposed to take care of each other financially, as well as emotionally. How could I tell him no? There's other money for the kids.

Reaching a resolution took several uncomfortable (for me) conversations. In the end, it worked out. Each of us will be able to keep the house if we want, with the kids inheriting it, eventually. And—very important—all the children are in the loop. I don't believe in surprises when the will is read.

Meanwhile, back at Vera Wang, I arrived for my first fitting. The gorgeous young thing at the desk looked at me and asked, "What's your daughter's name?" "It's me," I said. "I'm the bride!"

© 2008

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  • Posted By: rmgoodman @ 06/04/2008 12:18:14 PM

    If the "Big Conversation" doesn't go well, read up on how to have a "difficult" or "crucial" conversation (strongly recommended!) and find a knowledgeable and skilled family mediator who can guide you through these talks. Good family lawyers should be used for consulting, advising, and reviewing final documents to ensure that all critical issues are addressed and agreements are enforceable. rina@transformingconflictllc.com

  • Posted By: ostienk @ 06/02/2008 1:50:55 PM

    One of the most unpleasant experiences in my life (by far) was negotiating my pre-nup. Because that is exactly what it is--a negotiation and anticipation of negative events. I'm a firm believer in contracts and pre-nups but I was unprepared for how awful I would feel during the discussion of the terms. You were totally right when you said it was embarrassing. For whatever reason, it just feels bad. In the end you've got to have 'em but it is really unpleasant getting to the end.

  • Posted By: tctctc2 @ 06/02/2008 1:48:41 PM

    I face similar issues, but don't understand your strong feelings about leaving a motherlode to your children. I want my children to be taken care of, but I'm not obsessed with the idea that they should get "everything." Why should they? I believe it was Warren Buffett who said that large inheritances give children a dis-incentive to create their own success. Or perhaps it's because I'm from a large family and expect my own parents' bequests to be limited and split seven ways. That's fine with me. Whether I'm dead or alive, I don't think handing my children large gobs of cash is the best thing that I can do for them. And if I love the person I'm married to - second spouse or not - what's so wrong with that person inheriting as well? I feel very much in the minority with this opinion as I hear a lot of people talking about those "greedy" second spouses... If they're so "greedy", why are we marrying them in the first place?

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