MY TURN

A Plea for My Daughter

I don't want to inconvenience others over Lydia's allergies. But to not do so would be unthinkable.

NEWSWEEK
From the magazine issue dated Jun 9, 2008

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  • Posted By: Mom4 @ 02/25/2009 7:00:00 AM

    How astounding people are to make comments filled with judgement and vitriol, when they speak from no personal experience! My 4th child, a boy, was diagnosed with anaphylaxis to peanuts and tree nuts at 7 months. A Skin Prick Test was not even considerded safe.My older 3 kids were fine, peanut butter had been part of their normal diet . OUR lives were turned upside down. The point is: no one chooses to make this health issue the problem of anyone else, but there is no choice! In the case of extreme, fatal allergy - and he has seen more than one specialist - it is not sufficient for the person suffering from the allergy to avoid the product in question. ANY contact is enough to cause an anaphylactic reaction. - The smell of a school mate's peanut butter sandwich, the remainder on a surface or hand, the vapour that escapes when a packet of nuts is opened (hence the panic on a 'plane). The merest trace will cause him to stop breathing, and it will be a very quiet and perhaps unnoticed death.
    So as moms, we ask for some consideration. At 11, he is wise and responsible beyond his years. Sadly, he does depend on the consideration of people around him. In the main, I have found his peer group to be far more tolerant than their parents. All I can say to all the nay- sayers out there who think our caution is much ado about nothing, there but by the grace of God go you - and those you love. Allergies can strike at any time.
    An allergy that is severe cannot be compared to diabetes, debilitating though the latter may be. You can 'manage' diabetes, if you don't get to the extreme allergy sufferer in time, he/she will die.The worst sufferers are not 'lucky' enough to itch, vomit, swell, break out in hives. The simply stop breathing. You cannot over-react to that possibility. Those of us involved and who really understand, pray each day for some medical breakthrough.
    Oh, and by the way, there IS a difference between a fish allergy and a shellfish allergy......

  • Posted By: liskea @ 01/09/2009 1:58:37 PM

    There are some very helpful, supportive comments on here. There are also some very unkind comments too including one of the last ones by LifesProtagonist.

    Look, a severely food allergic child/person can DIE from eating something they shouldn't. Clearly you have never seen someone die or almost die from anaphylactic shock. I have, on both counts.

    By the way, there are plenty of knowledgable doctors out there who DO know what they are talking about. They know this because of their extensive training and experience about the subject and based on much research. Do NOT compare King's potentiallly life threatening situation with her daughter to the risk we all take walking out the door every day. A food allergy is a very real thing. Part of the reason, Ms. King, I am writing this is to give you some support and have this listing above LifesProtagonist's offensive one.

    And to you LifesProtagonist: Lighten up. Use your energy for something more constructive. Educate yourself. Have some compassion. Stop being mean. You are gaining nothing by writing your angry comments. You too may need someone to show you compassion and understanding some day.

  • Posted By: Essexamy @ 07/10/2008 12:36:03 AM

    I too have a child with severe food allergies. He is allergic to all nuts, fish, seafood, melons, and the strangest of all, poultry. This obviously limits what he can eat a great deal. As soon as I found out about all his allergies I got a prescription for 6 epi-pens. I went to his school and had a meeting with his teacher, the secretary, the principal and the lunch lady. I printed copies of a list of foods he must avoid and taught them how to use the epi-pen. I also showed my immediate family members, anyone who'd be caring for him, how to use it and what to look for. But, most importantly I have frequent talks with my son who is 9 yrs. old on what to avoid and how to reacte if something were to happen. It is the best I can do. I have fears also, but my son has had it drilled in to him not to ever eat something he is not sure of. And I have to say the school has been great about looking out for him. There are days when the lunch entree is chicken nuggets and the alternate choice is a peanut butter & jelly sandwich so he couldn't eat lunch. We always try to plan ahead, but there have times we have forgotten to pack him a lunch and the secretary of the school has always stepped up to make sure he gets something to eat. The bottom line is you have to educate your child often and consistently about what they can and can not eat. Luckily most kids are bright and picky when it comes to food. If they understand the consequences they are less likely to eat something that could cause them harm. I have been lucky not to run in to any resentment from anyone. I feel I have gotten sympathy and understanding from everyone. But of course I don't trust anyone 100% so I still have to be careful.

    • Posted By: LifesProtagonist @ 12/31/2008 3:02:17 AM

      Fish AND Seafood?

      You're not very smart, are you?

  • Posted By: LifesProtagonist @ 12/31/2008 3:00:25 AM

    What the heck, there's no edit? Jeez...

    Anyway, way to demonstrate your failure as a parent to the world. Golly gee, those big bad peanuts are just ruining your poor little life, aren't they? Gosh, just think of the peer pressure she'll face as a teenager to eat foods with nuts at parties! No ammaretto chug-a-lugs for her! And she has to watch her brother eat peanut butter!!! THE TORTURE!!!!

    Guess what, retard? A whole lot of doctors estimate that over 15% of the population is at risk for severe allergic reactions that can cause death. Of course, a lot of doctors don't have a clue what they're talking about. Like the one who said your child is just at DEADLY RISK if she eats a peanut. Waa-waa-waa.

    Well, that might be true. But you're also at deadly risk when you walk out the door onto the sidewalk.

    So, Im sorry the world is just too tough, and you're too much of a failure as a parent and provider to handle the horrors of fruit. Man, I would love to see you once your daughter get's beat up or hit by a car. Heh. Wait till she comes crying to you after getting dumped.

  • Posted By: Jayjustice @ 12/31/2008 1:20:49 AM

    Hey how come you don't hear of peanut, fish, milk etc allergies in poor countries, is it that their bodies know that most are poor and they have to eat whatever they have available? I am not being insensitive but I seriously never had a neighbor, schoolmate, relative etc that was allergic to any of these. I just did an internet search that confirmed that these allergies are almost non-existent in poor countries

  • Posted By: bigf00ty @ 10/03/2008 1:15:23 PM

    Barrow the book from the library " Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You To Know About." It might cure yout daughter.

  • Posted By: tctctc2 @ 09/28/2008 1:18:17 PM

    It's not the inconvenience of avoiding foods that will cause an allergic reaction that bothers me, it's the self-important whining of parents - like you - who make much more of this than there is. I grew up with a brother and sister who were each deathly allergic to common foods - peanuts, eggs, fish, and a less severe allergy to milk. I grew up making accommodations for these allergies, as did their friends and friends' families. There were no "announcements" at back-to-school night ("you could KILL my child!!!!) - my mother (allergic herself) instead sent notes home to parents of their friends and made discreet phone calls. Most importantly, my brother and sister were schooled to never - ever - eat anything that had not been provided to them by my mother or another designated adult (like a teacher, or parent at a sleepover). My brother and sister are fine and we continue to accommodate their allergies - no one makes a big deal out of it because it's not a big deal.

  • Posted By: Bay Area Gal @ 06/03/2008 5:44:03 PM

    I fail to see the point of this article. I understand the problems this and other families face-but what are the rest of us suposed to do-swear off peanuts and milk as well? And yes I am one of those who grumble bout the lack of peanuts on airlines-why can't the allergy suferrers pack their own bag of pretzels so that the vast majority of fliers can continue to have their peanuts?

    • Posted By: Mo D. @ 07/14/2008 10:05:30 PM

      Do you need to eat peanuts on a flight? Maybe you should try to breath with a 75 pound weight on your chest while some one squeezes your throat? This is something that my three yr old little girl has to deal with when you feel you need peanuts or warm nuts on a flight.

    • Posted By: jennie.ely @ 06/03/2008 11:14:52 PM

      I understand your frustration. Frankly, I was clueless about food allergies until I have a son who has it. First, you need to understand what food allergy is and will comprehend why there is no peanuts on airplane. With food allergies, it is the protein in the food that causes the person's immune system to respond and attack these proteins. When this happens, on severe cases, the allergic person can die. With the particular peanut allergy, the protein can get air born and the allergic person inhale the protein and that may causes anaphylactic reaction where the throat closes and the person cannot breath and dies. So... you would understand why you don't want a person to into anaphylactic shock on the plane. It is a small sacrifice not to have peanuts on the plane so that everyone can fly safely and efficiently.

  • Posted By: rfk1967 @ 07/10/2008 1:27:23 PM

    Essexamy-

    I think you are doing the most important thing of all: equipping your son to deal with his allergies. The older he gets, the more he's going to have to be responsible for himself in all areas, including this one. It's really encouraging to me that he is able to eat school lunch, as I know that is something my daughter will want to do. We can never be sure of everything, but as you say, the best we can do is try to educate the people who work with our kids, and give our kids the tools they need to manage their allergies.

  • Posted By: nancymyrick @ 07/09/2008 1:54:32 AM

    I want to thank you for your precise article. It seemed to sum up everything that I feel every day. I am a parent of a child with a sever peanut allergy and almost everything you said in your article is right on. I have had to deal with so much anger and resentment over something that can very possibly kill my child. The last time he ate a bite of a cereal bar he had to go to the emergency room 3 times for the same nut, the last time almost killed him. But what is so scary about food allergies, peanuts in my experience, is that it doesn't matter how close you came the last time, you never know what lies ahead. And you are right when you say we can't be afraid to fight for our children. I have been dealing with the school system in Palo Alto, CA. for two years, with some success but I know so many parents who are just beaten down. I could not understand it at first but I can see how it happens. The anger and resentment, that could come from any direction, even a best friend is shocking. I am thankful for articles just like this one that not only bring out the educational side but the feelings of fear and confusion we have as parents. And your right, you can't do it all by yourself. It takes the parent, the child and the school to make sure that every step is taken to the best of their ability to keep your student and every student safe while at school, and that is a constitutional right. We might not have a name for it yet but it's out there and it's only a matter of time. Thanks.

  • Posted By: cswaffor @ 06/15/2008 6:30:03 PM

    I first read this article on my local parents-of-allergic-kids group website and I can identify with every word. Fortunately, our child was diagnosed with food allergies as an infant and we've always been cautious and kept testing over the years. Now nine, he has managed it well, though we still worry. The great thing is that his friends and classmates are extremely aware and sympathetic--it's the kids who usually remind their parents before birthday treats are brought in to class that they have a classmate who has allergies. Parents have called or emailed to check ingredients with me, and that means a lot (even if it turns out that we supply our own treats). I suggest that Ms. King and her family find a local support group like I have, or start one if no such thing exists. And don't worry about the rolling eyes--you won't end up hanging around with them anyway!

    • Posted By: goingnuts @ 06/17/2008 2:12:38 PM

      Although she did not for accommodations she is entitled to ask for them if she wishes. Children with food Allergies are covered under the American with Disabilities Act and are also allowed to ask for accommodations in the school. The key is they have to be reasonable, like a nut free classroom. I am angry that some people think a small child should be responsible for themselves. Speaking from a parent whose child has had an anaphylactic reaction and a biphasic reaction following the initial reaction when another person an adult didn't wash her hands to remove all the nut reside from them and touched my son and almost killed him, talk about not taking responsibility. It situations like this that make parents of allergic children scared, the other people. Someone also tried to give my child a nut saying it was a skittle and I had another child ask me if I would be mad if they gave my child a nut. Enough said.

      • Posted By: schlumpy @ 07/01/2008 11:49:36 PM

        You state,"Children with food Allergies are covered under the American with Disabilities Act." Although I agree they should be, there has not been a hearing to establish this precedent. If I am wrong, I would love to see your sources. Wow!! It's amazing to see the reactions here. Obviously there are very strong feelings about this issue! I too have a child who is severely allergic to peanuts, milk and eggs (we've been warned to avoid all tree nuts due to the similar proteins and, for lack of a better term, copy-cat protein reactions). I have two other children with no food allergies. One of the hardest things for us is trying to explain to people what could happen, but not knowing when or how much exposure at which time will be the big one. They want answers and quite frankly, we don't have them. Allergies, the causes and types and degree of reaction are very unscientific. There is no chart or formula that tells you who can do what and by how much. So what's a family to do? Play it safe or play Russian roulette? Of course, you don't gamble with your child's life. And I loved this article. I kept thinking,"That's us, that's us!" However, not like Lydia's mother, I have been approached by neighbors and family members telling me to get over it and stop hovering. I'm sorry, but a one-year-old doesn't have the skills to manage on her own yet. I hope as she grows older, she can be as independent as other posters and take care of herself successfully. It's sad that in doing my duty as a parent and protecting my child has caused schisms in neighborhood and family relationships.

  • Posted By: skyia2 @ 06/18/2008 11:50:00 AM

    Isn't the real problem not dealing with the nut allergies, but finding out what is the cause of the increase? Why have the number of children gone up in the past 20 years? Why have the number of adults being effected not increased like the cases with children? Why is this increase being mainly in "Western" nations, not in third world nations? Is it in our in environment? OR is it some thing that we are doing to our children? What could it be-what are we doing to our children that we were not doing 20 years ago?? I have no fear, I'm sure the pharmaceutical giants can come up with yet ANOTHER vaccine to take care of this!

    • Posted By: mysonsmama @ 06/21/2008 11:15:47 PM

      The cause: ANTIBIOTICS
      Gary Huffnagle, PhD research immunologist and professor at UMich Med School has written new book "The Probiotic Revolution" detailing peer reviewed research and animal studies showing antibiotics damage the gut flora, the foundation of our immune system. For infants, c sections, formula and antibiotics damage the initial laying down of the gut flora at birth and shift it from a normal bifidobacterium dominent flora, designed to jumpstart the maturation of the immune systems: GALT, BALT and MALT. Also I believe vaccines as giving the Hep B at birth has coincided with the massive increase in nut allergies. I think there has to be much more research as to the type and amount of probiotics to give... Huffnagle calls our gut flora another organ equal to the heart and kidneys in the importance of its function. It weighs 3lbs in an adult and numbers 10x more than the cells that make up our entire body. And modern medicine ignores it.

  • Posted By: carko @ 06/19/2008 8:35:32 AM

    I also used to think that the rampant increase in food allergies was just another way that people whine and complain about everything around them. WIth 2 healthy daughters, I did not understand how so many children could be affected. My 3rd daughter was born with SEVERE food allergies to egg, all dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, mustard and red dye #40. We found out the hard way just how life threatening this condition can be. We have had 2 anaphalactic episodes where we had to administer the epipen and rush to the hospital. Add this to the several times where she has vomittted, broken out in hives, red bleeding eczema patches all over her face. Her immune system seems to be comprimised and I did all the same things during my pregnancy with her as the other 2. Everyday life is a constant challenge. I fear for the day when she has to go off to school. I am trying to get rid of all the toxins in my house to help strengthen her immune system, I swithced to all non-toxic cleaning products and detergents (http://www.shaklee.net/lunace) and have been giving her probiotic supplements to do the same. I hope that people will be compasionate as we try to help our daughter and get to the root of this growing problem.

  • Posted By: cloudraven @ 06/09/2008 3:54:58 PM

    I understand your fears for your daughter, but you can't ask everyone to change for you. My daughters all 3 are type 1 diabetics. It sucks to say it nicely, but I never ask the other studenst to change there eating habits because of my girls. I bring in food they can eat at parties and they and the rest of the class knows that food is not shared with them.

    Your daughter's life is not that bad if you think of all the other things some children have to deal with. She just has to be careful, know what she can eat, know how to treat herself if she does get a nut and move on. Deal with the lif that is given to you and don't demand that others change because of you. She and you need to live in the real world.

    • Posted By: cjouglard@cox.net @ 06/18/2008 2:55:34 PM

      Diabetes and food allergies are two different things, your comparing apples and oranges. Your child won't die being in the same room with some candy, mine could die being the same room with someone with peanuts or peanut butter as he reacts to trace amounts of residue. I love this article, it expresses exactly how I feel about sending my child to school, I don't want to inconvenience anyone but sadly I must do so, to insure my child stays alive. Luckily we have a school that works with us, there is a nut free table for the kids with nut allergies, the cafeteria is completely nut free, parents are asked not to send nuts for snacks and for school events (parties, bake sales, etc). Of course there is always that one parent that doesn't comply and the school simply donates those items. There are 9 kids in my child school with nut allergies, mine being one of them. The principal said in her 30 years of teaching she has never had this many kids allergic to nuts and will do everything in her power to keep them safe, gosh I love this women.

      Someone at Kids with food allergies said this one time (I'm paraphrasing) " When you send your kids to school, you kiss them and hug them and tell them have a good day. When I send mine to school, I kiss them, hug them and tell them have a good day as I force a smile. Inside I'm praying that they make it home alive ."

      Yes we are teaching our son to advocate and take care of himself. He's a normal child (he dances, plays sports, goes to parties, goes to ball games, goes on vacation, goes out to eat, etc). But at 6, he needs the adults around him to help him stay safe because after all, he's still a kid.

  • Posted By: cswaffor @ 06/15/2008 6:28:45 PM

    I first read this article on my local parents-of-allergic-kids group website and I can identify with every word. Fortunately, our child was diagnosed with food allergies as an infant and we've always been cautious and kept testing over the years. Now nine, he has managed it well, though we still worry. The great thing is that his friends and classmates are extremely aware and sympathetic--it's the kids who usually remind their parents before birthday treats are brought in to class that they have a classmate who has allergies. Parents have called or emailed to check ingredients with me, and that means a lot (even if it turns out that we supply our own treats). I suggest that Ms. King and her family find a local support group like I have, or start one if no such thing exists. And don't worry about the rolling eyes--you won't end up hanging around with them anyway!

  • Posted By: MarinaZ @ 06/13/2008 3:41:50 PM

    Dear Christi Anderson, if you cared about other people then perhaps they would care about you too. Personally, I understand what King's family is going through and I would be willing to change my habits if there was a food allergic child in my son's school. It will not be a big inconvinience for me to send a peanut-free snack to school, but would reduce the risk of another child having an allergic reaction. I think the problem is that most people don't even know what anaphylactic shock is and are not aware that an allergic reaction might result in death. So, the best solution is to promote the food allergy awareness among other parents and hope for their undetstanding.

  • Posted By: MarinaZ @ 06/13/2008 3:41:34 PM

    Dear Christi Anderson, if you cared about other people then perhaps they would care about you too. Personally, I understand what King's family is going through and I would be willing to change my habits if there was a food allergic child in my son's school. It will not be a big inconvinience for me to send a peanut-free snack to school, but would reduce the risk of another child having an allergic reaction. I think the problem is that most people don't even know what anaphylactic shock is and are not aware that an allergic reaction might result in death. So, the best solution is to promote the food allergy awareness among other parents and hope for their undetstanding.

  • Posted By: rfk1967 @ 06/12/2008 12:35:55 PM

    Many people made thoughtful comments, the essence of which was, "Don't freak out over this and don't make your child a nervous wreck." I do appreciate those comments, because that is our family's philosophy and our doctor's. We want Lyd to have as normal a life as possible with this allergy, and making her neurotic won't advance that cause. Mostly what I want from the other parents at school is awareness of the realities of this allergy, and to take it seriously. We are not even seeking a peanut free table, as our allergist doesn't think it necessary. I am not a "scared fanatic victim," nor, happily, is my child. But I must balance her need for a normal school experience and social life with the very real need to keep her safe.

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