A Plea for My Daughter

How astounding people are to make comments filled with judgement and vitriol, when they speak from no personal experience! My 4th child, a boy, was diagnosed with anaphylaxis to peanuts and tree nuts at 7 months. A Skin Prick Test was not even considerded safe.My older 3 kids were fine, peanut butter had been part of their normal diet . OUR lives were turned upside down. The point is: no one chooses to make this health issue the problem of anyone else, but there is no choice! In the case of extreme, fatal allergy - and he has seen more than one specialist - it is not sufficient for the person suffering from the allergy to avoid the product in question. ANY contact is enough to cause an anaphylactic reaction. - The smell of a school mate's peanut butter sandwich, the remainder on a surface or hand, the vapour that escapes when a packet of nuts is opened (hence the panic on a 'plane). The merest trace will cause him to stop breathing, and it will be a very quiet and perhaps unnoticed death.
So as moms, we ask for some consideration. At 11, he is wise and responsible beyond his years. Sadly, he does depend on the consideration of people around him. In the main, I have found his peer group to be far more tolerant than their parents. All I can say to all the nay- sayers out there who think our caution is much ado about nothing, there but by the grace of God go you - and those you love. Allergies can strike at any time.
An allergy that is severe cannot be compared to diabetes, debilitating though the latter may be. You can 'manage' diabetes, if you don't get to the extreme allergy sufferer in time, he/she will die.The worst sufferers are not 'lucky' enough to itch, vomit, swell, break out in hives. The simply stop breathing. You cannot over-react to that possibility. Those of us involved and who really understand, pray each day for some medical breakthrough.
Oh, and by the way, there IS a difference between a fish allergy and a shellfish allergy......

There are some very helpful, supportive comments on here. There are also some very unkind comments too including one of the last ones by LifesProtagonist.

Look, a severely food allergic child/person can DIE from eating something they shouldn't. Clearly you have never seen someone die or almost die from anaphylactic shock. I have, on both counts.

By the way, there are plenty of knowledgable doctors out there who DO know what they are talking about. They know this because of their extensive training and experience about the subject and based on much research. Do NOT compare King's potentiallly life threatening situation with her daughter to the risk we all take walking out the door every day. A food allergy is a very real thing. Part of the reason, Ms. King, I am writing this is to give you some support and have this listing above LifesProtagonist's offensive one.

And to you LifesProtagonist: Lighten up. Use your energy for something more constructive. Educate yourself. Have some compassion. Stop being mean. You are gaining nothing by writing your angry comments. You too may need someone to show you compassion and understanding some day.

jjj

Hey how come you don't hear of peanut, fish, milk etc allergies in poor countries, is it that their bodies know that most are poor and they have to eat whatever they have available? I am not being insensitive but I seriously never had a neighbor, schoolmate, relative etc that was allergic to any of these. I just did an internet search that confirmed that these allergies are almost non-existent in poor countries

Barrow the book from the library " Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You To Know About." It might cure yout daughter.

It's not the inconvenience of avoiding foods that will cause an allergic reaction that bothers me, it's the self-important whining of parents - like you - who make much more of this than there is. I grew up with a brother and sister who were each deathly allergic to common foods - peanuts, eggs, fish, and a less severe allergy to milk. I grew up making accommodations for these allergies, as did their friends and friends' families. There were no "announcements" at back-to-school night ("you could KILL my child!!!!) - my mother (allergic herself) instead sent notes home to parents of their friends and made discreet phone calls. Most importantly, my brother and sister were schooled to never - ever - eat anything that had not been provided to them by my mother or another designated adult (like a teacher, or parent at a sleepover). My brother and sister are fine and we continue to accommodate their allergies - no one makes a big deal out of it because it's not a big deal.

Essexamy-

I think you are doing the most important thing of all: equipping your son to deal with his allergies. The older he gets, the more he's going to have to be responsible for himself in all areas, including this one. It's really encouraging to me that he is able to eat school lunch, as I know that is something my daughter will want to do. We can never be sure of everything, but as you say, the best we can do is try to educate the people who work with our kids, and give our kids the tools they need to manage their allergies.

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I want to thank you for your precise article. It seemed to sum up everything that I feel every day. I am a parent of a child with a sever peanut allergy and almost everything you said in your article is right on. I have had to deal with so much anger and resentment over something that can very possibly kill my child. The last time he ate a bite of a cereal bar he had to go to the emergency room 3 times for the same nut, the last time almost killed him. But what is so scary about food allergies, peanuts in my experience, is that it doesn't matter how close you came the last time, you never know what lies ahead. And you are right when you say we can't be afraid to fight for our children. I have been dealing with the school system in Palo Alto, CA. for two years, with some success but I know so many parents who are just beaten down. I could not understand it at first but I can see how it happens. The anger and resentment, that could come from any direction, even a best friend is shocking. I am thankful for articles just like this one that not only bring out the educational side but the feelings of fear and confusion we have as parents. And your right, you can't do it all by yourself. It takes the parent, the child and the school to make sure that every step is taken to the best of their ability to keep your student and every student safe while at school, and that is a constitutional right. We might not have a name for it yet but it's out there and it's only a matter of time. Thanks.

I also used to think that the rampant increase in food allergies was just another way that people whine and complain about everything around them. WIth 2 healthy daughters, I did not understand how so many children could be affected. My 3rd daughter was born with SEVERE food allergies to egg, all dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, mustard and red dye #40. We found out the hard way just how life threatening this condition can be. We have had 2 anaphalactic episodes where we had to administer the epipen and rush to the hospital. Add this to the several times where she has vomittted, broken out in hives, red bleeding eczema patches all over her face. Her immune system seems to be comprimised and I did all the same things during my pregnancy with her as the other 2. Everyday life is a constant challenge. I fear for the day when she has to go off to school. I am trying to get rid of all the toxins in my house to help strengthen her immune system, I swithced to all non-toxic cleaning products and detergents (http://www.shaklee.net/lunace) and have been giving her probiotic supplements to do the same. I hope that people will be compasionate as we try to help our daughter and get to the root of this growing problem.

I first read this article on my local parents-of-allergic-kids group website and I can identify with every word. Fortunately, our child was diagnosed with food allergies as an infant and we've always been cautious and kept testing over the years. Now nine, he has managed it well, though we still worry. The great thing is that his friends and classmates are extremely aware and sympathetic--it's the kids who usually remind their parents before birthday treats are brought in to class that they have a classmate who has allergies. Parents have called or emailed to check ingredients with me, and that means a lot (even if it turns out that we supply our own treats). I suggest that Ms. King and her family find a local support group like I have, or start one if no such thing exists. And don't worry about the rolling eyes--you won't end up hanging around with them anyway!

Dear Christi Anderson, if you cared about other people then perhaps they would care about you too. Personally, I understand what King's family is going through and I would be willing to change my habits if there was a food allergic child in my son's school. It will not be a big inconvinience for me to send a peanut-free snack to school, but would reduce the risk of another child having an allergic reaction. I think the problem is that most people don't even know what anaphylactic shock is and are not aware that an allergic reaction might result in death. So, the best solution is to promote the food allergy awareness among other parents and hope for their undetstanding.

Dear Christi Anderson, if you cared about other people then perhaps they would care about you too. Personally, I understand what King's family is going through and I would be willing to change my habits if there was a food allergic child in my son's school. It will not be a big inconvinience for me to send a peanut-free snack to school, but would reduce the risk of another child having an allergic reaction. I think the problem is that most people don't even know what anaphylactic shock is and are not aware that an allergic reaction might result in death. So, the best solution is to promote the food allergy awareness among other parents and hope for their undetstanding.

Many people made thoughtful comments, the essence of which was, "Don't freak out over this and don't make your child a nervous wreck." I do appreciate those comments, because that is our family's philosophy and our doctor's. We want Lyd to have as normal a life as possible with this allergy, and making her neurotic won't advance that cause. Mostly what I want from the other parents at school is awareness of the realities of this allergy, and to take it seriously. We are not even seeking a peanut free table, as our allergist doesn't think it necessary. I am not a "scared fanatic victim," nor, happily, is my child. But I must balance her need for a normal school experience and social life with the very real need to keep her safe.