A Plea for My Daughter

Although I am sympathetic to this woman's plight that of her daughter, she needs to take another calm rational look at what she wrote. I am one of those severely allergic folks who has had my fair share of scrapes and a few medical interventions to fix this. Many of the previous comments have hit the nail on the head: education and responsibility. My mother taught me to be careful, ask questions, and not eat something when there was doubt. I have followed this for many years and it has only been in my late 20's that I have had more incidents from being too cavalier. The air of victimhood permeates many of the comments and even the mother is ready to cast in her lot with these types and turn her daughter into a scared fanatic victim. Teach your daugher, talk to her parents, have them wash off the ice cream scoop before getting ice cream, dont eat nuts in the house, do your edibilitity tests and you'll be good to go.

I have a daughter that is 11 years old with severe allergies to coconut, hazelnuts, brazil nuts, cashews, peanuts, and pecans. We have not asked for anything special at her school until this last year. We had a 504 plan put in place to protect her rights to a free education. She is the only nut allergy at her school. This year they put a nut free table in the cafeteria, which would be great, but they clean it with the same cloth as the rest of the tables. My daughter has a special cover for the computer keyboard in the computer lab, her own mouse as well. When her class rotates to another teacher for a different subject, my daughter has to put on rubber gloves and scrub the desk she will be sitting at. Minor inconveniences. My problem is when you get parents making insensitive comments about her allergy and their children take it upon themselves to harass my daughter! Twice now children have chased my daughter around the playground saying they have peanut butter on their hands. Now, nothing was ever done to these children, but imagine if one of them was chasing another child with a knife. It's the same thing to my child, both deadly. It only takes 1/3000 of a peanut to kill her! This is the sort of callousness that furiates me! It's deadly! Not a sniffly nose, watery eyes allergy. That means someones kid that eats a peanut butter sandwich and then opens a door, swings on a swing or reads a book from the media center can kill my child. Its a scary thing! II'm not asking that others not feed their kids peanut butter sandwiches at school. All I'm asking is that everyone be a little more considerate. These are still children and they should be able to have a fun childhood without worrying about everywhere they go being dangerous. I'm saying that we should all be considerate enough that when your child has a classmate with a severe allergy, don't bring peanut butter cups for the class party. Enough said, I will get down off the soapbox!

It is sad to see that so many people are so judgemental, unkind and uncaring. I don't think that Rebecca Fadel King is asking anyone to bend over backwards for her or her child, I don't think that she is asking anyone to make drastic changes in their eating habits. I think she is asking people to be aware of this increasingly growing condition, I think she is asking people to be considerate of what she is going through everyday. I don't think it is too much to ask someone to buy one snack versus another. Christi Anderson, I would assume you are an adult that is capable of taking care of yourself, reading labels and giving yourself an epi shot. You are not a 6 year old child, living in a world of self centered parents who don't know what it is truely like to monitor everything you touch or eat and you are not a 6 year old child surrounding yourself with children who have no clue what this allergy is about.

My nephew has a severe peanut and nut allergy. It too can be fatal if he has contact with peanuts, he has been to the ER for this before. This article brought tears to my eyes and fear to my heart to see that other people are experiencing the same life that my sister and her family feel so alone in at times. I see what my sister has to live through every day she sends her son to school, nervous that she will get a call from the school or ER. She encounters many people who roll their eyes and refuse to even consider what life would be life for my nephew or what life would be like for our family to lose him to someone's inconsiderate behavior or a sheer mistake. She has to prepare brochures for the beginning of school, make safe food lists and give presentations to teachers and staff on how to use an epi pen, she does not do this to inconvience people, she does not do this to impose her lifestyle on other them, she does this to protect her child's life. BOTTOM LINE!

For all those people who say "who cares", or "suck it up, there are worse things", I have to say that that is it sad that you are incapable of opening up your hearts or minds to conditions of others. All allergies are not alike, what may cause a rash or your throat to close could kill someone else within minutes. I hope that you find the ability to empathize with others for your sake and theirs.

For Rebecca Fadel King, I found your article touching, to know that my sister is not alone and that more people like the two of you can really open people's eyes, there is no harm in awareness. Keep doing what you are doing, know that if people you encounter along the way don't understand there are plenty who do and you will find great support through FAAN. I wish your family and Lydia support and understanding from others and to encourage you to continue to do what you must to keep your family healthy.

I am the mother of a 4 year old boy allergic to tree nuts. This is not the same as allergic to cats or dogs, or hay fever, or being allergic to a certain fragrance. We are talking about anaphylactic shock. If ANY of you had ever witnessed your child having an anaphylactic reaction I don't think you would remain so blithe and callous. Even before my own child was diagnosed with a tree nut allergy, I did whatever I could to comply when asked to not send in peanut treats or snacks to my older daughter's school. Now that I understand WHY I was being asked to do that, I know I would feel awful if I knew something I did contributed to the hospitalization or possible death of an allergic child.

That's right I said death. My son can die if he is exposed to tree nuts. Your child will not die if he or she cannot eat penaut butter or almonds at school. You will not die if you can't eat your peanuts on an airplane.

The risk of death from exposure is quite high. Someone used the ratioanle that my child is more likely to be injured by falling off some playground equipment. While statistically this may be true due to frequent exposure to playground equipment, ONE exposure to a nut can cause death for my son.

On another forum someone stated that statistically a child is more likely to die from drowning so are we "paranoid" parent going to demand that all swimming pools be removed? The flaw in this thinking is that nobody tosses a swimming pool unexpectedly in front of my son. Whereas nuts can be in foods prepared by other people without our knowledge and even moreso wothout the knowledge of the preparer! It's a tricky life we lead trying to ensure our children do not die from accidental exposure while also allowing them to have normal lives.

My son started pre-school last year and I was given the chance to explain to the other mothers about his allergy. I stressed that *I* will do my best to keep him safe, but not that I need them to take responsibility, but simply their *help* in doing this.

All in all most parents were extremely helpful and I only had to refuse a snack for him a handful of times.

But hearing some of the people who make these comments on here makes me so very frightened for his attendance at all day school where I cannot check everything sent to school and I have to rely on the kindness of others to help me so many of you think that not only should you not have to be "inconvenienced" but that I am overreacting to my son's allergy.

I suggest each and every one of you that think a parent of a food allergic child be forced to watch and anaphylactic reaction and THEN decide if we are overreacting.

I am surprised by the number of people that have responded with insensitive, angry, defensive and disturbing comments. This woman has a valid concern. Her 6 year-old daughter has an anaphylactic nut allergy which will last her lifetime. She is not overreacting, whining, or criticizing anyone. It just goes to show how many people aren't educated about the increasing number of life-threatening food allergies in our society today, and it is sad that so many people don't have empathy for others. My best to you Rebecca, and to your daughter Lydia. Take care.

excuse me, rebecca fadel king. but don't you think that you're overeacting. i myself suffer from tree-nut allergies and carry around an EpiPen everywhere I go. I can also die from eating even the tiniest of nuts. and you know what? there are thousands of other kids suffering from far more perilous conditions. and you're saying that you don't want to inconvience others over your daughter's allergies? then don't! do you think that anyone cares for me? no, they don't. i just take care of myself and live through life the best that i can without putting anyone in an inconvenient position. i'm glad that you care about your daughter's safety, but other people are worried about their own lives. my purpose of writing this comment: there are other people who are in far worse conditions who don't make such a fuss out of it. and you seem pretty selfish to me -- the fact that you started caring about this issue after your daughter was diagnosed with it. i know that this comment will most likely infuriate you,. but just know that you infuriated others as well

excuse me, rebecca fadel king. but don't you think that you're overeacting. i myself suffer from tree-nut allergies and carry around an EpiPen everywhere I go. I can also die from eating even the tiniest of nuts. and you know what? there are thousands of other kids suffering from far more perilous conditions. and you're saying that you don't want to inconvience others over your daughter's allergies? then don't! do you think that anyone cares for me? no, they don't. i just take care of myself and live through life the best that i can without putting anyone in an inconvenient position. i'm glad that you care about your daughter's safety, but other people are worried about their own lives. my purpose of writing this comment: there are other people who are in far worse conditions who don't make such a fuss out of it. and you seem pretty selfish to me -- the fact that you started caring about this issue after your daughter was diagnosed with it. i know that this comment will most likely infuriate you,. but just know that you infuriated others as well

I am 15 years old and am allergic to tree nuts, milk, shellfish, and kiwi. I have been dealing with these allergies since I was born. I understand that my allergies are not the most severe, I can be in the same room as these foods, but still, every time I ingest one of them I have taken a trip to the ER.

However, nothing makes me more upset than when people complain that allergies have made their lives horrible. Allergies do not make your lives horrible; they are a part of life. Everyone has problems, ours just happen to deal with food. I have not eaten out in years, other than ordering a glass of iced tea when I go out with my friends, yet I still think that my life is great.

You just need to learn to cope. It???s not hard. Instead of worrying about eating at other kid???s birthday parties, I always come over early and have an amazing time baking a cake with my friend that I can eat. Instead of stressing out when I go to restaurants, I invite my friends over to make dinner with me. Or I just bring my food with me. It???s not a big deal.

Kids aren't stupid. Since I could talk, I knew not to eat anything unless I had checked the ingredients, or personally seen it made. I am a teenager, and personally, I think that I am ???too cool??? to go to the ER.

All my friends know that I have allergies. Its not some horrible disease that alienates me from normal life, it is a part of normal life. I don???t strictly train them all of what to do in case of an emergency, I just say, ???Hey, in my purse in such-and-such place is my meds, so if I start having an asthma attack, or a food allergy, know where to get it.??? It works out just fine.

I have not had a severe reaction since I was 6. I know that my allergies still exist, I just am very careful. I don???t find it necessary to proclaim to the world ???I HAVE ALLERGIES. WALK LIKE ON BROKEN GLASS AROUND ME, OTHERWISE I???LL DIE!!!!??? But I do make sure that people are aware. I don???t want them to think of my allergies as a hindrance, because I don???t think of them as a hindrance. I still lead a perfectly normal, happy, life and I just want everyone to know that that is possible.

Rfk1967 Please do not let the words, that people feel free to write anonymously, color your judgement of how your child will be treated. People tend to be harsh and, frankly, a lot of people with little else on their minds live on the message boards. Your concerns were logical and I hope you will find reassurance in the school and parent group once Lydia starts school. She will learn to handle the hazards of her allergy and I think you will find that many many people will be supportive of you and of your child

I must clarify a few things for which I have taken much abuse in these comments:

1) Lydia was tested by not one, but two, allergists, using both skin prick and blood (RAST) tests. The antibody levels shown on the RAST tests confirmed the peanut and tree nut allergies and classified Lydia as a Class 6 peanut allergy, which is the most severe classification.

2) Lydia has had reactions to nuts. If you read the article, you will see that she had had no VISIBLE reaction. She had complained multiple times of an itchy mouth after eating food containing nuts. Her dad and I assumed she just didn't want to eat whatever food she had been given. Only in hindsight did we recognize these as allergic reactions, which are likely to worsen over time. Her allergist, who specializes in food allergies, was unwilling to test her further with oral challenges, based on these reports and the skin prick and blood tests.

I do not have Munchausen by proxy, as someone helpfully suggested (at least I think so; it was misspelled in the comment). I am not making unreasonable demands of the school or parents (we're not even requesting a nut-free table in the cafeteria). I simply want other parents to be aware that this allergy is real and that cross-contamination and contact reactions are real dangers to my child, and to protect her with simple measures. Ironically, those people who took the time to mock my concern have shown me that it is, indeed, valid.

Thank you for this article written from the heart. Anyone looking for support for life threatening food allergies is free to join us at allergy.hyperboards.com -- a FREE online support community. "What it's really like to LIVE with food allergies."

My son is just nearing the end of his year in first grade where three of his classmates had severe nut allergies. From the perspective of a parent who had to accomodate (no peanut items in my son's lunch box, planning parties with care, etc) I have to say that it never occured to me to be disgruntled or angry at the 'inconvenience". The cafeteria had a nut-free table for the kids and that simplified things immensely.
I did not hear anyone, parent or child, complain about the issue for the entire year and if I could send a message to the author it would be this : We are all parents too. We can only imagine the pain and fear of rasing a child with severe allergies in an environment of possible exposure to the allergen. I think you will find that most parents will want to support you in any way that they can. They will want to help and they will want to keep your child safe.

My son is deathly allergic to peanut/treenuts and was diagnosed at the age of 1. I understand this woman's point of view, however you as the parent, and the child need to bear that responsibility of being aware of everything he/she is eating. My son has always asked an adult to "read the box" before eating something. This is a very common allergy now, including the severity of it, and people are becoming more and more aware of those who have it. Schools are incredibly cautious and though it is great to have other parents aware of the allergy, they do not carry the burdon of protecting your child. You do and your child does. Teach your child from an early age that it's not about being cool or not being cool (as the other mentioned with teenagers). After reading this article, I feel the only problem is the mother's approach to this. It is a matter of life and death, not a matter of coolness and your child should be taught that. It gives a false sense of security if you count on other parents to provide peanut-free lunches/snacks to their own children as a way to prevent yours from coming in contact with any nut product. However, if you lay down the law about NO sharing of lunches/food whether it be in the classroom, on the bus, at an activity or even in the lunchroom, that will greatly alleviate most of the stress. And make your child aware...give him/her a little credit, they can handle it with the right tools!

I have been deathly allergic to peanuts my entire life, and I will be thirty this fall. While I can totally understand this mother's viewpoint, I have to say that personally, both from the view as an allergenic child and an allergenic adult, that I do not agree with all of her reasoning. When I was growing up during the eighties, no one understood about my allergy and the school rules were just starting to be enforced. My parents did notify my teacher and the school, but did not make it everyone's problem. The bottom line is, I personally feel I am responsible for myself. I knew then and know now what to look out for and how to protect myself. School rules would not prevent other kids from sticking peanut butter on my sandwich when I wasn't looking or putting peanut butter in my hair. Telling other parents to ban peanuts is not realistic. I don't demand peanut free zones on planes and I don't demand special dietary attention from others. My kids can't have peanut butter because I am so allergic-but I don't make it other parent's problem. I do not agree it takes a village to keep one allergenic child safe in this regard-at 5, I also knew how to stick myself with an Epi-pen and I wore a medic alert in case I passed out. I think while the parent has some responsiblity, the child ultimately has the responsibility to protect themselves-peanut free zones don't occur in college dorms, at parties, or in the workplace. I don't expect anyone to bend over backwards because of my allergy, and I don't think teaching your children it is to be expected to be catered to is responsible.

Newsweek I applaud you for shedding light to this topic. My five year old is allergic to wheat,dairy,eggs,beef, peanuts, and tree nuts. It is a fine line between protecting our child and trying not to be too overprotecting. Being a former teacher and now looking back I didn't understand the seriousness until I myself lived it with my own child. It is a hard thing to understand luckily our families are supportive and go out of their way to try to keep our daughter safe.

I think this is a PERFECT article! I have been dealing with my son's life-threatening peanut allergy for 6 years now (he's 7). And Ms. King expressed perfectly how I've felt throughout this -- how you DON'T want to inconvenience other parents, but you HAVE to. And people can be so VERY hateful when THEY are asked to sacrifice! My priest (my kids go to a Catholic school) even told me to "take my son home" for lunch. People just don't want to be bothered with others' problems.

But, Ms. King, you're right in that you HAVE to assure her safety. One thing I can tell you with relative certainty (based on my experience): the children in your daughter's class will probably take her allergy to heart, and be VERY protective of her. It is, unfortunately, the PARENTS of those children who will bring you grief.

I wish you luck. You're not asking for too much, so don't feel like you are!

I have been allergic to nuts, coconut and most chocolate (must use a peanut or coconut oil or something in it) all of my life. When I complained that my mouth hurt my mom didn't understand, I figured it out on my own as I got older. Not that I recommend that. But just some background. My reactions increasing became worse with age.

My brother is also allergic to nuts - diagnosed and spent his whole life from K on trying to avoid them. He is much more carefult than I am.

Kids are smarter than you think. Mike knew what could happen. He knew not to take a peanut butter sandwhich. He knew not to eat something unless he was sure of what was in it. Even as a kindergartner he could manage that. Even today he is much more careful than I am. He had many problems with teachers or lunch ladies not believing or understanding. More than once my mother had to call school - with no result back then. They resorted to bringing lunch from home the rest of his school life. But she never requested everyone to not bring something. She expeceted Mike to take on that responsibility and for others to respect his request not to eat something.

Neither one of us are allergic to them through air. My sister loves nuts and when we bake christmas cookies we bake mine first - nut free - and then she bakes hers and I stay away.

My freinds and co-workers know about my allergy - It's hard to keep it a secret when I have to pass up their home made goodies. But they are also gracious enough to let me know if there are nuts or not or to warn me - even taste test for me if necessary. But I have never asked anyone to not bring nut products to work or a party. I either graciously beg off or bring my own item I know I can eat.

Teach your child what to look for, teach them to only eat what they bring, and to not be afraid to tell even an adult no when offered or threatened detention if they don't eat the lunch or whatever. Ask others to respect their childs food decisions. The chances that they fall off the slide are greater than a life threatening accidental ingestion of peanuts. Making a big deal about the allergy is more likely to put them at a social disadvantage than to cause a bad reaction to a food.

It's a way of life. Not unlike not eating sugar because your diabetic. Or staying away from the cat because you'll be totally miserable within an hour.