Hopelessly Devoted

I understand those tween girls who are swooning over the new Jonas Brothers movie. I'm a formerly obsessive teen-idol fan myself. And I started young: I was in third grade when I wrote my first fan letter.  It was to Zachary (Zack) Morris, the blond main character of the '90s sitcom "Saved by the Bell." I addressed the note simply to "Zack." I was too young to realize that was only Mark-Paul Gosselaar's character's name. I was certain that each Saturday morning I was watching what would now be considered a reality show.

I don't remember much about the letter, but I do remember that my friend's mother got the address for me. I also remember sneaking into her purse and using her lipstick to plant a kiss on the bottom of my letter, confident that would make it stand out from the rest.

I held tight to the address and wrote to Zack often. After about 10 or so letters, one of my sisters told me that Zack wasn't his real name. I'm not sure which relieved me more--that he wasn't actually dating "Kelly" or that the reason he hadn't written me back was because I had been using the wrong name. After that, I started writing "Dear Mark" at the top of my letters. And still no response. But that didn't stop me.

Through fourth, fifth and sixth grade, I was a mash-note machine. I would practice writing the letter in my diary, making sure I didn't write the same thing twice, and working to get just the right tone. I kept a tally of how many I'd written each of them. After seeing Devon Sawa in the movie "Casper" (1995), I wrote him six times, Jonathan Taylor Thomas 11 times, Justin Timberlake of 'N Sync 12 times, Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys nine times, Joey Lawrence nine times and, after "Titanic" in sixth grade, I stopped keeping track of my Leo DiCaprio love letters after 14.

I may have been devoted, but I wasn't exactly the typical fan. I would just tell them about my day, or tell them about a magazine cover they did that I liked. Sometimes, I would just ask them questions. In June 1996, I wrote Devon Sawa and said, "I really love my fifth grade teacher Ms. Allen. I've learned so much, and she's just so nice. But what I'm really into these days is the Spice Girls. Do you like them? Who's your favorite? My favorite is Ginger."

In February 1998, I wrote this to Leonardo DiCaprio: "After watching Titanic I've been trying to rent other movies you've been in. I could be wrong, but I really think you are a really talented actor. I have a feeling you're going to be really famous still even when I'm old." All the i's were dotted with hearts. I never mentioned having crushes on them. I never went into any of that. But at the end of every letter, I would always say, "Please write back as soon as you can!" They never did.