Bill O'Reilly is mad at us. Last week NEWSWEEK mocked his new book's title, "A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity," and O'Reilly went on air to denounce our editor, Jon Meacham: "NEWSWEEK has really gone off the rails with its far-left posture," he said. "For destroying a once fine magazine, Meacham is a pinhead." Far left, we would debate. Pinhead? Well … Still, having started this literary discussion, we feel duty-bound to offer more-constructive criticism. Hence, these alternate titles for O'Reilly's book:

1. 'A Big Steaming Lump of Male Vanity'
2. 'A Deep Barking Voice of Inanity'
3. 'A Large Bag of Gas Who's No Hannity'