Having Kids Makes You Happy

I'm thinking that a lot of people are torn. There seem to be four basic groups: 1. Childed - who want them. 2. Childed - who do not want them (whether or not they did at one time). 3. Childless - who want some 4. Childless - who do not want any. To sort these according to the studies: In descending order of order of happiness: 4, 1, 3, 2 ... I guess the key is to know what you both want, and hopefully it is the same thing. All too often we only want other peoples' approbation, and that is hardly enough of a reason to have kids.

to: lookintoreality - Actually, I know several people whom have said, "if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have kids". Goes both ways. I know in my situation breeding/carrying on the genes is not going to happen between my brothers and I; we come from pathetic parents.

It???s a hard decision we are trying to make now. I have always wanted a child, Im very motherly (helping raise my own siblings) and I have more than enough love, time, means, and desire for a child that I would love to spend my days and life raising. My instincts tell me to create and nurture that life for the rest of mine, the only thing in the way is the government making home schooling illegal and mercury containing shots mandatory, and our nation is on the brink of DEPRESSION (go to Infowars.com for REAL news ). I once heard, people dont regret having children, they regret NOT having them. I imagine my life at the stage of my own grandmothers, how sad and lonely life would be if I were cooking holiday meals for just him and I when our peers that had children would have their children and childrens children and lots more celebration and love filling their lives on a daily basis. In an ideal world, we would have a child within the 1st few years married, but the state of reality in this world has put my life long plans on hold. You people shouldn???t be arguing over whos right and whos wrong or whos selfish and who isnt, you should be gathering info on the NEW WORLD ORDER and working together make this world a place where EVERYONE can happily, safely make their own life decisions, otherwise regardless the human race will be in bondage and children or not, we will all be affected greatly. You may just think Im crazy, but do the homework, reality is far from what it seems. Its time the masses awoke, infowars.com has a lot of great info, spread the word and save our future generations REGARDLESS if they include YOUR children or not.

Having children should not be about how much it's going to cost or how unhappy or tired they make you feel, it should be about the joy of bringing a part of you into this world and teaching them about life and raising them to be good human beings. I feel like these studies only reflect American parents whose ideas and views on parenting are completely different from those of parents in other countries. There are plenty of happy families who have 8-10 children and live in huts and are happier than ever because the idea of having a large family and support goes far beyond the question of how to pay for it. Americans should concentrate a little more on family values and importance than money, maybe then they would change their views about having children. I think this subject is way over analized and needs to be taken for what it is, a natural part of life.

Secular view of having children. Clearly, this research is flawed and far from the truth. In the bible, whenever it talks about children, it always talks about them as blessings. My life has changed since God gave me a child. I understand more clearly how it is to father a child, how our Father in heaven can be so in love with his children here on earth that He will give his own begotten Son to die for us because of his infinite love for us. I will lay down my life too for my children.

Our society today has become so prostituted in its view about the family that it advocates that everyone must be looking out for their own happiness instead for the well-being of its members. This is a very self-centered selfish view. And that is what this research is.

Lots of KUDOS to LevNougol

(PART1A) Well, I'm almost 29 and probably leaning heavily towards NOT having kids. I have little cousins that I love and I like being able to spoil my friends' kids when it suits me and to be happily childless when it suits me as well. I haven't read all the blogs but there are a few that seem to verbally scream at people not having kids that we're selfish. Well being a Libra, I can tell you both sides have an argument. I don't think I want to have kids because I KNOW that I would love my kids to death, do everything for them and have a lot less everything for myself - time, money, space, etc. So yes I DO want be happy making MYSELF HAPPY. BUT...I think I'd have a different happiness if I had kids, the key word being DIFFERENT (not unhappy). Besides, there are plenty of people in the world; I don't need to increase the population (I'd probably adopt instead of having my own anyways). Besides, didn't my parents do all that sacrifice and hard work so that I, MYSELF, could be happy and fulfilled? That was the whole point of their raising me - that and that maybe I'd be well off enough to make them happier in their old age (chuckle). (My parents could care less whether they have grandkids or not. Well, actually my mother is glad to be done and would prefer that I not have any grandkids for her - and I'm an only child so...) If I'm happy and my parents are happy then the purpose was fulfilled; if kids make me less happy or unhappy then maybe it's a vicious circle.

(PART1B) I also want to note that no one is necessarily being SELFLESS by being parents. Your children didn't ask to be brought into the world any more than I did - and I wouldn't have known the difference if I hadn't since I wouldn't exist. So you're really making YOURSELF happy in the first place by conceiving children and filling as though your raising them is for some greater good (though there are some mighty fine, noble and great people are on earth making our lives better b/c their parents had them and raised them). Also, I have relatives who work and pay for their 2 and 3 kids on their own, no assistance from anyone or any place BUT I can also attest to the fact that the first child would have been better off in some ways had they been the only child because resources would have been more. I have a cousin who could have college paid for, participated in more groups/sports and could have had a computer and car (which would have made working, learning and getting ahead in life easier due to access) had her mother not had child 2 and 3. So that's kind of selfish to make a child suffer b/c there are more children brought into the picture. Now, also, some tax money pays for the education, meals, etc of all the kids in the world that attend public school. period. I think it's unfair that I work hard, two jobs even though I have a BS in science from a large university, and I have my tax money that goes to pay for kids I don't have. How SELFISH is it for people to bring extra financial burdens into the world? Kids that I, and every other working, childless person, pays for in some way ... kids that run down the sidewalk and bump me or accidentally touch me with their candy-sticky hands in the grocery store, staining my expensive dress. I didn???t ASK for those inconveniences. I didn???t CHOOSE to have those kids, but I SUFFER for them; just as much as I might benefit from SOME of them in the future (some of them will be murderers and rapist, not benefits).

(PART 2) I'm REALLY NOT taking sides here. I think it is equally good having kids or being childless depending on your situation and your personal desires. There are both emotional and financial rewards and burdens on BOTH sides. I just really wanted to point out that it is EQUALLY selfISH or selfLESS having kids or not having kids, depending on how you look at it ??? LOOK AT BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN. I just don't like being told I'm selfish b/c I prefer not to procreate. I think I???m just as selfish or selfless as the parents of the world, no better, no worse. Plus, I have more time to give of myself to the world, through volunteering and contributing mentally, socially and economically, instead of hoping my kids do (give of themselves to the world).

I'm REALLY NOT taking sides here. I think it is equally good having kids or being childless depending on your situation and your personal desires. There are both emotional and financial rewards and burdens on BOTH sides. I just really wanted to point out that it is EQUALLY selfISH or selfLESS having kids or not having kids, depending on how you look at it ??? LOOK AT BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN. I just don't like being told I'm selfish b/c I prefer not to procreate. I think I???m just as selfish or selfless as the parents of the world, no better, no worse. Plus, I have more time to give of myself to the world, through volunteering and contributing mentally, socially and economically, instead of hoping my kids do (give of themselves to the world).

I think the /real/ problem is in the beliefs that you need something to make you happy.
For example, Wired spoke of free time, extra money, vacations, lots of sleep and a sexy sports car.
At the same time, however, someone who has none of the above can still find peace of mind.
Living is not about what one has in life, it is about life itself.
Kids or no kids, wealth or poverty, sickness or health, whatever the case.
I'm not saying that certain things aren't enjoyable, nor that they shouldn't be enjoyed.
However, happiness should hinge only upon happiness.
If one keeps seeking happiness in means other than simply allowing themselves to be happy, they will always be searching.

Now, to address the children subject directly...
I suppose there are pros and cons to both having them and not.
However, as resources become more limited, as the world advances, the world's use for new consumers will decrease.
It's not like the old nomadic times, where a larger clan meant better odds for survival.
Nor is it like the times when children would supply help on farms and housework and such.
The actual purpose for children is becoming less practical and more aesthetic.

I'm not saying people shouldn't reproduce, I'm saying that wanting and needing are separate things, and should be acknowledged as such.
Also, consider the children and how they relate to your own situation.
Can you afford them, for starters?
If having children will be a real burden to finances, it may not only affect the individual (struggling to make ends meet), but will also add strain on the child.
Less money means more stress, stress that the child is likely to bear the brunt of, even if the parent is unaware.
That said, do you want to deliver undue stress to both parent and child by choosing to follow a path of aesthetics?
It's something to be given a serious amount of thought...


~Lev

PS, random statistic. It has been stated that children will watch more TV by the time they are in Kindergarten than they will spend in meaninful conversation with their father in their whole life. How about people instead of complaining about thier children get to know them and spend time with them.

No, in fact they can be a divisive element in a family. If the mother and father are not on the same page for discipline or child rearing techniques and rules, all hell can break lose and often does. Yes, you will experience happy moments, that embed in your memory, but overall children are high maintenance and usually rebellious as they develop thier own ways and personalities. All the fuzzzy and warm feeling coments are great, but they are only a glimmer of an 18 year or longer process of raising, teaching and protecting your children.

I would just like to state that this is a correlational study therefore no facts can be deduced from it. If people would still study basic logic they would understand. It is really sad how many people with PhDs are out there that can't grasp a syllogism (rational argument). What we have in this case is called affirming the consequent, allow me to give an example.

If one has children, then they are less happy than those without
You are less happy than those without
Therefore you have children.

Now I hope you can see that this isn't neccesarily true, please read the next example

If it is raining, then it is wet
It is wet
Therefore it is raining.

Now just because it is wet, doesn't mean that it is raining. There could be a sprinkler on, there could have been a spill, there might be a leak, the list goes on. What I'm saying is that you can't draw conclusions from these correlations. What we can draw from this is that maybe the people who aren't as happy with their children are suffering in some other area of their life and that is carrying over into their family life. I could go on about this but I won't. I hope people get the common sense