Having Kids Makes You Happy

I am a 40 year old childless by chance woman who gave up the chance at parenthood for the man that I love. He essentially saved me from an abusive relationship, of which I am still trying to recover from. He is a wonderful man, who is in his early 50's and has three adult daughters and one infant granddaughter. He did not want, nor could he afford (mega child support and alimony), to have any more kids (not to mention that he is snipped). Now that doesn't mean that I don't feel a sense of loss at times (especially around his granddaughter). However, this direction in life has given me the opportunity to devote a lot of time to volunteering. I volunteer with an animal rescue group and am also a Big Sister volunteer. There is something very special about unselfishly giving of yourself to others (people and animals alike) to make the world a better place. I don't have kids of my own, but I am very proud to say that I have given an impoverished child (my Little Sister) a better life and have help many strays find loving homes.

This is quite an entry, but people who try to make an argument must bring merit(s) to their argument. Guru1976 you are quite hilarious. You comment on other's people's lives without knowing any facts and you assume. You are exactly the type of person the internet was created for - people who desire anonymity so they can be incompetent without having to deal with the consequence(s). As well, it appears you are quite ignorant on volunteer activities. These sort of activities are for indefinite periods of time, and I voluntarily quit. At the time I graduated from my community college and I was transferring to the University of Iowa, so it wasn???t feasible at this point.

Am I ready for children? No chance, I am quite busy /interested with trying to make the world a better place by: volunteering at a food bank , helping cleaning up Iowa City and Cedar Rapids via Americorps, working on my dissertation, writing my own book, etc. For you to comment on my abilities as a possible parent demonstrates your ignorance knows no limit. I hope you come to the realization that you should think and analyze before you decide to spew whatever it is you think has validity in your argument(s).

As for my business comparison and contrast example to the choice of having a child, my background is in business and economics, so I use what I have learned to make the choice, which I believe is best. As far as your logic and you saying having children, ???is simply a choice.??? Well, you can think that if you want but to say that it???s simply a choice, demonstrates you do not think fully about the situation(s) at hand, the consequences, and the string of events that leads to that ???choice.??? For you to say,

???Do you want to give up some of your immature desires in order to become an adult, or do you want to live carefree with as little responsibility as possible while, at the same time, maintaining a minimal level of satisfactory self-gratification????

I think no one should judge other people who do not want to have kids, if they are happy without kids..good for them! I think kids can be a hassle and a joy at the same time. It's how tolerant are you? or how much patience and sacrifice or time you are willing to give to children that makes having kids worth it. If you plan to have kids I think it can be a joy rather than be irresponsible and get pregnant without planning, now that can make you feel

I think it's ok if a couple chooses not to have kids, why would other people feel bad or strange about it? I think in order to want and have kids, you have to have a mind set or be fully prepared or it would end up making you a very unhappy parent. Both my kids were planned and I do believe if I had any accidents it would not have made me happy to be a parent. no offense but the mind set and preparation rediness is imp!

Raising children is one of the greatest blessings in life. It is easy to understand why parents may be more stressed in today's society than in the past, with the difficulties of balancing work and family time. There are many challenges parents face, and I really commend them for all that they do. Parenting involves sacrifice, and won't always be easy. However, by giving of themselves, parents are really gaining a lot and contributing to the future.

I can say that based on the comments I have read the writer defiantly picked a heatedly debated topic. I have read many of the comments and I find truth and faults in many of them. My husband of 12 years and I have a 5 year old. I love my son very much, and I can truly not imagine my life at this stage without him. Being married for several years before deciding to have a child allowed me to experience adult life with and without a child. Yes, I do experience stresses in my life today just as I did in my life 10 years ago. Not the same stresses, but stresses just the same. I am able to travel, visit with friends, and enjoy private time with my husband. I parent my child as I see fit and she him as my responsibility. I too get aggravated at others??? children. The screaming child in a store bothers me just as it does those without children. Like the old saying goes, "it is different when it is your child." You don't look at other children the way you do your own, adopted or natural.

I believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion and choices, BUT it is very hard to agree with people who are "speaking for me" when comments are made by people without children about how life is for people with children. Having spent my life both with and without a child, I can truly speak from both sides. How can someone without a child know my feelings or everyday life? Comment on your opinions, thoughts, fears, feelings, please don???t comment on mine for me.

If you choose to have a child, welcome, enjoy, and don???t look back.
If you choose not to have a child, proceed, enjoy, and don???t look back.

Either way, once you have made the decision, at some point you can???t change it. I just ask that you not speak for someone or something if you are not qualified.

Let me start by saying that my bf and I both adore children, but are not yet ready to start our own family. I'm not saying that having kids or not having kids is any better than the other. We are in our late 20's early 30's and our friends are all having children. We will have them over for bbq's or head out for a show and drinks, and the topic is ALWAYS the same! "We have no money" "We don't get to sleep" "We never get to vacation anywhere" "We never have sex anymore" "She nags me about my parenting" and on and on and on. It's almost as if they have forgotten their individualities and how to talk to other adults! It's almost as if they are unknowingly advocating a child free life! Happier? I don't see it!

Let me start by saying that my bf and I both adore children, but are not yet ready to start our own family. I'm not saying that having kids or not having kids is any better than the other. We are in our late 20's early 30's and our friends are all having children. We will have them over for bbq's or head out for a show and drinks, and the topic is ALWAYS the same! "We have no money" "We don't get to sleep" "We never get to vacation anywhere" "We never have sex anymore" "She nags me about my parenting" and on and on and on. It's almost as if they have forgotten their individualities and how to talk to other adults! It's almost as if they are unknowingly advocating a child free life! Happier? I don't see it!

Posted By: 101grad @ 07/02/2008 2:07:34 PM
Comment: all of you that have kids good for you.. things are different now, kids are more of a hassle then a necessity. Marriage is also a thing of the past. Marriage has NO gains for men, only advantages are for the woman. Get rid of all these good for nothing stay at home moms that watch opera all day eating bon bons. all you women with your muffin tops are nothing but depreciating assets.



You know, I hate to burst your bubble, but according to the latest US Census statisics, marriage beneifts men and women equally by way of income, stabilty, and length of life. That's not a study but plain old statistics. Also, I think we'd probably have a lot less trouble with school shootings, child suicide, crime, and childhood-related personality disorders if their were more moms who would stop trying to juggle a career and more than one kid. Stay home with you children so they have someone you trust to learn their morals from. Don't let somone else raise them for you. Once upon a time you couldn't even adopt children if you were a working mom for just that reason. No agency would hand over children who were just going to be handed off again! Yes, I know some mothers have to work for living, what i'm saying is that if you're only working for a disposable income, then you are probably doing more harm than good and never should have had children in the first place.

all of you that have kids good for you.. things are different now, kids are more of a hassle then a necessity. Marriage is also a thing of the past. Marriage has NO gains for men, only advantages are for the woman. Get rid of all these good for nothing stay at home moms that watch opera all day eating bon bons. all you women with your muffin tops are nothing but depreciating assets.