Having Kids Makes You Happy

Happiness is not a constant state, it is but a moment. Like when you get a raise, graduate, tell your husband "I???m pregnant" when you both were searching for it, your new home, a night in the town with old friends, finishing a great book, etc. No one is happy all the time. That will be crazy then how will you know the joy of happiness if you never experience sorrow. Everyone experience happiness and sorrow (people with children & childless people) it's part of being alive and been human. The questions is- Are you content with your choices and your lifestyle? And that's a very personal reflection. Are people with children selfish? Are people that don???t want children selfish? WHO CARES you don???t need to justify your choices to anyone but yourself. If you???re content with the choices you made then considered yourself blessed. As many people I've experience both been childless (doing what I please when I pleased which not always led to feeling happy) and with child and experiencing the satisfaction of receiving a "I wove you mommy???, teaching my son how to ride a bike, and seen a little bit of myself in him, it has been wonderful to watch him grow!. I???m I always glad that I have a kid? No, not always like when I want to finish reading a book and I'm interrupted, like when my son has tantrums, when he wakes me up at 5:30 AM! Do I wish I was childless? No, I just wish for a few childless moments... but nevertheless I'm content with my life as a mother along with the stressful moments and the truly happy moments. If you don???t want to have kids? I wish you much fullfillness. Those with children I wish you the same. If you have kids and regret it? I pity you Really that's a tragedy...

Everybody acts like there is no hope, and there isn't any for this world. but there is hope if you will accept it.

I agree. They will never admit that they would rather be without children. They will never admit that somehow life was more enjoyable. As you say... it's blasphemy!!!

I've always known I do not want kids. I do not need them. I do not see why I should have them in the first place. My husband and I are perfectly happy the way we are. WE ARE FREE!! We have time to dedicate to ourselves and more importantly to each other.

I can't even bear the thought of leaving my house with three screaming kids, yelling at my husband, and stop being a parter, a wife, a friend just to become a mother and a strange to my own husband. Hell No!!! Cause that's what happens... women stop being wives to become crazy mothers and that's the only thing they care for. I think my husband and I are becoming the Sloans because everybody in our block, well, everywhere has two even three kids but we intend to stay this way.

What about those of us that have tried but cannot have children? Are we then doomed to be selfish and unfulfilled? I enjoyed the article and was glad to have someone confirm that those of us that don't have children, whether by choice or not, might just be happier for it. We've accepted that we will not have our own children and will never experience that love so many of you have noted, but we can put our time, energy, and money into other worthwhile causes. For those of you that do have children, count your blessings, but please stop being critical of us for not.

plenty of people with tons of kids are still self-centered and materialistic

If the world was a happy perfect place all the time we would never want anything else. If I was on my death bed I'd be sad about who I was leaving and excited about who I was going to see.

Just like loving someone, happiness is a choice. You choose to love your spouse, your children. It's not always this warm fuzzy feeling, but it is a choice. I choose to be happy. Whether, my children or husband are cranky, or my child has thrown up on me,ect. Do I truly want to spend my life centered around myself? Self centered and materialistic? Or Do I want to spend my life on someone else?Loving, learning, and yes, Happy.

Having a child will not make you happy. Finding joy in your children often takes work, persistence, time, and a good night's sleep. And frequently children drive you nuts. Serving them and loving them when they're breaking your things and fighting and screaming is frequently not fun. And my wife and I frequently get more testy with one another in the midst of kid's screaming.

But...

Should fun and happiness be our constant goals? Should a constant desire for these govern our choices?

Don't get me wrong. I love my children and when we are happy together, it is earth shatteringly wonderful. Their beauty and joy can make me ache with pleasure. But they also frequently make me cranky and ill-tempered.

Having children is about learning to be selfless. It often breaks you down and I constantly fail at being a father. And yet, I know I am called to love my children and thinking about a life without my children is tragic. As a parent fostering to adopt, you live with the gnawing fear of what if this doesn't work out and my child cannot stay with me? It's a thought that often drives you to be thankful for the opportunity you have been given to be a father to that child in that point in time. It focuses and intensifies your love like sunlight through a magnifying glass.

Being a parent takes work and is hard. Prospective parents should prepare themselves for anxiety, anger, and more fights with spouses. (I am sure when my children become teens, the suffering will become more acute.) Being a parent is a calling, but a good and honorable one.

And dancing with your daughter, wrestling your son, feeding them, changing their diapers, disciplining them, and laughing with them can all be acts of joy if we come to our children as servants. My children need me and in fulfilling their needs, there can be stunning personal fulfillment. Not always, but when I approach these moments with the proper bearing, I can find joy in them.

Being a parent is not always fun, but it is right and good. Very good.

I think the reason this article brings out so many strong opinions is because the author insinuates (with the very title of the article) that people who have children AREN'T happy and that people who don't have children ARE happy. This is such an overarching generalization that deals with two very important (and emotional) issues -- the decision to raise children and one's own happiness -- that it can't possibly apply to everyone (or even most people). The way I see it, this article has a couple flaws: 1. Not everyone with children did so by choice and not everyone without children did so by choice. (By "choice" I mean with full, clear, and unencumbered thought that allowed the choice to truly be freely made.) It stands to reason that most people probably had some level of decision making in this regard, but for some, the circumstances "just happened." There was no mention of this factor in any of the studies cited and, I would venture to say, it would likely have an enormous impact on your perception of happiness regarding children. 2. The author never defines "happiness." This is quite subjective and therefore cannot apply to all people and situations with such broad strokes. Personally, I believe there is a chasm of difference between "happiness" (which I would define as joy and fulfillment) with "pleasure" (i.e., what "feels good"). However, for some, the two words are synonomous.

Perhaps the unhappiness attributed to child-rearing in the studies cited has more to do with an individual's expectations of parenting and the circumstances surrounding their unique situation (such as support network, childhood experiences, finances, etc.) rather than the decision in and of itself to raise children.

The downfall with an article like this is that it leads the reader to believe that there is a "right or wrong" answer here, and of course, there's not. It also implies that there are certain steps one must take to attain happiness, much like following a recipe, and this is also false. Happiness -- fulfillment -- is a decision one must make every day, regardless of there circumstances and is not a commodity to be obtained. I don't know a single person in life who has never experience love or loss, joy or sorrow, pleasure or pain; these are all part of the human condition. To think that any of these elements can be abolished from one's life experience is folly; we all have to experience suffering and happiness at some point.

As an aside to the overpopulation issue: I contend that the number of people on the planet has absolutely nothing to do with the state of global affairs. Rather, it is the decisions among peoples to either share or withhold their resources that has the power to effect change. There is plenty of food produced throughout the world to feed all the poor; the difficulty lies in getting it to those in need.

Wow! what a choice! A martini or a crying baby. The crying baby wins EVERY time in my book. In fact, I like babies so much, I'm going to have a total of 4 or 5 kids just to enlarge my carbon footprint and upset the Earth Gods. Sorry, I think I'll just cling to my guns and religion.

As an up and coming recent college grad with a new job in this crazy economy, I've been able to see a lot of aspects and perspectives on life throughout my childhood and more so now that I can relate to them as an adult. My own goals consist of finding financial independence on a greater scale than either of my divorced parents were able to offer, and if the chance comes one day to offer it to a child of my own I hope to be able to do so. Yet with so many pressures and obstacles in life hindering the ability to make it to and possibly even out of the middle class, feeling comfortable raising a kid and being prepared for retirement is a tough battle, especially with the added stress, lack of sleep, and time taken away from productive work and network-building that leads to a successful career. I also understand that if everyone focused on successful careers entirely, this would be a sad world. From what I've read, talked about, and have somewhat come to understand, a majority of people these days (mostly in the U.S.) don't really know who they are or what they want until they are 30. That's one reason why I think there could be such increased rates in divorce and unhappiness; people make big decisions too early before they are ready to know if they are the right ones. In order to consolidate my points and avoid rambling, I want to get to the issue of the happy relationship/marriage. Along with finding financial independence, my goal as a child of divorce is to be sure of whom I find and to strive to make it a happy and lasting partnership. Most likely this choice will be later in my life as I have a lot of things to accomplish to feel safe in making that choice. I definitely agree with some points in this article that the addition of kids in my future could hinder my abilities not only to remain financially stable, but also to keep things stable and happy with my future wife. So I'm not really saying that couples should or shouldn't have kids, but these are just the issues important to me as I come along in the world.

Cont'd: Being an adult, to me at least, means accepting that you may not always be emotionally happy, but that you can and should be happy with your choices. Thinking about ourselves first is another "American" trait that causes other countries to hate us and our lifestyles. I love my husband. I wake up everyday and make the concious decision to be in our marriage. Love isn't just an emotion, it's an action as well. If you don't want to have children, then don't. But don't look down on me for having one and then enjoying the adtion to my life whether every day is "happy" or not.

I don't think happiness is so much the issue if it means feelings. Children (progeny) add something to a marriage that cannot be duplicated by animals or nothing except each other. I just go back to what I want to be thinking on my death bed. Do I have a loving, happy family around me or just one person (or at that point no one because I've outlived the other person)? True happiness, I believe, comes from giving of yourself to others, such as children. The cool thing about children is that they GROW UP! Into adults. Where would WE all be if our parents decided it was more fun to travel (which I love to do), drink martinis, and climb the corporate ladder instead of being bothered by us? Well, we wouldn't be totally overthinking something that's a natural part of life - the continuation of the species.
Perhaps we should go back to some of the "good old days" ideas and stop shuttling our kids around and making ourselves their servants. Children should be a PART of the family, not the center of all attention and activity. Maybe people would find the prospect a little less daunting if this was the case. Afterall, we humans have been doing this for 10's of 1000's of years, and it's only in the last 50 that we've made it such a psychological ordeal!

It's interesting that years ago parents were happier as those who have children, even with all of the conveniences of today's society being a mother. I wonder if it coincides with the America's wonderful new slogan, "It's all about you." With the media, entertainment, advertisments, etc. pushing this phrase and way of thinking, then when a child comes into your life, he or she can seem like an inconvenience. We're so in tune with our time and what we deserve. Self sacrifice is obsolete. We can mistake those moments when our child climbs into our bed at 7:30 a.m. on Saturday morning as ruining our attempt to sleep in or we can choose to see it as the best alarm ever created. Reality is that it is NOT all about us and when we choose to live like that, we are happier.