Having Kids Makes You Happy

In this article, it is stated that, "Parents may openly lament their lack of sleep,... but rarely cop to feeling depressed due to the everyday rigors of child rearing." I could be confused, but last time I checked, we don't read minds. So, unless these parents were hooked to polygraphs, I don't see how the researcher could know how the parents were "really" feeling when they said that they were happy. Is it the common practice of the scientific community to ignore evidence and keep pushing its theories despite everything saying that it simply isn't the case? I am a teacher (so you know I make jack) and a father of three children all under the age of four. On top of my own children I deal with around one hundred and forty hormone-driven teenagers on a daily basis. Yet, I'd never wish I hadn't had children. I sleep less, have less energy, and certainly don't have the latest in electronics (my toys), and yet I'm still happy. I've heard people saying that, "children are supposed to make you happy." This is bull crud. Children don't make you happy. Spouses don't make you happy. Toys, money, houses, nor clothes make you happy. You choose to be happy or you choose to not be. Don't blame your emotions on outside forces. Take responsibility for them yourself. Part of being an adult is sacrificing things you want for things you need. When you take responsibility for another person's life (which is the natural and biological consequence for dropping your pants) you are no longer looking out for yourself. Your life no longer belongs to you, but to the person you've invited to the world. Instead of resenting the person for accepting the invitation you made, suck it up, grow up and do your job. Now, if you don't want to have kids, don't. Trust me when I say that the human gene-pool will be grateful to not have you swimming around and polluting it. Those of us who do have kids, love them, and sacrifice for them will simply have more world to hand to our children. Our legacy will continue while yours dies with you. Hurray for us!

This subject is WAY to involved to try and put it into black and white categories. There is a HUGE grey area in this discussion. Having children, or not having children, is a very personal choice. Both are correct choices if the reasons behind the choices are what you can live, and die, with. I cannot believe people are bashing one side or the other.

i have been married 12 years and have 3 kids ages 10,8,4. My husband and I had 3 wonderful years of courtship and carefree living before kids. i wouldn't trade the sense of purpose with kids for a few extra moments of bliss. We are American; we care about the future generation. If all we cared about was selfish happiness we would be living in a European welfare state with their dire birth rates that don't even replace the existing population.

Have all the right questions been asked to these parents that said they were not happy. I wonder sometimes is it because we want to be more than GOD met us to be, could it be that some parents just want things their own way all the time. We as parents must look at the way GOD would have us to, and not just believe that we are doing it right, just because is feel ok. I am sure that many of us have heard Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The key word is (train) many parents are unhappy because they tell their children what to do without realizing that child many not have a clue what your words mean. When you ask your child ???do you understand what I said???, if the reply is no you tell them again, once you get them to respond with a nod of the head (yes) you believe that they have understood all that you have said. Question: If we as adults cannot understand some simple instructions at times and we get things messed up and you know that is true about every person on this planet, don???t we get confused, why is it that we feel a young child should understand all that was said to them without training them teaching them what words mean, it is not an easy job. But the more you work at it the easier it becomes. It is when you put little or not much effort into your children is when it becomes more difficult. By the way I have five boys; you can say daddy & mommy love you, in your kid???s mind they really do not know what that word means, because most adults still don???t know. I am a Pastor and you must prove to people that you love them before someone can understand what you are telling them. We are unhappy with our children by choice, being unhappy with your child stops you from training the way GOD says to do it , because your focus is on what you want instead of how GOD says to do it. No place in the bible does GOD give you a guarantee, but if you do it His way your children will have a reference point to go back to when they get older. Remember all the times that you told your child to do something, they nodded or said yes, and then later did just what you told them not to do, guess what there are times as adults that we agree to something and walk away still not understanding what was said, and later admit that we did not understand. Sometimes children just don???t really understand although we think they do all because we said it in a clear and easy to understand way, but not to all, some may need more (training, learning of the English words that we speak each day) , oh by the way do you ever think that young kids use the dictionary like we as adults do? If we were to stick to just training we may not be as unhappy as we have made ourselves by our own choice. Just like every other choice that we make you need to choose to be joyful. Here is how you can start and finish. Read Mat 11:28-30 Pastor Jim Dixon (revjad@msn.com)

I have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids ages 10,8,4. My husband and I had 3 wonderful years of courtship and carefree living before kids. I wouldn't trade the sense of purpose for a few fleeting moments of bliss. We are American; we care about the future generation. If all we cared about was selfish happiness we would be living in a European welfare state with their dire birth rate that doesn't even replace the population.

Happiness is overrated. Love is the true meaning of life, even in sadness. So hate to say it, but those who never have a child will never experience the most profound love of all, that being, the love one feels for ones own child. It goes far beyond words, and makes considerations of personal happiness secondary.

I think one reason parents who admit they are less happy after they had a child is because of our society. It has changed to glorify single parents, the party life etc. Look at how the majority of actor/actresses have nanny's, how we see them still living the single life with 3 kids at home. Back in the 50's it was more of a family orientated lifestyle, we were happy with the backyard bbq's! not late night drinks the clubs

I think one reason parents who admit they are less happy after they had a child is because of our society. It has changed to glorify single parents, the party life etc. Look at how the majority of actor/actresses have nanny's, how we see them still living the single life with 3 kids at home. Back in the 50's it was more of a family orientated lifestyle that was shown on tv. we were happy with the backyard bbq's! not the clubs

We are truly a narcissistic society. Thinking we must be completely happy all the time. In many ways, happiness is a choice.

It is written that it is a greater blessing to give than to receive. Could we consider that being happy is not always the goal, but rather being ultimately blessed and growing in character? Our characters crave happiness, much like our bellies crave sweets, but is it the antidote to true fulfilling joy? Perhaps the real question is, do we want to feed the flesh or the spirit. I am convinced that the greatest joys in life involve sacrifice. Sacrifice for good is always ennobilizing to the human character and a fitting food for the psyche, as each tough experience grows us in wisdom and strength. Sometimes I wonder, of two choices, which is the most difficult? That's probably the one that is right. The easy way leaves us to two-dimentional thinking, and unfulfilled living, while the more difficult, which runs contrary to our fleshy disposition, will feed the Spirit, where peace and love dwell. So what are you feeding? (posted by dag70x7@hotmail.com)

I've been looking for signs of happiness on the married with kids group since I was a teen , now in my 40's and yet to see any. The only thing I ever see in the husband/fathers eyes is "shoot me oh please shoot me". Two people from school were very active and happy, then despite my attempts to reason with them, they married and shortly after they had a a kid. The last time I saw them they looked terrible, they were in their 20's and looked more like 50's. Happiness was gone, never saw them out anymore it was sad to see two people with so much life die so young. Guy in town who had it all, house, business, toys envied me, just out of college and starting a 7-4 job. What he envied was my freedom, and what I didn't have, a baby and live in girlfriend who decided to stick her nose into the business and suck out all the fun. She destroyed the business and I can only wonder if she finished him off. My advice to all man or woman, you feel you need a companion, get a dog.

I am a married 35 year old stay at home mother of 1(so far). I found this article very interesting. I belong to a moms group, I have several siblings and cousins in our families, and many close female friends. Most of them are married with children under the age of 8. When I speak to and interect with some of the parents I know, they seem so overwhelmed and unhappy more often than they seem happy. It seems to me tha many of them are having 2 or 3 kids because that is what they always heard was the so called "American Dream." And in my circle of family and friends, many of them seem to live beyond their means financially and spread themselves out so thin with their time in order to keep up with the Jone's. One statement from a mom that really made me wonder why some people have kids at all was when she said in reference to be a stay at home mom , " I could never stay home with my kids all week because they drive me crazy on th weekends." I am a mother of 1 toddler and it's been the best experience of my life and made me happy beyond words. Yes, it is an exhausting thankless job at times but joyful too. But the difference is I am living in a modest house, have no credit card debt and a supportive husband and loving father. I just wish for the kids sake, potential parents would stop basing these life decisions on what they think they are suppose to do and instead chose to have kids or not have them because it suits their lifestyle. A child adds joy to happy marriage but doesn't create a happy marriage.

I am a married 35 year old stay at home mother of 1(so far). I found this article very interesting. I belong to a moms group, I have several siblings and cousins in our families, and many close female friends. Most of them are married with children under the age of 8. When I speak to and interect with many of these parents, they seem so overwhelmed, unhappy, and sleep deprived. It seems to me tha many of them are having 2 or 3 kids because that is what they always heard was the so called "American Dream." And in my circle of family and friends, many of them seem to live beyond their means financially and spread themselves out so thin with their time in order to keep up with the Jone's. One statement from a mom that really made me wonder why some people have kids at all was when she said in reference to be a stay at home mom , " I could never stay home with my kids all week because they drive me crazy on th weekends." I am a mother of 1 toddler and it's been the best experience of my entire life and made me happy beyond words. It is an exhausting thankless job at times but joyful too. But the difference is I am living in a modest house, have no credit card debt and a supportive husband and loving father. I just wish for the kids sake, potential parents would stop basing these life decisions on what they think they are suppose to do and instead chose to have kids or not have them because it suits their lifestyle. A child adds joy to happy marriage but doesn't create a happy marriage.

It depends on the individuals involved. It is a personal choice. Parenthood can be hell and heaven, as with many things in life worth doing. For myself, I wanted children for the reason most little girls do, to have someone to love that loves me back. What I found was much more and and eye opening. I ended up a single parent of three children and it was a struggle. It was exhausting and very lonely, and they didn't always act like they loved me.
I was lucky in that ultimately, despite all the trials and angst of my parenthood, my children grew into people I not only love, but like very much. Now, as in all the low moments of my parenthood, I would not trade the experience for all the happiness that might have come from living burden free.

I have lately come to consider motherhood to be not only the most thankless of jobs, but also the most important. No moms, in short order, no humans. To all you moms: THANKS

Neither I nor my sister had kids. We're in our 50's. That trend, plus abortion on demand since Roe v. Wade means that the U.S. native-born population is shrinking... The same with Australia, and with every single European country, except Albania. The issue has much larger scope that whether a given person is "happy". Us Boomers bought the '60's "Do Your Own Thing" philosophy, without considering the long-term consequences, and now the country is paying the price.