Having Kids Makes You Happy

Are there selfish people who don't want to have children? are there selfish people who have children? yes.to both I don't think that there is argument about which is better (in my opinion) what I see here in the comments is a lot of anger and a lot of name calling from both sides As someone who has chosen not to have children I really don't think that you who do have them have any right to judge me as selfish or immature. I hope that those who made the decision not to have children didn't do so just so they could watch a late night movie. Coming to such a decision has many different variables. Before you call one of us selfish perhaps you should ask if we were already parents by having a younger sister or brother to raise when we wern't ready, perhaps some of us have sick family members that we take care of and we know that if we had children there would be no one to take care of them, maybe some of us had such unhappy childhoods that now that we are all grown up and able to choose for ourselves we don't want to let go, and perhaps some of us don't feel emotionally strong enough to raise a child. There can be so many reasons and many combinations- to call us selfish sounds like bitterness that some parents have over the perks that us childless couple have. Its the biterness that some of you parents feel because deep down inside you know you are not happy but can't face the fact that you might have made a mistake and that there is no turnning back for you ever-so better be happy with your lot right? and tell everyone else that they are wrong. How do I know? because I am a teacher and a sister and a daughter and a friend to many women who confide in me that when they realize that they are not happy all they can do is channel their existance into their children and secretly wait till they grow up and leave. Does this mean you don't love your children? NO! of course not so stop pointing fingers. I was a nanny who watched so many mothers who can't wait to dump off their children at another activity so they wont have to be alone with them boast about motherhood(ha)I was there then and I am here now as a teacher who has contributed most of her adult life to the wellfare of the children of others. So do I get to go on a trip when I want? pretty much, do I get to have sex on the kitchen sink if my husband comes home for lunch? you bet ya, do I have a killer body and look 10 or more years youngers than my peers? absolutly. I am sorry that I am not sad and miserable and empty- because I think some of you parents wish that people like me were. And for those of you happy parents -alll power to you! Because through all these years as a teacher and confidant to your little ones -let me tell you, your children know if you are happy or not, they feel it and they internalize your feelings in thousand different ways. take care of your children, make children with someone who has the same life values as your self, plan and love 11:45 pm -hubby's looking good...

I don't think that having children makes people "happy", but what it does is make us think of someone other than our own goals and achievements, it makes us share what we have, it makes us be concerned with the future, and it teaches us to sacrifice, and the one thing that raising children does.............is it leaves something on earth behind after you're gone. It is one way to immortalize you and leave something when you pass from this world, and it leaves someone else to value the memories you shared..............I never worked harder than what I worked in the years I raised my daughter full time, but I was also never prouder of any accomplishment either, and I guess the value that comes from raising children is that when you reach an older age and begin to look back and be retrospective, you have something to look back on and be proud to leave behind...............skd500

I must say, I have never seen two groups of people show such derision to each other based on life choices that are no one else's concern. If you want to have kids, good for you. If you don't want to have kids, good for you. Can we all just mind our own business?

There are many more factors in life to consider in determining what makes us happy. What if you have 10 kids and struggle to support them? What if you have no children but are unhappy because you hate your job and your circumstances?

I don't have kids, but I have witnessed 35 years of my parents showing endless love for me and displaying unwavering contentment over their choice to have kids. I also see my younger brother with his 3 small daughters and he's the happiest soul I know.

For those who are angry that others might judge them for not "spawning" or choosing to have kids, I say more power to you. It is an important ant personal choice that is yours and yours alone. I think either choice is one of courage and integrity. I can honestly say, as a parent, I have had moments when I wished I was just alone with my hustband. Now that we are empty nesters, I so get not having kids. The silence is golden and I don't have to plan my life around very, very, needy young souls. So Parents....shut up the nasty comments to those who choose to live thier life as Adults wtihout the incessant cartoon, drama and neverending hard work that comes with raising kids.

It's probably true that it's a little more difficult to "take the plunge" and have kids when you're a little older. After all, you've gotten used to traveling, eating out, sleeping in, etc. Most of the couples I know have waited until they are in their 30's to have kids. I'm 35 and just now my husband and I are thinking of having a family, finally. And it's not because we're supposed to have kids. We are tired of going out at night, and we see the smiles on our friends faces when they talk about their kids. And it's gotten more difficult to find childless friends to spend our weekends with. I truly feel like I need more purpose in my life at this point, and I'm ready (both psychologically and financially) to take on the challenge.

I have five children. Before you punish me about birth control, three of the five are step-chiildren that I raised from a very young age when their Mother walked out on them. I am guilty as charged of producing one of each flavor. I think the whole process is a crap shoot. What the step-children taught me is that missing that critical genetic connection I stood around scratching my head alot. I just didn't "get " them. With my biological children, It is easier to see things coming a mile away and to notice behavior that I have seen in myself and extended family. There is also the genetic passing of talents and gifts that are easier to spot and encourage from an early age. I have had, as all parents, momets and wonder and hours of extrem distress and a general feeling of coplete failure. I think these souls are a gift that are given to us on loan to try and help them find thier way on thier won journey through this mortal sphere. I do think it's a crap shoot where the babies leave the nest and you hold your breath, trusting that you've done everything you can to equip them to be happy, healthy and confident that they are unconditionaly loved, even when they really, really mess up. I'm batting 500. I guess that's not too bad for The Show. And I believe that parenting is The Bigs,

I had to retype my comment over again! Dangit! I wrote that there is no more perfect relationship or love than that between mother and child (at least when they're babies, mine is). Like the author, I too have never felt such a deep love as the one I have for my daughter. As a single mom, yes it's hard, stressful, a lot of work (thank God for family!), but she brings so much joy and meaning to my loved ones. I look forward to the day when I have a husband who feels the same way I do about children to have more; can't imagine it being much better than that.

OKay!, Let me hold a mirror. Most of us are becoming more and more selfish. It is becoming all about ourself. What do you care about children, your elderly parents, or your sick neighbour? As long as "our happiness', is achieved everything is so fine. That is all this study results are about. I still wonder about the type of subjects they had in the research.

"If I knew then what I know now, I would not have had kids."
"Being a mother is the most thankless job in the world."
Quotes verbatim from the ultimate authority in the matter: MY OWN MOTHER.