Having Kids Makes You Happy

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  • Posted By: diligentdave @ 12/28/2008 12:35:55 PM

    (continued) All of our children are bright or talented (like the children in Garrison Keillor's fictitious town of "Lake Wobegon", they are all 'above average' [LOL]). Actually, our 3rd oldest daughter, who just got married, is somewhat academically challenged???but is extremely gifted in art and music. We know that the future (like the past and present) will have its challenges; and its disappointments, as well as joys.

    One of the 'joys' we work for is for our children to "be good". I realize this concept is viewed with ridicule by the secular world. But avoiding "sin" and repenting of it, when not completely avoided, is a key aspect, we believe, to life. We hold most every Monday evening what is called in our (LDS) Church 'Family Home Evening'. We will usually have a lesson, given by myself, my wife, or any of our children, often, but not always, on a moral topic. Sometimes our 'lessons' are on practical things, like the use of money, or preparing for marriage and having a family. We talk a lot about personal relationships, both of those between family members, and with friends and others. (continued)

  • Posted By: diligentdave @ 12/28/2008 12:34:55 PM

    As a father of nine children by one wife (I am #6 from a family of 8; my wife is #11 from a family of 12), even before we married, we decided to try to have as many children as we could. We adopted what we called the "planned parenthood" program. All but our last child are spaced about 2 years apart (#6 and #7 are spaced almost 2-1/2 years apart; and #9 is almost 5 years younger than #8). We have 2 boys and 7 girls. I have been self-employed since our first child was born, which has been a challenge financially. I have two bachelor degrees (acquired in 3-1/2 years). My wife has a year-and-a-half of college. She grew up on a farm in the Midwest. I grew up in the suburbs in Utah. We are both 'LDS' (i.e., "Mormon") and are very active in our church, as are our children. Our 3rd daughter/4th child recently married. We have been pleased with the choice of spouses all of our children have made so far. (Only daughters have gotten married heretofore). Our oldest son will soon be 28, and is still looking for the right woman to marry. So far, we have 4 grandchildren.

    Like any normal family, we have problems. Although finances have long been a challenge. The emotional aspects of raising children have long been among the greatest challenges in our family, and still are. Our 2nd oldest daughter/3rd oldest child, was the first to get married. She & her husband have 2 children. She has long been our greatest challenge as a child. This difficulty manifested itself to me in her behavior as she was held when she was less than a week old! (That threw me for a loop)! As soon as she knew or could say much, everyone was almost daily either invited or uninvited (mostly uninvited) to her birthday party (obviously, that was a big deal to her). It was far less of a big deal, of course, to everyone else.

    This daughter still has her challenges. But she also has made over her life great progress. All of my children have various challenges. Some of them are health-related. Some are emotional. But all nine of our children are great sources of happiness (as well as occasional grief) to us. Our acquaintance with griief makes our joy, when we have it, all the greater. And, like the weather, we appreciate the benefits of both winter and summer. Each have their benefits and their disadvantages. (continued)

  • Posted By: burbank @ 12/28/2008 3:08:01 AM

    Judging from the content of this article one can only assume that parenthood is not for everyone be they married or single. Certainly, the enormous responsibility that comes with raising children should not be taken lightly. The cavilier attitiude that men and women take with that responsibility by acting irresponsibily is worthy of another article as well. But, just because someone decides not to have children does not make them social outcasts either. Granted, the whole procreation thing about being fruitful and multiply makes sense. But for some, their sense of responsibility lies elsewhere and they should not be faulted for that. Those who choose to sacrifice their personal freedom for the responsibility of parenthood should be lauded for their efforts. On the other hand, childless couples or singles have just as much to offer as they, unencumbered by children, can devote their time to causes that give them the same sense of fulfillment that comes with raising children.

  • Posted By: jordanadah @ 07/05/2008 7:29:03 PM

    I have 1 child. Not because I wanted it but because my husband made me. I hate it. I still resent it and it's 30. My marriage was destroyed tho we are still together. My husband quickly realized his mistake. He lost his wife for a child he soon knew he did not really want either. And it never stops. Even tho it is 30 it never stops. It is forever. Thank god it's unmarried and childless.

    • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/24/2008 1:10:08 AM

      This is the most depressing post ever. :( I don't think I want kids, but if I did have one, I would consider it God's will, something that was meant to be, and I would embrace my child and the experience with love and joy. I hope one day you can feel joy from your child as well. :)

  • Posted By: gravybucket @ 07/08/2008 4:22:46 PM

    Anyone who believes in the Bible knows that the decision to have or not have kids isn't somthing just based on our desires... it is a commandment.
    That is why I say that if you feel like you don't "want" to have kids, you should take time for some serious introspection and see what you can change within yourself so that your desires can align with God's. Like I've said several times, I think that two of the major things that keep people from aligning their desires with gods are imaturity and selfishness. People like to create a gray area, but in most things (and certainly this is one) there is a right and a wrong.
    Now, if you don't believe the bible or don't care about God's commandments, not wanting to have kids may be the least of your problems.

    • Posted By: wheresmje @ 07/08/2008 11:06:34 PM

      I am am Christian and my husband is a pastor. And to be frank, Gravy bucket, I am ashamed to be lumped in the same group with you. There are lots of commands that were given to certain people at a certain time. If what you are saying were remotely accurate, then God is also commanding us to tell Pharoah to let his people go. The command to be fruitful and multiply was not given to an overpopulated world, but to the people needing to populate it. If what you are saying is true, why did Jesus not have children? What about Paul saying that it is better for people to stay unmarried? What about Jesus summing up all of the commands with love God and love your neighbor. If a person, even a Christian, can better love God and show his love without having children, who are you to judge? You need to better understand the bible and the purpose of it before you start trying to tell everyone what it says. Because, to be honest, you are falsely representing God by taking his word out of context and twisting it the way you are.

      • Posted By: gravybucket @ 07/11/2008 10:32:31 AM

        How about all of the other commandments? Do you pick and choose based on what you think applies to you today? Is it right for people to say "Thou shalt not kill... but that was for a more barberous group of people in a crazier time," or "Thou shalt not commit adultery... that is so old fashioned, that is just part of dating and relationships in the 21st century." You can derail me for my interpretation of the scriptures as much as you like, but you certainly don't know my level of understanding and the basis for my interpretation.
        Your point that some commands (I'm certainly not going to march around Jericho and blow horns) obviously don't apply to us today, but does that mean that all don't? It's a slippery slope when we try to rationalize our way out of commands by saying that they don't apply today... because what if they do and you're not living it? Scary thought.
        And for those offended because they don't believe in God, the Bible, or whatever. I am merely thinking and writing out of the value system I choose to believe and live. You can believe what you want and live your life according to whatever value system you want. That said, I don't believe all value systems are created equal, nor do I respect all of them. Just because someone believes something, it doesn't mean it is right. Some believe that killing is no big deal... I do not subscribe to that particular value system and I will openly criticize any that do. That is an extreme example, but you get my point. You can believe and live how you want, but you should expect me to subscribe to your value system, just as I don't expect you to subscribe to mine.

        • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/24/2008 12:58:16 AM

          I agree with wheresmje. We must look at the context of scriptures in the bible. People were commanded to "be fruitful and multiply" at at time when the world was still far from being populated. Some commandments withstand the test of time, and Jesus re-stated the commandments from the Old Testament that we were to continue to follow. Of the 10 Commandments, Jesus re-stated all except for the command about the Sabbath. Jesus never said we needed to continue to be fruitful. :)

    • Posted By: Tacocat27 @ 07/08/2008 4:39:42 PM

      The what about Priests and Nuns? They are not allowed to have sex and thus will never have children of their own...so by your logic they are sinners for not reproducing. I really wish you would leave religion out of this, there are so many different beliefs out there besides Christianity that you can't possibly use that as an arguement, you segregate so many people in the process. Plus you really have no right to make judgements on people. I don't go around telling catholics that I believe there is no afterlife or God, so please don't tell me I'm a sinner just because I don't believe in what you do. I respect religion, I do, I think it does a lot of good for many people, but to each their own, what you believe is not neccessarily wrong nor wrong, simply your belief. Your arguement fails in the fact that I don't believe in God, thus I don't see myself as doing anything wrong by not having children.

      • Posted By: gravybucket @ 07/11/2008 10:38:17 AM

        Just because people make a mistake or are living in a certain way based on a misunderstanding of doctrine, it does not mean that they are "bad people" or "going to hell" or anything like that. I think we all make mistakes at times without malice or even knowledge that we're doing something wrong. I believe that priests and nuns are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have and they should be applauded for it. Do I believe that that is a correct principle, no I do not.

      • Posted By: Tacocat27 @ 07/08/2008 4:44:10 PM

        I meant to say that what you believe in is not neccessarily right nor wrong

        my bad

  • Posted By: HollyS @ 07/13/2008 9:03:33 PM

    The decision not to have children is the best decision I ever made, although I can hardly call it a decision because there was never a time in my life when I considered doing it. It's always been obvious to me that children place an intolerable stress on marriage and that most people are inadequate parents. There's only one legitimate reason to have children, and it's that caring for another human being is what you do better than anything else. I've never known anyone that description fits. And having children when there are more than six billion people on this planet is utterly irresponsible. I have no sympathy whatsoever for parents, who stick their hands in my pocket to steal the money, via school taxes, to educate the children they had no business having in the first place; get child tax CREDITS for overpopulating the planet instead of the child tax PENALTIES they should be paying; and then whine about overdevelopment, high taxes and all the other problems caused by the increase in population for which they're responsible.

    • Posted By: gravybucket @ 07/14/2008 10:43:07 AM

      Those are some gross over-generalizations. There are certainly some marriages torn apart by kids and differing opinions about raising them. However, there are plenty of marriages torn apart because they can't have kids or one of the spouses doesn't want kids and the other does. For those mature couples who can come to joint decisions and support each other, kids can be great and strengthen the marriage. So I guess that it depends on the maturity of the couple. Some couples fight over where the other squeezes tooth paste out of the tube and other ridiculous things like that. If you are one of those couples, not only are you immature, but you are probably right to not have kids because you would be at each others throats over every little thing.
      However, for those of us who don't sweat the small stuff and communicate, those problems don't exist.

      As for the "stress on the world" that you speak of... all I can really say to combat such irrationality is "oh please!!" No body is a perfect parent. I don't think anyone ever HAS been a perfect parent. Does that mean no one should be parents? Of course not! Civilization would have ended with Adam and Eve! Our responsibility as parents is to be the best parents we can be... to guide our children to the best of our ability. Those of us who are responsible adults are the ones who SHOULD be having kids. Kids will be born and the human population will continue... but what kind of people do you want running the world in the future? All of the white trash/redneck people who have kids because they don't know any better? If you don't want to have kids and help to raise future leaders, you have no right to complain about the youth of america or the leadership that arises in the future.

      • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/21/2008 5:36:38 PM

        I agree with this. I'm choosing not to have children, but that's much due in part to the fact that I have a hard enough time taking care of myself! If I had children, I would want to be the best parent I could be, and I don't think I have anywhere near the amount of energy that would take. There are other reasons too of course, but this has to be the most important reason for me. Having said that, I'm very happy to see responsible members of society choosing to have kids, as they will most likely make America a better future.

  • Posted By: islandcreek @ 07/29/2008 3:09:22 PM

    This is just another finding that is similar to other cliches from the past like "Looking out for No 1" and "The Me Generation". Why does lifealways have to be "all about me" all of the time. Doesn't anyone understand the value and gratification one gets from being SELFLESS? Being a parent teaches you selflessness. It has NOTHING to do with materialism and narcissism or ego. It is about the genuine joy that I've felt when I've help my kids to understand the world. It's about the joy I've felt when they accomplish something they've strdved hard to do. The reason people are unhappy is do to selfishness, or what I call a lack of gratitute and selflessness.

    • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/21/2008 3:59:43 PM

      This response is so judgemental. Did you honestly have kids because you felt you had to but really didn't want to? If not, and if you "wanted" kids, then you had them for selfish reasons. Parents are just as selfish and non-parents. Bottom line: People do what they want.

  • Posted By: Mystae @ 08/12/2008 12:05:10 PM

    As a mother of two little ones, I can identify with a lot of what is said in this article. I do really miss the days that I could sleep in until noon, and treasure the few that come along when I can sleep in until 9:00.
    HOWEVER, for all those who say that having a child makes you less happy, and therefore isn't worth it, I have this to say: I may not be "happier" per se, but you know, that really isn't the point. Happiness is far different from joy. And while my life is harder, more complicated, and I'm often battle-weary from struggling with a toddler what clothes she's going to wear, my life has JOY. A deep, contented joy that fills my every moment. I have many single/childfree friends, and I have often said that although having children is the hardest thing I've ever done, it's also the single most important thing I've ever done. If I found the cure for cancer, and people remembered my name throughout the ages that would be fantastic, but I still believe that I would feel my biggest contribution to my own personal growth, purpose, and fulfillment would come from raising my children.
    If you really want to know what it means to love, have a child. I say that to anyone, anywhere. I'm not talking about those who get pregnant in order to get that extra bit of food stamps. I'm talking about people who would actually make the commitment to care for a child. Until you have a child, you truly cannot understand what love is capable of. Don't get me wrong, marital love is amazing, and deep, and wonderful, and fulfilling. But something about parental love is incomparable.
    I'm truly happy for all you childfree couples who love your lives, doing all the things that make us child"full??? couples jealous. It's good that you get to experience those things, and I wish I could too, sometimes. But I have had the experience of caring for the elderly. Most have had no children, and have few visitors. I know this happens with elderly who do have children, but the point I'm trying to make is this: every, single elderly person I have cared for who was childless (including those who CHOSE to be childfree), without exception, has told me that their ONLY regret in life was not having a child. Those with children have NOT ONCE made any similar remark about regretting having children. They may regret not being better parents but that is it. Though they may be alone, those with children and grandchildren have the hope of those children, even when they are not around. Those without have no such hope. By hope, I mean that life bears life ??? it is easier to want to live when there is someone to live for. From what I have seen firsthand, it is a horrible thing to grow old and watch your spouse, your friends, your siblings, die off and be truly ALONE.

    I say all of this without the slightest bit of rancor toward those without children, and I know that all of this will (more than likely) not change anyone's opinion. I just wanted to maybe make some people to TH

    • Posted By: ljoli3 @ 10/07/2008 6:54:40 PM

      The notion that only parents will ever know what love is capable of is a complete fallacy. If that were the case then great humanitarians like Mother Theresa by default would not understand "what love is capable of".

      If your greatest reason to have children is the fear of being alone when old then, is it really love that you are capable of or selfishness? My next door neighbor complains of the same thing because her daughter was killed in an accident. But by the same token, she forgets to mention that she is blessed with a wonderful son, whom takes care of all her issues and calls her at least once a day to make sure that she's alright - it's just that he's in another state. Just comes to show that folks are never satisfied with what they have...

      Whether your choice is to have children or not to have children, the honest truth is that we all make these decisions based on our own selfish motives and as a consequence we also must live with the outcomes whatever they may be.

      • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/21/2008 3:55:39 PM

        I agree that people chose to have kids or not to have kids based upon selfish reasons. Also, haven't we all heard the proverb, "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Sometimes, our friends are more loyal than family. Having children because you don't want to be alone in old age isn't a good reason in and of itself, even though for many, it "is" a good reason, as many adore having family around. Not everyone enjoys their family though. I know a lady with over 10 grandchildren, and she has considered moving just to get away from them all. This lady is an absolute "doll," but it's just too much for her. She doesn't "need" all that social interraction - in fact, she does better without it. I love my family deeply, but I often feel more fulfilled when I'm hanging out with my friends, because they "get" and "understand" me on a deeper level. However, I will admit though that the "really good, fun, joy-filled" times spent with my family are the best times of all... it's just that, those times don't happen nearly as often, because we're all so different from one another. Family get togethers often stress me out and make me feel excluded - why would I want even "more" of that in my life?

  • Posted By: IShallProceed @ 08/12/2008 11:09:26 PM

    As the mother of two (technically both tweens) I can truly say: Sometimes having kids is extremely cool, sometimes it's not cool at all. Many days I am so proud of them I don't think it could get much better. Some days (though thankfully not the entire day), I want to move and give no forwarding address. This is life and I'm sure my husband feels the exact same way. If you undertook the idea that having kids would make you perpetually gleeful you were bound to be sadly mistaken. Kids are just people who have yet to reach their full height potential. They have personalities like your coworkers, waiters, bosses, cousins, and others that you encounter everyday. Some of these people you really like and some you don't. And even if you like them, they can still do stuff to tick you off. It's no different with kids. I think part of the problem is that society tells you that you have to be the perfect parent. No such animal exists. The day I realized that ,is the day I learned to relax and enjoy my kids, to hang around them when we're clicking and retreat to a neutral corner when we need to give each other some space. But the fact remains that they KNOW that I love them. I'm sure that I get on their nerves too but as I recall, this was the nature of the relationship I had with my parents.

    For those who choose not to go down this road, that's cool. My life is not per se better than yours just because I chose to have kids, just I suspect that your life is not better than mind because you chose not to. It's all in what you want to do with your life. But I will say this: I have tried to raise my kids to be as kind and pleasant as possible and my friends who don't have kids of their own really dote on my kids. This is a wonderful situation in that they get to give love to kids without having them underfoot all the time. Therefore, let's not turn this into a war. If you want kids, then have them. But know going in that they will not necessarily 1) give your life meaning 2) help you hold onto a relationship 3)provide you unconditional love. That's too much of a burden to place on any human being. Also for those who want a child, it's okay to have just one. Don't let anybody guilt you into having more than you can handle.

    • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/21/2008 3:43:31 PM

      What a wonderful and level-headed comment!!!! This should be pinned or something - everyone should read this!!! Thank you for posting. :)

  • Posted By: BlueCornMoon @ 08/12/2008 11:59:39 PM

    I'm past 50 & don't have kinds. I never met the right person so I never married. To tell the truth I could never really see myself being pregnant,giving birth & being a mother altho I love kids. The final decision was in effect made for me because I never had to tell a prospective husband that I didn???t want to have kids.I'm an elementary teacher & have had thousands of kids in my 30+ year career.I love teaching kids & watching them learn .I've gotten commendations for my work with kids. Am I miserable? NO. I have several gal pals who are the same way. No husband no kids.No adoption either because we grew up in happy two parent families & believe that???s the best way to raise kids.

    I say this...be true to yourself ; ignore pop culture, people who bring up the Bible???s ???be fruitful & multiply??? & whatever other folks say about your decision. The real sin is bringing a kid into this world just to please others, or having one & not caring for it properly. Better to have NONE than to do that. If you want kids,have them. If you don't want them,don't have them & each side respect the other's decisions. There's no law that says you have to do either so do what you want.It???s one of the most personal decisions you???ll ever make & outsiders should NOT be involved. It???s YOUR LIFE not theirs! I think a lot of folks who really gripe about having their kids around all summer or having to spend lots of time with them when they don't want to probably had kids because "that's what you're supposed to do" & they went along & followed the crowd.....without really thinking about what parenting involves & whether they really wanted to do it. It was more important to them to avoid being thought weird or selfish & now they're miserable.

    Saying everyone should have kids is like saying everyone should become a neurosurgeon because it???s important even if they???re clumsy, have NO ability & don???t want to. Would you want to go to such a surgeon? Would you want to be raised by parents that didn???t really want you?
    My parents never got sick of us & always told us how much we were wanted & loved.We had a happy childhood & family life???thru good & bad times.. till they passed away.

    • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/21/2008 3:40:59 PM

      Thanks for this comment. :) It's nice to know there are others who also enjoy children but have chosen to not have any of their own, and are still happy. :)

  • Posted By: j7523 @ 08/23/2008 2:45:23 PM

    Question: Does having children make you happy? That depends on your viewpoint! It is true that your life can be turned up side down with babies, even as they grow from toddlers, to adolescents, to teens, to young adults, and beyond. There is lots of noise, confusion, arguing, disruption in routine, expenses, loss of sleep, etc. The list could go on forever! But, the end result is that you, as a person, mature in ways that you never thought you would. Not with standing all of the negativity posted above, children TEACH US... Each one has a different personality, and by some mysterious unknown power we learn things that we could never learn without them. Things like being selfless, being forgiving, being completely loving, being able to extend ourselves for someone else, sharing when we don't feel like it... My own children have taught me to stop and smell the roses...to follow my dreams...to take time for me...how easy it is to be soft and gentle to others...to find pleasure in a job well done...to view things from a different perspective...and to just be happy with life and to be alive. I have seven children and i am thankful for each and every one. They were typical kids as they were growing, however they have grown and developed into thoughtful, caring, selfless, hardworking adults. All seven believe in a free enterprise system, utlizing their God given talents, and living llife to it's fullest. I am "blessed" greatly for being a part of their lives. joanpg/Orem,UT

    • Posted By: Manee1 @ 08/28/2008 11:33:37 AM

      Unfortunately, many people with children don't emphasize or even realize that one can acheive all those things in oneself without having children. I don't need to have children to be selfless, forgiving, completely loving, be able to extend myself for someone else, sharing when I don't feel like it. I can stop and smell the roses, follow my dreams, take time for myself, be soft and gentle to others, find pleasure in a job well done, view things from a different perspective...and to just be happy with life and to be alive. All without having kids! Kids aren't necessary for any of that. I'm happy for those who have found those things out through their path of having kids, but kids aren't needed for any of it.

      • Posted By: ATrueTexan @ 12/21/2008 3:35:07 PM

        I do not have kids and agree completely that you don't need children to be taught those things!! In fact, just the opposite can be true for many "after" having children - some people were kinder, more loving, more patient, etc "before" the added challenges of motherhood. I am sure that motherhood can bring out qualities you never knew you had. Life is harder after kids, and not everyone has the ability to beautifully adjust to it, as the original poster was able to do. I see a lot of very frustrated, overwhelmed parents... to "truly" be a kind, patient, loving person, you need a fairly good sense of well-being and peace in your life, right? I see lots of parents that don't seem to have that peaceful sense of well-being. I do agree though that despite all the challenges, I'm sure most parents are left knowing they added something special to the world and that they find meaning and fulfillment in their children, since most parents do love their kids... though I'm sure that love is often conditional. :)

  • Posted By: Greenwoman @ 11/06/2008 3:55:03 PM

    The change in our collective attitude to authority is what makes parenting stressful. We only recently emerged from a world that raised children primarily through punishment, and inflexible rules. It's taking us some time to master the new way of parenting. Consider: the old paradigm was in effect for about eight thousand years.

  • Posted By: Greenwoman @ 11/06/2008 3:51:38 PM

    Thank you "Time Matters" for some clear, helpful guidelines. I'm surprised that Lorraine Ali's article does not mention what I believe is the single greatest change in childrearing since the 1950's when I grew up: the improvement in our collective attitude toward authority. Children were once punished for "bad" behavior, and the rules were usually not negotiable. I know this caused great tension for those of us who struggled to raise children during the 1970's. We knew full well what now we should NOT do, but new alternatives were a challenge to learn, since we had NOT been raised even remotely like the new way in which we were attempting to raise our kids.
    Wouldn't it be wonderful if in 2008 we have finally reached the end of that shift, and a calmer, balanced approach to parenting becomes doable, day in, day out.

  • Posted By: time matters @ 10/16/2008 12:08:45 AM

    A great deal of a parent's level of happiness has to do with both structural and cultural realities. When my son was born (and he's 2.5 now), my husband and I have both grown and become - for the first time, truly content and happy. I am FAR less angry, far less bitchy, far more forgiving now. We laugh so much more since the birth of our toddler. Why? A few reasons that were not addressed in this article. 1) we both have jobs that pay well, have good health care, subsidized and excellent childcare, flexible hours (so my son is only in childcare 20 hours a week, though we both work almost full time). And we have both made very conscious decisions to live well within our means. So we get all those benefits, and we both work about 35 hours a week (we are both in education). And no, neither one of us comes from money, either. We have the TIME and the STRUCTURAL support that ALLOWS us to develop our capacity for happiness as a family. 2) The second reason is that we believe in attachment parenting. Our baby was worn constantly for the first year, we still nurse him, and we still cosleep. We will continue to cosleep until my son wants his own bed/room (and for those who wonder about sex, we have 6 other rooms in our house). Sleeping together is the most precious, sweet time that we send together. Waking up together is our favorite part of the day. Close attachment builds connections, and those connections are the human foundation for well-being. My husband spends as much time with out son as I do, and we also spend a great deal of time together as a family. The point is that most parents in our country do not have the time they need to make their families work. Often, this is...sadly....THEIR OWN CHOICE. That's sad. Aside from working poor (who need way ore societal support than what they currently receive), most parents could really cut down their hours at work, increase their family time, and actually get to that happy state that is our cultural ideal.

    This is true whether a family decides to have children or not. Time together matters, and so do decent wages and health insurance.

  • Posted By: budlightgirl @ 09/23/2008 9:47:13 PM

    It is true you dont have to have kids to make a happy and succesful life"And to be know as a loving kind ,gentle person or caring for other's. it's your own choose if you want kids or not in my case i wanted aleast one to experince motherhood. some people may say there little devil's or they make you nut;s in some cases they do.but the thing i love most is your child tells you they love, yeah you might hear it from other's but, it is nothing like your own child telling you. And also they are good little helper's there just so special it;s hard to explane really . to me nothing is better then being a mother

  • Posted By: budlightgirl @ 09/23/2008 9:45:53 PM

    It is true you dont have to have kids to make a happy and succesful life"And to be know as a loving kind ,gentle person or caring for other's. it's your own choose if you want kids or not in my case i wanted aleast one to experince motherhood. some people may say there little devil's or they make you nut;s in some cases they do.but the thing i love most is your child tells you they love, yeah you might hear it from other's but, it is nothing like your own child telling you. And also they are good little helper's there just so special it;s hard to explane really . to me nothing is better then being a mother

  • Posted By: bobwil @ 06/30/2008 12:55:43 PM

    I happen to think that in this day and age, having a child is the more selfish of the two choices. The world is already overpopulated. Our own planet can no longer sustain us. Just look at the price of oil, food, and ongoing floods. But people still want to have little children who look just like them, so they make more babies to continue to overburden this planet. I'm glad that in 100 years I'll be gone and I actually wonder how parents can look at their children after watching the news at night and not be terrified of what they've done by bringing that child that they love so much into this world. I feel bad enough thinking about what my beauitful nieces are going to have to endure in 70 years. children

    • Posted By: mamalion @ 08/13/2008 12:59:10 PM

      How selfish of you to act as judge and jury regarding the world population stats. My husband and I have a daughter, whom we waited almost five years to have after our wedding so as to meet our ideal of financially responsible and will not have more. Just because folks who can't grasp the concept of family planning or chose to reproduce like rabbits because of various selfish reasons - i.e. producing anchor babies, to collect more welfare money or simply because they can't keep their legs closed, does not mean I should not have a family that I can more than support and am teaching "old school values" that so many adults are shockingly deficient in. Getting pregnant is not contagious - you don't drink the water and become knocked up. It is the direct result of an activity that you are not forced to engage in, so therefore perhaps a little planning might keep this population from exploding anymore than it already has. Want to slow down the population growth? Stop enabling those who can't take care of one child, let alone ten and quit giving the handouts. Like my mom always says "if the government would stop handing out freebies and folks had to take responsibility for themselves and their families, there would less women popping out babies.

  • Posted By: IShallProceed @ 08/12/2008 11:07:24 PM

    As the mother of two (technically both tweens) I can truly say: Sometimes having kids is extremely cool, sometimes it's not cool at all. Many days I am so proud of them I don't think it could get much better. Some days (though thankfully not the entire day), I want to move and give no forwarding address. This is life and I'm sure my husband feels the exact same way. If you undertook the idea that having kids would make you perpetually gleeful you were bound to be sadly mistaken. Kids are just people who have yet to reach their full height potential. They have personalities like your coworkers, waiters, bosses, cousins, and others that you encounter everyday. Some of these people you really like and some you don't. And even if you like them, they can still do stuff to tick you off. It's no different with kids. I think part of the problem is that society tells you that you have to be the perfect parent. No such animal exists. The day I realized that ,is the day I learned to relax and enjoy my kids, to hang around them when we're clicking and retreat to a neutral corner when we need to give each other some space. But the fact remains that they KNOW that I love them. I'm sure that I get on their nerves too but as I recall, this was the nature of the relationship I had with my parents.

    For those who choose not to go down this road, that's cool. My life is not per se better than yours just because I chose to have kids, just I suspect that your life is not better than mind because you chose not to. It's all in what you want to do with your life. But I will say this: I have tried to raise my kids to be as kind and pleasant as possible and my friends who don't have kids of their own really dote on my kids. This is a wonderful situation in that they get to give love to kids without having them underfoot all the time. Therefore, let's not turn this into a war. If you want kids, then have them. But know going in that they will not necessarily 1) give your life meaning 2) help you hold onto a relationship 3)provide you unconditional love. That's too much of a burden to place on any human being. Also for those who want a child, it's okay to have just one. Don't let anybody guilt you into having more than you can handle.

  • Posted By: nerdkitteh @ 08/12/2008 2:47:16 PM

    Happiness comes from within;external things will not make you happy. When you have children, you have to consider their needs in every aspect of your life. Does that make you unhappy, or does that make you think? Often the teacher learns from the student. Those of us who had children later in life know what it is like to be "childfree," but those who are childfree will not experiece the joys and sorrows that children bring. Do you dare risk that level of love, or what if the pendulum swings the other way? I dove into the gene pool, made the big wager, and I really like the almost adult people who are my progeny.

  • Posted By: JJsostail @ 07/02/2008 8:38:54 PM

    While I'm sure much of this article is probably true, nothing ca eclipse the enjoyment of my Daughters' giggles. Sure there are hard times, but those giggles cure all that is wrong in the world.

    • Posted By: ZenGarden @ 07/09/2008 12:21:33 AM

      No problem. As long as I don't have to put up with your daughter's giggles at my local coffee shop as I try to read my Harper's Magazine (which is thankfully unspoiled by spilled milk, baby formula, or feces) than I wish you all the joy in the world.

      • Posted By: wildrose @ 08/12/2008 9:47:38 AM

        We live life in stages, don't you think? I was single for a decade as a young adult; then married without children for a decade; now married with children. Parts of all three phases were terrible; most of all three phases were (and are) wonderful. They are also all different. I have a husband I love, a great career, two sons, and no money. Life is still good. Am I happy every minute? No. But would I trade my life for yours, Zen Garden? I think not--you're too cranky! All of you who don't want kids--PLEASE DON'T. Kids deserve to have parents who delight in them.

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