Having Kids Makes You Happy

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  • Posted By: JakeYoo @ 06/30/2008 5:59:26 PM

    I would be very interested in seeing a similar study of parents vs non-parents happiness (and quality of life) as they age, especially as many people end up taking care of their parents in the later years. I think this is one of the main expectations of children in the back of parents minds - that they will care for them when they are old and they wont have to age and die alone.

  • Posted By: TedKennedy @ 06/30/2008 2:43:46 PM

    What happened to the Sloans when they got old? Who cared for them? It sounds mercenary perhaps, but one of the greatest benefits of kids is to have someone to care for you in your old age. Just as children were useful in an agrarian society to work the land, they are still useful to the elderly. I have cared for three elderly people at different times (my grandmother, my mother, and the mother of a close friend), and it is real work, but a real benefit to those people.
    Also, I find it curious that having "a sense of purpose and meaning" is categorized differently than "happiness." I think having a sense of purpose and meaning is one of the most important components of happiness. Many people these days are "looking for happiness in all the wrong places."

    • Posted By: Igloo0609 @ 06/30/2008 5:46:28 PM

      It is very nice that you took care of your parents/relatives etc, but do not expect that to be always true. There isn't a signed contract that one's kids have to take care of him/her in the future. To pretend there is such security is lying to oneself.

    • Posted By: wichart @ 06/30/2008 4:14:27 PM

      Teddy, my boy...how about people taking care of themselves for a change? ;-) Try saving enough money to live in an assisted-living community when you get old instead of relying on your children. I think personal responsibility makes for a great "sense of purpose and meaning"... one that we've essentially forgotten about in the U.S. BTW, my job gives me a great "sense of purpose and meaning", but I wouldn't say that having to work makes me happier than I would be if I didn't need a job. As luck would have it, I don't NEED to raise any children, because the world is already over-populated, so I can forego the extra work and expense I would take on by fulfilling that particular "sense of purpose and meaning".

    • Posted By: fuzzys @ 06/30/2008 3:52:12 PM

      Having children is no guarantee that they will care for you in your old age. Look at the millions of elderly who die alone in nursing homes each year, with no visitors. Nor does being childfree guarantee that no one will care for your in your old age. My grandmother was cared for by her niece because none of her children wanted to deal with it.

      That is the dumbest reason ever to have children. Besides why would you want to burden your own children that way?

    • Posted By: Johnsonium @ 06/30/2008 3:41:50 PM

      "looking for happiness in all the wrong places."

      Yeah...like in children.

  • Posted By: Gwenndalynne @ 06/30/2008 2:49:08 PM

    The grumpiest people I know have NO kids and never wanted any. They are so self absorbed, they have no concept of reality. Now, it is a totally different situation if they have no kids, but wanted them but cannot because of medical reasons. It is also totally different if they have them but NEVER wanted any. You can't lump everyone in "All or None' categories. You also can't go by peoples own definition of 'happy" when they answer their own questions on a form without long term observations from an unbiased person. This is a typical BOGUS pyschoanalytical study!!

    • Posted By: Igloo0609 @ 06/30/2008 5:39:53 PM

      I happen to know many extremely nice and joyous people who are childless by choice!!

    • Posted By: Johnsonium @ 06/30/2008 3:24:38 PM

      "they have no concept of reality"

      Would that be the reality of having kids? Their reality is child-free. They aren't selfish. In fact, bringing a child into this world can be one of the most selfish acts I can think of.

  • Posted By: globet5 @ 06/30/2008 4:56:46 PM

    I don't think that the point of this article was to help people become abortionists and help with killing children. Some parents do a god job of it already. Some parents can manage to keep their sanity and not kill their children or others. To each their own.

    • Posted By: basedrum777 @ 06/30/2008 5:39:31 PM

      And get out of here with the religious doctrine. Thanks but go to church if you want to preach.

  • Posted By: Ocvoice @ 06/30/2008 4:35:20 PM

    another way to look at it is our obligation to society. bringing people into the world is life's most unselfish contribution. so whether it makes you happy or not is only relevant to the self-centered couple. and i don't mean that in a bad way. it is these couples that should not be having children in the first place because they would probably not be good parents.

    • Posted By: basedrum777 @ 06/30/2008 5:36:55 PM

      First off your implication that those people who choose not to have children would not be good at parenting is assinine. I have met more parents who are terrible but wanted to fill their duty to society than I can count. In fact you need only go to a restraurant at 9pm on a Friday to realize that society's inclination to encourage reproduction by most is a travesty. Secondly to indicate that it is selfish to not procreate I would say that you are obviously oblivious to the fact that a majority of people who don't have children are doing so because they feel the can contribute to society in ways not measured in the number of their offspring. I would take 100 people who take responsibility for their own lives rather than having children for the chance that those people will contribute to society. Based on what I've seen its more a blessing than a curse that many choose not to have children.

    • Posted By: fuzzys @ 06/30/2008 5:01:34 PM

      Or, in light of overpopulation, it could be looked at as the most selfish contribution. I would tend to look at adoption as far less selfish than bringing yet another child into this world of dwindling resources. As far childless couples being bad parents, well that may be true, in which case isn't it for the best that they not have children? On the other hand you cannot know that - many people who choose not to have children are wonderful with their neices and nephews, students, etc. And look at the many millions of bad parents who DO have children. The main issue I have with the whole thing is that so few people really think about having kids before they do it. They just follow whatever hormonal "need" or societal expectation that they perceive. Some regret it, some don't. I just wish everyone would THINK about it first.

  • Posted By: Goatskull @ 06/30/2008 3:30:05 PM

    My wife and I are 46 and we don't have any kids and don't want to. No one has ever questioned our decision and no one we come accross seems to care one way or the other what we do. Do any of you who are childless actually get grief from others? I guess either my wife and I are surrounded only by people who don't seem to care what others do or we are just very oblivious to others.

    • Posted By: Haether @ 06/30/2008 5:27:29 PM

      To answer your question: Yes, all the time when we lived in the Midwest. Now that we're in the urban East, people don't say anything.

  • Posted By: nenadaconte @ 06/30/2008 4:49:54 PM

    I am a 32 year old female, married for 7 years, and so far I haven't felt the need or desire to have kids.
    I do have one thing very clear: If and when I decide to become a mother, I will adopt. This world is over-populated. There are thousands of parentless children who go to bed every night hoping to be adopted.
    Thankfully, my husband agrees with all of this.

    • Posted By: DisciplineIsFreedom @ 06/30/2008 5:21:46 PM

      I think yours is probably the only completely unselfish comment on this page. Kudos to you and your husband. Since you will know the suffering you alleviated in the life of someone who was already born and already destined for a life of much greater suffering without you, every act of care you do for the children you adopt will truly fill you with energy and contentment. You are selflessly giving service, not making new toys in your own image so you can see your little self accomplish all kinds of things and then take care of you when you're old. You are not creating another drain on the Earth's resources. You are doing something entirely good and generous and that will transform the act into something truly fulfilling.

  • Posted By: bababaloo19 @ 06/30/2008 4:29:50 PM

    It seems that many people confuse loving someone with being "happy". You can love your children more then anything in the world but it doesn't necessarily equate to happiness. When you look at the range of emotions parents must deal with, worry while the children are growing up, loneliness when they move away, anger when they make decisions you don't agree with, sadness when something bad happens to them, it's no wonder people without children tend to be "happier" in the clinical sense of the word.
    I have seen new mom's who cry everday despite the fact that it should be the "happiest" time of their life, it certainly doesn't mean they don't love their new child. Happiness needs to come from within ourselves, and no other person whether it's a child or a spouse should control our own individual happiness. It's about finding joy in life whether that be from reading a good book, taking a walk or playing with your kids.

    • Posted By: DisciplineIsFreedom @ 06/30/2008 5:16:40 PM

      I think the article is talking about overall contentment with one's life. That is happiness. There is a difference between joy, enjoyment, pleasure, love and happiness. All those things are feelings, but happiness is a state of mind, not a feeling. When you feel each day that your life is exactly what it is supposed to be, that everything is in place and that you are living the life you came here to live, then you are content. When you feel like you are just struggling to survive, dragging yourself from day to day, and grasping at each straw of fleeting joy just to justify it all to yourself, then you are not happy. You will know moments of joy, love, and other positive emotions, but you are not overall a happy person. The article is saying that this overall sense of happiness with one's life is found more often in childfree couples than in ones raising children. That's all.

    • Posted By: lalawalabala @ 06/30/2008 4:56:22 PM

      why is there confusion between love and happy? they are one in the same, whether you love your job, boss, boyfriend, or kids?

      Ask anybody that is childless if they are happy and the might say 'yes'. Ask anybody that has lost a child if they are happy and the answer might be different.

      maybe this is where the confusion of this article...the definition of happiness. i was happy childless. when i got pregnant i was afraid and scared. having kids was such as foreign thing.

      now, i stare at my son while he sleeps at night and i can tell you that i'm happy. not in the sense of 'just got a new car' happy. or not in the 'i just got wasted at the night club and got laid' feeling...(if you call that being happy).

      but then i think that you as a person change when you have kids....and the things that you thought were important before...are not. ....and the things that made you happy before do not.

  • Posted By: Jeeprs99 @ 06/30/2008 4:28:57 PM

    Could the decision to have or not to have children be based on how you were raised? I've been married for 7 years with no kids. I'm undecided based on my childhood. My parents both made it clear that we were more a hassle to them than a joy. So that leads me to believe that I'll be a terrible parent and I'd hate to have kids who feel that way as adults (as I do now).

    • Posted By: Igloo0609 @ 06/30/2008 5:09:11 PM

      This is probably true, I have seen many friends who were not loved by their parents resent being parents themselves.

  • Posted By: BrotherLou @ 06/30/2008 5:01:59 PM

    Well it certainly makes the kids happy. Seeing happy children at play gives me a deep abiding joy, a reconnect to the happy times of my own childhood. I have noticed that some adults are NOT amused by the activities of happy children, this is to be expected, some people think that most music is just noise. Yes the early years are hard, but they're comparatively brief. Did it ever occur to the author, that she never saw the childless neighbors unhappy because they were always happy to see her? Did she ask herself why the candy dish was always fun? People can adjust to anything, even a painful malady or a chronic deprivation. Our society may indeed be shaping itself to be more adjusted to the absence of children than to their presence. Similarly, in those pre-birthcotrol days, people adjusted to large families. Our culture is changing, that's a constant, but there are no absolutes in these slice of life studies. What do you think caused the post-war baby boom? That was society adjusting itself to a more optimistic future. If it is true that today people are happier in a childless family environment, I wonder what are the causative factors. I assure you I wouln't be, couldn't be, and I am nothing if not a man who otherwise enjoys solitude.

  • Posted By: jroberts0078@msn.com @ 06/30/2008 3:26:36 PM

    I am turning 30 and have no children. Some people don't agree, especially since my husband joined the army. We are not against having children. It just hasn't happened yet. I am feeling the pressure of turning 30 and feeling like we are gonna run out of time but at the same time I see how much harder it has been on all of my friends with children.... military and not. We are sticking to the "wait and see if it happens" attitude. I have to say I don't think it is selfish to decide not to have children.... It would be cool.... but we are happy either way and would not be traumatized if we never do.... it is kinda fun to be able to "up and go" on vacations or whatever.

    • Posted By: martha4yost@gmail.com @ 06/30/2008 3:37:05 PM

      freeze your eggs -- and you'll have another 10 years to decide -- don't' worry about it Age 30 is nuttin' -- it wilil be great only when you feel like you've done everything else you wanted to do.

      • Posted By: DisciplineIsFreedom @ 06/30/2008 4:59:44 PM

        Yet more selfish-minded advice. Sure, wait until you're in your 40s to have kids. Never mind the kids will be still in high school when you retire. Nevermind that if you live the average lifespan, 75, you'll be in your final years and probably expecting them to support you when they are in their 30s. It's all about you, right, about what having kids can do for you? No, I think you're above the advice you're being given. Freeze your eggs if you want if that gives you peace of mind knowing you have a choice on the back burner, but decide to have kids in your 30s if you are going to have them at all. Life is going to be hard enough for them even if you do your best for them. Try at least not to burden them with ailing parents when they're only a few years out of grad school.

  • Posted By: OkiHibiscus @ 06/30/2008 4:56:39 PM

    I don't think that having kids makes you less happy. It it all comes down to how you view your life. Negativity has a way of worming its way into everyones life no matter who you are and what your "child" status is. Life is a constant struggle to be "happy" in whatever way each individual views that term. I can't say that I'm ecstatic about losing my childless nights on the town, or being able to go to the rest room by my self or any number of things that can be done easier without a child. But I would'nt give it up for the world, and after being reintroduced to the "night on the town" after four years of "child hell" I can honestly say that, that I surely do NOT miss. I'm glad to have my four year old son, and having him makes up for those times that I just can't do something by my self. You pick your battles and you are given the choice to be happy with what decisions you've made and what you've been given. And if most are not happy, then it's not because they do or do not have children, it's because they chose to not find the joy in what they have...

  • Posted By: boxerche @ 06/30/2008 3:25:11 PM

    At fifty years old, I am finally able to enjoy life and all the things I have always wanted to do. Even though I can now come and go as I please, without all the responsibilities (and WORK) of raising a family, I find that, at times I think I would much rather the hustle and bustle of every day life taking care of three children instead of this newfound freedom. I know raising my three children was definately the best part of my life. I look back on those days with such love and contentment, and I know it was the best thing I ever did. Everything has so much more meaning when you are looking through the eyes of your child. It makes life so much more meaningful. And now, I can do it all again with my grandchildren!

    • Posted By: DisciplineIsFreedom @ 06/30/2008 4:54:09 PM

      Or here's another idea, instead of switching over to living vicariously through yet another group of innocent young humans, why not take this time to finally develop a direct experience of your own inner joy? Why not do the hard work of developing a sense of life meaning that isn't about simply creating more life? Believe or not, there actually is more meaning to existence than existence itself. And maybe you'll eventually find the courage to look for that, instead of losing yourself within the distraction of other people's lives.

  • Posted By: camaro98541 @ 06/30/2008 4:48:07 PM

    YES! Having Kids makes me happy. I'm the wife of Tim, I just had a baby and I wouldn't change the fact that I brought her into this world. She makes me happy. All of my kids make me happy. Its the little things that kids do to make it all worth your while, from the little kisses to the songs they sing and all the little stuff in between. To those who think having kids don't make people happy your wrong.

  • Posted By: bababaloo19 @ 06/30/2008 4:46:51 PM

    It seems that many people confuse love with happiness. You can love your child more then anything in the world but it doesn't necessarily equate with being "happy". When you look at the range of emotions a parent must face, worry while the child is growing up, loneliness when they move away, anger when they make a decision you don't agree with, sadness when something bad happens to them, it's easy to see why that may not add up to being happy in the clinical sense of the word. Each person should find happiness within their own life, whether it is reading a book, spending time with your kids, or taking a walk with your spouse. We all need to define happiness for ourselves and take pleasure in our lives with or without children.

  • Posted By: honestleah @ 06/30/2008 4:43:39 PM

    1st for those of you who see this article as another 'sign for downfall of society' RELAX we are but a few and by the way I am a conservative-yup without children.
    I love the titles we are called here 'grumpy', mean, depressed...please. I have worked with children all life and love them dearly and they too love me. I am surrounded by nieces and nephews who see me as mommy #2 . I get to enjoy the gifts of their love and adoration and just their plain loveliness. I get to read them stories and tuck them in at night when ever I want to, and they can't get enough of me and my husband. BUT when they go home my husband and I get to be the children. We are playful and happy and are going strong on 10 years. I am happy and can say that without the slightest doubt. Many women will not admit or voice how they are not as happy as they thought they might be, also on more occasions it is the husband that is more fullfilled by family/children/marriage not the woman. I am not saying all, but many. I read a lot of people with children talk about happiness in the 'long run'. I don't measure my happiness by knowing that when I am old I will force my children to change my own diapers as I cling on to another year because that is what I did for them- I mean really, how selfish! If you are going to have children do it for one reason only- for their sake. There are way too many children that are brought into this world for selfish reasons,or are even accidents and suffer for the rest of their lives only to repeat the cycle most often than not. So don't be so judgemental and lump all people who don't wANT TO HAVE CHILDREN AS SAD, BROKEN, OR MEAN. By the way I am 36 and look like I am 24- I am happy and I travel and am pursuing a PHD.

  • Posted By: honestleah @ 06/30/2008 4:43:15 PM

    1st for those of you who see this article as another 'sign for downfall of society' RELAX we are but a few and by the way I am a conservative-yup without children.
    I love the titles we are called here 'grumpy', mean, depressed...please. I have worked with children all life and love them dearly and they too love me. I am surrounded by nieces and nephews who see me as mommy #2 . I get to enjoy the gifts of their love and adoration and just their plain loveliness. I get to read them stories and tuck them in at night when ever I want to, and they can't get enough of me and my husband. BUT when they go home my husband and I get to be the children. We are playful and happy and are going strong on 10 years. I am happy and can say that without the slightest doubt. Many women will not admit or voice how they are not as happy as they thought they might be, also on more occasions it is the husband that is more fullfilled by family/children/marriage not the woman. I am not saying all, but many. I read a lot of people with children talk about happiness in the 'long run'. I don't measure my happiness by knowing that when I am old I will force my children to change my own diapers as I cling on to another year because that is what I did for them- I mean really, how selfish! If you are going to have children do it for one reason only- for their sake. There are way too many children that are brought into this world for selfish reasons,or are even accidents and suffer for the rest of their lives only to repeat the cycle most often than not. So don't be so judgemental and lump all people who don't wANT TO HAVE CHILDREN AS SAD, BROKEN, OR MEAN. By the way I am 36 and look like I am 24- I am happy and I travel and am pursuing a PHD.

  • Posted By: OkiHibiscus @ 06/30/2008 4:27:40 PM

    I don't think that having kids makes you less happy. It it all comes down to how you view your life. Negativity has a way of worming its way into everyones life no matter who you are and what your "child" status is. Life is a constant struggle to be "happy" in whatever way each individual views that term. I can't say that I'm ecstatic about losing my childless nights on the town, or being able to go to the rest room by my self or any number of things that can be done easier without a child. But I would'nt give it up for the world, and after being reintroduced to the "night on the town" after four years of "child hell" I can honestly say that, that I surely do NOT miss. I'm glad to have my four year old son, and having him makes up for those times that I just can't do something by my self. You pick your battles and you are given the choice to be happy with what decisions you've made and what you've been given. And if most are not happy, then it's not because they do or do not have children, it's because they chose to not find the joy in what they have...

  • Posted By: Jeeprs99 @ 06/30/2008 4:26:17 PM

    Could the decision to have or not to have children be based on how you were raised? I've been married for 7 years with no kids. I'm undecided based on my childhood. My parents both made it clear that we were more a hassle to them than a joy. So that leads me to believe that I'll be a terrible parent and I don't want to have kids who feel that way as adults.

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