Having Kids Makes You Happy

Many things have changed over the years in having and raising children. Yes, at times its difficult, but there are few joys in the world that can compare to having children and raising them to be independent and positive influences in the world around them. As the father of 7 this comment is not grounded in assumptions. The issue I see in this is that we are judging having children as the cause for "unhappiness", as opposed to the societal ills that are really the causes of problems. Way to much for our pleasure vss. for the common good.

I have three kids, one that I had in my early 20's who is now a teen, and two under 4. I love my children to death, but being a parent is not an easy or exciting job. My teenager, is very rebellious, my two and four year old I cannot take out in public without the embarassement of them having their toddler fits and crying for everything under the sun. At the end of the day, I would say that having kids have not made my life happier because I was not a happy person to began with. Sometimes I do envy my friends that are childless because they have thier freedom and ability to rest at times. I think kids are not for everyone, I personally think that I bit off way more than I can chew.

Do people not understand the difference between research, which shows more "global" information, as compared to their own personal experience? All the exceptions to the rule are writing in, saying this isn't true. Please realize this research is about generalities, not your own personal story.

I find studies such as this pretty meaningless. Who could possibly be the control group? What is the "happy" standard, ie how is "happiness" defined? By having "a martini"?!? There is the happiness of the 8 year old, 18 year old, 28 year old, 48 year old, 88 year old, are these comparable? By such logic, parents who have suffered the tragic loss of a child should see an increase in their happiness quotient, but I seriously doubt that was discovered to be the case (or even considered). Furthermore, is every childless couple happier than every couple with kids? Obviously not, so why are their differences. This is just another case of social science pretending to be real science. I am sure that some people are happier w/o kids and some people are happier with kids. I fall in the last group. My wife and I are much happier now over the 7 years since are daughter was born. I wouldn't go back for anything.

I just turned 43, married 19 wonderful years, youngest of 12 and I can say I have no regrets not having children. It was never something I thought of as a young girl "I HAVE to have kids when I grow up". This may be due in part to having a house full of nieces and nephews at a young age; after all I was a year old when my first nephew arrived.

I will say that I have heard many time from my older siblings "I wouldn't take anything in the world for my kids but you're SO lucky you don't have any!". Of course this is always after one of them has done something they shouldn't. I have been a witness to heartaches and triumps with them all. With many great nieces and nephews now I have the pleasure of always have a little one around to spoil - I just get to send them home :-)

Thank you for bringing out what I've felt is my dirty secret. I'm 31, with two toddlers, and have put aside my career for the sake of my children. It's a choice I grudgingly make every day. I love my children deeply, but a lot of times I don't really like them. I envy other women without kids. It is a myth that you can have it all - career, family, something has to give.

Comment: I've read and re-read most of the comments and sicussion pieces posted here, and I'm seeing some very one sided answers. I'm a 29 year old male who chose NOT to have children, and who's wife subsequently divorced him for it. Neither of us were ready finanically or emotionally, nor was our relationship ready, for a child to be brought in, and she was very adamant about forcing it.

I have many friends who had children very young (some at the age of 15) and most of them have either lost custody of their kids, or have told me on a number of occasions (in confidence of course) that they wished they would have waited until they were more secure in their own lives.

Selfish? Possibly. But I think we all have stages we achieve in life, and getting over our selfishness is a requirement before we're ready to have kids. Trying to deny this is ridiculous; admitting to ourselves that we need to be comfortable with our own lives, before we can fully cherish our children's lives, is of utmost importance.

I'll concede the possibility that, since I do not have children, I could never understand the emotions impressed upon a person when they have them; however, looking in from the outside, I can make assumptions based on my observations, and I can say with 100% confidence that if you aren't ready to sacrifice your own life for the well being of your child's, then you have no business having children.

this article is crap. you make your life what it is whether you have children or not. most people are miserable in this day and age anyway. i am extremely happy with my life and my daughter. we spend a great deal of time together. I would rather be with my child and taking part in her life than be without her.

My husband and I are childless by choice and I might add very happy to be so after 30 years of marriage. Thank you for this wonderfully insightful article. Maybe now people will stop feeling sorry for us!

I think I can contribute more to society without having kids. Having and caring for kids is very draining and demanding, particularly on the mother. Most mothers have no time for any outside activities, volunteer/charity work, etc. due to shuttling kids around between soccer games, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, shopping, etc. Even if they do have a bit of time they are exhausted from all the aforementioned activities. I personally think that is an unfortunate waste of people's brightest and most active years. Obviously some people have to have children in order to continue the population, and I am grateful that so many of you are willing and able to do it. However, I choose to contribute to society in other ways.

I think I can contribute more to society without having kids. Having and caring for kids is very draining and demanding, particularly on the mother. Most mothers have no time for any outside activities, volunteer/charity work, etc. due to shuttling kids around between soccer games, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, shopping, etc. Even if they do have a bit of time they are exhausted from all the aforementioned activities. I personally think that is an unfortunate waste of people's brightest and most active years. Obviously some people have to have children in order to continue the population, and I am grateful that so many of you are willing and able to do it. However, I choose to contribute to society in other ways.

I belive that adults that are happier without kids are selfish by nature and would never be happy with anything or anybody ruining their plans for their life. I have always considered my children a joy and a blessing and enjoy all the time I have with them, don't get me wrong kids can be very trying at times, but I would never want to miss out on this awesome journey.

I find it amusing to learn that folks actually believe that the absence of children = the absence of all responsibility. Based on what I???m reading here, apparently if it weren't for kiddies, everyone would be out running amuck, blissfully free of any responsibility for anything whatsoever and available to travel, party and do everything and anything they want to do whenever and wherever they want to do it. To cap it all off, it sounds like this lack of responsibility = happiness. Do childless people not have to care for elderly parents? Do childless people have no sick or needy siblings, friends or family? Do childless people not need jobs to earn a living? Wow. I must have missed that clause when I signed the contract.

I know I'm viewed as "selfish" but I don't really care. Better off that I figure out that I'm selfish before having a kid than to burden our system with another abused/neglected child. But what about the abuse I put up with. On holidays I don't "count" at work when it comes to leaving early on Christmas Eve. "You don't have any kides!" Yeah.....but that doesn't mean I don't have a family!!!! And also, what about the abuse heaped upon society as a whole by the parents who don't teach their kids how to behave in public? Maybe you have grown accustomed to listening to your child scream but I haven't nor do I wish to!!!!