Having Kids Makes You Happy

Surveys aren't perfect. I think it's safe to say that there are many more couples with children than without, which makes it more likely that the larger group has unhappy couples. Couples who have children are also more likely to have had them accidentally, as it's much easier to have children by mistake then to not have children by mistake. These couples are probably significantly less happy than any other couples. Personally, I look forward to having kids, when I am prepared and mature enough to raise independent-thinking, intelligent ones. As a guy who enjoys different experiences and challenges, child-rearing is something I can't go without. However, I also respect any couples decision to not have children. Individuals must decide what makes them happiest. I don't understand the animosity both groups have towards each other. On a different note, I wonder if this is a purely american/western phenomenon. I know that american society is very individualistic and egoistic, while other societies tend to be less obsessed with personal gains and status. I feel that raising kids in an environment which encourages them to be self-absorbed is poisonous to a household, and might contribute to some of the unhappiness and dissapointment parents have regarding their children. I think a study on this would be much more interesting.

I'm always so shocked when people assume that married people should be having babies any day now -- just shocked. Children bring work -- love it or make a different decision. children bring you the opportunity to learn "it's not about you" -- because i came from a large family, i learned how much work it is. since i did all that work at a younger age -- i'm not even remotely interested in repeating that thankless job. Very few children grow up to take good care of their parents -- only have chldren if you can have them, raise them, work your ass off for them and then expect nothing in return.

Coming from a large family, i can tell you that no, having children does not make anyone happy. It makes you very busy and very tired. As we grew older, i heard my father singing a song "If I knew then, what I know now..." and it was very clear, had he known in advance of the trouble, he would not have had so many children. Our culture is so poorly designed that parenting is way too problematic So -- if you're thinking about it -- do it because you want the experience, because you want to give, give, give from the deepest source of who you are, and because you want to learn the lesson that "it's not abou you "-- ever again -- ever -- but don't expect that experience to make you happy.

"That being said when a good family comes into being there is a depth of love and joy experienced through children that is just not possible without it. "

I feel sorry for people who say things like this. I experience that depth of love and joy every day - for my husband, family and friends. It IS possible without kids, and to say so is just ignoring that people have different experiences. Parenting isn't the end-all, be-all mysterious answer to existence so many people claim it is - at least not for everyone. And childfree people aren't lacking in love or life experiences because they didn't take that one path.

Interesting posts on here... And I am suprised at the tension between the 2 sides! You would never think this topic would be the likes of abortion or gay rights... but i digress. I am 29, newly married, and childless. I don't know what the future will bring, but what I do know for a fact is this: EVERY PERSON i know or have met with children, when they find out I do not have any, say to me "Don't have them, they are overrated!" The only person who is pushing me for a baby is my mother, and I truly feel in part she basically wants me to suffer as I made her suffer during my wanton teens. I was horrible!

I know this study has been extended to the sex of the parent, and it turns out that fathers seem to appreciate the whole package of children, a wife, and a cave-house than mothers. I know this is blasphemy to most because in nearly all sects of religious, Christians and non-Christians, children are looked upon as the riches of life. Still in a full household, unless the mother is so organized and is militant about protocol, it becomes most hairy for her. Many people still hold parenting in the mother's corner. Imagine being raised to believe that you are destined to be a mother and admitting not getting the returns you expected or were taught to believe. It's a hard thought to digest. I sitting on the fence on this one because I can see both sides. Although my chlidren have enriched my life, our youngest can been away at science camp for a week, and my husband and I are having a wonderful time. It's date-night every night. I know I enjoy this only because I what it is like to not have the interruption-free days and nights.

I'm single, childless, financially independent, and, I like my life just the way it is. Travel is my "child". It keeps me focused, and, in the moment. When my soulmate comes into my life, maybe we'll have kids, or maybe not. I certainly WON'T become a parent because of peer pressure.

Being childless means I'm not adding to our growing population, also.

Voluntary population control is the best way to avoid more draconian policies like the ones in some countries like China, which limit the number of children which couples can have.

No suprise here for me happily married 20 years and no kids. Why? the parents ask do you hate kids? Nope not at all but a lot of parents bug me and i never wanted to be one. Several friends have told me they love their kids but marraige and life was better before they had kids. I have respect for the difficlut job of being a parent so much so we chose not to attempt it. For me even marraige is big commitment in time that could be spent doing other things that my spouse wants to do but of course that is a two way street. But I sure as hell do not miss not changing diapers, PTA meetings, pre teen sports, god awfull school plays etc. Just call me UNCLE.

Does the study show the ages of these parents? Whether most of the parents were younger or older when they had kids.

I wonder if this study show the ages of these parents. Were majority of them teenagers when they had their kids?

I agree with the folks who think childbearing (or not) is a personal choice and I don't think there's one right or wrong answer for everyone. I do get a little annoyed at holier-than-thou parents who say things like "well you can't know happiness until you've had a baby". I do not fault them for being happy but I also think there's enough natural variation in the human race that people don't *need kids* to be happy either.

In my own life I think I have a nice compromise. I'm 30 and my boyfriend (who was previously married) has a seven-year-old son. I love spending time with them, I love the "cute little boy" things that the son does but none of it makes me want to have a kid myself. I think I'm more of an auntie than a mom.

That doesn't surprise me...I tend to find happiness in alot of ways that women haven't historically done as much as men (such as fixing cars, playing with tools, furthering a VERY fulfilling career with no desire to have a man be the breadwinner of the house). I guess I'm going a little off topic...in general I'd say that if we loosened up a little and started responsibly looking at stepping outside the "norm" then society would balance out in the long run.

The rest of my comment.

I find purpose both in having my son but also in what I will be able to achieve in the future. I did finish college so a career would be possible but I would also love the luxury of raising a another child full time. At the same time I empathize with those mothers who are home and feel depressed or useless b/c they are not out in the world. Please to all of you, find someone to help watch your children, find someone to talk to who will understand your desires without critiism. I relate, b/c when I was in college I felt useful and now although I know raising my son should be as important and fulfilling also for me I don't find the same satisfaction in it. It is a back and forth rope we all walk when we become mothers. Everyone needs to find the point in rope that makes them as content as possible.

Ultimately I hope my son will grow up into a well adjusted man who will love me forever as I will love him. I also hope he will have a family who will stay close. Even as I enjoy the fact he is getting older I also desire more children for the same reason. I want family to exist around me as I age. I want grandchildren who love me and children who remember who gave them life and love as they grew up so they will return that to me. That is what I want, and that is why I do have children despite the fact that "my happiness percentage points" might be lower than those without children.

I think my comment got lost, so I'll re-post. I think this survey states the obvious (although I am not saying it has no purpose or merit). Life with a child (or children) will be harder than life without. It makes sense this would "reduce" your happiness level. It is an exhausting, expensive, and oftentimes thankless job. Aren't people most happy when they indulge in something that they personally enjoy? Yes perhaps for some this is children. It think that IS possible, especially ina situation where a mother describes children as her purpose in life. And that is a WONDERUFL thing that people that selfless exist. Because to raise children requires self sacrifice, no doubt about it.

I adore and love my son, but every night when he is sleeping peacefully in bed I enjoy having my TV back, cleaning up when there is no one to make ANOTHER mess, reading a good book that I've been halfway thorugh for a MONTH, or just the quietness and relaxation of taking my evening bath or shower. That is where I notice that I am happy. Being with my husband after my son is asleep is also something I constantly look forward too. It is nice and reminds me of a more peaceful and selfish existence.

At the beach with my son, it iswonderful to see him having fun and I love it all. At the beach by myself, it is peaceful and relaxing, not near as exhasuting due to the fact no one needs sunscreen, drinks, food, hikes to the bathroom. I like both equally, but I would bet that my happiness level is happier when I am alone. This is because then I focus on my needs, there is least anxiety and worry and even fatigue or exhaustion when I have no one to keep up with myself.

I'm tremendously happy without children, and could not pursue my full-time career as a climate change scientist or my numerous hobbies if I had kids. With all the carbon reductions I'm responsible for, I am doing far greater good for the planet than I would by simply being a mom, plus I'm giving the breeders more opportunities to overpopulate and destroy future standards-of-living and biodiversity.

I'm tremendously happy without children, and could not pursue my full-time career as a climate change scientist or my numerous hobbies if I had kids. With all the carbon reductions I'm responsible for, I am doing far greater good for the planet than I would by simply being a mom, plus I'm giving the breeders more opportunities to overpopulate and destroy future standards-of-living and biodiversity.