Having Kids Makes You Happy

People need to stop copping out about the choices they make. Kudos to those who choose not to have kids- and shame on the ones who do and then spend the rest of their lives complaining about it, or letting their marriage go to pot. My husband and I are closer and happier than ever after the birth of our son- it isn't easy- but we make it work. No one wants to work anymore- invest in the things that you say you love most. Life CAN get better with time, but it requires consistency and selflessness. There are too many of us that spend our lives asking everyone what they can do for us, when in reality what we do for others ends up paying back tenfold. Happiness is a choice.

My husband and I went through the agony of fertility issues and finally had our first child 2 years ago. I have to say that I am glad someone finally said these things. When going through the stage of not having a child I felt I was missing out on something and I also like people expected us to have kids. While I love LOVE LOVE my daughter- I am in no hurry to have any more children. Frankly, I miss my husband. Our world revolves around our child and I'm not saying that is a bad thing- it is just different. I think it is about time we start being honest with ourselves and each other about just how much you LOSE in addition to the tremendous GAIN that comes with having children. Saying it is hard work and quite possibly not for everyone takes courage and it doesn't make us bad parents.

My husband and I have no children, by choice. It's not that we don't like children, it comes down to the bottom line that we can't afford them!

I was born in the 50's and remember the attitude toward people who chose not to have children-- they were considered "selfish." When I had my only son in the 70's, many of my friends were choosing to limit their family size or not have children because of the uncertainty of what kind of world they would have to live in. But today I see many people having ridiculously large families. It doesn't make any sense now,
considering the earth's burgeoning population and dwindling resources and space. I never agreed with the idea that people who chose not to have children selfish, but that lable seems very appropriate for those who chose to have too many... and too many is more than two!

too many people who shouldn't have kids, have them. you should have to get a lisence, pass a test in order to have them. and they are not the source of all happiness.

Interesting article. I believe that having children will not make you a happy person if you aren't happy before you had them. We had children at the ripe ol' age of 40 - 2 girls - and I can truly say they make me a happier, much more fulfilled person. I don't know what I would do without them now; however, they can be a ton of work (especially when sick!) and can drive a person "batty" at times. As selfish as it sounds, I'm speaking from my heart...I've honestly never had a good night's sleep since they arrived.

However, I would NEVER wish them away nor could I live without them. They are the loves of my life and I wouldn't change a thing. In saying that, I believe childless couples can be just as happy as we are. My husband and I had a wonderful time pre-children - we traveled, partied, and did everything we'd ever wanted to do. We just chose to be parents because that's what we wanted to do. It's a personal choice for each couple and I'm happy with our decision.

Why can't we have it all? Not only do I immensely enjoy being a parent, but my husband and I are happier and closer than ever. It boils down to one thing...WORK. People nowadays think that if it doesn't come free, than it isn't worth it. I invest my time in the things I love the most- my mother taught me to put others needs before my own, and what do ya know? It ends up paying itself back more than every. Kudos to those out there who know they don't want kids and choose not to have them. Pity and shame on the ones who are out there complaining about a choice they made to procreate, or who let there marriages go to pot because of a baby. Anything can be acheived with hard work. If anyone reads this I hope you realize from someone who lives it, it ISN'T EASY at all, but hard work does not equate to un-happiness. You just have to choose it.

Actually, the cost to raise a child is closer to $250k average nationwide with the new statistics. (See the Cost of Raising a Child Calculator on the BabyCenter.com)

To all of you childfree and childless out there: I have a worldwide survey that over 2,000 adults without children around the world have taken (to explore our thoughts and feelings), and I invite you to take it too. Here is the link:
http://tinyurl.com/2lcjah

The results will be posted in my book "Kidfree & Lovin' It" which will come out late next year. Thanks, and Enjoy!

KidfreeKaye
www.kidfreeandlovinit.com

No. Children should never be the focus of your "family" happiness.... IF you are married. As Certified Relationship Coaches, we worry about mothers (and sometimes fathers) who extract their faux happiness from their children, rather than their marriage.

While there are always excpeptions to the rule, most stats tell us that those mothers (and fathers) in marriages which rely on their children as their source of happiness, have a negative relationship with their spouse. They have a high percentage of distance and non-closeness with their spouse, and the children are the fuel to live. This is not only UNHEALTHY, but counterproductive to the children they are so co-dependent upon.

marriagefortoday.com

No. Children should never be the focus of your "family" happiness.... IF you are married. As Certified Relationship Coaches, we worry about mothers (and sometimes fathers) who extract their faux happiness from their children, rather than their marriage.

While there are always excpeptions to the rule, most stats tell us that those mothers (and fathers) in marriages which rely on their children as their source of happiness, have a negative relationship with their spouse. They have a high percentage of distance and non-closeness with their spouse, and the children are the fuel to live. This is not only UNHEALTHY, but counterproductive to the children they are so co-dependent upon.

www.marriagefortoday.com

It is as simple as this. If you don't have at least one child you have selected yourself for extinction. Your genes will not exist in the next generation. So, to all those people who have chosen to end their line of life that goes back till the beginning of life itself, I thank you, my children thank you, and my children???s children will thank you. Your choice has left more resources and more opportunities for my off spring. In our society it seems that the most educated and sometimes successful people seem their genes are not worthy to make it to the next generation while the least educated have the most offspring. In my mind this pseudo intellectualism is a form of natural selection. When post graduate students become extinct the high school dropouts will rule the world. If you saw a lion in the jungle that didn't care if drop his seed into a fertile female you would probably pity the poor beast, just as I pity those humans who have made the same choice. .

When it comes to choosing to have children is no ones business but the person(s) who are having it. Are you ready to be a parent? Is a child really want you want or are you adhering to a norm set in place many years ago for now outdated reasons? Not all people are meant to be parents, so they should not be looked upon differently.

However, when it comes to whether the childless or the parents are happy then it all depends on what examples people use to identify happiness, and since this is America we are talking about I am sure the examples are superficial and selfish. One must also take into consideration that raising a child today is a lot different than raising a child a few decades ago. In years past children had been taught a lot more respect and other core values that made them easier to keep in line and get along with. In today's society, due to the "oh-so-wise" doctors who have told us disciplining a child "squishes" their personality, the parent has relinquished the role of being head of the household to take the back seat while the reigns are placed in the hands of little Tommy Tantrum. If you want to know why you are unhappy in the role of parenting is it you should consider it might be just as much fault on your part as it is on theirs. If your kids are hellions, look no further than yourself, seriously overblown child development theories, and delinquent media they are subjected to daily.

No. Children should never be the focus of your "family" happiness.... IF you are married. As Certified Relationship Coaches, we worry about mothers (and sometimes fathers) who extract their faux happiness from their children, rather than their marriage.

While there are always excpeptions to the rule, most stats tell us that those mothers (and fathers) in marriages which rely on their children as their source of happiness, have a negative relationship with their spouse. They have a high percentage of distance and non-closeness with their spouse, and the children are the fuel to live. This is not only UNHEALTHY, but counterproductive to the children they are so co-dependent upon.

www.marriagefortoday.com

No. Children should never be the focus of your "family" happiness.... IF you are married. As Certified Relationship Coaches, we worry about mothers (and sometimes fathers) who extract their faux happiness from their children, rather than their marriage.

While there are always excpeptions to the rule, most stats tell us that those mothers (and fathers) in marriages which rely on their children as their source of happiness, have a negative relationship with their spouse. They have a high percentage of distance and non-closeness with their spouse, and the children are the fuel to live. This is not only UNHEALTHY, but counterproductive to the children they are so co-dependent upon.

www.marriagefortoday.com

As a parent of teenagers I can say having children adds stress, worry, anxiety & fear. I love my children deeply, but I often dream of the day when they are older, and I can travel on my own schedule and not on the school breaks, I know people who are childless and admire the freedom they have, but when I see a young couple with a young child, I miss those days so much it almost makes me want to have a third child.
What makes people happy is very personal. Some people are happy being married at 18 and spending the rest of their life with one person some need to have serveral partners in their life. Some people are happy never leaving the area they grew up in and some need to travel the world. It isn't a matter of selfish or unselfish; it is personal choice or sometimes circumstance. I had children, and I am selfish in the fact that I think it is good when other people haven't, because the world is over crowded, and I worry about the world my children will be adults in.

The Author Lorraine Ali Probably can not have children. Therefore would like to spend time writing an article pursuading others on the negative aspects of having children. This is too bad she focuses on the negative when we really need more happy people in the world to assist with the growth and development of our children.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years, we spent the first 9 years without children. Our lives were filled with selfish, destructive wantings and left us empty and shallow. When I found out I was pregnant it was terrifing. But looking back now at our past life and our now life with a 5 1/2 year old and an 18 month old, our lives are so much more full, more worthwhile and constructive. We look back realizing that we had nothing to work for or towards. Watching our children interact with us and each other puts a smile on our face and we communicate better than we did before, we hug each other more and honestly can say, we love each other more. When I was working full-time at my profession (am a proud stay-at-home mommy now after leaving my job of 7 years) a co-worker asked when we were going to start a family. I asked why would I bring a child into this horrible world? His response... if good people stop having children because of the bad people in the world, there will soon be nothing but evil in the world and goodness will be but a memory. Did I agree with him then. No. But now, I understand his comment. Having children is not something for everyone but don't condemn those of us who have children... if we do our job right, we might have the generation that changes this world for the better.

I just had my best friend visiting me and we had this discussion about my My husband and myself not wanting to have children. ( ecspecially my husband) My friend has two girls my God children whom I love and would do anything for..But my friend thinks my husband is selfish because he does not wan children. I always thought that I did but over the last few weeks I have decided that it is not work all that is envolved..from breastfeeding (ouch) to changing poop..to mad dashes to the hospitals to whinning all day and all night from teething..to rebellious 7 year olds . Temper tantrums..falling out..kids throwing up..fevers..crying all the time ..NO WAY NO HOW . My husband and I are happy to be childless. Thank you God for the peace and tranquility know as childlessness.