Having Kids Makes You Happy

I don't have kids and may not have any. The article, though, does not seem to account for the happiness children and grandchildren provide to parents after the last kid leaves home. I think while people are raising their kids, they might on average be less happy than childless couples, but I am not sure how accurate that is later in life.

As far as paying for me later in life - if you don't think future taxes should go to childless people, fine, but quit taking money out of my check for social security and medicare and let me add it to my own investments to pay for whatever care I need.

I saw a comment about "breeders." I have only heard that term in relation to the gay community, though I didn't read everything so I don't know if the person who brought it up was gay. Considering the lifetime of grief gay people get and even more they have to deal with if they try to have and/or raise children, a little bitterness is understandable.

I always laugh about the whole "selfishness" thing when applied to this subject. People have children for their own reasons (or on accident, in which case they had sex for their own reasons) just as people decide not to have children for their own reasons. The people who decide to have children cannot escape their own self-interest in making such a decision.

I do know people who make being parents their primary source of identity and the reason for being, as they see it. Recently with all the pregnant girls in New England, it was discussed that some people think having children is a quick route to finding a purpose in ones life. I, like a lot of people, have lots of goals and sources of "purpose" outside of raising a family. I don't knock people who want to find purpose in parenthood, but don't think that if that seemed to you the best way to find purpose that everybody else has to agree with you.

Finally, with all the idiot people running the streets and filling the prisons, often I wish there were a lot fewer children being made, especially in certain circles.

I am not sure I get why either side of this argument is so antagonistic towards the other side. My husband and I have been happily married for 18 years and we do not have children. Whether or not this is due to biology or just our choice is irrelevant. I do not begrudge anyone having or not having children. I have 17 nieces and nephews whom I adore. I also do not expect anyone else's children to care for me when I am elderly - my husband and I both have excellent jobs and have saved and invested quite nicely and intend to have wonderful retirements and take care of ourselves. I would not expect the general public to take on my burdens. But while we are on the subject, what about people who choose not to have children still having to pay taxes for welfare and public assitance programs and public schools? I am not complaining about that, so why are people complaining about paying taxes to care for the elderly? And people who do not have children are not bad or evil or selfish. It's just a personal choice. I have been questioned by people who have kids for years about my not having them. Frankly, as long as I am happy and I am not hurting anyone else, I don't see what business it is of theirs. I don't think one state of being is any better then the other - it's just your personal choice.

The vitriol being spewed by both sides of this debate has always baffled me. (By way of disclosure: I'm a mom of two children). I appreciate (and sometimes envy) the sense of freedom that a childless couple can have in shaping their lives and finances. Good for them!

On the other hand, I love our family laughs at the dinner table, quiet talks with my 15-year-old on the road when we're zipping between band practice and home, and the way my 5 year old wakes me up with kisses and hugs every morning. Those are precious gifts to me, and I can't feature my life without them.

I guess my point is that not everyone is cut out to be a parent, nor is eveyrone cut out to be childless. Let's all give each other the respect of honoring individual choice and stop the bs. Because neither side has the complete right of it or the wrong of it.

The way I see it, my unborn children do not suffer, but as soon as I birth them into this world, there suffering will most surely begin. Now if you want to do that to an innocent for your own selfish purposes, you go right ahead and do it. I couldn't live with it myself. Sure, there are those joys when you see the kid happy, when you take care of them and watch them delight in all you do for them, when you see them learn and move towards independence, but you know their delight will be short lived. You know the adulthood that awaits them, not to mention all the suffering that awaits them even before adulthood, in their teen years. You say you will try to do your best, your kids won't be gunned down in school, live in fear of being gunned down in school, or be the one holding the trigger. Not your kids. But you know you don't know. Those parents where it is their kids also thought it wouldn't be theirs. And so on. You bring them into the world to suffer so that you can live off the bliss of their ignorance and innocence, feeding off them like a parasite, while sentencing them to a life of suffering.

My parents loved my sisters and I a great deal, and to this day my mother says that having children was the thing she is most happy about from her life. Great for her, but if with all the joys, accomplishments, good friends, and good times, it's been a heck of a lot of suffering for us. I'll create the meaning in my life for myself, and save for my own retirement, thank you. I don't need kids for purpose and old age slaves. I'll also pay the taxes that send your kids to school and give them parks to play in. I want to help you ease their pain as much as I can. I just wish you wouldn't have caused it in the first place.

As a stay at home father this rings true in two ways: I do miss my previous lifestyle sometimes (ok, often) but I wouldn't give up the experience of raising my 4 year old daughter for anything.
As a happy medium, we have decided to have only one child...

As I see it, children are generally the result of either short-term thinking or long-term thinking. Not having children is more a result of medium-term thinking. As a parent, I can concede that if one wants to maximize their own medium-term or short-term happiness, children are probably not the way to go. You're probably not going to see children on a lot of peoples 5 year plan. But, if they are thinking more in terms of 20 or more years, then I would expect children to be included. As someone who waited until my late thirties to have children, I often wish I had done it when I was younger, but I don't regret doing it.

Historically, children have been seen as an investment for the future -- to run the business/farm/what have you. That has become less of an issue, but more and more seniors are having to turn to their children for help. The childless may have to count on social security if they haven't saved enough to carry them through their protracted retirement. I guess it's a gamble either way, but I don't see most intentionally childless couples as long term planners so I'm not sure they've thought things through in either case.

I think the real shame is apparent in the studies showing an inverse correlation between having children and level of education. Can it be that the enlightened class prefers an undereducated majority? In psychological terms, if the childless believe in nature, then they putting the future in the hands of the undereducated. If they lean more towards nurture, then the same result applies. I suspect the more likely case is that raising children is expensive and hard work and requires an acceptance of delayed gratification for which they simply don't have the stomach.

As I see it, children are generally the result of either short-term thinking or long-term thinking. Not having children is more a result of medium-term thinking. As a parent, I can concede that if one wants to maximize their own medium-term or short-term happiness, children are probably not the way to go. You're probably not going to see children on a lot of peoples 5 year plan. But, if they are thinking more in terms of 20 or more years, then I would expect children to be included. As someone who waited until my late thirties to have children, I often wish I had done it when I was younger, but I don't regret doing it.

Historically, children have been seen as an investment for the future -- to run the business/farm/what have you. That has become less of an issue, but more and more seniors are having to turn to their children for help. The childless may have to count on social security if they haven't saved enough to carry them through their protracted retirement. I guess it's a gamble either way, but I don't see most intentionally childless couples as long term planners so I'm not sure they've thought things through in either case.

I think the real shame is apparent in the studies showing an inverse correlation between having children and level of education. Can it be that the enlightened class prefers an undereducated majority? In psychological terms, if the childless believe in nature, then they putting the future in the hands of the undereducated. If they lean more towards nurture, then the same result applies. I suspect the more likely case is that raising children is expensive and hard work and requires an acceptance of delayed gratification for which they simply don't have the stomach.

Well it all depends on your values and how you classify happiness. I certainly wouldn't say that 'having kids makes you happy = false' as that is a complete generalisation classifying people simply into two groups. So many people who have kids did not end up as parents by choice as much as we would like to believe that myth. Having the opportunities to make choices = happiness. This article is a gross generalisation and your comment widget is completely borked BTW.



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So I guess all Americans should decide not to have kids for their well-being. GO AHEAD!

How will the human race survive without the thought of conceiving children! So selfish from oneself.....

To hkmcs: Actually, I get the feeling that those who choose not to have children are thought of as antagonistic, self-absorbed and pretentious... especially when weighing in on common referrals to parents and children as "breeders" and their "crotchfruit." I don't understand how both camps can be so spiteful of each other thinking that their grass is greener.

"Parents still report feeling a greater sense of purpose and meaning in their lives than those who've never had kids. "
Maybe that's because those who have kids stop at the idea of fulfilling themselves in any way other than
being parents. Those who don't have the opportunity to continue to grow and find purpose in their lives.

If you want kids, and are able to have them, you will probably be happy. Likewise, if you don't really want kids you will probably be happier without them. Live and let live, it's a free country, different strokes for different folks, yada yada. I think it might be more accurate to widen the observations in this article and conject that those who live their lives the way they want to live it are happier than those who live their lives to conform to some external societal or family expectations. There is no one "right way" for humans to live.

Aww somebody dared to question your entire existence, cultusdeus! You obviously have nothing BUT your children to live for and you're obviously living vicariously. Lucky kids!

Don't be so quick to judge something as liberal! I am very conservative, but I tend to wish that my husband and I had waited longer before deciding to get pregnant.

Don't be so quick to judge something as liberal! I am a very conservative person and I tend to agree with the article. Motherly hysterics aside, I do kind of wish that my husband and I had waited longer before deciding to have kids...