Having Kids Makes You Happy

I always find it interesting that people with children call those without them and don't want them "selfish."
I suppose they would call Harriet Tubman,Lawrence of Arabia,Mother Theresa, Marlo Thomas, Oprah Winfrey, Helen Keller, George Washington and oh, yes Jesus Christ were all childfree by choice. These people amongst others all devoted their lives to helping others including children.

""Will your cats take care of you when you're sick? Will they help you around the house? Will they talk to you when you need someone to confide in?""

These are pretty selfish reasons to have a child, don't you think?

Quote from the article:
"So any bad luck that befell the Sloans...was somehow attributed to that fateful decision they'd made so many years before."

What makes the author so sure it was a "decision" and not simple infertility? Plenty of childless couples are devastated by their circumstances, and try to make the best of things by finding happiness in whatever else they have in their lives. Why assume the Sloans were just too selfish or lazy to be bothered with kids?

Adoption is not as simple or as affordable as people make it seem, and many couples are not eligible because of age. Even people who want to adopt older children from foster care are sometimes turned away.

Perhaps when Ms. Ali was growing up, the horrendous "baby scoop" era was still in full swing, and anyone with enough money could adopt easily, while birthmothers were coerced or tricked into relinquishing parental rights. Thankfully, these practices are much less common today, but this change combined with legalized abortion has indeed reduced the pool of infants available to adopt. Foreign countries are also tightening the rules for adoption, as they should (the terrifying Masha case from a few years back, and the criminal practices in Guatemala are good examples of why these changes needed to be made.)

Seeing other articles she has written about fertility issues (listed at her website,) I'm surprised the author made such an assumption about her neighbors.

It's funny; my husband and I are childless by choice, and I'm always shocked at how people treat me like there is something *wrong* with us because we don't want kids. There's the patronizing, "oh, you'll change your mind)... I'm 35, so I doubt it. The shocked, "what?!? That's horrible" -- like we contracted some disease. The other side of the coin is that we don't treat couples with kids like they are freaks, so why are we treated this way?

Sorry, but we didn't drink the kool-aid. Part of our aversion to having children is thihs completely self-absorbed generation of parents. This group that acts as if they are the first people on earth to birth a child (let me tell you, they aren't). That their children are so precious and brilliant (sorry, the human race has been breaking for THOUSANDS of years, so your child and your uterus are not that unique. The $3,000 Bug-a-boo strollers, the Mommy Brigade bringing their strollers the size of SUV's into lounges and bars with their kids so they can have cocktails. The utter rudeness and misbehavior of kids in public. Sorry, my Mom didn't raise me that way.

And with all that in context, it's a club we choose not to join. If you do, great. All the power to you. But please don't push your choices on me or treat others without kids as if they are inferior to you.

This article reeks of liberal self-centeredness. All right, go ask childless barren couples why they're so sad. Why have all these orphans from Korea, China, and impoverished eastern european countries been snapped up? And what fool ever said parenting was easy? Nothing in life worth having is ever easy, including successfully rearing and launching children into the world. This article is just plain idiotic, that's what it is.

As a 32 year old mother of a two year old, I can tell you I am far happier now than I ever was before my daughter was born. Am I more tired? Sure! Am I more broke? Absolutely! LOL! But every day I watch this little critter learn something new. I took her to Disney World for her 2nd birthday and it was pure magic. Everything was so exciting to her, which made it so exciting for me. Heck, she gets excited whenever she sees a bus. Don't get me wrong, I also cherish the evenings I get to go out with friends and be "a grown up" instead of just "mommy", and I'd KILL to sleep 10 solid hours in a row, but man, I wouldn't trade this for anything. I don't think there's anything wrong with childless couples. Some people just plain do not want children. I don't think it makes them selfish or unhappy. It makes them wise. They know themselves.

But I do not think that you can make any kind of 'blanket' statement that childless couples are happier, or that people with children are happier. Each person's happiness depends solely on their personal outlook. I was happy before my daughter was born, and I'm happy now. That's just who I am. Just as there are negative people out there who are unhappy before their children are born and unhappy when they have children.

Articles and studies like this are just inflammatory and ridiculous. That's just my ten cents.

To hkmcs: Actually, I get the feeling that those who choose not to have children are thought of as antagonistic, self-absorbed and pretentious... especially when weighing in on common referrals to parents and children as "breeders" and their "crotchfruit." I don't understand how both camps can be so spiteful of each other thinking that their grass is greener.

My husband and I have decided not to have children (we are both in our 40's). We have been married almost 9 years and have only talked once about possibly having a child, the subject has not come up in over 5 years. I am perfectly happy about this decision. People constantly ask me why we're not having kids, etcetc and "oh what a great mom you'd be". Well, I agree with alot of the comments already listed. No offense, but really what business is it of anyone's when your own personal decision not to have children becomes the topic of the day? I don't get it. I say good for those of you who do want and have children and good for those of us that don't want children. I think the only selfish part of having a child is for having it for all the wrong reasons. Just because we have chosen not to have children, does not make us selfish for that choice either. I just feel in today's world with global warming and all the changes that are happening, in the negative I might add, I would be scared to bring a child into today's world. I mean, I think of what my nieces are going to have to go through in order to survive when they get older. The cutback on jobs, schools, high fuel costs and food prices, I just think this country is heading in the wrong direction. I just don't see many good things being left for the children to enjoy unless something drastically happens with the economy. People are losing their homes, their cars and their jobs. It's difficult enough to keep food on the table for 2 people, let alone the thought of having 2 or 3 kids in the mix. Again, everyone has their own reason for having children and for not having children, let's leave it at that. My husband and I are happy that we can do our own thing whenever we want without having to worry about the cost of childcare or time consumption, it doesn't mean we're happier because we don't have children, it just means that this is "our lifestyle". Thank you.

I have experienced both and I don't think an exciting social life and carefree existence comes even close to the joy that I get from my children. Maybe I am an exception, but I knew having kids was going to be stressful. With all the stress and worry, I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING! Enjoying a martini and getting a raise might offer some kind of satisfaction but I've never felt so deeply satisfied with anything I accomplished than I have with my children. I might stress more than the average woman my age, but I'll bet I the joy and satisfaction that I do experience surpasses that of any childless adult.

I'm a single mother of a four year old. I've been single from the start. It's been a bit stressful. It has pushed me to my limit, at times. I can believe that parentless people are happier. But as for me, having a child really helped povide focus in my life. I just completed a masters program in special education (I've been teaching about three years now). I lost thirty pounds from where I was in college, and I am now in a healthy weight for my height. I own my home. And while I still enjoy a beer or two now and then, the very heavy binge drinking that still marks the life of many of my single friends is gone from my life. So - okay - I may not be as happy, but I sure think that I'm better off. Waddaya think?

Even as a high-schooler in the mid-60's (I graduated in 1966) I was questioning whether having children was what I really wanted to do and even if a traditional marriage was what I was looking for. I came from a happy, stable home...but by the time I was in my college years and after I was married (more than once) I always tried to find someone who didn't want children. So yes, I decided that I did not want children.
And when I see abused, mis-treated or ignored children I still would like to "slap the parent up-side the head" to get their attention and say...if you can't take care of children...use your birth control, get an abortion the next time or let the child be adopted out when they are born or when they are young and you realize that you can not take care of them and yourself!
ERS from Indiana

I loved Nyarlathotep's comment. I actually had to dump a boyfriend (which was a difficult thing to do) because he did not hold the same belief that you and I do about adoption. I completely agree that some feel it is their duty to populate the earth with their offspring because they are capable of creating a healthy, spiritually sound home life. But I just wonder..wouldn't it then also be your duty to take in kids who are not so fortunate? That is why I want to adopt a child when I am "of age" and why I refuse to marry someone who doesn't agree. My ex wouldn't consider it because he actually admitted that he may love the child less and treat them differently than his actual child...there is no difference in my heart.

Wow, lots of aggression from the childbearers! I am a 27 year old female attorney who has just recently found a little extra time to stop and ponder the thought of children. I have lots of friends who have chosen not to have children and who I believe to be upstanding citizens that volunteer regularly and contribute to society and would be good parents. They have many reasons not to have children including lack of desire and concern for the environment because a child makes a large carbon footprint. I notice most of these comments are from angry parents that are being quite defensive. The author is not attacking parents and is in fact a parent himself but is just showing that being childless is not a tragedy or a result of egotism but rather usually a well-educated decision. Us "childless" people are happy that there are parents out there but there is no demand for more parents or children and so please stop attacking people that chose not to go down that road, we get enough from our grandparents who want grandchildren. It is our life.

Why DO people have children?

To have someone to take care of them when they're old?
To bring more meaning to their lives?
To have a greater connection with their spouse?
To please their God?
To continue their lineage?
To experience a love like no other?

Guess what - these are all selfish reasons.

I am tired of people saying that it is selfish to NOT have children.

Ah, the wonders of the internet. The internet allows people to push their ideas onto others, and brings about, thought provoking issues. I find many of these comments distasteful, in the way that, others are so tenacious to the point, where they give up their sense of reason, only to try and make their opinions seem absolute.

I don't want children, I never have, and I don't think I ever will. Granted, that may change as time passes, but I'm twenty-two and I can honestly say, I don't see any children in my near future. I volunteered, at an elementary school for 8 months, where I helped children of various ages (kindergartners through fifth graders) with homework, played games with them, passed out snacks, among other tasks. I loved working with the children, but I honestly asked myself, "Would I be able to take the journey that is becoming of a parent?" I can honestly answer that question with I neither want to, nor do I think I have the patience and restraint to become a good father. If I know this to do true, does it make me selfish for not wanting to become a father?

Before even thinking about having a child /children I would hope the two people thinking about conceiving, adopting, or using some other type of method could be honest with themselves and their partner. I look at this issue as I would looking at starting a new business: do I have the will-power to do this, am I financially sound and will I be able to provide all that is needed, am I willing to let this child /children consume my free time, what will be the result of my relationship(s) with my spouse, friends, and co-workers? If I answered no to any of the aforementioned questions, or came to the conclusion that having a child could have more negative effects than positive I would abort the process (pun not intended).

All of this is moot though considering I was born with a genetic disorder, and I would NEVER wish for another human being to experience what I have in their lifetime. I despise people that call me selfish for not wanting children. If you knew the intricacies of my life, you would probably think twice about saying something so asinine.

I do have to agree with several other posters about the article. The article was well written, addresses an issue that many people don't discuss, and her opinions are laced with evidence. The only aspect which I find inappropriate is the ending. She makes it seem like her opinion is an absolute truth; however, she did titler her article True or False, so she has the right to end it the way she sees fit. I find the article to be enjoyable and while it does have its faults, it is interesting.

My godness Guru1976, what is your problem? Why are you so judgmental and harsh in your comments about those of us without children? Why is it of any importance to you whether a person had kids or not? "You will lead a meaningless life that only results in you fulfilling your own personal desires and will never know what it is to be an adult?" So if I become an adult when I have children, I guess that means that at 26, I'm still a child, but Jaime Lynn Spears knows joy and maturity like I will never know because she has a child and I don't? I mean, that is bascially what you're saying, right? And besides.. if child rearing is so important to you, why the hell have you been posting comments on this board for over 12hrs? Shouldn't you be looking after those kids you speak so much of? Man, must be nice to have that kinda time on my hands.. guess I need to go out and get "knock up" to experience that kind of bliss.

Instead of devoting 20 years of my life raising kids, I'd much rather devote my time, energy, and effort in taking care of my parents to ensure that they are well taken care of during their later years. My sister and I are both 'intentionally childfree', and we often bring our parents traveling. What makes us happy is knowing that our parents are living a carefree life. Often times I see many grown children not spending time with their own parents because they are so pre-occupied with their kids' 'activities'.