Having Kids Makes You Happy

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  • Posted By: Ajinin @ 07/02/2008 3:52:11 PM

    CONT. from previous post...

    shows, yet again, you have absolutely no idea what you are speaking of. This sentence and the preceding sentences state that in order to be an adult I must have children? Haha, that is quite hilarious, thank you for the laugh. I don???t like to comment on other???s personal lives, especially, considering I don???t know you, however in this instance I shall make an exception, as stupidity angers me. I pity your children. Empathy is a valuable tool my friend, and I suggest you learn how to demonstrate it.

    In addition to my other points, looking at the aspect of finances and it being a deciding factor has merit. If I had a child would I want to live in filth and not provide for it, the best I can? I think not, my friend. To base the aspect of having a child or children on simply finances is indeed asinine, but I did not say it was the only factor, as you not so eloquently tried to state. I said it was a factor among the other questions that must be asked.

    Guru176 you seem like a journalist. By that I mean you seem like someone who thinks they have something intelligent to say, which occasionally you may, however, you cannot fully understand what it is you???re researching and will always (excuse the euphemism) be out of your reach. I hope you come to realize the irony in this entry but it seems that someone of your intellect may not. I hope you take some time out of your life to really examine your life. As Socrates once said, ???The unexamined life is not worth living.??? Ask yourself, ???Who will remember when I die? Will it be my family, friends, the community, or the world???? Don???t infer what isn???t implied, meaning ??? this is not a threat but a question you must ask yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

    • Posted By: Guru1976 @ 07/03/2008 1:22:26 AM

      I'm afraid that I will have to insist that you have not reached adulthood until you have had children and raised them properly. You will never understand what it is to truly be an adult until you have cared for someone because you loved them, rather than for some other reason. Suggesting that doing community service is somehow better than raising a child and growing as a person is just absurd. While you wallow in your own ego, know this: I raised a child, earned two degrees, and worked full time while you were "cleaning up Iowa City". Ask yourself, is Iowa City now "clean" thanks to you, or was your service more of a front to try to improve your image and has resulted in nothing more than a memory that you are sadly proud of?

      I hate to break it to you, but no one is ever ready to have children. I still insist that it is a choice, as babies do not come with instructions and no amount of education will prepare you for what you will face as parents. It's a life-long lesson, and one that you are missing out on. As any educated professional knows, it's experience as well as education that truly makes you grow, and that is exactly how I can say that you cannot fully reach adulthood until you have met the prerequisites.

  • Posted By: ann123 @ 07/03/2008 1:08:46 AM

    Nothing here sounds too difficult to buy into. It sounds like pretty straight forward cost-benefit. There are the utter highs of a parents love for a child and the special bond that is shared that can not be desribed in words. The counter to this is that you are literally giving a piece of yourself to raise your child. Like most of life, you give some to get some.

  • Posted By: ann123 @ 07/03/2008 1:08:16 AM

    Nothing here sounds too difficult to buy into. It sounds like pretty straight forward cost-benefit. There are the utter highs of a parents love for a child and the special bond that is shared that can not be desribed in words. The counter to this is that you are literally giving a piece of yourself to raise your child. Like most of life, you give some to get some.

  • Posted By: Atlas @ 07/03/2008 12:58:11 AM

    I think remaining childless is in the best intrests of child if the parents are not ready to focus on the child and willing to give up the single/couple life. We learned to share our lives with our equals but sharing your life with those who are not is even more difficult. As a man the fear of divorce and my child being possible influenced by another man is disheartening to say the least.

    In such possibilities I can say most assurdedly that I would miss out being a parent surely as I would unlike many parents dedicate myself to my children; However in this world of 'Ooops! Divorce time!' I find myself not overly eager to say the least wishing to get married not to mention having a child. I do not believe in single parents nor divorce parents.

    A child's needs comes before our own. if your not willing to make the sacrifices for that child don't bother having one period.

  • Posted By: bequialife @ 07/02/2008 3:24:59 PM

    Breeding, or carrying on the genes is not always a good idea. My parents are very pathetic and should never have had kids, but, no, they had to go along with everyone else. My brothers and I grew up saying how we hope we never end up like them. If there was anything I could change in my life, it would be my parents.

    • Posted By: neecee @ 07/03/2008 12:37:49 AM

      I cannot judge you or your parents. You do not explain why they are so "pathetic"....maybe you and your brothers have every right to wish that you had a different set of parents. But remember this, it is because they DID go along with "what everyone else was doing" that you are even here today to make this comment. Be thankful that they did take the time and energy to raise you the best they could with what they had. You can chose to not be a parent..... it is up to you.....but please have some respect for your parents.

  • Posted By: mike1301 @ 07/02/2008 1:58:25 PM

    I chose not to have kids because I simply do not want the responsibility. Besides I like to travel and I would not be able to do that if I chose to have kids.

    • Posted By: neecee @ 07/03/2008 12:16:15 AM

      Before we had children, we both did mission work in third world countries, took a couple of nice romantic cruises. Our kids came and now we enjoy a different kind of travel. We enjoy various theme parks, such as Busch Gardens, Disney and Dollywood. We have great adventures hiking, camping in Maine and Virginia and seeing their awe as they look at the Grand Canyon. We even managed romantic weekends in the Poconos while grandma and grandpa watch the kids. When they grow? maybe even sooner.. we'll do the romatic "beach/cruise" vacations again....but for now travel is fun either way... seeing the world through the eyes of a child is precious.

  • Posted By: justbeingnosey @ 07/03/2008 12:11:27 AM

    I think the reason many with children find it so difficult to understand why some people wouln't want children is that for some of us, it's this huge need. I got married and I wanted a baby. I want quite a few babies actually. I just felt like that was what I was supposed to do, not because anyone said I should, but because it was how I felt. I don't really like people trying to make me feel like I'm missing out on all the "good stuff" because I have a child but I suppose it's payback for all the people trying to make "childfree" couples feel bad about not having children. You can't just say "you should have kids because you are married and at that age." I also wish more people would stop and think before having kids because so many people out there suck at being parents. I do want to say that I grew up with 4 younger sisters and money was always really tight and I had a job and paid for my own car and any extras I wanted and I think I am a better person for it. My 2 younger sisters that still live with mom and dad have it so easy and have so much more and they are kinda brats now. I know that I love my daughter and I can't wait to have more (spaced well between) and for me it was the best thing I have ever done!

  • Posted By: deanosan @ 07/03/2008 12:03:33 AM

    I love this line, "researchers attribute part of that change to major shifts in employment patterns." You mean mothers in the workforce doubling the tax base for Uncle Sam? Do you mean the slow deliberate destruction of the middle class? Please don't hid behind that euphemism. In fact this whole article could be called MAJOR SHIFT IN EMPLOYMENT PATTERS MAKES PEOPLE MISERABLE WHEN IT COMES TO KIDS.

  • Posted By: hoylehoppy8 @ 06/30/2008 3:21:15 PM

    I choose to look at my children as "world changers". How we look at them determines how we parent our children. If you are unhappy, then your children will sense that and they will feel worthless. If you take joy in your children, they will sense that and feel treasured. I read a post where someone stated that it was a selfish thing to have children. Without going into detail, the very process of giving birth is the most UNselfish thing someone can do. Women actually brush death's door in order to give life to another being. That is, in itself, not selfish. There is false isssues of overpopulation, but I will spare this post the statistics and say that that is a myth. This person ( I don't know who and I can't find it) also says that they will not be here in 100 years and they feel sorry for their two neices. I am grateful, as should all of us, that my ancestors from 6 generations or so ago did not worry about overpopulation and food shortages and such because I would not be here. Neither would most of you on this post. If generations ago thought like the genration now, we wouldn't have many people on this earth at all. I think these studies are a terrible waste of time and money. I have 6 children of my own, I won't ridicule anyone who chooses to not have children as long as you don't ridicule me for having them.

    • Posted By: Johnsonium @ 06/30/2008 3:47:15 PM

      I won't ridicule you for having children, I will criticize you for having 6. We don't need more people on this planet. The resources are already scarce.

      • Posted By: hoylehoppy8 @ 07/01/2008 12:14:46 PM

        This is in response to Johnsonium. I'll show you my children and YOU tell me which one or ones to get rid of. Better yet, let's take a census of all families in this world and get rid of the "extra" children that exceed a normal family size of 2 (1 boy and 1 girl). I read somewhere in this post that you have three children, you would be included in this. Maybe we will have a more productive, perfect society. Hmm.... that's what the people in China thought too. Now there are bitter people in that nation because they lost the only child they were allowed to have during the earthquake. I don't depend on the government for anything and I spend all day with my children and really enjoy them. It doesn't sound like you really enjoy the life you have chosen.

        • Posted By: practicalone @ 07/01/2008 8:00:12 PM

          4 children a day die from neglect or abuse in the USA. We as a society should be taking care of them, but unfortunately, we are too busy with our own lives.

          • Posted By: hoylehoppy8 @ 07/02/2008 11:53:30 PM

            My children are norished and not diseased because I take care of them. Maybe my children will grow up to find a way to take care of that situation in this world. If the world stops having children, then that leaves it up to everyone who is alive now to come up with all of the cures for everything gone wrong in this world. What if we can't come up with all the answers before the last person draws his last breath? Then what??? I am teaching and training my children to make a difference in this world which will benefit you one day, you should be grateful!!

          • Posted By: templedog @ 07/02/2008 6:33:31 PM

            SEE? this is what I mean- why can't people understand there are WAY too many abuses and deaths- for those that want but are not ready- look how much good could be done by saving ONE KID- just ONE. Thank you for posting that.

    • Posted By: practicalone @ 07/01/2008 7:57:03 PM

      Overpopulation of humans is a myth, and the earth is the center of the universe. I disagree.
      Humans are animals. Put too many animals in a space and bad things happen to the individuals and to the species as a whole. Disease, aberrant behavior, conflicts over food, water, space.

    • Posted By: Igloo0609 @ 06/30/2008 5:13:19 PM

      Overpopulation is real, there are many kids dying everyday due to diseases and malnutrition. I will not contribute to that problem, but instead I see adoption as a way to solve this problem

  • Posted By: jcoffey2@hotmail.com @ 07/02/2008 11:11:40 PM

    Interesting article! I think the shifting face of home life (from one-income to two-income families) has probably had a big impact on perceived happiness in family life. It's just too stressful to have both parents out of the home. Unfortunately, you almost have to because of the cost of living these days (especially in the SF Bay Area where I live). But I think it was the rise of the two-income family that helped push the cost of living up, that now makes it hard to choose to be a one-income family. That's what we're trying to do, though....

  • Posted By: jcoffey2@hotmail.com @ 07/02/2008 11:10:26 PM

    Interesting article! I think the shifting face of home life (from one-income to two-income families) has probably had a big impact on perceived happiness in family life. It's just too stressful to have both parents out of the home. Unfortunately, you almost have to because of the cost of living these days (especially in the SF Bay Area where I live). But I think it was the rise of the two-income family that helped push the cost of living up, that now makes it hard to choose to be a one-income family. That's what we're trying to do, though....

  • Posted By: Tacocat27 @ 07/02/2008 11:07:10 PM

    What really astounds me is the amount of parents on here encouraging those of who have no desire for kids to go ahead and have some! As parents yourselfs, why in the heck would want people who express no desire for children to breed? I just don't get it, you protray us as heartless selfish beasts with no conception of "what we're missing out on" yet you then encourage us to give it a go. Its as though you want us to breed just because its out biologic expectation. Please, what difference is it to you whether or not we have children? It has absolutely zero impact on you so I fail to see why all the parents on here are so pushy!

  • Posted By: gforceforever @ 07/02/2008 11:06:36 PM

    If humans are cognitive beings, and above animalistic behaviors, while participating in a civil society, what benefit do they gain from procreation, save for the next generation of tax-paying consumers?

    The adage "You can't fool Mother Nature" is correct, but aren't parents just fooling themselves?

  • Posted By: gforceforever @ 07/02/2008 10:59:04 PM

    If humans are cognitive beings, and above animalistic behaviors, while participating in a civil society, what benefit do they gain from procreation, save for the next generation of tax-paying consumers?

    The adage "You can't fool Mother Nature" is correct, but aren't parents just fooling themselves?

    Also, to "showmecouple": The "future is not a guarantee. All you will ever have is "now". Additionally, should all humans presuppose that their offspring will somehow escape the pain and suffering the body naturally endures? Surely you acknowledge that we are dying the very second we are conceived.

  • Posted By: gforceforever @ 07/02/2008 10:50:50 PM

    If more people considered having children to be a PRIVILEGE, as opposed to a right, better parenting might ensue. Americans have to pass a skills AND knowledge test prior to operating a vehicle. How is raising children less important??? Getting "knocked up" is a sad state of affair for too many people. You'd think people would get smarter over time. At least, you'd HOPE!

  • Posted By: gto26 @ 07/02/2008 2:37:55 PM

    I have a 4 month old baby boy and although I don't go out like very much anymore and have considerablly less disposable income I have never been happier in my life. I'm happy to change a poopy diaper or to soothe my crying baby or just watch him laugh, sleep, play. But I can definitely see some parents not being so happy and I don't think they're selfish or bad parents. Raising kids is hard. Do I think people who choose not to have children are selfish? No, actually I never really thought about it. Who really cares if some people don't want kids? Last time I checked there wasn't a shortage of children.

    • Posted By: Guru1976 @ 07/02/2008 3:01:40 PM

      Ask yourself this: Is it selfish for a deadbeat parent to walk out on their child? How then is it less selfish to purposefully not have any? It's the same concept. Neither of them want the responsibility. The latter simply puts forth more of an effort to prevent the creation, (and in some cases it's not even more effort, it's just choosing to have gay sex, which puts them on even more of an equal level with a deadbeat parent.)

      People that don't have children by choice are doing so as a result of their own selfish reasons, which is also preventing them from becoming more mature. Anyone that thinks drinking martinis and traveling the world is better than raising a child is simply immature. Seriously, grow up.

      • Posted By: klbeach @ 07/02/2008 10:27:31 PM

        I'm a single childless woman and I don't have children. My single mother friends have spent years telling me to just have a child. Their logic is that if I want a child, I should have one. It's not about what the potential father wants. It's not about what is best for the child, to them it's all about what I should want. I ask you, in that situation who is the selfish one?

      • Posted By: klbeach @ 07/02/2008 10:26:40 PM

        I'm a single childless woman and I don't have children. My single mother friends have spent years telling me to just have a child. Their logic is that if I want a child, I should have one. It's not about what the potential father wants. It's not about what is best for the child, to them it's all about what I should want. I ask you, in that situation who is the selfish one?

      • Posted By: JB2008 @ 07/02/2008 4:57:37 PM

        your ignorant..really...if someone dosent want to have children because they think they wont be good parents or rather do something else... it's the best thing a human been can do-You know how many mess up kids are out there because the parents were in no psychological or financial condition to take care of them.

  • Posted By: erinlovestoread @ 07/02/2008 10:23:50 PM

    I think the title of this article is rather telling: "Does having kids MAKE you happy?" I think if anyone goes into parenthood because they are already unhappy and think kids will fix that, they are in for a big disappointment. I do not yet have children, but I do want them. Having seen most of my friends go through the process, though, I know that it isn't all a bed of roses. It really is hard work. I'll never forget the day my best friend, who has a 2 and a half year old and a 10 month old, called me and just started crying as soon as she heard my voice because she was so tired. I happened to be out of town, which she had forgotten, and I felt so bad that I couldn't help, but there are others in our church that did and do. I think that's part of what helps my friends with kids - having a support system. I was over at another church members' house when the same friend called and asked if they could watch the kids for a few hours just simply so she could take a nap. While it doesn't have to be a church, although I would personally say that was a good thing, a support system of other moms or family members or just something has to help.

    I think meassuring happiness by whether a couple has kids or not is kind of silly to be perfectly honest. Kids are rewarding and trying in the same MINUTE just about and there are SO many other factors involved. I think that happiness is something that is difficult to quantify anyways and to predict levels of it over a lifetime for a specific person or couple is impossible.

  • Posted By: mvacha @ 07/02/2008 4:39:58 PM

    To bpdawson: this article does not miss the point. It's simply stating what some research has found. No one is saying that having kids isn't about putting other people's needs before your own - that point is fully acknowledged. But this article begs a question or two: why have kids in the first place? Is there anything so wrong about your whole life being about yourself?

    • Posted By: bpdawson @ 07/02/2008 10:06:34 PM

      yes there is a lot wrong with your life being about yourself if you are a christian like i am. of course i realize that this article is stating what some research found. my point is that no one ever said children would make parents happy. having children is not something you do to make yourself happy. you do it for a greater purpose. it is completely and utterly self-sacrificing, but that is the beauty of it. i am tired of the hedonistic lifestyles portrayed and encouraged in today's society. this article only gives ammunition to those who want to justify living only to meet their selfish needs. the attitude of "it is doesn't benefit me, why do it" will destroy our country and the values it was founded on.

  • Posted By: hkmcs @ 06/29/2008 8:12:49 PM

    i think some people tend to label people who don't want kids as "irresponsible" or "scared". How about thinking of not wanting children as a choice? Childless people might think it's just more fulfilling to focus on their career or spouse or other interests than having kids. It's not everyone's duty to perpetuate the human race, as I've heard before some might think it's a waste of skin. I think the point of this article is for people not to be forced into having children if they know it's not the right choice for them. So please spare the childless people your condescension and regrets, just keep in mind they might think the same of you.

    • Posted By: dknj727 @ 06/30/2008 12:53:16 PM

      To echo your sentiment, think about what horrible parents people who have children because they feel pressured to do so would become. There are many reasons to have or to not have children, no side is the "right" side. In the end, we have to find what works for us and find a way to coexist with those who are different from ourselves. I don't understand where all the animosity comes from when this topic is brought up. . .

      • Posted By: desertgirl @ 07/01/2008 3:47:52 AM

        This is exactly what happened in Romania under Ceaucescu (not sure about the spelling sorry): He banned birth control and abortion.

        Many of those children we hear about in Romanian orphanages were the result of this policy. Tragic.

  • Posted By: apvlahos @ 06/29/2008 10:36:55 PM

    For all those self-actualized child-free couples, don't come bugging my kids to pay for your Social Security/ Medicare 10-40 years from now when you become decrepid parasites to society.
    Children still serve a function to society. They will one day--hopefully--work, pay taxes, and cause civilization to continue to progress. Maybe they'll even wipe your butt when you can't do it yourself anymore.
    The day will soon come when two of "our" children will be working for every retiree. I won't blame them when they revolt against repressive tax rates and stick orphaned, enlightened elders in nursing homes to meditate on the emptiness/meaninglessness of life before they die.

    • Posted By: Luridmoon @ 06/30/2008 1:26:45 PM

      Last time I checked, every week money gets taken out of my check for Social Security and Medicaid. These monies are supposed to be put aside for ME, WHEN I AM OLD. (what our wonderful govt really does with it is beside the point) So, what makes you think that your kids will be paying for it? That is not very good thinking, apv. Furthermore, who is to say that your kids will be so great? They could very well end up bums with no jobs, having babies and living off welfare. And if they have a hateful and angry person such as yourself as a parent, that is very well where they may be headed...

    • Posted By: Lilu @ 06/30/2008 5:49:52 PM

      I am a parent and I don't need your children ,or mine for that matter, to pay for my retirement. I am raising independent children who will graduate from college and go on to lead their own lives without having the burden of worring about me. I am saving my money and will not rely on the meager handout that social secutity will give me. I recomend you do the same because your children might have other plans.

    • Posted By: Saboro @ 06/30/2008 4:36:11 PM

      To apvlahos,
      Ha, I work and pay taxes as does my husband in the Air Force. We work very hard, play hard and travel alot. With that being said we realize having children is not for us, regardless of society and its judgements. However thanks to some excelent financial planning, and great career moves we can afford to pay for excelent senior care should the need arise and not some ignorant spawn you have raised. As for decrepid, perhaps that is how you see yourself as I can easily imagien. Being that you sound misserable and have such a joyous out look on life I am thankfull of my choice to embrace life with my husband and remain child free..
      By the way you backwards comment about taxes and but wiping just shows why intelegence testing should be made mandatory prior to being alowd to be a parent Your Comment

    • Posted By: wielkaljudmilla @ 06/30/2008 8:43:36 AM

      YOU have chosen to become a baby factory. That gives you no right to look down upon those of us who have decided not to have children. Either decision... to have children or not to have children... are very PERSONAL decisions and do not decide a person's overall character. My fiance and I have decided not to reproduce for very personal reasons, and with the money that we DON'T spend on tuition, diapers, food, clothing, etc. will be set aside to care for us when we are elderly.

      Watch yourself and the foul things you say about other members of this society. You never know if your own two delights will grow up to despise you and have no desire to tend to your needs when you are elderly. THEN who would be the decepid parasite to society?

      Oh yes... I have no children, and yet my life has meaning and is fulfilling. How sad when people use children as their only means of a meaningful life.

      • Posted By: ChiBevo @ 06/30/2008 2:54:35 PM

        Applause???applause???bravo???bravo???

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