Humor and Hubris

Some details, such as timing and description of movements, in the following are altered for the safety of NEWSWEEK's reporter.

Here's a humorous interlude while Bob, as everyone here calls the Zimbabwean strongman, is off in Sharm el Sheikh trying to hug any African heads of state who get within arms' reach, calling Britain's Gordon Brown the prime minister of Zimbabwe and screaming abuse at the British journalist who flustered him into that gaffe.

How can you tell a drunk driver in Zimbabwe? He's the one who's driving in a straight line. (This country, which was not so long ago famous for having some of the best paved roads in Africa, now vies with part of Mogadishu for density of potholes.)

How to distract policemen who, in the good English so commonly spoken here, are demanding to know your business? Try "Russky, nyet Ingleski. No speak English. Speak Russky?" and pray you don't get a Russian-speaking cop. Since Mugabe has good relations with the Russians (plus the Chinese and a few of the Axis of Evil members), that's a pretty effective foil.

How to enjoy a billionaire's lunch: At a fast-food joint selling burgers and fried chicken, a double cheeseburger was 50 billion Zimbabwean dollars yesterday; with fries and a Coke it was 80 billion. The lady waiting on me wore a name tag that said "Nomatter." "Whatever were your parents thinking when they gave you that name?" I couldn't help but ask. "Well, they wanted a boy, but when they saw it was a girl, they said 'no matter'!" and she burst into laughter. I can imagine how many times she's told that story.

People laugh easily here, but you have to wonder how they keep their sense of humor, as life gets more difficult every day—about 20 percent more difficult to be exact. The Zimbabwean dollar has continued its galloping slide, pitting 25 billion Zimbabwean dollars to a single U.S. dollar today—another new low—which leaves them with only one more denomination higher than the U.S. dollar equivalent (currently the 25 billion and 50 billion notes are the largest in circulation). Rumors are widespread that the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe will just suddenly announce that it is lopping six or even nine digits off the paper money but, as one economist said, "that will only last a few more months before it's back." Devaluing hyperinflated currency usually has a bounce effect, driving it back up even more quickly than it had previously been rising.