A Serious Undertaking

Completely untrue:

"Alas, funeral prices have rocketed because so many funeral directors no longer have a part-time other job--like the livery stable or furniture store or ambulance service. About 70% of the U.S. funeral homes are doing only 50-100 funerals a year--one or two a week on average. But they want full-time pay for part-time work. Unlike in other businesses, the prices stay high in the areas where there is a glut of funeral homes. Funeral prices are lower on the west coast where the supply and demand for funeral service are in better balance."

Funeral directors with smaller numbers of calls work together generally. Even 50 calls is a lot for a single director to handle. You obviously have no direct knowledge of the funeral industry. In my town we have one independent funeral home (the one with the lowest prices) which has 5 licensed directors and does about 225 calls a year. They are very busy.

When my infant daughter died... I took her home, bathed her, dressed her, and burried her the next day. She was not embalmed. There was not a funeral home involved. My brother's built the tiny casket, and dug the grave. My minister sister-in-law did the service. It was a beautiful display of love and affection on this child we all would never know. It was a healing experience. We have let the mysteries of death belong to funeral directors for too long. I think in a lot of circumstances, not all, it will be very helpful and healing for families to be involved.

Although I am only a Mortuary student at this point I am offended by the remarks in this article that suggest all funeral directors are out to soak those who are grieving and in shock. I've met many people in the business since I began my schooling and none of them have ever taught me to try and take advantage of someones grief. As a matter of fact tyhey have taught just the opposite. In any field there are those who reflect negativly on it but I think for the most part the field of Funeral service is filled with men and womwn who really want to help a family when they have lost a loved one. Of couse Funeral homes want to make money and for some reason people see that as a negative thing but they dont see the local grocery store wanting to turn a profit as a bad thing or the local mechanic or the town care wash and so on and so on. Anyone who enters the Funeral service field wants to make money but our first and foremost goal is too help those in need and to try and make a very bad time into less of a bad time if we can. I hope those readiong this will keep an open mind and see that we are mostly good people who care about the families we help very deeply and that a few bad apples are in fact bad but please dont let them be the rule, let them be the exception.

I'm responding to several posts. At 70 degrees or less, a body is not likely to create a smell problem for the first two or three days. Yes, as one person said, each situation can be a little different. But typically the body starts to shut down about three days prior to actual death and may be quite dehydrated when death finally occurs.

On a trip to the Netherlands three years ago we visited a funeral home that had about 20 private family viewing rooms, the size of a modest bedroom. Families were given their own key card and could visit at any hour of the day or night. Two of them were double rooms with kitchenette and sleeper sofa. No embalming is done. By law they have up to five days before burial or cremation is required. No rampant health problems there.

Home funerals are a logical extension of the hospice idea and the other end of the spectrum from natural childbirth. I had two natural childbirths and one C-section. I was grateful for the knowledge of medical science for that. For recent deaths in our family, three were handled entirely by the family and for two we were grateful for the help of funeral folks.

Alas, funeral prices have rocketed because so many funeral directors no longer have a part-time other job--like the livery stable or furniture store or ambulance service. About 70% of the U.S. funeral homes are doing only 50-100 funerals a year--one or two a week on average. But they want full-time pay for part-time work. Unlike in other businesses, the prices stay high in the areas where there is a glut of funeral homes. Funeral prices are lower on the west coast where the supply and demand for funeral service are in better balance.

In Europe, grave sites are recycled with a new burial taking place in an existing grave every few decades with simple natural decomposition. The concept of a "Green Cemetery" with the land remaining forever wild is a mathematically unworkable model. There simply is not enough land to do that with in the US. The idea of each body having a permanent burial space is uniquely American and only because of the vast undeveloped land our ancestors stumbled upon here. With growing population and greater density, cremation is the only viable alternative to traditional ground burial for the masses.

For the last several hundred years, permanent cemteries and cemetery monuments have eliminated the faceless-ness and historyless-ness of the mass of humanity on earth. To return to simple cremation and memorial-less disposition is to return humanity to a faceless and nameless future.

Traditions are borne and evolve for reasons that often escape us in our narrow present view.

Take some time to contemplate that and not dwell just on the economics of present cost.

This is a response to Embalmer09's post.
To be an honest funeral director is a great calling. The sad reality is that Funeral Directors do not promote the Funeral Rule, the law. In the 5/2007issue of the Director Magazine ( the magazine of the National Funeral Directors Association. the NFDA admits their goal in Congress to eliminate the Funeral Rule-consumer rights.

I'm so glad to see someone looking into the funeral industry. Yes, there may be honest ones, but few and far between. I know how they can take advantage. At the young age of 20 I decided to be cremated. I am close to my 51st birthday, and my husband knows,..If your going to spend money on me, you're going to do it while I'm alive, NOT DEAD!

It's the state laws that the "fair honest and decent" use to their advantage.(See comment by Embalmer09). As long as they're within the law they can remain blameless. I agree that everyone wants to be paid for their services but the funeral industry is dealing with people who are particularly vulnerable. It's just too easy to sell them unnecessary goods and services. The grieving family member may want something that both they
and the funeral director know they can't afford. Wouldn't it be better to discuss this, gently and respectfully, before the fact? I've seen a family member jump in way over her head and the funeral home just smiled. The family came to her rescue before any papers were signed.

I work in the funeral industry now. Please understand that Funeral Directors do the work that very few others want to do. Like other professionals they go to school for about four years in order to do this work. Why shouldn't they garner a decent wage? Don't pre-plan unless your state requires that your money goes toward the purchase of an insurance policy with a reputable company (a few exist for this purpose alone). And interview the funeral homes in your area so you know you're getting what you want. Putting your money into a savings account at today's interest rates is not a viable alternative to today's rate of inflation. PUT YOUR OWN HOUSE IN ORDER . . . pre-plan.

I am a student studying to become a Funeral Director. Just a few things to keep in mind. 1)We all work to make money, why should the funeral industry be any different. The law prohibits funeral directors from suggesting that every case must be embalmed; in fact, the law states that it is the responsibility of the Funeral Official to tell the family that unless it is their wish, the body need not be embalmed. Most people want a viewing (this REQUIRES embalming). Basically what I am getting at is, unless you want to have a closed casket funeral, direct burial or direct cremation-- you have to have an embalmer. As discussed earlier, items aren't forced upon the families.... the families pick their merchandise and can simply say no to merchandise deemed unnecessary or unaffordable. There are a wide variety of caskets and outer burial containers that are within anyone's budget. Deciding what merchandise and product to purchase for your loved one who has expired is not for the benefit of the funeral home or the deceased. Actually going through the motion and planning the perfect funeral helps the survivors begin the healing process. Having said this, I must admit that my father passed away nearly three years ago. He was directly cremated. We had a very nice memorial service, but his body was not present. Everything went smoothly and I, to this day, am happy with the decisions made by my father. My mother plans on being cremated as well. I support her decision fully. 2) How come is it that the funeral industry as a whole are considered to be 'crooks', but each and everyone of you have your goto guy, your funeral director who you feel is fair and honest? How can we all be crooks as a whole, but as individuals we're all fair, honest and decent?

I'm sure not all funeral homes are bad, but I think it's "buyer beware" when it comes to the funeral industry. One can end up paying twice as much for the same casket depending upon where you get it.--I read about two sisters who coincidentally purchased the exact same casket for their husbands three months apart and one sister paid significantly more than the other. In regard to pre-paid plans, I've also read stories about funeral homes dipping into this money and later becoming insolvent so that what someone thought was pre-paid turned out not to be. (It would seem a better option to put the same money in an interest-bearing account.)

My mother worked for a funeral home for a short time many years ago and ended up quitting because of the callousness she witnessed. The funeral director she worked for offered pre-paid plans and made tons of interest off of this money, which is why she was almost pushy with people to get them to sign up for pre-paid plans. This particular funeral director also appeared warm and caring to grieving family members but then would make fun of them behind their back and say awful things about various people as they cried over their loved ones. In addition, my mother was forced to eat her lunch where the bodies were prepared, and this seemed both disrespectful and just plain wrong. I've only seen my mother cry once over a job and this was that job. I have never looked at funeral homes/directors in the same light after I had the inside scoop on the local funeral home in our town.

I am glad to see so many fine funeral directors commenting on this board. I also think Mr. Slocum has some fine points to make, but keeping a deceased loved one at home is the reason funeral homes evolved in the first place. Funeral homes can be the first step in the grief process, letting go of their loved one. They are not held as a possession. A dead body cannot be held as replevin. Does anybody remember the scene from Gone With the Wind when Bonny Blue was in repose upstairs? How hard it was for Rhett to let her go? Do you think people today are really so different? Most people who die at home today are under the care of hospice, or pass at a hospice facility. Why? Most people simply do not want to face mortality and cannot provide on their own all the care required. How could one think it would be any easier for them when their loved one dies? Also, Mr. Slocum has made no mention of the many micro-organisms and diseases that have evolved and mutated today in response to all the medications that are used. How many people are aware or MRSA, C. Difficille, E. coli and the clostridiums? Do they know what changes to expect when a person dies? Do they know the state laws governing the care of deceased persons. So many variables Mr. Slocum. Colorado has laws governing the funeral industry, but no licensees. Funerals can and are still held in homes, either a traditional type service or memorial services. Churches are also grand establishments for helping families hold meaningful services. But as far as keeping a deceased person at home until you can make all the necessary arrangements for disposition Mr. Slocum, people should be prepared for the unexpected. No two deaths are the same. No two bodies undergo the exact same changes at the exact same rates. I've seen many families want to keep their loved ones warm when death has occurred and wrapped them in several blankets, Tell me Mr. Slocum, do you really think people are going to take the time to learn all they have to know before the time of need or will they wait until after the fact. Yes, an educated consumer is the best customer. A person who walks through the door and knows exactly what they want done makes it much easier for everyone. Those who preplan their funerals make it easiest for those left behind, but even these wishes may change and they are not written in stone. So Mr. Slocum, before you start condemning an entire industry, you really should take time to visit different states, different establishments and see how funeral homes have evolved and why so many people entrust the care of their loved ones to them. Remember, the Hilton had its roots in the upstairs of a saloon or a boarding house somewhere. Many funeral homes started out as furniture shops. It is the people who have driven the evolution of the funeral home out of their need, not vice versa.

Bravo FCA! Chalk up another bold action to re-empower average Americans in the much needed reformation and open rebellion against our own contrived, corrupt, lobbyist controlled, organized-racketeering, corporate-cratic United States-government. We need more of this type of thinking. Meanwhile, got guns?

Bravo FCA! Chalk up another bold action to re-empower average Americans in the much needed reformation and open rebellion against our own contrived, corrupt, lobbyist controlled, organized-racketeering, corporate-cratic United States-government. We need more of this type of thinking. Meanwhile, got guns?

My father went the pre-arranged route three years before he died. I was with him at the time he made the final arrangements for both himself and my mother who was in a nursing home with someone else taking care of her needs since she was unable to take care of herself. That was one of the best things my father ever did and it removed the burden of wondering the rest of your life if we did it the way he would have wanted it done. My father was very much a take charge man among men. He did it his way and my sister and I will forever be greatful. I do not think my family could have done a home funeral, some things are better left to the experts. When a loved one passes on most of us are in no mental state of mind to take care of the final arrangements. I do think the funeral industry needs a watchdog group looking over their shoulder to make sure they are not charging more than a fair amount for their services. As for my wife and I we are thinking about cremation since we have no children or grand children that would want to come to a grave site. If you have not seen the movie "The Bucket List" watch it, great movie and it will give you something to think about.

Mr.Slocum,
I would like for you to spend one week with me and i will change your vision on the funeral industry. There are alot of so called "funeral directors" in the industry that are just in it for the almighty dollar, but that is a small, very small percent in the industry. There are, like myself, funeral directors who truely care for the families they serve. Yes, I am in business to make a profit just like any other business owner in the world. I am tired of hearing that funeral directors prey on families at their worst time in their lives. No one demands families to buy merchandise that is not needed and that they cannot afford. I tell all of my families not to buy with their hearts, but what they can actually afford to spend. Please come stay with me one week and you will have a completely different outlook on this business.

One question to ask yourself is, "Would I do this for my child". Many are stating, just toss me away, burn me up, and even flush me down the toilet? Why would you chose such a disposition for yourself? Funerals provide an outlit for your loved ones and the community to grieve together and to pay their last respects. Actions speak lounder than words.