Subsidized in the City
Adulthood means financial independence. So why do so many of my peers still live off their parents?
For the recent college graduate, living in New York—the city of dreams and opportunity—is no easy feat. As twentysomethings, we sacrifice having any semblance of savings to survive in a city that promises so much social and cultural diversity. After all, when the bright lights of the big city call, who can refuse? For those who crave urban living at its best, New York is a siren, singing an irresistibly enticing song—that is, until you're lured in and, before you know it, have forked over 80 percent of your salary for rent.
I always knew I would end up in New York. After college and a three-month stint living rent-free in an uncle's Tribeca apartment, I had saved enough money to renounce further financial assistance from my parents. If I was ever in a serious financial bind, I knew they would offer help, but after 10 years of private-school education on their dime, I didn't want to come crawling back for an allowance. Besides, wasn't that the point of my expensive education—to adequately prepare me to take on the world and take care of myself? Financial independence means social freedom and absolute control over my own life. Yet among my peers, I seem to be the only one who feels this way.
Why? Because the majority of them receive some sort of financial assistance from their parents—and few say they want to change anything about the way they live. One 25-year-old friend—whose parents pay for more than half her rent and all her utilities, as well as giving her spending money—snubbed the idea of compromising her lifestyle for financial independence. Another, a 22-year-old who gets a portion of her rent paid by Mom and Dad, admitted she would be willing to cut back on "superfluous spending," but was reluctant to move out of Manhattan and into a more affordable borough like Brooklyn or Queens.
Higher rents and the need for deeper pockets are part of the charm associated with city living, but urban pricing aside, it is possible to live in any city regardless of your age or income; it just takes a little budgeting and prioritizing. Surrendering to lifestyle flexibility may be unattractive, but sometimes it's necessary. It's easy to "keep up with the Joneses" when financial responsibility is someone else's problem. The fact is, my peers who flood out of designer stores, arms adorned with shopping bags, wouldn't be able to afford their purchases without ringing up a massive credit-card debt. By continuing to provide for their twentysomething kids, parents hinder their children's ability to be financially responsible. If you don't learn to budget early on, what will inspire you to do so when your finances become your own prerogative?
It's not just Manhattan where I've noticed this phenomenon. A Chicago acquaintance was promised an apartment as a graduation gift; a Boston friend receives a hefty monthly stipend. The stakes are higher in a city, which is why many young people feel the need to compete with each other. But when parental handouts are not only offered but expected, what is Generation Y learning about living on its own?
It is disturbing when "adults" don't have their own credit cards linked to their own accounts for fear of overspending. A friend confessed to me that she didn't need to build credit. If the need for a loan ever arises, she told me, she can go to her parents or—as she secretly hopes—a husband who will take care of it.
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Member Comments
Posted By: hopeimwise @ 10/08/2008 3:08:12 PM
Comment: Perhaps a different point from which to view this: We are parents of 4 kids who are so completly different in regard to dependence/independence that we can recognize them in seveal opposing comments!! Thus I have a much broader perspective that might be helpful.
Child one: Daughter CM is 37, single with one child. College educated (part parent pay, part student loans) Has always asked for help with "emergencies" which we knew were in crisis only because of over-spending on need-less things (that we could not afford). We have given and given and received little in return either repayment or time or effort to do favors for us. We know (and knew) that the spouse's emotional make-up was fragile and explosive and that their reasonable discussion of financial issues was almost impossible. Right or wrong? Who knows--
Child 2 died in infancy. I'd take him most any way; independany; dependant, financially wise OR foolish--if I could.
Child 3, A son is now 32. Strongly desires to be completely independent. Has made some not so wise choices and is now divorced and back in school struggling to get a degree (and figure what he wants out of life). It is obviously painful for him to ask for money and he always repays or expresses concern if he can't. He has never resented the help we have given Child one or child 4.
Child 4 is a foster son age 25--tragic childhood, tossed about til 12, already usng pot. He earns the prize for making major wrong choices and ending up now thinking he's helpless to become independent. We insisted on his "independence" at 18 when drinking drugs and sex were his preferred lifestyle. No high school diploma, a girlfriend and baby, then another baby and low wages and guess what. We have always told him that if he choses the path upward with his life, we will help him (them) all we can. But if they choose the path downward, they're on their own. They have lived with us for over a year--on the living room floor--not too cushy--! Carrying out our resolves, setting boundaries, encouraging rather than criticizing, STRESS!!! None of this is easy. We just ordered a breathalyzer and drug-test kits as things have gone downhill lately. But what about the 2 yr old and 2 month old...?
I could use some advice from any young adult who identifies with one of "my kids". . .
Posted By: geashlin @ 09/30/2008 10:17:17 AM
Comment: People got upset at you for your view, but adults living on their own SHOULD be paying for themselves or down-size/down-grade. I have a cousin who moved out of state from her parents and got an apartment with a few friends. The cousin decided that roomates we not for her, she kept a four bedroom place that she could barley afford with roomates, bought a brand new luxury car and the list of expenses goes on and on. This cousin feels that it is her right to recieve money from her parents(they pay her rent, car note, and took out a parent plus loan.) Her mom has been driving the same P.O.S. for way to long while my cousin gets the best of everything. Is it poor parenting yes, but my cousin is old enough to know better. I don't know why children no matter the age expect their parents to sacrifice everything in the name of their kids. I find it even less acceptible if your leeching off from parental figures when kids of your own are involved. There really is an amount of satisfaction that comes from doing it yourself.
Posted By: platypuses @ 08/25/2008 6:12:51 PM
Comment: Though it expresses an interesting sentiment, this article is both poorly written and hugely self-important. There are many reasons that people find themselves in the situations they do, and it is improper for the author to impugn people of whom she knows very little.