Adulthood means financial independence. So why do so many of my peers still live off their parents?
I need to stop reading all of "your" nonsense...this article is directed at a certain segment of the population (middle-class types who live off their parents when they don't need to)...if that ain't you, then tough...but don't whine about her being a princess or what not, because she has advantages that you don't.
There is a lesson in the article. Living independently is better than relying on parents. Not exactly a message to inspire the laughably silly venom I've read in the comments.
This article speaks volumes about assumptions of the privileged middle-class. Apparently, if you're a fortune 500 exec whose company doesn't pay any taxes, like Westinghouse or AIG, you've made it. You are morally pure because you've figured out a way to shift your economic burdens to the tax-payer semi-legally. If you're a struggling musician who has to ask an uncle for the rent you may as well not show your mug in Serafino's circle---give her an Enron man every time.
This article speaks volumes about assumptions of the privileged middle-class. Apparently, if you're a fortune 500 exec whose company doesn't pay any taxes, like Westinghouse or AIG, you've made it. You are morally pure because you've figured out a way to shift your economic burdens to the tax-payer semi-legally. If you're a struggling musician who has to ask an uncle for the rent you may as well not show your mug in Serafino's circle---give her an Enron man every time.
Oh and to all that are saying I agree or right on, aside from the fact that they're the authors friends, it is clear that this article is targeting the 20 somethings with good jobs, decent pay, college-educated (private or not) living in NYC (or other large cities) who live way beyond their means at the expense of their parents. Ms. Serafino does not include those people putting themselves through college, paying off student loans or suffering adversity.
But patting herself on the back for not living off of her parents after college because she makes enough money to do so- seriously, get over yourself princess and stop taking pictures.
I barfed a little too from reading this and mostly the photo. oh whoa me.
Gag! oh my parents payed for my ivy league education and now I have a great job and pay my own bills! Oh goody another privileged brat who made it.
I was the 5th child of 8 children. I was doing lunch dishes standing on a stool by the age of five, taking out the trash bag, dusting, setting and clearing the dishes and sweeping the dinning room after dinner. We all did household chores regardless of gender . We had a daily maid who came during the week, until I was around eight. By the time I was 10, I was sewing, doing chores and odd jobs for neighbors, trimming bushes and mowing lawns for extra money. By 12, I had a paper route and by 13, I added babysitting. In jr high school my allowance was $ 0.50 a week and in high school it was $1.00. If I wanted to get ahead in life I learned early that I had to work. I graduated from high school and started community college, I was 16. I worked at a convience/deli store. At 17, I sang in a working band on the weekends and rented a one bedroom apt with a friend whose father paid her half. I only lived there on the weekends and always came back to a mess. By 19, I had saved enough money to move to Los Angeles and a state university. I got a job working 37hrs a week. When I was 22, I lost my job so I went to the job/housing board at the university and looked for a live-in maid or nanny position. I took a position with an older couple who wanted housework 15hrs for a guest house. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. My mother told me she raised me to have a maid not to be a maid. I got a part time job working as a personal assistant for a jazz musician. He left the details at my discretion of priority. When school started the next fall I worked for him whenever I wanted. All my friends thought I was from a rich, because of the neighborhood I lived in, the convertible sports car I drove, my wardrobe plus I was a full time college student. The next year when I was 23, I graduated with a 3.85 GPA and a BA degree in Art. I went to Europe, for a year my base was in Paris and I lived in a international women's hotel. I went to the Louvre Museum every Sunday because it was free. I studied the old masters paintings and classical world sculpture up close and personal. I came back to the USA on a charter flight I got for $300. The US inspection officer asked me how it felt to be back at home? I said fantastic because only the achieveing top 20% of the students in France would be allowed to go on to the next year of University. I got my Masters Degree at 27, and I was sure proud of all I had acheived in 9 years. I got a live-in house manager position on a hugh estate. A few years later I took care of my elderly parents, because I could afford not to work at a paying position. Now I work for a billionaire as his executive estate manager. He owns homes and factories all over world and I travel with him on his private 727, and make sure all the details of his life are taken care of. It is a highly demanding position but I love it, plus it pays over 200K a year with a clothing allowance and no living expenses.
Wow.
Ms. Serafino is being very judgmental. Maybe her friends are just snobs.
I feel sorry for the twenty-something year olds, with college degrees and (I hope) jobs who expect their parents to subsidize their living. It is their parents to blame for the prolonged childhood. They are doing nothing but disservice to their own children. At some point, the poor things will have to take a responsibility for their own lives, but they will be ill-prepared to do so. At some point, their parents would want to get a phone call from their child not because he/she needs her debt to be paid off, but because he/she really cares about them. I doubt it would happen. My son had a credit card handed to him when he was 17, but with the instructions to use it responsibly. HIs summer and on-campus jobs paid his tuition, not because I could not afford, but becuase he needed to learn that money does not grow on trees. At age of 22, a graduate student and fully self-sufficient (to the best of his means), he is a mature man, fully responsible for his own decisions. Will I step forward if he really needs the money? I sure will, but for now, he buys his cloth at Ross and cooks his meals to avoid debt. I am very proud of him.
Bravo, excellent article, Melody! You seem to have really hit a nerve out there.
First of all many people have completely missed the point of this piece and the population that Ms. Serafino is referring to. That population would be young 20 somethings with good jobs, decent pay, college-educated (private or not) living in NYC (or other large cities) who live way beyond their means at the expense of their parents. Ms. Serafino does not include those people putting themselves through college, paying off student loans or suffering adversity.
Now these are the facts:
1. Ms. Serafino's parents would not be considered 'wealthy'..just comfortable. Donald Trump is wealthy. Certainly there is no 'silver spoon' here and no living beyond their means. Her parents have just been wise with their finances. Education has been a priority.
2. There is NO trust fund.
3. There is NO wealthy uncle. There is only an old, 4th floor walk up that is decidedly a very basic apartment.
4. While living for 3 months in that apartment (vs. the streets) waiting for her apartment to become available, Ms. Serafino completely supported herself and saved toward her own rent. To this day, her parents have not given her a dime.
5. From her early weeks in NYC, Ms. Serafino has also saved for retirement (how many 30 or 40 somethings can say that?)
6. No Ms. Serafino does not have a 'posh' job. She started with low pay for NYC.
7. She is not 'upper crust' only upper middle class (neither are her friends...this is just her point)
8. She acquired her job COMPLETELY on her own, knocking on doors.
9. Yes, Ms. Serafino did attend private school. Is this a crime? More than 50% of those students who attend private school (highs school and college) receive financial aid. There is no correlation between private school and making it on your own after college. This is up to the individual.
10. Volunteer work has been part of Ms. Serafino's life since middle school (many hours worth). Currently she spends her time and money as a mentor through the Family Center.
11. Ms. Serafino has paid for all non essentials since her *** years with money from jobs and babysitting.
12. She applied for and received some small merit based scholarships to help pay for her college education.
As for you Kreskin you should be ashamed of yourself. You have a Ph.D and yet you cannot seem to comprehend the thesis of this article. You also make many uninformed wild assumptions. So what is YOUR reality? What do you do for a job? You seem to spend large amounts of time commenting online. Why do you have such a chip on your shoulder? If you don't like the subject matter, I challenge you to write something and get it published in a national magazine. Then we can all comment on it.
This was an op-ed piece that Newsweek felt was worthy of publication (of the the many hundreds they receive each month). The original article was significantly edited to fit the page. Can we blame Ms. S
Are you Melody Serafino, or perhaps a close friend/relative/fellow-employee? It surely sounds like it. You certainly know a lot about her life.
You seem to know a LOT about Ms. Serafino. You know her volunteering and babysitting activities since middle school. You describe the apartment like someone who's seen it. You know which scholarships she applied for, and which ones she won. You know how she had to wait for an apartment. You know that she saves for retirement. That's a lot of mundane details, over a long span of time.
hampton302, it kinda sounds like you ARE Ms. Serafino. Maybe I'm wrong, but you can see how I got there.
Also, quoting your article:
"a three-month stint living rent-free in an uncle's Tribeca apartment"
conflicts with your last statement: "While living for 3 months in that apartment (vs. the streets) waiting for her apartment to become available, Ms. Serafino completely supported herself"
I think you're right. Your uncle doesn't have to be rich. He could be a renter, too. But if you're living rent-free with him, I wouldn't say that's completely supporting yourself.
Perhaps a different point from which to view this: We are parents of 4 kids who are so completly different in regard to dependence/independence that we can recognize them in seveal opposing comments!! Thus I have a much broader perspective that might be helpful.
Child one: Daughter CM is 37, single with one child. College educated (part parent pay, part student loans) Has always asked for help with "emergencies" which we knew were in crisis only because of over-spending on need-less things (that we could not afford). We have given and given and received little in return either repayment or time or effort to do favors for us. We know (and knew) that the spouse's emotional make-up was fragile and explosive and that their reasonable discussion of financial issues was almost impossible. Right or wrong? Who knows--
Child 2 died in infancy. I'd take him most any way; independany; dependant, financially wise OR foolish--if I could.
Child 3, A son is now 32. Strongly desires to be completely independent. Has made some not so wise choices and is now divorced and back in school struggling to get a degree (and figure what he wants out of life). It is obviously painful for him to ask for money and he always repays or expresses concern if he can't. He has never resented the help we have given Child one or child 4.
Child 4 is a foster son age 25--tragic childhood, tossed about til 12, already usng pot. He earns the prize for making major wrong choices and ending up now thinking he's helpless to become independent. We insisted on his "independence" at 18 when drinking drugs and sex were his preferred lifestyle. No high school diploma, a girlfriend and baby, then another baby and low wages and guess what. We have always told him that if he choses the path upward with his life, we will help him (them) all we can. But if they choose the path downward, they're on their own. They have lived with us for over a year--on the living room floor--not too cushy--! Carrying out our resolves, setting boundaries, encouraging rather than criticizing, STRESS!!! None of this is easy. We just ordered a breathalyzer and drug-test kits as things have gone downhill lately. But what about the 2 yr old and 2 month old...?
I could use some advice from any young adult who identifies with one of "my kids". . .
People got upset at you for your view, but adults living on their own SHOULD be paying for themselves or down-size/down-grade. I have a cousin who moved out of state from her parents and got an apartment with a few friends. The cousin decided that roomates we not for her, she kept a four bedroom place that she could barley afford with roomates, bought a brand new luxury car and the list of expenses goes on and on. This cousin feels that it is her right to recieve money from her parents(they pay her rent, car note, and took out a parent plus loan.) Her mom has been driving the same P.O.S. for way to long while my cousin gets the best of everything. Is it poor parenting yes, but my cousin is old enough to know better. I don't know why children no matter the age expect their parents to sacrifice everything in the name of their kids. I find it even less acceptible if your leeching off from parental figures when kids of your own are involved. There really is an amount of satisfaction that comes from doing it yourself.
Though it expresses an interesting sentiment, this article is both poorly written and hugely self-important. There are many reasons that people find themselves in the situations they do, and it is improper for the author to impugn people of whom she knows very little.
Well-written article Melody. Money is always an emotional issue for people and you seem to have hit alot of buttons expressing your viewpoint. Kudos to your parents for helping you when you needed it and kudos to you for launching yourself independently when know you needed to.
Example comment:
"I barfed a little while reading this, from the text and the photo."
This article totally ignores several huge factors that could cause young professionals to need assistance, even if they were to take the author's suggestion and live in a suburb. for one thign, the near-universal demand by employers for a college education and the rising costs of that education leaves many young people with debts that have payments higher than what people pay in rent in most parts of the country. The author admits her parents covered her there, which is precisely why she isn't struggling now. Then there's the fact that our society has gone from one where a single income used to be enough to support a family and now people struggle with two incomes. She doesn't acknowledge that the average middle-class salary when compared to inflation hasn't risen in 15 years. She ignores the fact that starting salaries are stagnant. Graduate school is more commonplace, meaning competition for jobs that aren't even high paying is fierce, and people are getting their start in the world at a later age. I find her experience with spoiled young people to be a narrow-minded one, and not representative of the people I know who have been less privileged and had less luck than her. They now need help getting on their feet and are not being irresponsible with the assistance provided.
This article totally ignores several huge factors that could cause young professionals to need assistance, even if they were to take the author's suggestion and live in a suburb. for one thign, the near-universal demand by employers for a college education and the rising costs of that education leaves many young people with debts that have payments higher than what people pay in rent in most parts of the country. The author admits her parents covered her there, which is precisely why she isn't struggling now. Then there's the fact that our society has gone from one where a single income used to be enough to support a family and now people struggle with two incomes. She doesn't acknowledge that the average middle-class salary when compared to inflation hasn't risen in 15 years. She ignores the fact that starting salaries are stagnant. Graduate school is more commonplace, meaning competition for jobs that aren't even high paying is fierce, and people are getting their start in the world at a later age. I find her experience of spoiled kids to be a narrow one, and not representative of the people i know who have been less privileged and had less luck than her, who now need help getting on their feet and are not being irresponsible with the assistance provided.
This really gave a one-sided view of a much largers issue. I was pretty annoyed to think that people who live in other parts of the country or around the world would assume that this is the kind of life that I or my fellow NYC area friends are living. The casual assumption that anyone in the 20's or 30's in the NYC area who is struggling or getting help from their parents is doing so only because they spend money on too many luxury goods only shows that Ms. Serifino has not had much exposure beyond the college bubble.
When one speaks people in their 20's and 30's even in much cheaper markets, one realizes that the problem in NYC is simply an intensified version of the afroementioned larger issue---that of the cost of living in the US going up while starting wages are not. This means that even the college-educated and privlidge young professional can not expect to purchase a home by the time they are 30 or to afford to start a family. As anyone who has ever held a salaried postion knows, your starting salary in a postion is what determines every subsiquent raise, so if starting salaries are not increasing with the cost of living, then no matter how frugally one lives, there is really not room for "getting ahead" financially.
I am not going to pass judgement on Ms. Serifino's own lifestyle or those of her friends with trust funds and frankly it's just not the point. The point is that the scary prediction that generation X and Y will be the first to not do better than their parents is coming true. In every financial disappointment I have personally faced, this is what it finally comes down to. I have asked tax advisors, smart investors, and simply those in generations ahead of me, and what really comes to light is that until salaries catch up with costs, there just is not much to be done, but save, skrimp, sometimes go into debt, borrow, and look for ways to do something fun for free or wait for the sale.
I hope I can someday provide the independence my parents afforded me growing up. There were eight children, dad wasn't educated and worked minimum paying jobs. Not because he wanted, but that is all that was offered to people without a high school diploma. We were given only the very basic needs to survive. If we were interested in higher education, well, like everything else, we were on our own.
My oldest brother is now a phd and associate professor at a well known university, second oldest has his masters and works for the US state department in asian commerce. Third oldest holds a masters degree and works in Washington DC in veterans affairs. Fouth oldest died tragically while attending state college after 4 years in the US Marine Corp. Fifth oldest is a sargeant on a police department in suburban Chicago. Myself, a certified engineer. Seventh youngest, assist HR manager of a large Chicago suburb. The baby, is an engineer with 20 years service on the Chicago Fire Dept. That was accomplished by knowing there was nothing being handed out because there wasn't ever anything handed out. I think my folks feel pretty good with the outcome. I would if I were them.
Hey Newsweek --
What's the journalistic ethics of commenting on your own article using an alias? Check out hampton302 -- maybe is, maybe isn't -- just saying.
I barfed a little while reading this, from the text and the photo. A safety net is a safety net, and I am so tired of hearing the privileged kids with the medium-sized parental safety nets complain about the kids' with extra-large models.
I moved to San Francisco at 22 after college. I thought it was just normal to live poor your first year out of school :shrug. My parents believe their job was to make sure I was a self supporting adult - not a comfortable adult who doesn't earn a desired lifestyle.
Some comments in here state it is so hard to afford things when you are first out of school with lack of jobs and consumer prices...that may be true, but I did it and you find a way to make it work. (Cali was in a major recession when I first moved there). Many many of us did it, and did without many frivolous things to do so. That is part of being an adult anyway - separating want from need - and choosing needs first - that is part of being a grown up.
I find it hard to believe it is so much harder than before. My net pay was $800 and my rent was $425 and I lived in a v. expensive city. I managed. I also look fondly on those days when I had such great experiences - I dont look back and think about material things I didnt have.
There is an exception though IMO: I would always pay for my kids' health insurance if they didnt have it through work, since an individual plan is out of reach to many healthy working adults. I wish my parents had subsidized that I suppose, and that is the only thing I would have accepted from them.
I dont get it really; financing your educated adult children's lives seems just weird to me, minus gifts for bdays and xmas or loans for extreme emergencies.
The biggest gift my parents ever gave me was the ability to attend a state university without any loan debt. From many of the comments here, I should not have accepted that. I find that odd I guess, since that is the norm for the majority people I know. A college fund was opened when I was born and was budgeted for four years of schooling. I'd do the same for my kids. That to me is "normal". Giving money to adults to finance their wants after providing an education is not.
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