Subsidized in the City

This problem is not new. My father had an allowance from his mother's small pension until he was 30 years-old and she passed away. These decision made him the worst manager of money that I can image. I hear stories of him buying his first boat with his school loans. At the age of 54, he still rents a house, because he does not have the credit to buy. At 26, I am the most ficiely independent women you can imagine. My mother and I are very close. We have split everything 50/50 since I graduated from college. This inclues vacations, diners out, entertainment and buying presents for family members I pushed myself to graduate from a private college 3 years with a 3.98 GPA to prevent the accumulation of additional school loans. The wisdom in my house (which I qualified for myself and paid my first mortage pmt on my 25th birthday) is your children will act as old as you treat them. The longer you treat them like spoiled children that are unable to take care of themselves, the longer they will act like children.
We have learned a good way to spot these 'adults' is if they have never offered to pay for a dinner out with their parents unless it was a special day. We are creating a generation that no independent man or woman wants to marry.

Uh, yeah. What the hell are parents doing? I had to do a blog about this phenomenon. Too much to say.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&Mytoken=FF63DDD3-C731-4BCA-A0AF19C1D76D1EA363979982

Our 3 boys have paid their own rent from their sophomore year of college till graduation. They pay rent, living expenses and books and we pay tuition. They also paid for books their freshmen year when in the dorm. They knew they would have to work part time if they wanted to live with friends on campus in an apartment, and they knew that they could live at home for free since school is only 1/2 hr away. They have taken pride in their accomplishment of managing school and work to be able to live away to live on campus. They have seen friends who have had everything handed to them and seen how they don't appreciate what they have been given. They know we would never leave them destitute, but their pride helps drive them to not let that happen. Educaton beyond high school and support from parents is a privelege and I can see why it's easy for some people to rely on the parents when they have bailed them out continuosly. our 2 oldest have graduated and and are working, and the last one is starting his jr. year. People need to take responsibility for themselves at some point, but as long as they rely on the parents to always bail them out, they are set up for failure.

I thought that this was a fabulous article! I feel that all too often children take their parents for granted after college.
One of my best friends asked her parents to pay over half of her rent this month, simply because she didn't want to work the hours required at her part time job to make enough money to pay it herself - and she's 23. She???s not looking for a full time job, and she has no issues with asking her parents to foot the bill, even though her parents are in no financial position to be taking on more responsibility. I personally don't understand how you can justify that to yourself, why put that extra stress on your parents?
I'm not trying to be on a soap box, but I am thankful that I had to work 3 jobs to put myself through college. Yes, my parents could have paid my tuition and not given it a second thought, but they wanted me to learn the value of money and to feel the accomplishment of doing it on my own. I know that if I ever needed any anything my parents would have helped me. However I feel a great sense of pride knowing that I can do it myself, and I wouldn???t ask my parents to pay for anything.

If you???re old enough to live on your own, then you???re old enough to financially support yourself; even if that means working multiple jobs or jobs that you???re overqualified for.

The last sentence of my comment should be: "Ms Serafino, I am realistic, I am responsible, I am just not rich." All of which is true.

If you are walking around wearing prada or driving around in a BMW, no way in hell you should be taking handouts from anyone. Get your priorities straight!

I was not so lucky! Sink or Swim was my motto. I moved to AZ when I was 18 and went to college full time, worked full time and paid all my bills. Just out of college I moved San Francisco I lived on my own in an apartment for $1,450 plus other expenses. I was just turning 23. I am 26 now married and we do it on our own.... the way it should be. Sure sometimes when I was in big trouble Dad helped but he did not need to do it every month nor every other month. I had decent jobs but when I first started college I was making $7.50, so its not as if I had a fantastic paying job.

Ms. Serafino, you are either a gifted prodigy earning a queen's salary or myopic beyond hope. I am 41, I own my own home, a (used) car, and, other than my mortgage have no debt. I shop at dollar stores and thrift shops, buy generic, use Vonage, pick up pennies on the street, and rarely use my credit card, preferring cash instead. Now, you would think I am a financially secure, and totally independent man, wrong. Despite all this, I receive $300 a month from my "mommy and daddy" to pay my housing development's coop fees, and my parents helped me with the down payment, which I do hope to pay back one day if/when ever I should sell my house. My parents knew that a house is the best investment you can have, and that is one reason they helped my out. Why do I need their help? There are many answers. To start, I am a US civil servant, and although my salary is adequate, it simply does not go far enough. I, like everyone have indulgences, but beyond that, there is another major reason for my parents' help: savings and retirement and benefits. The US simply does not provide a social safety net that other industrialized nations do. I contribute a substantial chunk (15% is recommended, I try to contribute more) for retirement. My goal is to live in retirement comfortably, not lavishly. Social Security alone simply will not cut it. Ms. Serafino, wanna work till you are 80?

Another reason for my parents' help: health insurance. The US again has no national health insurance, the burden lies on individual employees. The costs of healthcare are skyrocketing, and needless to say health insurance is absolutely, positively vital in case of illness or injury. Uninsured patients here receive substandard care, or no care at all. In the US, the lack of health insurance kills 20,000 people per year, yes, per year. Being a government employee guarantees me health insurance, that unlike in the private sector CANNOT be canceled. This fact alone keeps me in my job, as opposed to pursuing a possibly more lucrative job in the private sector. My parents' help keeps me insured. Ms. Serafino, do you have adequate health insurance? If you need a major operation will it be covered? In many cases it won???t be.

Ms. Serafino, you are wondering: do I, a 41 year-old man enjoy this situation of a monthly allowance from my parents? The answer is flat out no. I would love to be able to pay entirely for my house, but simply cannot now. Our generations' salaries have not kept up with the economic realities we live in. Ours is the first to do so. Hopefully one day I will be able to totally finance my house myself. My father is a retired university professor, with adequate savings, and very happy to help me out. Unless I marry (not likely) a gifted high powered executive like my sister did (she is a housewife with two daughters) it will be necessary for me to receive this help from my parents. Ms. Serafino, I am responsible, I am realistic, I am jus

Ms. Serafino, you are either a gifted prodigy earning a queen's salary or myopic beyond hope. I am 41, I own my own home, a (used) car, and, other than my mortgage have no debt. I shop at dollar stores and thrift shops, buy generic, use Vonage, pick up pennies on the street, and rarely use my credit card, preferring cash instead. Now, you would think I am a financially secure, and totally independent man, wrong. Despite all this, I receive $300 a month from my "mommy and daddy" to pay my housing development's coop fees, and my parents helped me with the down payment, which I do hope to pay back one day if/when ever I should sell my house. My parents knew that a house is the best investment you can have, and that is one reason they helped my out. Why do I need their help? There are many answers. To start, I am a US civil servant, and although my salary is adequate, it simply does not go far enough. I, like everyone have indulgences, but beyond that, there is another major reason for my parents' help: savings and retirement and benefits. The US simply does not provide a social safety net that other industrialized nations do. I contribute a substantial chunk (15% is recommended, I try to contribute more) for retirement. My goal is to live in retirement comfortably, not lavishly. Social Security alone simply will not cut it. Ms. Serafino, wanna work till you are 80?

Another reason for my parents' help: health insurance. The US again has no national health insurance, the burden lies on individual employees. The costs of healthcare are skyrocketing, and needless to say health insurance is absolutely, positively vital in case of illness or injury. Uninsured patients here receive substandard care, or no care at all. In the US, the lack of health insurance kills 20,000 people per year, yes, per year. Being a government employee guarantees me health insurance, that unlike in the private sector CANNOT be canceled. This fact alone keeps me in my job, as opposed to pursuing a possibly more lucrative job in the private sector. My parents' help keeps me insured. Ms. Serafino, do you have adequate health insurance? If you need a major operation will it be covered? In many cases it won???t be.

Ms. Serafino, you are wondering: do I, a 41 year-old man enjoy this situation of a monthly allowance from my parents? The answer is flat out no. I would love to be able to pay entirely for my house, but simply cannot now. Our generations' salaries have not kept up with the economic realities we live in. Ours is the first to do so. Hopefully one day I will be able to totally finance my house myself. My father is a retired university professor, with adequate savings, and very happy to help me out. Unless I marry (not likely) a gifted high powered executive like my sister did (she is a housewife with two daughters) it will be necessary for me to receive this help from my parents. Ms. Serafino, I am responsible, I am realistic, I am jus

There is alot to be said for living independly, both socially and financially. i pay my own mortgage, tons of school loans, and for everything that i purchase. we should all remember, however, that total independence is only possible and desireable for very few people. humans are social beings and society and much of life is based on us helping each other. those kids that are being criticized for taking "hand-outs" in order to wear designer labels may likely be the ones that take care of their parents later in life, rather than simply making nursing home/assisted living arrangements. MAybe if I did not have to work while I was in school and pay rent, I could have made the right connections and landed that perfect job, which in turn would lead to a better standard of living. Are we becoming so insecure that financial independence and the resulting pride from accomplishing that goal surpasses the happiness and fullfillment of a higher standard of living and actually fulfilling our responsibilities to each other and ourselves? I 'm not saying that we should be partying 24/7, driving BMWs, and wearing Prada while not doing much of anything else. As long as you are working dilegently at something worthwhile, what's wrong with a bit of help from parents or anyone who is willing? As long as we also help those parents and friends when they need it, I don't see anything wrong. I'd have no problem if anyone wanted to buy me a pair of seven jeans this weekend.

I totally agree with the article. I have been financially self sufficient for years. I put my way through school working multiple jobs while enduring full 18 credit semesters in order to finish early and start a career. Meanwhile. I watched many friends get full financial help from their parents. Not to say that there's a bit of jealousy there (hello! Everything seems easier when mom and pop are forking the benny's over!) , you cant put a price tag on financial freedom. I can proudly say that I've earned everything I have (which may not be as much as my friends have, but atleast I know its all mine). In a nutshell, this is your life. Your parents have shelled out enough of their money for eighteen years. It's time to become an adult and make a life for yourself- Do you really want to look back on your life and have doubts that you didnt 100% make your own way in this city? You are fully capable of making your own now! If you cant afford the New York City lifestyle yet, get over it. You cant always get what you want. Move to Brooklyn or Jersey City until you can work your way into the city!

If you want to make an omelette, you have to crack a few eggs, things arent always going to go perfectly- that's life. Enjoy the mess!

My 3 sons have paid their own rent in college from their sophomore year till graduaton. We pay the tuition and they pay their rent, books and living expenses. They knew they needed to get part time jobs to be able to meet their finacial needs, and they know that we would neverleave them totally straped. They have learned to manage theri time well between study and work and have actually taken a pride in themselves for thei accomplishments. Two of them have graduated and are working and the third one is starting his jr. year. They knew they could live at home, because Ohio State is 1/2 hr away, but chose to live with friends on campus. They look at their friends whose parents have paid for everything, and see how they don't appreciate what they have been given and are proud in themselves for shouldering part of the financial load. Remember, education is not a "given" after high school, it is a privelege to have access to further eduacation. So for those who are used to having everything handed to them on a silver plate, it's easy to see how they continue to rely on parents to bail them out evenafter school. My boys know we would never leave them destitute, but their pride also lets them know they need to assume responsibility for their own being too.

Unbelievable, I have lived on my own since the age of 18, supporting myself and now my family. I had cousins growing up that were very well off and up until my cousins 50th bday were getting any where from 50 to 75 thousand dollars a year to support their own families. Unbelieveable I may not have much monetarily but one thing I do have a Pride!!!

Did this "PRIVATE SCHOOL GIRL" AUTHOR GET HER JOB THROUGH ***CONNECTIONS? Some of us move out to the cheapest neighborhoods in Brooklyn and still need help with rent when we can't find work. 3 roommates, still need help! This girl is an ELITEST who assumes everyone lives in manhattan and buys DESIGNER clothes. Try dumpster diving for furniture and shopping at "Conways"- the inner city Walmart. theneee then

This issue is certainly not something that just came about as these folks enter "City-life". From early childhood these parents did not teach & their children did not learn personal responsibilty. So, continuing to pay rent & sponsor shopping is simply continuing the same behavior patterns on both sides. Very similar to parents not teaching personal responsibility & now going to job interviews with their children and calling college deans when the gpa doesnt make everyone feel good.

So, until the parents find thier own self-respect, they will continue to live vicariously through their children.

She seems to TAKE FOR GRANTED THE FACT SHE HAS A *FULL-TIME JOB THAT ALLOWS HER TO PAY HER OWN RENT, in this horrible, ultra-competitive economy college grads are entering. Try job-hunting for 6 months. Try learning a "good interview" means nothing. Try repeating internships with college students. Try lowering the bar, and working a blue-collar job, only to find when you show up people thing your nuts.

The whole time our daughters were in high school, my husband and I told them that we would "help" them do what they wanted to do after graduation. College, technical school, etc. But, we were not paying for it. Both girls worked hard in high school and got athletic and academic scholarships that covered their educations. We contributed to car payments, medical expensese, clothing, etc. After graduating from a very academic private university, my oldest daughter wanted to live and work in the Dallas area, but she took a job closer to home and saved her money. After six months she had saved enough money to move to Dallas. She has now accepted a job there. We helped with the move, and cosigned on her apartment and bills. But, it seems in her circle of friends, that her father and I have a bad reputation for not paying for everything. I like to think that both my daughters take pride in what they have accomplished, because I am certainly proud of them!

Do I sense jealousy? Why is it anyone else's business what other's parents choose to do? There may or may not come a time where these people have to learn to fend for themselves, but it doesn't bother me. I'm glad that I don't have to depend on my parents to support me, but I don't really care if one of my friends do. That's their loss.