Subsidized in the City

If mom and dad are paying for you to live, than mom and dad have a say in HOW you live. I refuse to let anyone have that kind of control over me. The only decisions my parents make in my life are the side dishes for Thanksgiving dinner. That I can live with - imposition of morals and financial values, I cannot.

She hit the nail on the head with the statement about independence. If mom and dad are paying for you, mom and dad still have a say in how you spend their money. I refuse to let my parents have that kind of control over me and am content with my small house, small wardrobe, and ancient car with no air-conditioning. I'm 26 years old and refuse to let me parents have a say in my life. The only way I can justify this is by earning what I spend and only letting them on decisions as big as what sides to serve for Thanksgiving dinner.

I completely agree that they shouldn't be getting a allowance from mom & dad, even if they are divorced. I have to pay my bills so should they. I have a 22 year old stepson that expects us to keep giving him money every money, saying that his mom isn't getting the child support anymore so he should just get that money now. I don't think so. But yet he refuses to drink tap water & also critizes everyhting in our lives including the way we live.

I think half the problem is that we have muddied the waters between "wants" and "needs". You need food, clothes and shelter. You don't need an iPhone, Prada shoes or a NYC apartment with a doorman and an elevator. Those are excesses. In this day and age, excess is what has hurt our country's financial footing. Americans "need" bigger homes, bigger cars, and bigger flatscreens than the Jones next door.

The other side is...if your parents go through bankruptcy right when you enter college at age 18, you have to figure out how you're going to make it through without their help really fast. So I worked my butt off to have a bachelors and masters in 5.5 years, and now I'm an Environmental Scientist at 23 ...and making my own living...without a dime from Mom & Dad.

It makes me sad to think that young people refuse to "give up their lifestyle" when the true process of making a living is starting with little and hopefully ending with a lot.

It's true that there are far too many young people who rely heavily on mom and dad.
It's ridiculous how so many parents feel the need to baby their kids well into adulthood and in doing so, prevent their children from ever truly being independent, self-sufficient and ACCOUNTABLE for their spending/budgeting.
It's a huge reason as to what is so WRONG with our society today and it is exemplified even more when our government feels the need to "act" as parents who ALLOW such parasitic sponging to run rampant and then BAIL OUT those who are so deep in debt due to their own actions.
Completely unfair to those who truly do live within their personal financial means and don't sponge off of anyone.
Yeah, the message being sent is one that has absolutely NO accountability and encourages a generation to live like there is no tomorrow.
Rude awakenings are the result for many and for many others......an arrogant, self-centered attitude of expectations is the result and its THESE fools who become adults who have absolutely NO concept at frugality, thriftiness, budgeting and their impulsive buying habits.
It's ok though.....WE, as a nation are deep in debt and so are the people. It's obvious that there are those in society who feel they might as well spend and spend, sink in debt and mirror exactly what our government is sooooo good at!
They end up in debt or screaming for the government to bail them out if nobody else will anymore.
PATHETIC LOSERS who expect the world on a silver platter just handed to them for NOTHING!
PARASITES!
And to all those "supportive" parents who CHOOSE to fund your adult child's life........if you believe that it is such a good thing or that someday......you figure YOU will NEED your child's financial help in your "Golden Years" or help with your deteriorating health..........DON'T COUNT ON ANYTHING from your kids!
YOU will be tapped out......they will be tapped out and you WILL be seeking government assistance YOURSELVES!
Materialism, greed and "keeping up with the Jones's" way of living has GOT to STOP!
Great.......WE, the taxpayers.......HAVE to bail out YOU LOSER PARASITES and your adult children because YOU couldn't or wouldn't....say NO to your kids!

Reality... Reality NY is an expensive city. This country was built on loans and agreements with other people. KIng's and Queen's, politicians, dictators, you name it The United States more than likely had a lot of hands in the success of this nation. HELLO trillions of current debt that is owed by this country, to our selfs and others. Any of you people that say "no one has helped me " you are all ignorant. Some one taught you that work wthic youv got, some one said yes to your first credit card or first job. Was it some one who had a silver spoon in thier mouth...? maybe. Bottom line is.... What ever any one has to do to survive is the only answer. If a parent wants to pad a trust fund for their silver spooners thats their choice. Stop critisizing for what you did not have for that matter what you can not provide for your self. My mother is a single mom of 4 and helped me buy my first car with a 600.00 cintribution. Should I say Oh thats all youv helped with. NO of course not. What about all the taxes sha paid to public education that allowed me to go k-12 or the taxes she paid to get me a pell grant for the first two years of my college education. Final thought... stop being a bunch of baby winers about every little thing you do you and I'll do me what ever that takes and what ever is a "subsidy"

|The author's more sensible observations become a bit muddied when, at 25, she indulges in the following pronouncement: "Higher rents and the need for deeper pockets are part of the charm associated with city living, but urban pricing aside, it is possible to live in any city regardless of your age or income; it just takes a little budgeting and prioritizing." I take it she does not associate with longtime business owners whose shops and restaurants are displaced by chain stores and projects financed by overseas money, or with college-educated members of the middle class who struggle simply to get by in an urban area, or with people on fixed incomes, or with immigrants whose communities shatter when a neighborhood gives way to yuppie condos and Starbucks. Hasn't she heard of the mind-bogglinglylong commutes people take to jobs in cities where they no longer can afford to live?

It's possible the author will never leave the rarefied environment in which she was brought up, but most of us will experience the sobering wake-up calls that health crises, layoffs, economic downturns, and personal and community upheaval tend to provide.

Hello, I agree that it is enabling and perhaps unhealthy in the long run for parents to subsidize adult children's lifestyles. I also agree that (in some cases) this is a way of having a larger than normal amount of inuput as to what the 'children' should be doing with their lives. I know parents want the best for their children, but it can be difficult for someone to learn to budget, live solo, etc. when they have not been taught. I know people whose parents did not teach them the first thing about relationships,, looking for a job, applying to school, doing laundry or cooking. Not that these things cannot be figured out by the children, but it makes life quite a bit more overwhelming in addition to finding yourself as a young adult.
Also, as she points out, Ms. Serafino is very lucky that her parents were able to afford tuition to a prestigious college (or any, for that matter). This is simply not possible for many parents. I know Ms. Serafino did all the work in college and earned her degree by her own hard work, but the point that people often miss is that they may have not even finished (or even got to) college without the financial ride from the parents. I am 34 and am still finishing my degree since I have lived on my own since age 19. I know many people who have had their education financed by parents. A common question is "why didn't you just work your way through college without student loans?" Of course I woked during college, usually two jobs to pay for rent, car, utilites, insurance, food, etc..Living in my parent's home was an abusive situation, and my mental health took priority over staying there free during college . I figured what good was a college degree if I was going to be tramatized for the rest of my life, hence the decision to get out! People who have parents pay for their college simply will not understand what a different situation would entail. It's no fault of their own - how would they know if they have not been in that situation? It is similiar to someone trying to feel what it would be like to be another race - you can imagine and perhaps try to understand what it would be like in their skin, but it is simply impossible to know the real experience. It's easy to say "well, they could be doing this to help their situation, or I would do that if I were them". You can never truly experience a situation in which you have not had to live. I agree with the main points of Ms. Serafino's article, but I feel it is short sighted in not thinking of what circumstances her 'rich' friends may be in. No matter how close the friendship, you can never truly know what the deeper situation may be, or what goes on behind the scenes in someone's life.

If you are "old enough" to live on your own, then you are old enough to pay your own bills. In any case, Mom & Dad won't be around forever; then the dependent ones have the possibly of drowning in their OWN debt since they never learned to be a grown-up.

This is all too try now a days. I have too many friends who get "support" from their parents. I have one friend who is married and still gets her car insurance paid for. My older brother has had more finanical help then any one person should. He has made so many stupid mistakes, both personally and finanically, but my parents are always their to bail him out. I really do think parents need to stop footing the bill for their kids, but the kids are taking advantage of it.

I believe that your assistance came at a better time than the assistance your peers are currently receiving. By receiving your education (and most likely, your living expenses) for free, you were set up for a much easier entry into post-college life. In your case, if you were still financially dependent on your parents, I'd say you had a serious problem. You enjoyed some pretty distinct advantages over your indebted peers.

Personally, I think parents will stop "paying the rent" when higher education funding trends away from loan-based aid and more grant money is available. Until then, our system is saddling new graduates with large amounts of debt right out of the gate. Entry-level salaries haven't exactly kept pace with skyrocketing costs of...everything. It's not hard to see why many of this generation's members are still financially dependent. The world is much more expensive now.

Sorry, I am a little jaded when it comes to this subject. Back when I was in school, kids in my generatiion couldnt wait to get out on their own and out from under their parents house. These days, young adults are living at home until mid to late 20's some even early 30's. As soon as I was on my own at 17, I had a full time job and a part time job, sometimes 3 jobs to get by. I had to struggle and did without a lot of times but it taught me how to survive in the real world, not depend on "mommy and daddy" to bail me out when I was short on rent or had to eat Top Ramen Noodle soup for weeks on end. Once or twice I asked my parents for as little as 20.00 and was told no, I learned how to deal with that and you will be surprised just what you can do on your own when your back is up against the wall. Sorry, I dont have much pity on those whinning about how they need to live at home with mommy and daddy to pay student loans or whatever. When I hear about a young adult still lving at home, I think LOOSER and move on.

I just want to put in my own 'two cents' here. I was the daughter who was spoiled- by Kansas standards- with a nice car, money for college (which I didn't complete since I didn't HAVE to pay for it myself), extra spending cash, clothes and even a roof over my head without any obligation for several years after high school. I can honestly tell you when the real world of finances hit me between the eyes and my mother wasn't able to help out any longer- the real world and economy had hurt her tremendously too- I was forced into adulthood and it HURT! I wasn't used to doing without, eating cheap (at home), wearing the same clothes for years at a time, etc but I did it. In fact I raised my daughter doing it and we survived very well. Now as my children are young adults I demand they be responsible early. We provided each of our teens a very used (yet still running) vehicle with insurance but they are responsible for their own gas and once they reach 18 they are required to pay 1/2 of their insurance (all of it once they get out of high school) bill as well. As the kids graduate from high school we encourage them to purchase a newer (more reliable) vehicle with the money they have saved from their part time jobs. In 2005 our oldest daughter purchased a 98 Oldmobile for $4,500 and it is still getting her great gas mileage. For her 21st birthday she didn't get a trip to Europe or even a shopping spree instead she received 2 new tires for her car. That car should last her until she has a full time job and enough saved up for atleast 75% of the price of a new 'used' car. Our other daughters (both 18) have over $6,000 saved up and are still happy driving the 'junkers' we provided while they continue to save even more. On more then one occasion our children have complimented us on how we are making them be responsible for themselves. They have friends with gas cards, new vehicles, allowances, and no jobs and all I can say to that is "What were their parents thinking!?"

As to the writer of this story- he isn't arrogance in my opinion instead he is mature. A few generations ago people in their early 20's were raising families, buying homes, owning cars and preparing to help take care of their aging parents not 30 and still living off of them. I am proud to say my kids will be just as 'arrogant' as this young person! Remember what goes around.. comes around. Do you young people want to take care of your kids until they are good and ready to do it for themselves?