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Subsidized in the City
At 25, I'm still questioning what it means to be an adult. But I know that part of it means having the financial independence to never have to rely on my parents for my decision making. This is indicative of a sort of social independence as well. If I want to plan a vacation halfway around the world, I do—and no one can tell me otherwise, because I am depending on my own means to get there. I can live wherever I want because I am paying my own rent. Financial independence has allowed for absolute control over my own life—an undeniably liberating feeling.
There is something to be said for writing that rent check each month and knowing you've managed to live comfortably on your own terms. Racking up $500 shopping sprees on Mommy and Daddy's credit card may have its momentary allure, but the adult part of me believes that working for what you have is much more rewarding than being handed it on a silver platter. And I have my own mom and dad to thank for that.
Serafino lives in New York City.
© 2008
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Member Comments
Posted By: Kolibri @ 11/12/2008 4:31:17 PM
Comment: Ms. Serafino is being very judgmental. Maybe her friends are just snobs.
Posted By: Kolibri @ 11/12/2008 4:21:44 PM
Comment: Are you Melody Serafino, or perhaps a close friend/relative/fellow-employee? It surely sounds like it. You certainly know a lot about her life.
Posted By: hopeimwise @ 10/08/2008 3:08:12 PM
Comment: Perhaps a different point from which to view this: We are parents of 4 kids who are so completly different in regard to dependence/independence that we can recognize them in seveal opposing comments!! Thus I have a much broader perspective that might be helpful.
Child one: Daughter CM is 37, single with one child. College educated (part parent pay, part student loans) Has always asked for help with "emergencies" which we knew were in crisis only because of over-spending on need-less things (that we could not afford). We have given and given and received little in return either repayment or time or effort to do favors for us. We know (and knew) that the spouse's emotional make-up was fragile and explosive and that their reasonable discussion of financial issues was almost impossible. Right or wrong? Who knows--
Child 2 died in infancy. I'd take him most any way; independany; dependant, financially wise OR foolish--if I could.
Child 3, A son is now 32. Strongly desires to be completely independent. Has made some not so wise choices and is now divorced and back in school struggling to get a degree (and figure what he wants out of life). It is obviously painful for him to ask for money and he always repays or expresses concern if he can't. He has never resented the help we have given Child one or child 4.
Child 4 is a foster son age 25--tragic childhood, tossed about til 12, already usng pot. He earns the prize for making major wrong choices and ending up now thinking he's helpless to become independent. We insisted on his "independence" at 18 when drinking drugs and sex were his preferred lifestyle. No high school diploma, a girlfriend and baby, then another baby and low wages and guess what. We have always told him that if he choses the path upward with his life, we will help him (them) all we can. But if they choose the path downward, they're on their own. They have lived with us for over a year--on the living room floor--not too cushy--! Carrying out our resolves, setting boundaries, encouraging rather than criticizing, STRESS!!! None of this is easy. We just ordered a breathalyzer and drug-test kits as things have gone downhill lately. But what about the 2 yr old and 2 month old...?
I could use some advice from any young adult who identifies with one of "my kids". . .