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A Fine Line
One of the most thoughtful reactions came from Melody Hobert-Mellecker, whom I spoke with for a subsequent story on teen pregnancy in the media. She is the mother of Meghan Mellecker, a 15-year-old teen parent (to 8-month-old Sophia.) In the days leading up to our interview, she had been reading through the comments on Newsweek.com, and, when we spoke, she mentioned how upsetting they were. She didn't quite get why hundreds of commenters were pouring their time into criticizing teen parents. "It's really hurtful to see grown adults attacking teenagers like that," she says. After helping her 15-year-old through a pregnancy and now as a parent, what she has come away with is this: "Yes, we would not choose for [teens] to get pregnant, we don't want them to get pregnant, they shouldn't be having sex and, yes, Jamie Lynn does make it look all too easy. But you know what, when has it ever stopped teens? She is not the first teenage girl to get pregnant, and she won't be the last. There are plenty of places that these people who are spending their time criticizing teen moms could spend their excess energy." She immediately sees one option: "Having an honest discussion about sex with their teens, instead of criticizing other kids."
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Member Comments
Posted By: tranya55 @ 08/10/2008 3:13:16 AM
Comment: Hooray for curch-40 who obviously has self-respect and a work ethic! Good luck to you and since you are obviously educated, please consider carefully the concept of "planned parenthood", with emphasis on the "planned". However, as a child and family therapist contracted to Child Protective Services, the unfortunate statistics indicate that there is very little to celebrate about young people having children, and I'm confused and terrified at the current climate of childbearing-as cool in this country today. Unfortunately, for most young people, or rather, most PEOPLE regardless of age, pregnancy is merely a side-effect of having unprotected sex. I won't list the ramifications of having children when one is not prepared--you can find this info on the net. And trust me, emotionless statistics cannot begin to describe the issues for these children-it's much worse in real life. The major point I want to make is WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SO MUCH FOCUS ON TEEN MOTHERS????? The last time I checked, it takes two to reproduce (o.k., except for fertility procedures). Why do we not also discuss the young (or older) men who contributing sperm to the equation? In my practice, more often than not, young girls are having sex early because of some or combinations of any of the following reasons: 1. to keep the boyfriend happy and attached to her (oh, and by the way, having his baby is also supposed to make him stay-right......); 2. peer pressure, being cool, getting lots of attention from boys, etc; 3. the young mom was sexually abused as a child; the young mom's family of origin was very chaotic, with usually some combination of addiction/violence/neglect/mental illness/etc, etc. It's starting to sound like these girls are victims, right? Well, the young men didn't have it any easier, but in our society we parents expend an incredible amount of effort trying to keep our daughters from getting pregnant, but our young men are not taught self-control, personal responsibility, etc. It's usually, "boys will be boys", and a secret sigh of relief frol Dad because his kid's not gay. In fact, some families actively encourage their sons to get out there and conquer! I have seen several cases where an older brother/cousin/uncle will show an 11, 12, 13 year old boy XXX rated porn as a way to man-him-up. Well, the technical term for that is sexual abuse. Anyway, thanks for listening, and please, let's also hold these young men accountable as integral partners in the lifelong endeavor called parenthood!
Posted By: Dangerous Thoughts @ 08/05/2008 2:06:27 PM
Comment: I honestly don't think it is acceptable at all to say Jamie Lynn Spears is a shining example of a teenage mom, cuas she has enough money so she doesn't have to work, like she gets it pretty easy, but what about all the other teen moms? there's about 30 expecting and already teenager moms at my school. None of them have had a "fun time in teenage parenthood" like Jamie Lynn Spears. I think it's wrong to condem teenage moms and most of them are doing a great job, but to exalt Spears for getting pregnant as a teenager too and saying that she is a new role model or demographic is nothing but ridiculous
Posted By: iwillmakeit @ 08/02/2008 9:59:25 PM
Comment: TInawith2cats: I think it is BS that you say your nephe will never be able to go to college. I had my first child when I was 17 and my husband wen to college straight after HS and I am now attending college. I believe we probably made it though because we had a loving and supporting family that NEVER put us down but pushed us to accomplish more. Maybe you can be the aunt that pushes her nephew to never give up.