It’s Not About the Flatware

Holy Toledo Ed! I apologize for being so rude. I never imagined (in the world of internet article comment threads) that one should look back at the site where one posted a comment. I assumed that after you get your comment off your chest, you move on and don't look back. Who knew there would be a comment on my comment from none other than Ed the author and valkyrie the grammarian?

Ed I never meant, in my comment, to minimize the potential which second marriages have for success. I meant to maximize the potential for a marriage to be "the" marriage for an individual, not referring to it as his/her "first" marriage and certainly never referring to it by the ridiculous label of a "starter" marriage.

I will never forget the scolding I received from the Rabbi who married us, when I jokingly referred to my one and only wife of 32 years, as "my first wife". He admonished me saying, "Joke about anything else Alan; that's NOT funny."

Re Dr. Singer's comment: << His description of he and his wife's first, second, and third marriages ... " Ye Gods, man, you evidently have a tin ear for English. Try "His description of HIS and his wife's first ... marriage". You wouldn't say "His description of he first marriage", would you? Or "His description of they first marriage?" Of course not. You would say "THEIR marriage"; therefore, the proper wording is in the genetive case ... "His description of HIS and his wife's first ... marriage." Jeez, Louise!!

I loved your candid article. I started reading it at the doctors and looked it up online to finish it. I have been married 21 years and every day is a struggle. Your examples of "jealousy" are right on. Jealousy doesn't have to involve other relationships. It can, as you pointed out, involve what one may have missed out on - and sees in his or her partner; or, may be currently missing out on. Enjoy your life together.

While I appreciate Dr. Alan Singer's comments, I'd like to point out that my second marriage lasted almost 29 years, until the death of my wife. I believe that says something about my belief in "the enduring and vital institution we know as marriage." --Ed Goldman

After knowing Candy for years and between the two of us discusing relationships - I could finally sence and feel the love she has for Ed. I wish them the best - they certaintly have earned! BAF

I wish the Goldmans good luck and best wishes in their new marriage. However, I think as the new wife I personally would want to start fresh in a home that was my very own from the start. Mr. Goldman, by all means, keep the things that you collected in your long and happy marriage, always remember your deceased wife. But, cut your new wife a break already. If you choose to continue living in your current house with your new wife, at least buy an new bed!