The Secret Life of Vampires

You've really thought this through.
I've had to. You wouldn't believe the questions I get. People want to know every single detail. You know, I majored in English, not biology.

How much fan mail do you get?
An overwhelming amount. In the last five years I've struggled against the idea of having an assistant. I like control. I like to have my hands on things and know what's going on. Finally I've given in. When I get an assistant, the first thing I'd like to do is get the fan-mail situation in some kind of order. Right now it's just big bins full of fan mail everywhere you look. It's horrible.

But isn't that gratifying?
It is, and it isn't. It's a huge source of guilt. If I could stop time I would sit down and write everyone a three-page letter. There's just no physical way for me to do that, so I feel awful. It's great that people are that excited, but it's hard that I can't respond.

Last question: how does it end?
Good try. You had to ask, right?

© 2008