BY THE NUMBERS

Talking the Talk

Discussing sex with your tweens and teens can help them make better choices. Here's how.

By Temma Ehrenfeld | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Jul 31, 2008 | Updated: 10:28  a.m. ET Jul 31, 2008

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  • Posted By: Emily B. @ 03/29/2009 9:45:06 PM

    To the editors and Ms. Ehrenfeld: "Tween" is a made-up word, and mainly a marketing tool at that. It has no place in a serious article in a reputable news source. It does NOT accurately describe "kids between 11 and 14." Kids who are 13 and 14 are called teenagers. You make me fear for the vocabularies of American journalists. My high school journalism teacher wouldn't have let me get away with such laziness.

  • Posted By: Emily B. @ 03/29/2009 9:40:26 PM

    Laura--First, please stop yelling. That's what it means to WRITE IN ALL CAPS.

    Second, think about guys with your brain as well as your body. Your hotness, or a guy's hotness, isn't going to determine the quality of your relationships. Emotional and intellectual attraction, respect, and friendship are much, much better and more satisfying than physical attraction alone. And physical attraction says nothing about what kind of person a guy is or how safe you are with him.

    Don't do anything with anyone who doesn't respect you and want the best for you. KNOW the people you have physical relationships with. I mean really, really know them, for months or years, before you start something physical.

    If your parents won't give you the talk, find something decent to read about sex. Seventeen magazine (though it pains me to recommend it) often contains a guide to different forms of birth control and STD protection. Ask your doctor if they have anything you could read. "Our Bodies, Ourselves" is a classic book on women's health with a lot of basic sexual information; your local library probably has it. But don't count on getting good information from kids your age. Most of them aren't that smart, and are only repeating stuff they heard from other teenagers.

    And finally, intercourse is NOT the only way to have a satisfying physical relationship. There are so many ways to give pleasure without intercourse. Stick with those until you're older.

  • Posted By: laura.cuero @ 03/15/2009 2:38:11 PM

    HI MY HAME IS LAURA.... I AM FIFTEEN AND I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD "THE TALK" WITH MY PARENTS... THEY THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM AN "A" STUDENT AND THAT I AM ALWAYS BUSY WITH TRACK THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT SEX... AND THE TRUTH IS THAT I DO... ALL THE TIME... AND I AM NERVOUS THAT IT WILL TAKE ME SOMEWHERE I DONT THINK I SHOULD GO[MY HORMONES GET IN THE WAY]... AND NOT TO BRAG BUT I AM REALLY HOT SO THERE IS A LOT OF GUYS AROUND ME... HOT GUYS... I AM NOT SURE OF WHAT TO DO... WHAT DO I DO? HELP

    • Posted By: ameraussie @ 03/27/2009 6:13:01 PM

      Laura decide now what you are willing to do and not do. What are your goals in life? Do you want to go to college? Have a career? Travel? Your options become greatly limited if you are stuck at home caring for a baby. Your options are also limited if you end up with a sexually transmitted disease. Your body is a precious gift, don't let anyone touch if you don't honestly believe they share they same values as you do, and also support the goals you hope to achieve. You will never regret the things you did not do; but regret can be never ending for the things you did do that you later wished you hadn't.

  • Posted By: jbz7879 @ 03/27/2009 11:50:41 AM

    i am 42 my son is 20
    i talked to him 5 years ago-and i just told him to tell me about everything

    he told me about premature ejaculations -so i guided him about how to curb his excitement

    he tells me about girls wanting it without condoms - i told him it was a trick to get pregnant and trap him -lolz

    he has stayed out of trouble and i am glad i just talked very openly to him about sex -with my daughter i will leave it to my wife unless she talks to me first -
    one thing is for sure virginity is back in fashion
    iread somewhere how 6 out of 10 girls in LA were virgins -old traditions are gold

  • Posted By: locust456 @ 08/11/2008 4:13:38 PM

    Anonymous, you started being promiscuous at 11 probably because your parents set a bad example to you.

    Was your father present in your life? you don't mention it.

    Divorced parents, parents who use drugs or single parents too busy looking for another love don';t pay much attention to their kids.

    • Posted By: sumsum @ 11/09/2008 12:27:44 AM

      what can i say, yes i go behind my daughter and chk her myspace, and txts, there are sooo many of her friends that curse a blue streak (M-fer this and that and you are such a @#@!#$) Its just so crazy and with girls you gotta watch them..........
      and as far as all this christianity thing , and the bible does or doesn't say this or that
      (Not to get gross or graphic)
      but think about this a man is made one way a woman another, and when they come together they can produce another living being, now when you have 2men or 1women, you can not produce another life, that just tells me that they way it was meant to be, one man one woman, and something great and wonderful will and can come of it.

    • Posted By: AshleyKidd @ 08/11/2008 6:08:01 PM

      You know...I was raised by a single, divorced, lesbian, bi-polar mother..... i'm perfectly fine. and i'm still a virgin.

      Don't you dare say that single moms don't pay attention to their kids.
      because thats CRAP.

      • Posted By: BillyM2008 @ 08/12/2008 11:09:12 AM

        You may be fine but that is anecdotal, which is not the basis for drawing conclusions on a broad scale. The worst of kids can come from the best of parents and the best of kids can come from the worst of parents. However, statistically bad kids result from bad parenting and good kids result from good parenting in far greater numbers. Rather you want to admit it or not, dysfunctional families DO tend to have a negative impact upon their children and to claim otherwise by pointing to single data point anecdotal evidence to the contrary is a form of denial.

        For example, the nonsense that fathers are close to irrelevant in the home is yet another disastrous modern day truism brought to us by the Left in general and the feminist movement in particular that has reeked havoc and destruction upon society. Throw other pathologies into the mix such as homosexual relationships being considered ???normal??? and we are on a fast-track toward Gomorrah.

        As a society, we are in BIG trouble??? and the Messiah-like worship and emotionalism being thrown at a Presidential candidate with virtually no real-world experience or skills other than an ability to give charismatic speeches that mesmerize the gullible is a prime example of just how far we have sunk in regards to using REASON in our choices. The feminization of society is taking its toll and it is beginning to show in much more dramatic ways than, say, even two or three decades ago.

  • Posted By: John 3:16 @ 08/10/2008 12:50:07 AM

    Kids should not have sex until they are married

    • Posted By: Kelli...91 :-) @ 08/21/2008 12:56:49 AM

      John, you say kids shouldn't have sex until their married, fair enough, but, if you were 15 and told you didn't have more than 2 or 3 years to live and you didn't have the money to get married and your dream was to become a parent would you follow your dream or your beliefs???

      • Posted By: sun_rain @ 08/23/2008 6:14:44 PM

        If I was fifteen and had three years to live, there's no way I would have a kid. Why would you want to have a baby only to die when they are 2 years old? It doesn't make sense. Only having 3 years to live doesn't warrant turning your back on what you believe. I don't even know if I have a whole day left to live! Think about it! We really don't know. In that case, we should really know and follow what we believe and make sure it's right because we might walk off this planet any day and then we will have to face eternity.

    • Posted By: AshleyKidd @ 08/10/2008 12:53:11 AM

      they shouldn't.

      they do.

      what are you going to do about it?
      tell them they shouldn't have done it?

  • Posted By: kbates @ 08/09/2008 3:39:19 PM

    THIS WORLD IS JUST GETTING SICK! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT FOR SEX? WHY ARE WE TRYING TO TEACH CHILDREN THAT BY USING CONDOMS OR BIRTH CONTROL, YOU CAN HAVE SEX ANY TIME, ANY WHERE AND IT'S OKAY?? THAT'S WHY WE HAVE ABUSE AND AIDS NOWADAYS. BECAUSE THESE "TWEENS" AND TEENS ARE BECOMING CURIOUS, AND THEY NEED TO EXPLORE, AND AT TIMES WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT, THEY FIND AN INNOCENT PERSON AND SEXUALLY ABUSE THEM. THAT ISN'T TRUE ABOUT ALL CASES, BUT LOOK AT THE CHANGES THE WORLD HAS MADE. SEX IS FOR TWO PURPOSES: TO BRING PLEASURE TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER BY MATRIMONY (TO CONSUMATE THEIR MARRIAGE), AND TO BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD.
    I'M SO GLAD THAT I WAITED TO HAVE SEX UNTIL I WAS MARRIED, AND THAT WE BOTH SAVED EACH OTHER FOR THAT SPECIAL MOMENT. HECK NO WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING, BUT THAT'S WHAT MADE IT FUN... I WOULD FEEL ABSOLUTELY UNCOMFORTABLE IF MY HUSBAND HAD SEX BEFORE. HE'D PROBABLY SCRUTINIZE EVERY MOVE...AND THAT WOULDN'T MAKE SEX ANY BETTER.

    • Posted By: Aeddon's mom @ 08/09/2008 8:11:26 PM

      Oh for pete's sake, yep, I scrutinized every man's skill against another's (deep sarcasm here incase you didn't get it). I just checked in with my husband of 25 years, and guess what he didn't either.

      Sex is just plain fun. Although the first time is usually awkward for everyone. I'm glad I didn't wait for marriage because I did sleep with at least two guys who just couldn't do it for me no matter what.

      We aren't all compatible - glad you and your husband were on the first try. Not statistically speaking very likely. And guess where we have the highest rate of divorces - in the bible belt. Maybe its all that waiting and finding it just doesn't work out, or maybe it is being taught to be rigid and right rather than flexible and able to negotiate and work things out with your spouse.

      • Posted By: kbates @ 08/16/2008 2:22:38 PM

        You are hilarious... Pretty much.
        So basically you think that I'm from the Bible Belt? Well let me tell you sister, I'm not. But thank you so much for stereotpying me!
        I'm sure glad that you got your experience, I just didn't care for that. And I wouldn't want to tell me kids, "yeah, go ahead and get some experience. It's okay." Because I don't believe that it is. And even if they would practice "safe sex", those things aren't 100% reliable. I've known many girls taking birth control that got pregnant. And condoms can break. So I think it's just better to wait. Because who knows if I would've gotten an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. It's better to be safe than sorry. So excuse me for setting standards that I want to live by and be happier in the end.

  • Posted By: SinNM @ 08/10/2008 3:22:12 AM

    A final comment before I go and leave this place to everyone:

    I've noticed a few people, usually Christians, almost always have to bring up homosexuals and the Bible's alleged stance against it in any discussion of sex. Allow me to give you some insight into historical accuracy.

    You're original written texts of the Bible don't say ANYTHING about homosexuality. The "man with man" thing in Leviticus? That was talking to the priests about their practice of ritual sex in ceremony and using two men to perform it like a neighboring kingdom did. It was basically saying, keep that out of your sacred rituals! Soddom? Even your own current Bible says in Ezekial 16:49-50 Behold, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: pride, overabundance of food, prosperous ease, and idleness were hers and her daughters' : neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. And they were haughty and committed abominable offenses before Me; therefore I removed them when I saw it.
    Now where does that mention homosexuality? Sounds to me like it was destroyed because of a lack of hospitality, kindness, and humility. That "commited abominable offenses" could easily mean simply being prideful you know, God sees Pride as an abomination. And that's all I'll say on that subject, anyone who truly thinks the Bible mentions or condemns homosexuality is not very educated. David and Jonathon were most likely lovers in their youth, and there are passages about them that are strongly sexually suggestive, and no one cared. Guess God didn't either since David later became King and was the bloodline for Iesu, (properly Joshua in english, NOT Jesus, pronounced approximately as E-ay-shu, or even Yeshua in the Greek of the time).

    • Posted By: sun_rain @ 08/12/2008 7:07:11 PM

      If you want to try to show your intelligence by origin of name, actually Jesus was the Greek translation of Joshua (and is how it appeared in the original text since it was written in Greek). Yeshua is the Hebrew form. Not that it really matters. They all mean "He will save his people from their sins" (Matthew 1:21), or simply the Lord saves, which is the important thing: meaning, not form.

    • Posted By: bdmom @ 08/10/2008 4:08:33 AM

      I'll reply to both of your last posts.

      Um, no one was really bringing up homosexuality, except for one mom who was distressed to find that her daughter is a lesbian, way early in the discussion. Looks like you're just bringing this up to gind your own personal axe and show off your "amazing" knowledge.

      You say, "You're original written texts of the Bible don't say ANYTHING about homosexuality.." Diday, miss Romans 1:24-32? It's pretty clear. Some people hyperfocus on this one particular sin, and miss the whole point of Romans, which is that we all willingly sin against God in a myriad of ways, and therefore we all deserve condemnation, but are offered His grace instread. Still, if you're going to bring it up, there it is.

      As for your comments regarding the Bible: If you can translate it and make it say anything you want it to, as you insist, how do you explain the fact that even with all the different translations over the space of thousands of years, the differences between them all are miniscule? There are almost no large theological issues in dispute as a result of difference in translation (now interpretation, that's a different story...).

      As for all the issues about multiple wives, slavery, nudity, etc., this is a fallen (sinful, imperfect) world because of man's original sin. We are born into the cultures we're born into. Those things were the norm at the time. No one said the Bible represented utopia--that comes in heaven, where we can escape the bondage of our human natures.

      Having multiple wives in ancient days actually was a way that a culture made sure that "extra" women and widows were protected and cared for. There were very likely many less men than women due to wars, hunting accidents, etc. No one was commenting on incidental nudity within a family. Having sex with your children in the room was a norm, since the ancients didn't have McMansions, duh. I'm sure they probably waited until the kiddos were asleep and tried to keep it quiet, or rendevoused in some private outdoor place when able (just like we do today).

      Even the Old Testament had admonitions on how to bring up children, and murdering them was not considered the ideal. Again, fallen, sinful world. Ditto slavery. The Bible talks about how to treat each other well and with respect, even in these less than perfect circumstances. It was the cultural norm of the time around the world, not just in Jewish or Roman or Greek society.

      .

      • Posted By: SinNM @ 08/10/2008 12:37:53 PM

        Ok, first let me say I'll try to tone down the condescending attitude if you will.

        Now, the reason I didn't mention Romans 1:24-32 is because it slipped my mind to do so. This is mainly because I think Paul was historically one of the most misogynistic, sexist, hate-filled men who ever perverted the good ideas of the LOVE message of the New Testament. Paul was one of the first to try to take that message and twist it for his own glory and control. How he ever made it into canonical scripture would be beyond me, if I didn't know that he was a Roman and that the Romans are the ones who selected the books for canonization.

        Anyway, to answer the question about that mention of homosexuality, I should have said the bible doesn't condemn it. Most translations agree that this passage pretty much says that God is going to punish this group of heterosexual people by causing them to lust after their own sex and other things. Now, why that would be God's form of punishment for them I don't know. Perhaps they were nasty towards gays. Or perhaps given the time period and context the original translations are punishing people by turning them to pederasty or men forcing themselves on boys and women forcing themselves on girls. This would definitely be known in the Greek and Roman cultures of the time.

        As to translations, they differ in extremes. It's not miniscule at all! I'm not talking about the "church approved" five or six translations. There are literally thousands of translations out there and some are extremely radically what we would call "liberal" while some are extremely what we might call "conservative". Some change whole passages to say something completely different than any other translation. It happens, and it's ok that it does. It just means that the Bible, whether divinely inspired or not, was written by men and can be twisted and shaped by men to their own purpose. The only "word of God" in the Bible is actually the old Law passed to Moses, and the red words in the NT if you believe Jesus was God incarnate. Otherwise it's all religious stories passed down by men.

    • Posted By: bdmom @ 08/10/2008 4:09:41 AM

      Part 2--Ran out of room.

      The thing that makes the Bible and believable and relevant today, is that it describes the human condition perfectly. Even the "heroes" of the Bible were very flawed, sinful people, yet God was able to use them. It's the same today. He works through us despite ourselves.

      I was raised Catholic and have attended a Presbyterian college, a Presbyterian church, a Congreational church, a Baptist Church, a Bible church, and a non-denominatinal church, as well as visiting Lutheran, Methodist, and other churches (moved a lot, was in a ministry group in college). I have yet to encounter the fire and brimstone appreach you describe. Johathan Edwards is not alive and preaching today. Most churches spend their time sharing God's love and encouraging their members to practice it and honor God in their own lives. If you attended a few churches instread of just critiquing them and selectively studying liberal versons of theology, you might know that.

      And, yes, I do believe that it is much more Hollywood and pornography making sex such a nasty thing in our society. The images they give us are titilating and degrading. That's what i find damaging to our youth, not religion. And if we give up and let them live up to those images, (which is what the point of the original discussion was), they are harmed, society is harmed, and, most importantly, their children are harmed. And no, I don't want my children taught in public school that all value systems are equal (preposterous notion) and that premarital, recreational sex is inevitable. If they taught a decent value system with it, I would have no problem with the education. I got a pretty decent version myself, back in the late 70s. That's not now it's generally done now, however. Just one reason I put my money where my mouth is and send my kids to Christian school. I will be sure, however, that they possess all the relevant facts, including birth control.

      While you obviously think yourself extemely sophisticated and educated, you're certainly not the only sharp knife in the theological drawer. And, even if you were, see my last post. If we're relying on our own intellectual capacity to make it through, we're in for a huge downfall

    • Posted By: John 3:16 @ 08/10/2008 3:35:55 AM

      You really need to read the Bible passages in context and not just pick out verses and actually study the Bible

      • Posted By: SinNM @ 08/10/2008 3:43:09 AM

        Wow, you really don't know me. I've studied it all in context, multiple times, professionally and as a hobby. Even way back in High School I took theology, religious courses, and studied religion as pertains to culture. Yet you accuse me of the very thing I've found that most Christians do, pick and choose what they like. See, everyone picks and chooses in religion. It's man's nature. Thomas Jefferson tore out pages he didn't like and created the "Jefferson Bible". I would be willing to bet that you interpret some scriptures in ways others don't. I, however, and the many theologians and experts I've studied under, spent years pouring over context both cultural and written. Found and studied adjacent writings of the time to compare, and came up with conclusions based on sound research methods that incorporated all contexts and made the findings as objective as possible. Something I'd bet you aren't, objective I mean. It's your interpretation and subjective view or the highway isn't it?

  • Posted By: falcon3 @ 08/09/2008 11:43:48 PM

    These tip are rediculous. My parents never talked to me about sex ever & i'm 22. Ive never had sex or done anything sexual with a guy. Ive never even had a boyfriend. Ive never even heard them say the word sex. In fatc if they would tried to talk me i would have ran screaming. the though of them talking to me makes me sick to my stomach. I can't imagine anything more humiliating than that. I was never allowed to date in middle school or high school at all. My parents were on my back 24/7 & always in my business. I couldn't sneak around even it i wanted to. They wouldn't let it happen. Why would u leave a 13,14,16,.... yr old girl alone with a guy. A PARENT SHOULD BE THROWN IN JAIL FOR ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN WHETHER THE CHILD IS EDUCATED ABUT SEX OR NOT. All my friends from high school said their parents talked to them about sex & they either had kids in high school or recenlty had kids out of wedlock. i'm the only virgin i know & my parents never said a word to me. IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTS CAUSE EARLY TEEN PRGNANCY BECUSE THEY ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO DO & BE WITH WHO EVER THEY WANT UNSUPERVISED..

    • Posted By: locust456 @ 08/11/2008 4:10:37 PM

      Falcon, you are doing the right thing, at least you are normal.

      You'll be rewarded when you find the right man to marry.

      Those who say otherwise just feel guilty of not having waited and want you to feel bad for your right choice to wait.

    • Posted By: locust456 @ 08/11/2008 4:09:58 PM

      Falcon, you are doing the right thing, at least you are normal.

      You'll be rewarded when you find the right man to marry.

      Those who say otherwise just feel guilty of not having waited and want you to feel bad for your right choice to wait.

    • Posted By: locust456 @ 08/11/2008 4:03:41 PM

      Falcon, you are doing the right thing, at least you are normal.

      You'll be rewarded when you find the right man to marry.

      Those who say otherwise just feel guilty of not having waited and want you to feel bad for your right choice to wait.

    • Posted By: locust456 @ 08/11/2008 4:01:45 PM

      Falcon, you are doing the right thing, at least you are normal.

      You'll be rewarded when you find the right man to marry.

      Those who say otherwise just feel guilty of not having waited and want you to feel bad for your right choice to wait.

    • Posted By: cneuhauser @ 08/10/2008 12:03:59 AM

      You're 22 and you've never done anything sexual with a guy? How righteous of you! You might want to at least try kissing a guy...or how do you even know you're not bi-sexual.

  • Posted By: locust456 @ 08/11/2008 4:02:55 PM

    Falcon, you are doing the right thing, at least you are normal.

    You'll be rewarded when you find the right man to marry and how much he will respect you for it.

    Those who say otherwise just feel guilty of not having waited and want you to feel bad for your right choice to wait.

  • Posted By: *anonymous* @ 08/10/2008 6:01:16 PM


    • Posted By: BillyM2008 @ 08/10/2008 11:11:57 PM

      Irresponsible parenting, for sure. They failed you big time and should have done a much better job on monitoring you and knowing who your friends were. That was clearly a bad crowd and there is no excuse for your parents to have been that out of touch or clueless, which is far too common these days.

      You dodged a bullet, but statistically played with dangerous fire at a vulnerable time in your life where you were most ill-prepared to understand or manage a life tragedy had it bit you.

      This kind of testimonial only goes to demonstrate just how important it is for parents to be vigilant. Especially these days.

      It is long past the time where adults need to step up to the plate and do their job as responsible parents and not simply cave to this sad social zeitgeist. Unfortunately, many first need to grow up themselves.

  • Posted By: *anonymous* @ 08/10/2008 6:43:21 PM

    I was giving blowjobs when I was 11, and I lost my virginity when I was 14. Do you really think that my mom had a clue? Wake up parents; I can't believe how ignorant some of you are. I am going to try my best to leave religion and politics out of this...so here goes. Before I lost my virginity, I was the only one out of all my friends that had not had sex. And, no, we were not a bad group of kids. You think your perfect little angel wouldn't do something like that? You're kids are obviously smarter than me and have better morals right? Check again; I have a 4.0 GPA at my uinversity, I volunteer, I am very sweet, etc. and I'm sure my mother would be shocked if she knew anything of my past sexual experiences.

    My parents did not talk to me about sex; they were very open and I'm sure figured I would come to them if necessary. Some people seem to think that 14 year olds don't have a clue about birth control, and cannot physically or emotionally accept the consequences of sex. I knew exactly what I was doing at the time and to this day I do not regret it. I never had unprotected sex, even at that age. When I was 15, I had a condom break on me and my boyfriend and I did not notice until it was too late. So what did I do? I grabbed the paper I had saved from sex ed a year earlier with the local health clinic information (thank goodness for that)! We immediately drove to the clinic where they provided me with free PlanB or whatever it was called at the time. Then they helped me get birth control. After that I used both condoms and birth control. *GASP!* A 15 year old can have a brain!!!

    (I am 21 now) I'm not scarred for life, I'm not a bad person, I'm not knocked up and I've never had an STD. I just happened to be a teenager for a while! I'd also like to mention that every time I have ever had sex, (yes even as a 14 year old), I have always done so in the context of a loving relationship. BTW teenagers do have the capacity to be just as much in love as any adult.

    For everyone who thinks that monitoring your children 24/7 will surely prevent all of this...just wait til they get to college!!! College is the time that I stopped partying, stopped being promiscuous, and began acting responsible. It's also a time when all the responsible, sheltered kids who never drank or had sex during middle/high school ended up drunk at frat parties sleeping with every guy (or girl) there. When sheltered kids are suddenly given so much freedom all at once, they go hogwild. They do not know how to limit their drinking, or don't know that guys will take advantage of you b/c they haven't watched it happen to other girls at high school parties. Understand that if YOU shelter them now, THEY will pay later. And you probably won't know about it.

  • Posted By: AshleyKidd @ 08/10/2008 3:54:06 AM

    It's quite hilarious how A mere article written to help parents talk to their teens and tweens about sex has become a full on arguement. I don't get why religion is mixed into so much. Religion does more damage than it does help. I eman over 3/4s of the wars are do to religious dispuits. Christian people are supposed to love their neighbors, not judge because that's God's duty.

    What did the bible seem to mention, Jesus Christ, God's son, died for our sins. He took the judgement for all of us. So why are we all judging eachother.

    I never read in the bible stating anything in the bible about "no sex before marriage"...or "you may not love someone because they are of the same sex" ...

    the bible was created so long ago, probably misinterpreted over the years.

    So stop using the bible as something to go behind. And acknowledge that religion just kind of screws things up, when it's just supposed to combine people together who have similiar faith.

    Your teenagers having sex is the last thing you should be worried about...it's bound to happen. If they think they are in love, it doubles the possibility, and is God against love. We were put on this earth as animals, we're the only animal [besides dolphins] who have sex for pleasure, isn't that a sign that we should all have sex more. And isn't funny that we get the body to reproduce around say?....tweenhood. Well oh my!

    Are we going to do some genetic research someday that will stop the progress of youths hormones? No.

    Just let nature takes its course. If your Kid was meant to have children, then so be it. It was "God"s divine plan...remember that folks? He has your fate, he knows what's going to happen, and if it's for your teenager to get pregnant...well then...what are you going to do? cry to God about something that HE made happen? That's like complainign to your parents as a kid because they bought you a barbie instead of a baby doll.

    Let's worry about things that matter: Global warming, still occuring PMU farms, slaughtering of animals for fur and leather, racism, gay rights, getting a better president.

    Stop being selfish about what you want your kids to do, let them make their own minds, and inform them but don't preach.

    sheesh....i have more to say but i'm just going to cool off.

    • Posted By: bdmom @ 08/10/2008 4:41:03 AM

      If you look back at my original posts, I didn't bring up religion, but limited my comments to the practical ramifications of young teens having sex. But when people started slamming Christianity, I felt compelled to defend it. I'm so tired of people who are insisting on non-judgmentalism are so inccredibly judgmental of Christians--then they call US hypocrites! Unbelieable.

      You have a pretty warped sense of Christianity, and you never saw any warnings about premarital sex or homosexual behavior, you obviously haven't read the Bible, Yes, some really evil people have used the guise of Christianity to start wars in the past, but the Bible says we'll be judged by the fruit we produce. That kind of hypocrisy will be rewarded accordingly. And no, not my job to individually judge whether any person qualifies for heaven, that is God's exclusive right. But the Bible does talk extensively about how we are to behave. It explicity instructs us to teach our children and admonish each other. It consistently spells out what is foolish and evil and harmful behavior and tells us to be wise. So if I stand up and say what I believe, it's because I'm sick of seeing God's word and people slandered.

      You do not see the value of Christianity, yet you have no idea of how this religion changed the course of humanity. It was the civilizing force for much of the world. The compulsion to spread God's word led to the development of the printing press, changing th cdourse of humanity irrevocably. The desire to read and spread God's word led to the masses of people learning to read. Christianity has brought meaning and strength to countless millions of people and changed more lives positivly than we could possibly calculate. Christians that suffer in every way imaginable have been a living testimony to hope to the others that witness their grace and reliance on God.

      It was devout Christians who founded our schools and universities, staffed the underground railroad, hid Jews during the Holocaust, and fought to abolish slavery, at tremendous personal cost and sacrifice. You obviously have no sense of history. Christians and Christian churches supply a huge percentage of relief for the various disasters around the world. You must be utterly clueless not to grasp this fact.

      Until you have a grasp on basic human history, you really have no standing to comment on things you do not understand. You only appear incredibly uneducated.

      • Posted By: AshleyKidd @ 08/10/2008 6:31:27 PM

        i wasn't simply refering to YOUR comments. Their was a lot of religious folks on here. not just you.

  • Posted By: mfenwick @ 08/10/2008 5:16:55 PM

    Simply buy them a blow-up sex doll and be done with it! No diseases, no broken hearts, no pregnancies, no backtalk, no nagging, etc. Before long there will be sex robots and we won't have to worry about "The Talk". Think about it: you can program a robot to be the perfect man or perfect woman. I'm looking forward to it, though likely I will be in my eighties when it becomes a reality.

  • Posted By: BillyM2008 @ 08/10/2008 11:02:28 AM

    Are you out of your mind?!! Buy CONDOMS for your 11-14 year old children if you learn they are having sex and then have a "GOOD LAUGH" putting one on a cucumber together?!!! This is absolutely SHOCKING advice.

    Let me tell you what a REAL parent SHOULD be doing if this kind of behavior is discovered??? that ???boyfriend/girlfriend??? should not even come CLOSE to your child after that and his/her parents and school immediately informed of that decision and why. And you do whatever is necessary to enforce that rule??? including monitoring all communications and activities; and even changing schools, if necessary.

    I am absolutely disgusted by the liberal claptrap that passes for wisdom these days. Is it any wonder kids are so out of control?

    • Posted By: falcon3 @ 08/10/2008 11:56:42 AM

      You are right. That is the worst advice ever. to me that the tells the child its ok to have sex. Its like telling a kid it ok ok to drag race their car as long as they wear a seat belt. Parents should not be making sex into a joking matter. Theres nothing funny about it. U are not suppose to be their best friend. BE A PARENT & DON"T ALLOW YOUR KID TO DO & GO WHERE EVER THEY WANT UNSUPERVISED. monitor who they are with & where they are at all times. Don't say u can't. THAT IS YOUR JOB AS A PARENT.

      • Posted By: BillyM2008 @ 08/10/2008 12:23:04 PM

        What is particularly infuriating about this kind of sick and twisted logic is that it is so dominant in our educational system, Main Stream Media (MSM), and society at large. And, even more troubling, people of this ilk invariably want parents out of our children???s live so they can spoon-feed this garbage to them. After all, they are the anointed, intellectual elite who clearly know what is best for the benighted.

        What unmitigated arrogance.

        I mean, really. How far does this lunacy go? Should we provide shooting instruction to gangbangers so they always hit their target rather than innocent bystanders because, after all, gangbangers ARE going to shoot people anyway? Should we provide booze to our kids as long as they do it at home because, after all, they are going to drink anyway?

        I am so sick over the ubiquitousness of this kind of degenerate thinking, I am nearly speechless. At what point did society decide that it is no longer appropriate for adults to ACT like adults and, instead, turn authority over to the whims and immature proclivities of children and simply ???plead??? with them to do the ???right??? thing. And all the while sending mixed signals?

        Gee??? maybe we should just give these out-of-control kids a ???timeout??? as well.

  • Posted By: falcon3 @ 08/09/2008 11:17:23 PM

    I don't think any of these tips are nessasary. I'm 22 & never had sex or done anything sexual at all ever. My parents never talked to me about sex, condoms, or birth control ever. young girls are getting pregnant because their parents are allowing them to go out & date guys when they are in middle school & high school. I was never allowed to date in middle school or in high school. My parents just wouldn't allow it to happen. They were on top of me 24/7. it would have been impossible for me to sneak around . they were always in my business. It sucked & it has affected the way i feel about guys today but i'm not pregnant & don't have any STDS. Meanwhile many people i know from high school were pregnant or currently have kids out of wedlock. when they ive never even heard my parents say the word sex. I'm glad they never talked to me because i would have freaked out & ran out of the room. I would have never listened or talked to them about anything like that & i still won't. Its humiliating & embarressing. I don't feel like its their business. i'm sorry but the thought of my parents talking about sex to me makes me sick to my stomach. I'm 22 & still don't feel comfortable & i never will.

    • Posted By: Elisex6 @ 08/10/2008 1:26:50 AM

      How do you think you got here ?.

      • Posted By: falcon3 @ 08/10/2008 9:59:50 AM

        I was never given the oppertuntiy to have sex when i was young b/c my parents never allowed me to date at all. The never talked to me about sex though. When ever i asked them why i couldn't date & when everyone else was they had their famous saying... "Because I said so." My parents woild never let me hang out with guys unsupervised. My parents wouldn't be happy if i had sex & used protection. that was not ont the poin. i knew all about protection when i was in high school but they didnt care. If they asked me if i had sex & i told them yes, they would have never let me out of my house again. & god help the guy b/c he would never date again once my dad got to him.

  • Posted By: SlpAwy @ 08/10/2008 4:28:35 AM

    Comment Cont....

    And now for the theory... I believe we would for the most part be far more peaceful. I think that the fallout from the masses of guilt-ridden, sexually frustrated people out there is the highly deviant (rape, molestation, etc...you know the ones I mean) behaviors and probably many of the lesser-deviant behaviors (prostitution, etc.). Those that are repressed will find the outlets they need. If negative emotions were never attached to sex (and kids don't have this until they are taught it) would many of these behaviors lessen or even disappear? Pornography would likely still be around in some shape or form, but without the negative stigma attached would it lessen the more tasteless and harmful material? Would parents, peers,and counselors be more readily available, if needed, especially since, once again, there is no worries about any negative stigma? Or without guilt, pressures, etc. would most people even need to seek help? I don't see how anyone can feel we are better off by limiting discussions, education, etc. when it comes to sex. Avoiding wide-open discussions concerning sex, weaving guilt and negative stereotypes into the psyches of the masses, and promoting conflicting ideas ("you should enjoy sex [well, not all people believe this either], but only when you're married") can only and will forever only create more problems with more unhappy, sexually frustrated people.

  • Posted By: SlpAwy @ 08/10/2008 4:27:25 AM

    I am pleasantly surprised to see some open-minded, forward thinking posts here, but unfortunately, there is still far too many ignorant people out there. And yes, the latter are often heavily influenced by the flawed reasoning of others instead of taking the time and effort to logically recah their own conclusions. When it comes to sex, simple questions and seemingly logical, but very controversial theories, always come to mind. First, what is EXACTLY wrong with sex? In other words, what is inherently wrong with it? Why should it cause so many people so much guilt? It only harms those that are taught that it should harm them . And before the ignorant point to STD's as the harm...this is like saying many people are injured or die in traffic accidents each day, so we shouldn't drive...and so on. On the contrary, if large numbers of people are being injured or dying in traffic accidents, we have no hangups about investigating the true reasons behind the problems, alter are behavior, and make any other necessary changes. For some reason, when it comes to sex we often do the opposite. Most resist talking about or taking part in educating themselves on the benefits or possible problems of sex. Open discussions on sex, especially at an early age when most of us want it and need it, are often discouraged and any proven methods of preventing STD's and pregnancies are ignored. Unreasonable alternatives often then come into play, such as abstinence, which is definitely not for everyone and has not shown to be an effective program. Often these create more guilt for those who are simply following natural, human needs. Names, such as slut or whore, may undeservedly often follow and only serve to create more undesirable and unnecessary emotions. Imagine a world where there was no harmful sexual stereotypes because there was no guilt. In this world, we all not only freely and openly discuss are wants and needs, but shamelessly partake in them also. No, I am not saying reckless, 60's free love, but responsible, informed, guiltless sex. I know, hard to imagine. But, would we be worse off? Would our way of life deteriorate, or would we be free of the significant mental and physical baggage that weighs far too many of us down?

  • Posted By: SinNM @ 08/10/2008 3:12:37 AM

    Hey bdmom, I've read the NT. In fact I've read the entire Christian Bible around 30 times using approximately 15 different English translations. I prefer "The Amplified Bible". The absolute worst, and most offensive and contradictory version has to be The King James version, ordered by the tyrant and repressed homosexual King James of Scotland/England. He just threw out anything he didn't agree with, beheaded anyone who translated anything "wrong" (he didn't approve of), and really was off the deep end. See, I've studied Christian theology professionally and as a hobby. My main problem with any version of the Christian Bible is this: Christians profess it is incorruptible and even the translations must be near to perfect or God wouldn't allow them. Bull. Total bull. I could write my own translation of the Bible right now, using the ancient Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek texts if I could obtain them, and make them say anything I chose. In fact, I could just take a current version of the Bible, reword it into what I believe it should say, and have it published.

    This is all off the point I was making though, and basically in answer to your immediate assumption that I had never read the New Testament or the Torah, Talmud, Old Testament, whatever. The thing I am trying to point out is that so-called "Christian morality" is detrimental to humanity in many ways. True "christian morality" would allow a man to have many wives, own slaves, kill his children at will for backtalk, etc. Even in the NT slaves were common, and there are rules on how to treat your slaves, and your women and children. Maybe if these rules were actually still followed, since during that time period sex wasn't hidden from children, nor was nudity, nor was any of that taught to be bad, then we'd be better off. However, even if you claim to be open about sex and nudity, I know that most Christian churches STILL preach against it. Most Christians STILL use the "Fire and Brimstone" version of God. And the taboos against human sexuality, along with the demand by so called Christians that schools not be allowed to teach anything of the sort to their children, makes for a very bad mix.

    It's not Hollywood that's corrupting, it's only doing what we allow it to do. In other countries incidental nudity, sex, and such are seen and discussed on television from the time children are born, and those countries almost overwhelmingly have much lower sex related problems than we do. Make something natural and open, it's not a big deal. Forbid something and make it taboo, watch people flock to it. Simple human nature.

    • Posted By: John 3:16 @ 08/10/2008 3:38:54 AM

      We arent under the law in the Old testament anymore. You really need to study the Bible

      • Posted By: SinNM @ 08/10/2008 3:46:58 AM

        Wow, did you read anything I said? I've read and studied the New Testament. And if you aren't "under the law anymore" I'd like to know how you justify many of your beliefs. Especially since Jesus said that He didn't come to do away with the Law, but to fulfill it.

        And re-read what I said again, there WERE SLAVES STILL AROUND IN CHRIST'S TIME AND LONG AFTER. CHRISTIANS HAD THEM AND JUSTIFIED THEIR RIGHT THROUGH THE BIBLE. Even in the American South the Bible was often quoted in support of slavery. So don't try to act all pious and educated when you don't even read what is said.

  • Posted By: birdman77 @ 08/09/2008 11:06:13 PM

    care about your daughter? keep her away from black boys. That way she won't grow up with VDs, rape, and ugly caramel-colored children. Learn the truth about coalburning and other topics at chimpoutdotcom

    • Posted By: Elisex6 @ 08/10/2008 3:10:16 AM

      Statiscally all birdman especially the ones born in 1977 are caramel colored children, the racist information you circulate on the internet, is seen by everyone, remember that before you type,
      because some comments are considered hate crimes.

    • Posted By: Elisex6 @ 08/10/2008 1:43:14 AM

      Statistically it is a known fact that people who make comments about caramel colored children are deep down, made of chocolate.

    • Posted By: Elisex6 @ 08/10/2008 1:31:56 AM

      Most birds really like caramel, and many birdman like chocolate,

    • Posted By: Elisex6 @ 08/10/2008 1:30:38 AM

      Oh come on Caramel, you know your ma -ma liked caramel, and a little chocolate too!!

    • Posted By: timerton @ 08/09/2008 11:28:14 PM

      It is disgusting to hear comments like "care about your daughter? keep her away from black boys" (the one below)...it is for this reason that racism is alive and well today. I'm not gonna argue about African-Americans and whether they bring more AIDs into the US, but I thought that that comment merited a response. If you cared about your kids you would not say things like "care about your daughter? keep her away from black boys" you are only teaching them enmity and breeding hatred in an already corrupt world. BTW good article...

    • Posted By: rickgail @ 08/09/2008 11:16:31 PM

      wake up birdman bet u are half caramel and dont know it

    • Posted By: AshleyKidd @ 08/09/2008 11:15:46 PM

      i'm about ready to slap you. racist much?

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